Sage
When I woke back up, everything was hazy. Everything except for the heavy arm wrapped around my waist. Trying to calm my thundering heart, I look over to see Nix there with a muscular arm thrown across my body.
Snoring.
Nix.
It’s about the only thing in the world that could momentarily calm the emotional torment going on inside me.
My tired boy.
I gently brush back a strand of his hair. He’s out cold. His large body is completely melted into the bed. His face is tight, but all his muscles are loose. I gently trace some of the scars on his arm, then up to his face.
His quiet breath calms me. I’ve ruined all his careful planning.
Again.
I want to fix it. I desperately want to fix it. It’s taking everything in me not to offer my body as some sort of payment for the trouble I’ve caused.
But Nix would never accept that.
He’d pull me away and hold me and ask me what’s going on.
How is he so good? How is he so tender when he was raised by such a monster?
How does he not see it?
I place my hand over his heart.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Just like mine.
His muscles are new and unfamiliar to me. Any girl would be lucky to have a guy as ripped as Nix is getting. I don’t like it. I can only think of the reasons why he’s doing it. I can only think of him in the gym, doing something he hates because his father is leaving him no other choice.
Again.
I’m not doing a very good job of helping him love the man he sees in the mirror. I promised I’d help him do that, and I’m failing. He hates himself just as much, if not more, than when he first met me. I gently cup his face. I just love him so much.
“Sage?”
His eyes blink open. When he sees it’s really me, he shoots up, giving me a sexy, lopsided smile on the way.
“Hey, princess.”
My heart beats harder.
“Hi,” I mumble.
“How are you?”
“I’ve had better days.”
His eyes do that “reading my soul” thing. He wants me to tell him about the basement. What I meant by that. What happened.
I can’t.
I… my breathing starts to increase.
“Sage, hey, brave girl. Look at me.”
I force myself to look at his bracelets.
“I’m not asking you to tell me anything.”
He tilts my chin up so our eyes meet.
“You hear?”
I nod. His eyes search me.
“You’re gonna have to stay here a while. Just until I figure out if Aaron had any access to that call.”
“Where are you staying?” I ask immediately.
He sighs heavily. “Here, Sage, but I need something from you. I need help.”
“Anything.”
He searches me. “You need to commit to doing one thing to help yourself. Just one. I don’t care what it is, but Sage, you’re gonna implode. I can handle a lot. I can handle a hell of a lot: Aaron, my plan, this temporary housing mishap, my sister being alive, all of it. I can take it. What I can’t handle is watching you avoid all this anymore. I’m not asking you to do therapy right now. I’m just saying you have to do something.”
“I…”
“Do nothing. You’ve done absolutely nothing to begin healing yourself from the trauma of what happened to you.”
I shoot back. That’s harsher than Nix has ever been with me.
“I’m not sorry, Sage. I’ve been with you six years and you’ve done nothing to help yourself heal from this.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s not?”
“I…” I open my mouth and close it. I want to understand, I do, but I only feel mad now. I never feel mad, but right now, I’m furious. How dare he judge me?
“How… how dare you? You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t know the shameful stuff I did! The stuff I had done to me. You don’t know!”
“I want to, Sage! Why do we keep having this argument? Why can’t you do this? Even if it’s for me in the beginning, fuck it. Just… God, do something. I don’t give a fuck what it is!”
“Fine! Self-defense.”
“I’m gonna go… what?”
His muscles soften, and his eyes furrow.
“What’d you say?”
“I’ll take self-defense lessons. Just a couple. I don’t want to be a fighter or anything, but you said they helped Lacey. I’ll learn some basic moves to defend myself if anyone tries to grab me or something like that. Basics,” I emphasize again.
Nix pulls me into him. “Thank you.”
“It’s not a lot.”
“It’s a start,” he corrects. “It’s something. One step at a time.”
“Basics, Nix.”
What did I just commit to?
“Nix, do you know anyone you can trust? Is he gonna be like… grabbing me? To show me? Maybe this isn’t…”
“Hey, you trust me, right?”
“Yes.”
“I already know someone. He’s the same guy who works with Lacey. He’s intimidating, but I don’t suppose there’s a better man out there.”
“Cut, you mean? You’ve mentioned him.”
“Yeah, doll. Cut.”
“He’ll do it?”
Nix forces a poker face, but I see through it. He’s not sure Cut will.
“I’ll talk to him.” He kisses the side of my head. “Thank you.”
“Yeah.”
My head is already swirling.
“How’s Rose?”
I give him a sheepish smile, because we both know I’m trying to move the topic away from me. He throws his head back and laughs. His arm curls around me, dragging me to the headboard and leaning us back against it.
We give each other a look and then get to talking, me tucked into his side.
* * *
It takes several months, but we do eventually get to go back home. Safe. Aaron, thankfully, didn’t figure out anything. I can’t tell you how relieved I was. I don’t think I could have forgiven myself if I ruined Nix’s safe haven. Besides that, as shitty as it’s gonna make Nix sound, I don’t really see him. His sister and her friend, who I'd love to meet if this drama ever dies down, have all sorts of chaos going on, and Nix has been there helping them more frequently. First, Rose needed help adjusting to her new married life, then Lacey was threatened by the son of the man who held her hostage years ago, and now Nix has to help the boss and underboss get out of jail. Apparently, some guy named Enzio was an undercover agent and turned them in to the FBI. His sister lives quite the life.
So yeah, that’s where Nix is right now. Off trying to save his brother-in-law. It’s not like he hasn’t been here every second he could. He has. Not to mention, he constantly checks on me. And then, of course, there’s my dad, mom, and Jerald, who are also constantly checking on me. I’ve also had one session with Cut. I have to admit, the guy was awesome. He was gentle with me, which was shocking, because he’s the most intimidating man I’ve ever seen. He’s large, like 6’4 or something crazy, over 200 pounds, and riddled with scars. Oddly enough, his scars calmed me more than scared me. I’m scarred, too. Maybe mine are more on the inside, but his scars helped me relate to him instantly. Not only that, but he seemed to read me well. He took cues for his training based on my body language, meaning he never pushed me past my limits. Never made me feel threatened. Cut only said he’d do two sessions with me, which at first was awesome, but now, well, I kind of wish I could do more sessions with him. I’m gonna take advantage of what I can get, though. Maybe I’ll open up more at my next/last session.
This is probably what Nix meant by taking baby steps. I’m already talking about continuing self-defense and opening up more.
Smart man.
Not to mention, through all of this, Nix is training, hardening, becoming someone I don’t really know.
I can tell he’s trying to be close to me, but I don’t think he knows how to handle the load he has to bear while being soft and open for me.
I’m lonely. I’m so, so lonely.
I’ve always been. My whole life. But it died down for a while after I was rescued, between Nix, my dad, my readers, my Kindle, and Pamela, but now all that’s not really enough. I crave human connection. Face to face, real words, real touch. Nix is gone a lot, my father always works, I love my readers, but they aren’t here in my day-to-day life, and Pamela and my Kindle can only distract me so much.
I don’t let Nix know, though. He’s got enough on his mind. Intuitively, I know Nix is about to enact his plan. I know that the time is close. I can feel it on him. Radiating off his skin every time he walks in the back door. He’s never really home anymore.
So it’s close.
I’m scared, but I’m also really ready to be free. I’m ready to be able to go out on my own and do things.
Or try to.
I’m tired of us being afraid of our own shadows ‘cause of that man.
“Babe?”
I smile to myself, close my computer, and run over. Nix is home, finally!
“Hi,” I call over, grinning.
“Don’t be alarmed. I’m fine,” he warns before I get to the living room.
What?
I discover why he said that when I round the corner.
“Oh my God, Nixon! Oh my God.”
He grips the kitchen counter, pale white and shaking. He’s leaking blood everywhere.
“I’m fine,” he grunts, but his voice is thin.
“Nix!” I shriek.
“No doctors,” he breathes, his voice a thin whisper.
And he collapses to the ground with a loud thud. I run over and place my hand over the spot that’s actively leaking blood. I force my other, wildly shaking, free hand to grab my cell phone. I click the second number on my ICE.
“Dad!” I shriek into the phone. “Dad,” I cry.
“Sage?”
“Dad! Oh my God!”
“Sage, breathe,” he urges. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
“Nix… he’s bleeding. There’s so much blood!” I scream, feeling the tears start to fall as I stare at his unconscious form. “He won’t stop bleeding!”
“Sage!” my dad commands. “Put pressure on the wound and call 9-1-1.”
“He said no doctors,” I cry. “Dad, what do I do? Oh my God there’s so much blood!”
“I’m coming. Can he hold on? I’m walking out the door right now.”
“I don’t know. Nix,” I plead. “Wake up! What do I do? What do I do?”
“Sage, I need you to breathe.”
The phone starts to slip from my hand as I move to place my head on Nix.
“Sage!” my dad’s voice interrupts. “Don’t hang up this phone. Stay on the line.”
“K,” I whisper in a shaking voice.
I hear my dad turn on the car as I check Nix’s pulse.
“Is he breathing?”
“Y-yes.”
“Keep putting pressure on it, alright—” CLASH!
The sound of metal scrunching, followed by grunting noises, fills my ears.
“DAD!” I scream. “Oh my God, Dad! DAD!”
“No. No. No. No.”
I take my hand off Nix and grip both ends of my hair with bloody hands.
I grab Nix’s cell phone from his pocket and toss mine to the side. I don’t know what else do to. I feel the darkness pulling me under. Sage wanting to go away. I look over at Pamela and dial the only number I can possibly think of.
“Nix, what do you want?”
I put my hand back over Nix’s wound. The worst one.
“Cut!” I sob. “Help. Please help.”
I can almost feel him stiffen on the other end of the line. “Sage?”
“Yes… Please help. Oh my God. N-Nix ca-came…” I try to suck in a breath.
“Breathe, then talk,” he commands in that to-the-point voice of his.
“Nix is bleeding and, oh God, there’s so much blood. Someone hu-hurt my dad. No doctors. N-Nix s-said.”
“I’m coming. Keep pressure on the wound,” he barks.
“Please be careful. I’m sorry. I…”
“Sage, keep it together. You have to.”
“My dad. Th-there was a cra-crash.”
“Sage, breathe.”
His voice is low and firm. No discernible emotion. Which is exactly what I need.
“What kind of car does your dad drive?”
“He-he has lo-lots of…” I start to hyperventilate.
Cut doesn’t miss a beat.
“What’s his address?”
I spout it off.
“Nix’s breathing is slowing,” I shriek.
“Sage, listen to me. I’m close.”
“Cut,” I whimper.
“Listen to me, girl. Hang on. I’m pulling in.”
It clicks off.
“Nix,” I whisper. “Please don’t die. Please, please. I can’t lose you.”
There’s pounding on the back door. Cut’s been here before. He knows the front is a fake. I won’t leave Nix. Cut seems to know it, because a second later, the door is kicked open. Which… is crazy, given the security and locks on that sucker.
He throws something to the side. Okay, so he used a tool.
Cut stands there. Black leather jacket. Black pants. Glistening scars. All height and muscle. I want to run to him and cry, but I can’t and won’t leave Nix’s side.
“Please… please.”
“Sage, look.”
I meet his eyes, but it’s all blurry from tears.
“My fiancé’s gonna come in here in 2.5 seconds. She was with me when you called. I told her to stay back, but she’s not one to—”
A female figure appears in the doorway. She’s Latin, medium height, curvy with long, beautiful, dark hair.
She takes a quick look around the room with an expert poker face. Then her eyes land on me. I’m teetering on disappearing. I feel it. There are two strangers in my home. My safe place. I mean, I only met Cut once and this woman is completely unfamiliar to me.
Cut doesn’t waste time with introductions. He goes straight to Nix and gets to work, gently moving my arm out of the way.
“I’m taking him to the hospital.”
“He said…”
Cut holds up a hand. “He’ll die. He’s losing too much blood. He’s lost too much already.”
I look around the room. It feels like the walls are closing in around me.
“My dad,” I whisper.
“I have someone on it,” Cut says, lifting Nix up with a grunt. “Kid’s been lifting weights. Maria…”
He storms out of the apartment. The woman seems to gather whatever he told her in one word. She rushes over to me, only momentarily disarmed by the blood on the floor. My entire body is vibrating.
“Let’s get to the car with your guy before B drives off, okay?” she asks gently, looping an arm around my back and ushering me to the door quickly.
“B?” I stutter.
“Nickname. Cut,” she corrects.
She’s still pulling me to the door.
“You wanna go, right?”
“Yes,” I say, hurriedly.
“Thought so.”
As she opens the door for me, I whisper, “Do you know anything about my dad?”
She hesitates. “He’s being taken care of. Don’t you worry.”
With that, she pushes me in next to Nix and climbs in front. I run my fingers through Nix’s hair as Cut takes off like a rocket.
The car is dead silent as I cry over Nix, willing the blood to go away.
“Well, I’m Maria. It’s good to meet you, you know, despite the circumstances,” Maria tries. “You’ve been this sort of enigma. We’ve all heard of you, but never met you. I know Lacey in particular has asked about you a lot.”
I feel like I’m gonna throw up. Rudely, I tuck my head into Nix, somehow feeling safer with him, even with him unconscious.
Please don’t let them hurt me.
No, Nix trusts Cut. He said so.
“Not the time,” Cut barks at Maria.
She huffs. “I’m only trying to help.”
“Not helping,” he grumbles.
She huffs again, but I feel her throw a sympathetic look my way. I glance up at her when the talking ceases. Her leg is bouncing around rapidly. So she is nervous…
Cut leans over, even while driving like a bat out of hell, and places his hand on Maria’s knee, halting her movements.
She nods at him and sits still.
I turn back to Nix.
“Stay with me, my broken boy, please. Please, don’t leave me.”
I feel both eyes on me through the rearview mirror, but don’t give them my attention. I need Nix.
The car suddenly jolts and Nix’s door is thrown open. Cut gives me no warning before scooping Nix up and running inside. Maria is by his side as I scramble after them.
Cut doesn’t need to yell when we get in the emergency room doors. His presence is enough to garner attention. This all sounds so long and like Nix should be dead from blood loss by now, but it all happened so fast. The point from where Nix collapsed ‘til now is not even fifteen minutes.
If that.
Everyone I called lives close by, and Nix purposely chose a home in close proximity to the local hospital.
A redhead comes over, swatting hands away. It’s the familiarity of her voice that catches my attention.
“What are you doing here?” Ray hisses, adjusting Nix on the gurney. “I’m supposed to be off! He can’t be here.”
I run after her as she hurries him away, shouting orders.
“He told me not to bring him,” I call after her.
“‘Cause he knows my schedule!” Ray hisses.
“He was gonna die. Cut said…”
She breathes, giving me brief eye contact before rushing him through the double doors. “He’s right. You did good.”
“Nix,” I whimper, reaching my hand out. My legs start to tremble. I feel the weight of my body becoming too much to bear, when a female hand reaches out, catching my upper arm.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. Hey, I got you.”
I turn toward the manicured hand on my arm to find Maria, Cut’s fiancé, standing there.
Stay here, Sage. Don’t go away.
“Cut’s handling the staff.” She cocks her head toward him. “You know Sven, right?”
“I… kinda. Rose’s husband, right?”
“Yeah. He’s handling your dad.”
“Handling?”
“Sorry,” she winces. “He’s with him right now. Along with Adam. You can’t find two more efficient men.”
“Adam?”
“Oh, girlie, I forget you don’t know any of us. I know, our lives are complicated. It’s okay. Let’s get you seated.”
“I…”
“I know. It’s okay.”
She wraps an arm around me and brings me to the waiting area.
“I have to know something about my dad. I have to know,” I tell her, forcing my voice to be firm.
I’m gonna be sick.
“Cut’s on his way back. We’ll ask him.”
“Hey!” Maria pushes to her feet and approaches Cut. He’s studying me with intense eyes. “The girl needs to know about her dad, B.”
He forces his eyes away from me, seated on the chair, slumped, shaking hard, to his fiancé. When he sees the hard set of her eyes, he turns back to me. His intensity has my knees curling up into my chest. He notices it, but says nothing. I notice how he keeps his distance from me, though. He’s giving me a wide girth of personal space.
“He’s in an ambulance,” Cut says carefully. “The accident was bad, but he’s alive.”
“It wasn’t an accident.”
Both eyes raise. I force myself to breathe. “Nix comes home hu-hurt. It’s like he knew I would call my dad first. If he knew that… maybe he knows I’m here.”
Cut’s eyes harden. Maria’s mouth falls open. “Who, Aaron?”
A tremble involuntarily works its way through my body. “Yes,” I whisper.
“I think you’re right,” Cut sighs. “I suppose you won’t leave the hospital since Nix is here, right? Your father will be coming here as well.”
“No, I-I won’t leave him.”
“Figured. Maria, Sven is coming to pick you up. No arguing.”
She opens her mouth, but he holds up a hand.
“Gotta watch Sage,” Cut tells her.
She immediately gets it. Even with his lack of explanation. Maria comes over, crouches down on her toes, and takes both of my hands.
“You stay strong, alright, girlie?”
I nod.
“And when this fight is over for you, convince Nix to let us come see you: me, Lacey, Rose. We don’t have to bring the guys. We’re good people. We won’t bring trouble into your life. And Lacey could use a friend like you.”
Like me?
“Maybe,” I whisper.
“Good.”
With that, Maria plops down on the floor next to me while she’s waiting for Sven and starts spouting off random stories. Ridiculous things that make no sense. I can’t even begin to re-tell them. As crazy as it is, it helps me stay present in a world that’s spinning wildly out of control.
“Maria,” Cut grunts. “Sven’s here. Out front.”
She nods at that, giving me a knee squeeze on the way up.
“Sage, us women are way stronger than we think. Tap into that.”
She rubs my head, kisses Cut’s cheek, and runs outside.
“She’s really nice,” I whisper.
Cut nods. “Little crazy.”
I let myself half-smile. “A little.”
His eyes crinkle slightly. Right as he goes to open his mouth, the emergency room doors are thrown open and a bunch of EMTs rush in with a stretcher.
My dad’s on it.