Chapter Fourteen
Carly
If I cracked open an encyclopedia and looked up the word screwed, I would find a little picture of me right next to it because it’s what I am. Completely and totally screwed. I’m talking up a creek without a paddle in the dead of winter kind of trouble and there is no hope for salvation. And you want to know the very worst part? I knew better. I’ve already learned this lesson the hard way once but apparently, I’m a little slow because I jumped in headfirst. I was weak and I could blame it on any number of things but it won’t fix anything now. The very first time he looked at me with those jade colored eyes on me and smiled, I should have run in the opposite direction. Instead, I hesitated and I got sucked into his orbit. Any other guy, any other time, and I would have walked away but not this time, not with Chance. Something about him kept me rooted to the spot and he invaded my life.
Either I’ve completely lost my mind or it’s been so long since I’ve been properly fucked that he was able to dazzle me with his skills in bed and render me stupid. But even as I think that, I know it’s not true. What Chance and I have is deeper and no matter how hard I try to fight it, I just keep falling deeper. I wish I could blame it on the sex because it would make it easier to walk away but I’m in too deep now. I’ve allowed things to go too far, farther than I’ve ever allowed them to go before, and the biggest problem is I fucking like it. I like the way he holds me at night and how it feels when I first see his face after a long day at work. When he wraps his arms around me, I can’t imagine anything better and the safe feeling that washes over me from his presence alone is addicting and so incredibly dangerous. And I’m afraid I’m starting to need it.
My mind drifts to the night before last when he showed up on my doorstep with a haunted expression I was all too familiar with. It broke through my defenses and I couldn’t turn him away no matter how hard I tried. He needed me in that moment and if I’m honest with myself, I needed him, but it was a mistake. My mask slipped and he saw it all, all the pain and anger I’ve kept inside all these years. He may not know exactly what torments me, but he knows more than he should. And then, the next morning, he woke me with a line of kisses down my naked back that sent my heart fluttering like I’d never experienced pain or heartbreak in my life. That’s why he’s so dangerous. Because he makes me forget.
After our shower together, we made love in front of the mirror, staring into each other’s eyes the whole time – another costly mistake – before he baked muffins for breakfast. I sat at the island and we talked the whole time, about absolutely nothing at all and I laughed more than I can remember in recent memory. Any spare moment he had, he was glued to my body, caressing me, peppering little kisses over my skin that made my heart ache with their tenderness. For those fleeting moments, we were like a real couple and it was amazing. No, more than amazing. It was everything. Everything I’ve always wished for in the dark of night but never been able to admit. Everything that was robbed from me when I was only a child. Everything that will never last. At least, not for me.
And just like that, I’m imagining a life for us and the kicker is, it’s so easy to picture in my mind. I can see him in my house, our house, sleeping in our bed, and us loving each other through every day for the rest of forever. I can imagine walking down an aisle to him as he waits in front of the preacher and babies running around the house, little giggles filling the air as we watch them, our hearts full of love. Suddenly, it feels like the air has been knocked out of me and I close my eyes to regain control. I cannot be thinking things like this and I definitely can’t use words like love or forever. They may be a part of everyone else’s lives but not mine.
“Hello? Earth to Carly,” Ali calls, getting my attention by waving her hand in front of my face and I blink, glancing up at her.
“Huh?”
She scowls at me. “Are you ignoring us?”
“No,” I breathe out, shaking my head. “I’m just a little distracted.”
“Yeah, I figured that out,” she scoffs. “What are you thinking so hard about over there?”
“Nothing.” I wait until she looks away to glance at Chance, who is sitting a few tables over to keep an eye on us. I understand the guys have Ali under surveillance for her safety but why the hell did they have to send Chance in here? Or why couldn’t he keep watch outside where Storm is right now?
“Okay, seriously, what is going on with you?” Izzy asks, her gaze zeroed in on me. Pulling my gaze away from Chance, I shake my head and take a deep breath to focus on our dinner conversation.
“Sorry. Just family stuff lately.” It’s not exactly a lie since neither Dottie or I have heard from Ivy in a while but that’s not what’s taking up all my focus tonight.
Ali glances over at me, her brow furrowed and concern in her eyes. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, just drama, you know?”
“You sure?” she asks. I force a smile and nod, doing my best to avoid Chance’s gaze.
“Absolutely.”
She’s not buying it, but she doesn’t say anything else as she looks back down at her menu. Like he’s got some kind of power over me, my eyes seek Chance again and I sigh when I find him still staring at me. With monumental effort, I turn away from him and turn back to Ali.
“Why is Chance in here? I kind of assumed Storm wouldn’t let you out of his sight.”
She sighs, rolling her eyes but a smile teases her lips as she glances over her shoulder at Chance and I follow her gaze. He flashes her a grin and waves, making her roll her eyes again. “Oh, believe me, he was not happy about it, but I told him I deserved time with my friends without him breathing down my neck and he finally agreed as long as Chance was inside.”
“I’m sure he took that well,” Izzy quips and we all giggle as Ali nods. She’s so happy that she’s practically glowing even with all the drama going on in her life.
“Yes, well, I know just how to persuade him.”
Izzy grins. “I love that I’m not the only one having sex anymore and we can talk about this stuff.”
“When has that ever stopped you?” Ali asks and she laughs.
“Never, but now I’m not the only one talking about it. Next up, we have to find Carly a man.”
“Uh, no. I’m good,” I interject, a blush creeping up my cheeks as I peek over at Chance. He’s supposed to be watching out for Ali but every time I glance in his direction, his eyes are on me. It makes me squirm in my seat.
“Come on, Carly. Tell the truth, how long has it been?”
Turning back to Izzy, I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know.”
“Oh, Jesus,” she croaks, slamming her hand over her heart in typical dramatic fashion. “It’s been so long you can’t even remember the last time you had sex? Shit. Let me call one of the guys from my list. We need to get you an orgasm as soon as possible. I’m pretty sure this is a medical emergency.”
When I sneak a peek over at Chance again, he’s staring at me still, his brow arched and a wide grin on his face. No worries, Iz. There’s no need to find me someone because I remember the last time I had sex vividly. In fact, I can’t erase the image of Chance, dripping wet in my shower as he slips his hand between my legs, out of my mind. The blood rushes to my cheeks and I remember the way he bent me over and grabbed my hips like he owned them. Peeking over at Chance again, desire pools in my belly.
“Please don’t do that,” I plead and she sighs before glancing around the restaurant.
“Oh, what about that waiter?” Izzy whispers, too loudly, as she points to a man passing by our table. “He’s very cute.”
“Iz,” I chastise her, praying to God neither the waiter nor Chance heard her. But it goes unanswered. The waiter glances over his shoulder to give me a once-over before winking at me with a grin on his face. He keeps walking, headed back to the kitchen, and I glance over at Chance, who looks tense, like he’s about to attack as he stares daggers at Izzy. He almost looks…jealous.
“What?” she asks, a twinkle in her eyes. “I’m just worried about you. There’s no way your body is working right if you can’t remember the last time you had an orgasm.”
“I said, I didn’t know the last time I had sex, not the last time I had an orgasm,” I hiss.
“Sweetie, it’s not the same when you do it yourself and you would know that if you’d gotten any in the last couple years. Unless all your partners have been that bad…” The look of horror on Izzy’s face is hilarious and maybe I would laugh if I wasn’t blushing so damn hard, acutely aware that Chance can hear every word we say.
Leaning back in my chair with a huff, I take a sip of my wine. “Can we drop this please?”
“Hell, no. Maybe if you get a good lay, you’ll be less stressed. I’m worried you will get wrinkles. Is that a frown line on your forehead?”
Pinning her with a glare, I mutter, “I swear to God, I would throttle you if I wasn’t so opposed to some big boned woman named Bertha making me her jailhouse bitch.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You love me too much,” she says, smiling like she’s some kind of angel even when I know the truth.
“Whatever.”
She glances around the restaurant again before whipping her head around to meet my eyes. She smiles and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Okay, look behind me. Four tables down to the left.”
I don’t want to do it but it’s easier, at this point, to just go along with her so I blow out a breath and peek over her shoulder. I count four tables down before glancing to the left and freezing. I’m barely able to keep my jaw from dropping as I stare at him, trying to decide if I believe this is a coincidence. Damian glances up from his meal and catches me watching him, a satisfied smile spreading across his face. Yeah, definitely not a coincidence. He takes a sip of his wine before standing and when I glance back at Izzy, she’s practically bouncing in her seat.
“Oh, shit, he’s coming over here. Don’t act crazy, Carly,” she hisses and I roll my eyes.
“Have you looked in a mirror lately?” I whisper back just as Damian approaches our table.
“Carly,” he says, his voice smooth and full of confidence. I hate it.
I nod. “Damian.”
“What a surprise seeing you here tonight.”
Is it though?
I tilt my head to the side and study him for a moment as I take a sip of my wine. Damn my mother for forcing him on me.
“Yes. What a surprise.” My voice is full of sarcasm and either he doesn’t notice or ignores it. Chance lets out a snort from his table and I peek in his direction, fighting back a smile. Of course, he didn’t miss the dig.
“Do you two know each other?” Izzy asks and Damian chuckles.
“Well, kind of. I know her mother and she and I have run into each other a few times, but I can’t say I know her all that well.”
Izzy grins, glancing at me. “That’s a shame. Our Carly is an amazing woman.”
“Of that I have no doubt,” he purrs, his gaze glued to me and I want to smash my foot into Izzy’s shin under the table.
“Maybe you should ask her out.”
“Izzy!” I gasp and Damian laughs out loud. Ali doesn’t say anything, her gaze flicking between the three of us.
“You know, I was just thinking the same thing. What do you say, Carly?”
I force a polite smile to my face and try to avoid Chance’s gaze. “I’m sorry but I’m seeing someone.”
“No…” Izzy starts but I whip my head in her direction, cutting her off with a glare. Damian nods, attempting to look gracious but I see the irritation in his eyes.
“Of course. Well, I’ll let you get back to your dinner again. Tell your mother I said hello.”
You’ll probably see her before I do.
With the forced smile straining my face, I nod. “I will. Have a good evening, Damian.”
He walks away and Izzy nudges my foot with hers under the table. “What the hell was that? You have a perfectly hot guy asking you out and you turn him down? This is why your hoo-ha is probably home to a family of spiders now.”
I curl my lip in disgust. “Ew, Iz.”
“Why did you tell him you were seeing someone?” she presses and I shrug.
“I wasn’t interested.”
She groans in frustration and rolls her eyes. “I will go get him and bring him back here. Trust me, you’ll feel much better after you get laid.”
“I had sex a few weeks ago,” I blurt out to stop her from pushing and immediately regret it.
“With who?”
“No one you know.” My phone buzzes on the table and I pick it up, glancing at Chance when I see a text from him.
Chance:
What’s his name?
Me:
Why do you care?
“Hello?” Izzy nags, waving her hand in front of her to get my attention. “We’re having a conversation here. Who was this guy?”
“I don’t know. Some guy I met in a bar. It honestly wasn’t even that good.” My phone buzzes again and I refuse to look at Chance as I unlock my phone.
Chance:
‘Cause I’m gonna kill him for touching you.
We had a deal. No other guys.
I suck in a breath, reading his words a few times as my heart pounds in my ears. This has got to stop. We can’t see each other any more if he’s getting this invested. But how the hell am I supposed to walk away from him?
Me:
It was before you.
It strikes me how poignant that statement is. A lot of things were different before I met Chance Turner and it scares the hell out of me.
“Well, that settles it, then. Go after him.”
Shaking my head, I finish my glass of wine and meet her stare. “What about you, Iz? How are things going with your latest fling?”
Izzy never resists an opportunity to tell us about her sex life so no matter how badly she wants me to go talk to Damian, gushing about whatever man she’s met this week will win out. It only takes a second for the smile to spread over her face and I know I’ve won. As she tells us about her latest conquest, I glance over at Chance. Desire lights up his eyes and I wish, just for a second, that it were he and I having dinner here alone. Shaking my head, I push that thought from my mind and vow, at the very least, to put some distance between us. A little bit of space will help me clear my head and get in control of this situation again.
* * * *
A knock on my office door pulls my gaze up from the computer screen and Mercedes pokes her head in, smiling at me. “Hey. I just read your email. Do you have a minute to talk about it?”
“Absolutely,” I say with a nod, clearing a few things off my desk and pushing my computer to the side as she strides into the room and sinks into the lounge chair in front of my desk she helped me pick out. She crosses her legs and offers me a warm smile.
“So, let’s hear your pitch.”
I take a deep breath and nod, instantly going into business mode as I run over my argument in my head. Not that I think this will take much convincing, but I can’t bring myself to be unprofessional. When Ali and I first started here a month ago, Mercedes was so welcoming and really made us feel like we belonged here which was a pretty big change from our job at the Baton Rouge Times. Ali has hit the ground running with her advice column and I’ve worked on a few things here and there while I tried to figure out where I fit in this company. I’ve honestly never had a boss like Mercedes in my life and each day I come into work, I’m grateful Ali brought me along with her. I can’t even imagine still being at the Times and dealing with our awful boss, Mr. Klein.
“As you know,” I start, my hands shaking as I clasp them in my lap. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted this until this moment. “I’ve been looking for my niche ever since I started here and I’ve been kicking around a few ideas. I’ve looked over the blog and what it already offers and I think both options will complement what is already on the site.”
She rubs her hands together with a grin on her face. “I’m so excited to hear what you’ve got.”
“My first idea was a section on Baton Rouge. We could spotlight local businesses, rate restaurants, tell tourists all the hidden little secrets our city has to offer and you’ll be able to charge local business owners a premium price to advertise on the page.”
She nods, looking at me thoughtfully for a moment. “I like it but let’s hear your other idea first.”
“Option number two came as I was sprucing up my office.”
She glances around the room and smiles. The space has come a long way since I started here. On my first day, it was white walls, wood floors, and nothing else. I may have gone a little crazy designing it, but it was the only time I’ve ever gotten to do it and I fell in love with the whole process.
“So, an interior design section?” she asks and I nod.
“You’ve already got travel, exercise, fashion, beauty, and Ali’s advice column covered. With no interior design section, I see a huge gap in our audience’s needs. We could hold contests where people submit photos of their rooms and the best design wins. I could write about design, home decoration, or try out chic DIY projects.”
“I like it,” she muses, tapping her finger to her chin as she stares blankly at the top of my desk. “If it goes well, I could also buy a fixer upper and have you supervise the remodel and post before and after photos. I’ve been wanting to invest in real estate for a while now, so it would be the perfect time if we were going to do something like that.”
“Really? You like it?”
“One hundred percent. Listen, I didn’t bring you and Ali over here, so you could ramble on every day about something you don’t really care about. There’s a spark in your eye when you talk about design and that’s what I want. I want everyone who reads the blog to hear your passion.”
“Well, all right then.”
She stands and heads for the door before turning back to look at me. “Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you about that article you wrote about the corrupt cops last year.”
“What about it?” A little over a year ago, it was a regular day in the office when a young woman named Emma and her boyfriend, Nix, walked in and told me a story I will never forget as long as I live. Hearing what she went through, I had to write it and help her in any way I could even though it was way outside my comfort zone and it pissed my boss off. It was the right thing to do.
“Do you want to do a follow up?”
I chew on my lip, considering it. As much as I loved what the article did for my career, I’m really excited about the future and ready to move forward.
“I don’t think so. Unless of course, you’d like me to write it.”
Mercedes shakes her head. “No, I’m okay if you don’t want to. I just wanted to give you the option since you mentioned it when you were hired.”
“I think, at this point, everyone has moved on and we should just keep it that way.”
“Perfect,” she says, walking to the doorway. “I’ll go look at the schedule and let’s meet up again in a few days to talk timelines for rolling out the new page.”
“Thanks, Mercedes.”
She flashes me a smile before leaving my office and I slide my computer back in front of me, excited to research and plan. Before I can even do my first search, my phone buzzes on the table with a text from Chance.
Chance:
I want to see you tonight.
Ignoring him, I blow out a breath and focus back on the screen in front of me. Chance and I need distance - lots and lots of distance if this thing is going to continue. And I want it to continue because the sex is mind-blowing – the best I’ve ever had – and I’m not eager to give that up but Chance makes it hard to resist him. Especially when I’m falling to pieces and it feels like the only thing that will make it better is him. It’s pathetic. How on earth did I ever survive anything before he was there to wrap me up in his arms? Seriously, because I don’t remember.
My phone buzzes again and I glance over at it.
Chance:
Don’t think you can ignore me, Princess.
Oh, I can and I will. I will stay away from him until I can look at him without feeling like a pile of mush. Until his kiss doesn’t make me weak in the knee.
I focus on the screen in front of me and think about my first article, but my gaze keeps being drawn back to the phone. Just when I’m about to toss it in a drawer, it rings and Chance’s face pops up on the screen.
“Nope,” I whisper to myself, staring at the computer screen but seeing nothing. “Not going to answer it.”
I look up designs but his face flashing on the screen taunts me and my fingers twitch to answer it. I haven’t spoken to him since the dinner last night and I don’t think texts really count. Somehow, I got out of the restaurant and home without having to face him and I was thankful for it. Between the looks he was giving me and the fact that Damian was there, again, I was at the end of my patience. After I got home, I turned my phone off and spent an hour in a hot bubble bath until my legs felt like Jell-O.
My phone buzzes again and I sigh as I glance at it.
Chance:
This isn’t over, Carly.
Damn him for being right.