Chapter Seventeen
Carly
Pulling up to the curb in front of Ali’s house, I throw the car in park and sigh as I sink back into my seat and close my eyes. I shouldn’t be here but when Izzy called and told me to get over to Ali’s immediately for brunch and girl talk, what choice did I have? With another heavy sigh, I sit forward and flip down the visor, wincing at the dark circles ringing my eyes. This is what I get for allowing myself to think it was okay to trust someone again – a night with barely any sleep and more tears than I’ve shed in years. Fuck Chance. Fuck Austin. Fuck old wounds that refuse to heal and fuck me, too, for believing I could ever find any semblance of happily ever after.
Grabbing my purse out of the passenger seat, I dig around until I find my concealer and make a point to ignore the phone I’m still not brave enough to look at as I toss it back into the seat. Thoughts of Chance fill my mind and I can’t make them stop anymore, not when it took every ounce of energy I had to avoid them all night. Images of us together flash through my mind. Everything I was feeling as I walked out of that bathroom makes me sick now and I feel dirty. Chance managed to turn me into the one person I never wanted to be – my mother. My lip wobbles as I dab the concealer under my eyes and I squeeze them shut, trying my best to turn my emotions off like I have for the past twelve years but it’s not working today.
Taking a fortifying breath, I open my eyes and look up at the mirror with determination. I will push this out of my mind and have a good time with my girls – even when it feels like I’m slowly dying on the inside. The last thing I need right now is for Ali or Izzy to notice something is up with me. The past three weeks, every time I gave in to him despite the fact that I knew better, was a mistake and it’s one I will not be making again. Last night was really a blessing in disguise. I was getting too comfortable and wanting things I know better than to wish for. Walking out of the bathroom and seeing Chance’s wife sitting there was exactly the kick in the ass I needed to sort my shit out. Reliving the pain of my past hurt like hell but today, I’m moving on. The walls around my fragile heart are spackled back to their former strength and I won’t allow myself to do something that stupid again.
Feeling marginally better, I turn off the car and grab my bag before stepping out and stopping short as Logan stomps down the front walk, resolve hardening his features. With a curt nod to me, he turns and continues down the sidewalk to his house and I watch him for a moment before turning toward the house where Ali and Izzy are sitting on the front porch, watching Storm and giggling. My gaze drifts back to Logan, who trudges up his front steps and disappears inside his house. What the hell is he up to?
“Hey, skank!” Izzy calls from the front porch and I turn to look at them, holding my hand up to block the sun that’s just beginning to peek over Ali’s house. “Get up here before I eat all the damn donuts.”
I can’t fight back a smile as I start walking up the sidewalk but it’s short lived and by the time I reach the bottom stair, I wish I had just stayed in my bed so I could wallow in my misery. This is what I need though – a little piece of normal will help me cling to whatever sanity I have left – and hopefully, I can start to put this mistake behind me.
“What? You couldn’t wait for me?” I ask her, eyeing the two donuts left in the box and she shrugs at me from her perch on the top step.
“I saved you two besides, you’re such a freaking slow poke. I was wrapped up in a hot biker and I still managed to drag myself out of bed and beat you here. What’s your excuse?”
Shaking my head, I ignore her question and drag myself up the steps before sinking down across from her and reaching into the box, pulling out the maple bacon donut.
“Listen, about that,” Ali says, watching Izzy nervously. “Could you maybe not screw any more guys in the club?”
“Why?” she asks, scowling at Ali like she really has no idea why sleeping with club members could get messy for all of us.
“Because they’re Logan’s friends, actually more like family and it will just be awkward when things end between the two of you.”
Izzy actually looks offended as she sets her donut down and takes a sip of coffee. “You actually think I would put you in that position? Before anything happened last night, I laid everything out for him. He knows exactly what he got himself into.”
“That doesn’t mean he can control his feelings, Iz. Just promise me you’ll keep your fun out of the club from now on.”
Her words hit me in the chest and I blink back tears as my heart aches.
Izzy frowns into her drink for a moment before sighing. “Okay, fine. I’ll hunt elsewhere.”
I snort out a laugh and Izzy’s head whips in my direction, her gaze laser focused on me. Shit, I know that look. It raises the hair on my arms and I suck in a breath.
“Let’s talk about you, Carly. What did you do last night that’s got you draggin’ today?”
I shrug but before I can respond, Logan thunders up the front walk, a box in his hands and we all turn and watch him as he steps between Izzy and I before disappearing into Ali’s house.
“Uh, can we talk about what’s going on with the caveman in there?” I ask, tilting my head toward Ali’s open front door.
Ali giggles and shakes her head. “Uh, well, it’s over.”
“What’s over?” Izzy asks, her gaze flying from the open door to Ali and back again.
“Everything with Chris. Logan dealt with it and it’s done.”
“Okay,” Izzy says, drawing the word out as she stares into the house. “That still doesn’t explain what he’s doing.”
“Oh, he’s moving in.”
Pain and jealousy take over, twisting in my gut for a moment before I manage to push it back down and smile up at her. It feels forced but hopefully she won’t be able to tell. My issues are just that – mine. I won’t drag her into the middle of this mess I made, especially when I knew better from the start. Besides, the radiant look on Ali’s face tells me everything I need to know. “Congrats, honey. I’m really happy for you guys.”
“Thank you. I’m pretty damn happy, too.”
With a nod, Izzy turns back to me and a calculating grin spreads across her face. “Now, where were we? Oh, yes, Carly was just about to tell us what she was up to last night and with who.”
“I wasn’t doing anything.”
“Right. Those dark circles you tried to cover up are just a new fashion trend, then?” She arches a brow in challenge and I sigh.
“I just couldn’t sleep last night.” At least that’s technically not a lie. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured Chance, naked in my shower or in my bed, and a fresh round of tears would start.
“Uh – huh, not buying it so try again.”
I peek up at her and I know unless I sprint to my car now, there’s no way I’m getting out of telling her. And even that would just delay her inquisition. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I did something stupid and I learned my lesson but it’s not something I care to analyze right now.”
Izzy opens her mouth to respond and I glance up at Ali, pleading with her to save me. Izzy just has to know everything and she won’t stop until she’s wrung every last drop of information out of you. Sometimes it’s endearing and other times, like now, it’s too much.
“Is it wrong that I want to know how Kodiak was?” Ali asks, saving me and Izzy grins.
“Yes,” Logan barks, storming out of the house with a glare in her direction before he bounds down the stairs. We all watch him march down the sidewalk before turning to look at each other and bursting into laughter.
“You know, the word single-minded comes to mind around that man,” I mutter, turning back to watch him as he slips behind the trees that separate their properties.
Ali snorts. “Oh, you’ve got no idea.”
Arching a brow, I open my mouth to respond to her, but I don’t get the chance before Izzy is reaching across the step and grabbing my face, turning it back to her. “You really look like shit today. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Thanks, Iz. Sometimes, your brutal honesty is not needed.” Images of Chance’s wife pop into my head again and my eyes sting with tears. I can’t believe I’m such an idiot. I should have seen signs, right? There must have been clues I was his side piece that I missed because I was so caught up in him.
“You know I say it with love. But seriously, I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”
I nod, looking away from her. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Fine equals definitely not okay. What’s going on?”
Yanking my chin out of her grip, I shake my head. “It’s really nothing. I’m just an idiot.”
“Hey, you’re not an idiot,” Ali says softly and I turn to her, the concern on her face is making me feel like I’m going to cry again. I force a smile.
“Sounds like you need to meet my good friend, Jose,” Izzy says and I turn to her, wincing at the thought at her trying to set me up with a man again.
“Please tell me you’re talking about tequila and not an actual man named Jose.”
She nods. “I am. Trust me, some good margaritas and you’ll forget all about whoever hurt you.”
Oh, if only it were that easy. It figures the one time I fall in love again, it ends in disaster. That’s the bitch of it, too. I still love him and there is a part of me that wonders if I always will.
“Enough about me. Tell us all about how Logan swooped in and saved the day.”
Ali grins and I know I’m off the hook. She sighs and as she launches into her story, I resolve myself to let this go once and for all. I have a good life and Chance does not get to take that away from me.