Chapter Twenty-One
Carly
The vase of white roses sitting in front of my apartment door stops me in my tracks as I step off the elevator and I sigh. Damn. I really wish there was a way to get into my apartment without picking them up. Why can’t he just let this go? Crossing the hallway, I stop in front of them and sigh again. I don’t need to read the card because I already know who they’re from and I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. What could he possibly say anyway? There’s nothing that will change the fact that he’s married or that he turned me into his mistress. Deep shame rises up inside me and I shift the bottle of wine I picked up on the way home to the crook of my arm as I bend down to grab the vase. As I jam my keys into the lock and open the door, I consider leaving them on my doorstep before shaking my head in annoyance and closing the door behind me.
My apartment is uncomfortably quiet as I flick on the lights and I wonder if I should have called Izzy or Ali to hang out instead of coming straight home after work. I set the flowers and wine down on the island before searching through the blooms for the card I promised myself I wouldn’t read. Pulling it out, I roll my eyes when I see the “I’m Sorry” printed on the front. Does he think that’s going to fix anything?
Carly,
I don’t know much about flowers but the woman at the shop said fifteen roses symbolize an apology so that’s what I ordered for you. I’ve been racking my brain, going over that night again and again in my head, but I still don’t understand what happened. Whatever it is, whatever I did to upset you, please know how sorry I am. I would never intentionally hurt you, baby. The night of the party, something changed between us and for a little while you were mine. It was everything I wanted and the greatest thing I’ve ever felt. I would fight for you until I took my last breath, but I’ll try and let you go if that’s what you really want. If this is really the end for us, I just need to hear you say it and I’ll be gone from your life forever.
Chance.
My heart seizes in my throat and the card falls out of my hand, fluttering to the floor as my mind races. I don’t know what to think about his note. On the one hand, this is exactly what I wanted but now that it’s a reality, I don’t know if I can push him away. God, is that what I want? The thought of losing Chance, of never seeing him again, is more devastating than I can even express. How can I even hurt this much? Didn’t he reach into my chest and tear my heart out when I discovered he was married? Jesus, what am I saying? He’s married. He promised his life to another woman and I have no right to want him like this. I have no right to love him.
Tears sting my eyes as I think about letting him go and before I can completely lose it, I grab my phone off the counter to distract myself. I check my messages for the millionth time today, hoping Ivy finally answered me but my messages are the only thing staring back at me. As I start pacing through the apartment, I dial her number. This was my original plan for after work and I’m not going to let Chance or his note derail that.
“Pick up the damn phone, Vi,” I whisper, my stomach churning. It’s been a long stressful day at work and I’ve worn down almost all my nails worrying about what Julian did to my sister last night. Her lack of contact today has me thinking the worst. At several points today, I sent up a prayer she’s just mad at me about not backing her up last night, but I can’t help but imagine the worst. Not with what I know now. Dottie hasn’t been much better, either, and she’s been texting non-stop to ask if I’ve heard from Ivy.
“Hello?” Ivy says into the phone and I let out a breath.
Thank God.
“Hey, what are you up to?” I ask, trying to sound casual. It doesn’t work. Even I can hear that my voice is higher than normal and my chest feels tight.
“Uh…” she hums, her voice dimming like she pulled the phone away from her ear and then she’s back. “Not much. Just unpacking some things I haven’t had a chance to get to yet.”
“Oh, okay. Well, do you want to grab dinner with me? I wanted to talk to you after last night.”
She pauses and my breath gets stuck in my throat. “Actually, I still have a lot to do but maybe I’ll call you back later, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I answer, my voice cracking and I purse my lips.
“Bye.” She doesn’t even wait for my reply before she hangs up and I pull the phone away from my ear, fighting back tears. Glancing down to where the phone sits in my hand, I stare at the black screen for a moment before sinking to the floor. What the hell am I supposed to do for her?
No matter how many times I think it over, I just can’t understand how she can stay with him. She has enough money to go anywhere in the world and if she had called Dottie or I, we would have been there for her in a heartbeat. The first time he laid a hand on her, she should have been out the door. Why can’t she see that?
Tears sting my eyes again and I grab onto the island to pull myself up before sliding my laptop in front of me and opening it. After bringing up the search engine, I type “abusive relationships” in the search bar and suck in a breath before pressing the arrow that will start my search. In an instant, pages of articles pop up in front of me with taglines that are intended to entice me to open them. It’s overwhelming. Clicking on the first one, I start reading and before long, I’m lost in article after article that make my heart ache. I can’t stop picturing what he’s doing to her when no one is around and even though I found some answers, I’m still struggling to understand why she wouldn’t just come to me. How scared does she have to be to not trust I would keep her safe?
A tear slips down my cheek and I brush it away, trying not to picture Ivy all broken down and bruised as I stand up and grab a wine glass from the cupboard. The tears keep coming as I pour wine into the glass and a knock at the door has me glancing over my shoulder.
“Shit.” I set the bottle down and quickly wipe my eyes, checking my reflection in the mirror to make sure my mascara isn’t smeared before I yank the door open. My heart jumps into my throat when Chance looks up, meeting my eyes.
“Chance,” I whisper, a riot of emotions rocking through me. Between his note and dealing with my sister, I feel like I’m being tossed around on an angry sea.
“Hey,” he answers, looking casual as ever except for the uncertainty in his eyes. He glances over my shoulder. “See you got my flowers.”
“Um, yeah.”
What exactly am I supposed to say here? It hurts to look at him and know he can never be mine. Why did I go and fall in love with the wrong guy again?
“Can I come in?” he asks and I blink in surprise. He doesn’t ask permission, ever, usually just preferring to bulldoze into my life whenever he pleases.
“I don’t think that’s such a good…”
My words are cut off by his deep growl as he shakes his head and strides into the room anyway, brushing up against me as he passes. The scent of that damn cinnamon gum lingers even after he passes and I have no idea how I’m going to fight him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I snap, gripping the door tightly as I try to hold onto my anger. He grabs my glass of wine and chugs the entire thing.
“We’re going to have a conversation.”
I scoff. “No, we’re not.”
“Listen, if you’re going to end things then we’re going to have a real conversation and I’m not leaving here until that happens.”
“You can’t be serious,” I snap, glaring at him and he nods.
“I am.”
My jaw ticks as I stare at him and after a second, I nod and slam the door closed. “All right, Chance, you want to have a real goddamn conversation? Fine. Let’s start with why you pursued me?”
He blinks. “What?”
“Yeah. And then we can talk about how you manage to look me in the eye and lie so easily because it’s really something else.”
He takes a step toward me and I back up, shaking my head.
“What the hell are you talking about, Princess?”
I hold a finger up, fighting back tears again. Fuck this day. “Oh, no. You don’t get to call me that anymore.”
“Will you please explain to me what’s going on? Why did you leave the night of the party?” he asks, running a hand through his hair.
“Seriously?” I ask, my eyes burning and my heart aching. “You’re going to act like you don’t know?”
“I don’t know,” he insists and I’m pretty sure I hate him. “I keep thinking I need to be patient and eventually you’ll come around but each time I think we’re getting close, you shut down again! Why? Why can’t you just give this thing between us a goddamn shot?”
Is this part of his game? Does he get off on seeing the pain he inflicted on me? My anger bubbles over and I can’t hold back anymore.
“Why is exactly right, Chance. You want answers? Well, so do I! I want to know why you kept coming around and why you pushed me to open up to you and reveal parts of myself I never showed to anyone but most of all, I want to know why you had to go and make me fall in love with you.”
The apartment falls silent, but I can hear my words echoing in my head and I realize my mistake a moment too late. I suck in a breath and my eyes widen as he steps toward me, his gaze filling with hope.
“You love me?” he asks, his voice soft, a hint of a smile teasing his lips, and I shake my head.
“No.”
He takes another step and my back hits the wall as I try to retreat, blocking my escape.
Fuck.
“Then, why did you say it?” His eyes are burning with determination now and it spells out disaster for me. I thought I knew this man, thought I understood him, but nothing that’s happened since Friday night makes any sense to me.
“I don’t know.”
He stops in front of me, his arms caging me in. “Yes, you do. You love me.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper as tears spill down my cheeks and he jerks back like I slapped him as he stares at me. Pain fills his eyes and I hate the way it makes my heart squeeze in my chest.
“Of course, it matters,” he spits out, leaning into me, cupping my cheek in his palm. I grab his hand, pulling it away from my face as I look away. Pain radiates from my chest, stealing my breath, and it feels like it just might kill me this time. “Look at me, Carly.”
I shake my head and he pulls his hand out of my grip before forcing my gaze back to his. The hurt I’ve been feeling since Friday night shines in his eyes.
“It matters.”
“It can’t,” I croak and he growls, pulling away from me. He runs a hand through his hair again before turning back to me.
“Why?” he grits out through clenched teeth and I place my hand over my chest like I can somehow stamp out this piercing pain he’s inflicting on me. Why is he doing this? Why can’t he just go home to his wife and forget about me?
“I only had two rules when we started sleeping together and I was ready to throw one right out the window for you so why are you making me say it?” I ask, a plea for mercy in my voice and he shakes his head.
“Because I have no idea what it is that’s holding you back. Why won’t you give us a chance?”
“You’re married!” I scream. “There never was a chance. We never had a chance.”
He takes a step back, blinking in surprise. “What?”
“Oh, God, please don’t make me say it again.”
His gaze softens and he closes the gap between us, cradling my face in his hand again but this time, I can’t pull away from him. The truth is out now, floating between us like an invisible barrier and this is the last time I’ll ever get to be this close to him. With each beat of my heart, the pain intensifies and I wonder how I’ll ever survive falling in love with Chance Turner.
“I’m not married, Princess,” he whispers and I rip myself out of his grip before shoving him away from me.
“I’m not so gullible anymore, Chance.”
He places his hand over his heart and I notice it’s his left hand. No ring. Not even a tan line where a ring once sat. “I swear to you, Carly. I’m not married. You have to believe me when I say I would never do that to you.”
“No. I met your wife.”
His brow furrows and he reaches out, pulling me into his arms. I can’t even fight him.
“I think it’s time you tell me the whole story.”
“Why?” I sneer. “Are you particularly interested in hearing how you broke my heart? Are you some kind of sadist?”
“Carly,” he whispers and the urgency in his tone pulls my gaze to his. “I’m not married and I need you to tell me what happened.”
With a sigh, I slam my eyes shut and take a deep breath. Fine, if he needs me to tell him the story, I will and then we can finally be done with this.
“After we had sex, I went to the bathroom…”
He nods. “Yeah, I remember that part.”
“I was kind of freaking out, but I decided to give our relationship a go. When I walked out of the bathroom, a woman was sitting in the corner of the room. She asked who I was and told me she was your wife. And then she told me to stay away from you.”
“What did she look like?”
“Blonde hair, huge tits, and giraffe legs.”
He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “You didn’t meet my wife, baby. That was my ex-wife, Trixie, and had I known she was going to be at the party, I would have warned you.”
His words hit me in the chest, but I can’t decide if I should believe him or not. Is this just another lie? Another game?
“Please believe me, Princess. Trixie and I have been divorced for a while now and we were never good together to begin with. It was a huge mistake on my part because I got impatient and lonely.”
I don’t know what to believe. Sure, I want to trust what he’s telling me but if he is still lying to me, the heartbreak would kill me, for sure. As I study him, he sighs. Pulling his phone out, he dials a number and puts it on speakerphone.
“Sup?” someone answers and I glance down at the screen. Kodiak.
“Am I married?” Chance asks, meeting my eyes and the sincerity in his gaze is starting to win me over.
“Did you run off to Vegas and marry a stripper again?” Kodiak asks and Chance shakes his head as I arch a brow in his direction.
“Dude, this is serious. Trixie tried telling Carly that we’re still married and now she wants nothing to do with me. Oh, and you’re on speakerphone.”
Kodiak starts laughing and Chance looks a little annoyed. “Hey, Carly.”
“Hi, Kodiak. Is he telling the truth?”
“I’m afraid so, Darlin’. He married her on a whim and quickly realized his mistake. They’ve been divorced for about six months and separated for over a year.”
Chance gives me an expectant look and I nod my head, letting him know I’m satisfied with that answer.
“Thanks, man,” Chance says into the phone.
“Yeah, you got it, brother. Talk to you later.”
He hangs up and turns back to me, wrapping both his arms around my waist. “If you need more proof, we can go to my house and I’ll show you the divorce papers.”
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “I believe you.”
He smiles. “Good. Now, can we get back to the other part?”
“Uh… which part would that be?”
His grin grows and he walks us back until I hit the wall. “The part about how you fell in love with me.”
As I stare up at him, I’m not sure what to say. I know he’s not married but it’s taking my heart a little bit longer to catch up and the fear that’s plagued me for so long is back – not as strong but still there. He didn’t betray me, but it still feels like a betrayal. My heart is still tender and terrified of letting him back in.
“I’m not sure what else there is to say.”
“Knowing I’m not married doesn’t change anything for you, does it?” he asks, studying my face. I blow out a breath.
“Yes… and no. I know none of this is your fault, but it still hurt like hell and I’m not as eager to jump into something as I was Friday night.”
He smiles again. “But you were ready to give us a shot?”
“Yes,” I whisper. “I was.”
He nods. “I’ll admit I have no idea why you’re so scared, Carly, but I’m hoping you’ll take a leap with me.”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I do, Princess. You remember when I told you about spending time with Logan and his grandparents?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“That’s only part of the story. Logan’s grandparents were two of the most incredible people I’ve ever met in my life and their love… it was the kind of love books and songs are written about. Being with them made me feel like I had a real family until I went back home to my mom and whatever asshole was smacking her around that week. As I got older, I wanted to find what they had and the day I met you, I did. I’ve been searching for you my entire life and I don’t think I can walk away.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “I should have known.”
“Should have known what?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.
“That you wouldn’t really leave me alone like you promised in your note.”
“I meant it when I wrote it but now, I don’t know how to make myself walk away from you… it would be like losing half of my soul.”
When I glance back up at him again, his gaze is on my lips and he leans in, like he can’t hold back anymore. Truthfully, neither can I. Reaching up on my toes, I press my lips to his in a gentle kiss and he sighs, his hand sliding to the back of my head as the other presses against the small of my back. It’s more intimate than any other kiss we’ve ever shared and I swear, I can feel the relief pulsing through him. I had hoped that he was hurting just as much as I was and now I know for sure. Although, it doesn’t bring me as much comfort as I thought it would. He pulls away and brushes his nose across the tip of mine with a smile on his face.
“God, I missed you.”
I nod. “I missed you, too.”
“I have a proposition for you,” he says, pulling away a fraction so he can meet my eyes. “How about we take this slow? You don’t have to commit to anything, but you do have to stop fighting me. Sound like a deal?”
Sucking in a breath, I meet his eyes. “I think I can handle that.”