CHAPTER 55
RILEY
I wiped the tears from my face and took a deep breath before going back inside Brady’s house to get Bryony. He had turned his back on me and told me to leave. Our conversation was over. We were over.
Coralee frowned when she saw my face, then turned to look outside where we had been for her son.
“Thank you for dinner, but we need to be going,” I said, my voice cracking.
“What happened?” she asked me.
I picked up Bryony and put her diaper bag over my arm. “We don’t agree on next year. He sees it differently than I do,” I explained. My eyes filled with tears again. “I need to go,” I said, then hurried for the front door with Bryony on my hip.
I got her buckled into her car seat and headed for home. The tears streamed freely down my face now, and Bryony was unusually quiet. She knew something was wrong, and she wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t like to scare her, so I tried to stop, but another sob broke free.
When we pulled into the drive, I dried my face before getting out and knew that my parents would know I had been crying. They’d want answers, and I wasn’t ready to give them that yet.
I never imagined it ending like this. But then I’d never imagined the ending. It had hurt too much to think about.
Bryony patted my face with her little hands as if to console me. I squeezed her tightly against my chest and told her I was fine.
When I walked inside, my mom looked up from the crossword puzzle she was doing on the sofa and an immediate frown crossed her face.
“What happened?”
“Mommy sad,” Bryony said by way of answering for me.
I refused to cry again in front of her. She didn’t need to be upset and confused. “Mommy is okay. Let’s get you a bath. Go pick out your pajamas and bath toys, and I’ll be right there,” I told her.
She nodded and ran down the hallway.
“We talked about next year. We don’t see it the same way. It ended badly,” I told her. “But let me get her in bed. If I talk about it, I’ll cry some more, and she doesn’t need to see that.”
Mom nodded. “Okay. Go take care of her. I’ll be here.”
She would always be there. She was my safety net. I wanted to cry thinking about how important she was to me and how making tough decisions for Bryony wasn’t just my job but what I wanted to do. Because one day I wanted her to know I was her safety net. I was always there.
Brady would look back on tonight and thank me. Maybe not to my face, but he would think it. That I saved him from throwing away his youth on a girl and a kid that wasn’t his. He deserved to live his life at college like he had always planned. Taking us with him was impossible not just for us but for him, too. He had practices and games and classes. We didn’t fit into that.
Knowing my decision was right didn’t make it any easier. Telling myself that one day it wouldn’t hurt like this didn’t help me. Not in this moment. In this moment I loved Brady Higgens, and life without him broke my heart into a million pieces.
The fear that I’d always love him was there. That this pain wouldn’t go away and that moving on would never really happen. Because my heart would go with Brady. He’d have it even when he no longer wanted it.
* * *
Once Bryony was bathed and asleep in bed, I went back to the living room, where Mom was still sitting, her crossword puzzle forgotten in her lap as she stared out the window in thought. She was worrying about me. Again.
“He wanted us to move to Tuscaloosa and live in family housing with him,” I told her.
She sighed and patted the spot beside her. “That would never work.”
“I know,” I replied.
“Did you tell him your plans?”
“Yes. He didn’t take it well. It ended in him yelling and telling me to leave.”
“Oh, honey,” she said, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me against her side. “He just loves you and doesn’t want to be away from you. He’ll calm down and regret it.”
I had seen the look in his eyes, and I knew he wasn’t going to understand and come apologize. He was hurt. I had hurt him, and after what he had gone through with his dad he wasn’t going to forgive this kind of hurt easily.
And I couldn’t agree to go with him just to make him happy. That wasn’t the answer for either of us.
I had to keep reminding myself that one day he would see I was right.
It didn’t make right now hurt any less.
* * *
The next week Bryony said Brady’s name for the first time. After three days of no call or visit from him, Bryony had looked up at me with a confused expression and asked, “Bwady?”
I had no way of explaining this to her. She was too small to understand, and I’d let him into our lives. I wondered if she would ask about Coralee next. I didn’t want to take her away from Coralee. She enjoyed Bryony just as much as Bryony enjoyed her. But that was an impossible situation. Especially right now.
Maybe one day it wouldn’t be hard.
The doorbell rang on Thursday, and I had just checked on Grandmamma in her room. She was sorting through old books. I wasn’t sure why, but that was what she was doing to occupy herself. I was afraid to ask, thinking it may confuse her when she had to answer.
Bryony ran to the door and tilted her head back to look up at the knob she couldn’t reach yet. I went behind her and opened it, knowing it wouldn’t be Brady. He was at school. The small hope still stirred inside me pointlessly.
Coralee stood on the other side of the door with a plate of cookies in one hand and a lemon cake in the other.
“I brought treats,” she said with a smile.
“Cowee,” Bryony called out in excitement at the sight of her friend and jumped up and down to make sure we both understood how happy she was about this.
“First he says Brady and now Coralee all in one day,” I told her, stepping back to let her in. “She’s missed you.”
Coralee smiled down at Bryony. “And I’ve missed her. Very much.”
I took the two plates from Coralee and walked them to the kitchen while Coralee bent down to scoop up Bryony. I knew this visit wasn’t just about Bryony. She was here to talk about Brady. I just didn’t know what her view would be.
I walked back into the living room and sat down in the recliner. “How have you been?” I asked her, since I had grown used to seeing her regularly.
She sighed. “Well, you two have been missed. Especially by the boy in my house. He’s not the same.”
“I miss him too,” I told her.
“He explained what happened. I agree with you. That’s not a life for a child. But only a parent can understand that.”
If only Brady could get it. “I just hope one day he understands.”
“It doesn’t have to be either/or, though. You can build your life here and he can go there. If it’s meant to be, the two of you will find a way. Acting as if being apart is impossible will only hurt the two of you.”
Bryony was snuggled up in Coralee’s arms. The sight made me teary-eyed. “How would it work? We would see each other one weekend a month? Talk on the phone? Those relationships don’t seem possible.”
Coralee leaned back on the sofa to get more comfortable. “They don’t work if the couple isn’t meant to be. But if you love someone you can wait forever. Each moment you’re together is special. You live for those times. College isn’t forever.”
I had no argument for that. If she was right, then we had a chance. The idea of life without Brady was too painful to focus on. I had been pushing it from my mind all week.
“He isn’t going to forgive me,” I told her.
She gave me a small smile. “Sweetie, he forgave you before you left the drive. But he’s hurt. He thinks he wasn’t enough for you. I told him this too, and he said he’d agree to anything to be with you. But he said you weren’t wanting to do that. I knew he was wrong. That’s why I’m here.”
He wanted to try. That was enough for me. This week was enough for me to know I would do whatever I could to make this work.