CHAPTER 54
BRADY
Riley had seemed different all evening. It had been hard to concentrate on the questions my mother asked and listen to the things I had missed here with Riley being quieter than usual and almost standoffish.
Something was wrong, and I was ready to get her alone and figure out what it was. Maggie had left to go to West’s house to watch a movie, and Mom was playing with Bryony in the living room. She had bought Bryony several toys for our house. The blocks seemed to be her favorite. I could hear Mom suggesting they build a castle.
“Come with me,” I told Riley, taking her hand and leading her out to the backyard so Mom wouldn’t get all weird about us staying too long up in my room.
She went with me easily and without question. Once I had her outside and away from the house, I turned to look at her. “What’s wrong?”
I had missed her something fierce this week. Being at Alabama was fun and exciting, but I wanted her there beside me. I wasn’t going to be able to stay away from her . . . and Bryony. I missed her too. I realized, being gone, that they had become part of my family. The most important part.
I had asked about football players who had kids and how that worked. If they had special housing, even if I wasn’t married. They did. If I had a girlfriend and a child, they could put me in family housing. Convincing Riley of that, though, was going to be difficult.
“I saw Rhett today,” she said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Did he come to your house?” I asked, feeling a surge of protectiveness. He was going near what was mine. He had no claim to them.
“No, we saw him on our way home from the park. Or I saw him. Bryony was asleep, thankfully. He just wanted to see her. Nothing more. I almost . . . almost felt sorry for him.”
I hadn’t seen Rhett since homecoming, and I didn’t care if I ever saw him again. But hearing her say she felt sorry for him made me wonder how he was. His parents’ lies had affected him just like they had affected Gunner.
“Is that why you seem distant tonight? Did he upset you?”
She looked away from me, then her shoulders lifted and fell with a sigh.
“I wanted to wait until closer to graduation to talk about this. You still have almost two months of school left. No reason to deal with the future just yet.”
But it was obviously bothering her. My being gone to Alabama all week had reminded her that things would change soon. Until I had spent a week away from her and Bryony, I hadn’t thought it through. Being apart from them had made me think. She must have gone through the same thing.
“I think we should talk about it now. We need to plan, and I have an idea. I spoke with my representative there, and they have family housing. You being my girlfriend and Bryony being my child, we qualify for a place in family housing. I don’t have to stay in a dorm room. Y’all can come with me.” Saying it took a weight off my shoulders I’d been carrying for months when I thought of leaving her.
Riley pulled her hand out of mine and put some space between us. I didn’t like that response. It wasn’t what I had expected. My stomach knotted up as I studied her face.
“What would we do? I have no family there to help me with Bryony. I wouldn’t be able to hold a job and pay for day care and go to school without help. I can’t just stay at the family housing and wait on you to have time for us. This is your future, Brady. All you’ve fought for. All you’ve planned on. And you need to live in a dorm and go out to bars and enjoy being in college. You don’t have a child. The fact that you’re willing to sacrifice all that for us doesn’t mean I will let you. I have plans. Plans that work for us. For me and Bryony.”
What plans? We hadn’t talked beyond my going to college and them visiting.
“I want you with me,” I told her.
A sad smile came and left. “But we can’t be. It isn’t what’s best for any of us.”
I started to argue, and she held up her hand to stop me. “I’m getting a job in Nashville. Bryony is going to day care here, and my parents are paying half of it. Nashville State Community College has online courses so I don’t have to go to all my classes on campus. For the next two years I’m going to school there, then when Bryony is ready for kindergarten we will make a move. I’ll get my teaching degree and find us a house of our own.”
I stood there as she built this future without me in it. One where she and Bryony were moving on and leaving me behind. I couldn’t find words. It was like being blindsided. I’d thought she wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her. She’d said she loved me. Did love not mean the same thing to her?
“It’s what’s best for all of us,” she said.
“No! It’s what’s best for you, maybe. But not me. I love you too much to plan a life without you in it. Obviously you don’t feel the same way.”
She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears, but I was angry, hurt, and my chest felt like it was about to explode. “If you didn’t want me, why did you let me love you? I don’t fucking trust love. Does it not mean the same to anyone else? Is that it? I’m the idiot?”
“Brady, no!” she said, taking a step toward me. I backed up. It was my time to put distance between us. I couldn’t imagine planning my future and leaving her and Bryony out of it. But she had done that easily enough.
“Don’t, Riley. Don’t. You want me out of your future, fine. I never wanted you out of mine. All damn week I missed you and thought about how I couldn’t do life there without you. You are where I get my happy. You. And while I was there trying to figure out how to take you with me, you were here planning me out of your life.”
“I was here trying to prepare for what was to come. I can’t take Bryony off to a college campus, Brady. Surely you see that. She’s secure here. That’s not a place for a baby.”
Other guys did it all the time. “They have family housing for a reason, Riley! It’s obviously done all the damn time.” She was using it as an excuse.
The fact was that Riley didn’t love me the way I loved her. She’d have destroyed me in the end. If she loved me enough, she’d make it happen. But this was her excuse. Her way out.
What the hell would I do without her?