CHAPTER TWELVE
“Anyone want anything else?” I’d already called in the order to Rosemary, but she was usually pretty good about add-ons. No one piped up, so I zipped my jacket and headed to my truck.
My stomach was protesting that it’d been too long since I’d last eaten. I was scattered and off-kilter; the things I normally did without thinking felt like chores. I’d forgotten to grab my bagel on the way out the door, and by the time I slogged through the ice and snow to get to work, there was no time to find something before the first patient. It left me feeling cranky and out of whack, and missing breakfast definitely hadn’t helped matters.
A busy morning in the ER meant this was the first time I’d taken a break all day, and I was desperately hoping a bowl of chili and jalapeno cornbread would unfog my brain and improve my mood.
I pulled open the glass door and stepped inside to the smells of deep-fried potato and melted cheese. Rosemary nodded in my direction. “Be right there, hon. Your order just came up.”
“Take your time.” As I spoke, someone turned and look at me, his eyes widening in surprise when he registered who I was.
I knew how he felt.
“What are you still doing here?” I asked, walking over to Holden’s table. “Weren’t you supposed to be on a plane outta here this morning?”
My brain was racing ahead of me, wondering why he’d stayed. I’d come up with a thousand possibilities by the time he answered.
“Stranded. The airport in Ketchikan’s grounded all flights, and I’m stuck here for another two days.”
“Oh.” That hadn’t been one of the possibilities I’d come up with.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I had wanted him gone, but the night he’d spent at my place had haunted me since the minute I’d dropped him off. I kept looping the sounds of him moaning over and over in my head. Even now, thoughts of how he’d looked, spread out and naked beneath me, were invading my head and I could feel the all-too-familiar rush of blood to my groin.
Fuck. I would not get hard in Rosemary’s diner.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Holden shrugged. “What can you do? It’s not like my return to New York was going to be celebrated with open arms. I was bored last night, but now I’ve found something to keep me occupied until I have to go.”
Immediately, images of him with another guy flashed in front of me, and I couldn’t help the flood of jealousy that charged through me.
“Caitlyn needed help studying for her exams. Seems I actually remember most of the shit I learned in bio, even though it was a hundred years ago.”
It was only then I noticed the girl sitting with him. She looked familiar. I was sure I’d seen her around the hospital a few times.
“Hi, Dr. Emerson.”
“You two know each other?” Holden asked.
Caitlyn smiled. “Just in passing. I volunteered at SFRH last summer. Thought it would look good on my college applications.”
“Ah, yes. It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too,” she said.
“Caitlyn is going to be a surgeon,” Holden said with enough pride that if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought she was his daughter.
“Is that right?” Normally, hearing someone wanted to pursue medicine would make me nostalgic of the bright-eyed optimism I used to have, but all I could think about was Holden.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“She’s gonna be one kickass surgeon. You should hear her. She already knows more than I do about physiology. She’s a genius.”
Caitlyn blushed at Holden’s praise. “I don’t know about that.”
The situation felt awkward, and I was torn between wanting to run out of there and pretend I’d never seen Holden at all and blowing off the afternoon to drag him back to my place.
“Here ya go, Gage,” Rosemary said, carrying over two bags filled with Styrofoam containers. “I put in an extra piece of cornbread. I know how much you like it.”
“Thanks,” I said, having a difficult time tearing my eyes away from Holden to properly thank her.
“You wanna join us?” Holden scooched over in the booth to make room for me next to him.
I held up the bags. “Don’t think the army of hungry people at the hospital would appreciate me holding their food hostage, but thanks for the offer.”
I turned and walked away before I could change my mind. Because I did want to stay. I did want to slide in next to him and press my thigh up against his, to feel the warmth of his body next to me and spend the little bit of downtime I had talking to him.
Instead, I all but ran out.
“Dr. Emerson. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you look awful. Are you okay?” Dawn asked, her soft voice filled with concern.
“I’m fine.” I tried not to snap, but it came out a little short anyway. It’d been hours since I’d left the diner, and the only thing I could think about was Holden. He filled my thoughts, and then I got angry because I just couldn’t fucking shake it.
I never should have slept with him, never should have invited him into my home. I should have taken him my subzero sleeping bag and a couple of hand warmers and called it a night. He would have survived. Probably.
But no. Instead, I’d seared him into my brain, and nothing short of a lobotomy was getting him out.
“I’m fine,” I repeated, Dawn’s disbelieving face staring back at me. “Just a little tired today, that’s all,” I assured her.
“Craig’s on his way in. He’s stopping at Cornerstones to pick up coffee for me before my next shift starts. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind grabbing some for you too.”
“You’re on a double tonight?”
She nodded.
“Thanks, but I’ll be okay. I’m off in an hour, and then I’ll go home and crash.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am. Thanks anyway.”
I just had to get through the next sixty minutes without making any more mistakes, and I would be fine. I could concentrate for one measly hour, keep Holden outta my head for one fucking hour. But even as I had that thought, he was there again, and it pissed me off.
By the time my shift ended, I was wound up and ready to snap. Thankfully there hadn’t been any patients requiring surgical intervention. I managed a curt nod at Dr. Alston as I passed her in the hall on the way to my truck, and thankfully I didn’t run into anyone else because I was not in the mood to socialize. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there as fast as humanly possible.