“What’s so important you needed to meet me right now?” Logan whined. “I’ve been up for twenty-one hours. I have amniotic fluid on the bottoms of my shoes. I stink. I just wanna go to Pacey’s, pick up an extra-large pepperoni with olives, and go home.”
I threw back my drink and set my glass on the bar. Two weeks had passed since the fundraiser, and I’d been struggling with how I felt about Holden since. Actually, long before then, if I were being completely honest with myself. But when we were dancing, something had clicked into place for me, and enough time had gone by that I could be certain it wasn’t a passing thing.
“I think I’m in love with him.”
“Pacey?”
“No. Jesus Christ, Logan.” I sighed, shaking my head. I wanted to punch him. I wasn’t sure if he was being purposely obtuse. Logan was usually fairly intuitive, especially when it came to me. “Holden. I think I’m in love with Holden.”
He gaped at me. “I cannot believe it.”
“You can’t believe I’m in love with Holden?”
“No,” Logan said, his voice dripping with disbelief. “No, I can’t believe you’re really this thick-headed.”
“What?”
“It cannot have seriously taken you this fucking long to figure out you’re stupid in love with Holden.” He rolled his eyes. “The whole rest of Sawyer’s Fucking Ferry has known forever.”
It was my turn to be confused.
“You’re seriously the last one to figure this out, aren’t you? I thought you were too stubborn to admit it to him, but you had no idea, did you?”
I was still stuck on what he’d said a minute ago. My brain was working through the list of people I knew. “The whole town?”
“Well, maybe not all ten thousand people, but everyone who’s seen you two together. Rosemary. Barrett. Definitely Jane. The whole hospital staff. Most of the patients—”
“I get the picture.”
“So what are you gonna do about it?”
“I don’t know. His contract is up in two weeks. He hasn’t mentioned going back to New York, but he hasn’t said anything about staying either.”
“Why haven’t you asked him what he wants to do?”
I needed another drink. I motioned to Jane. “I didn’t want to think about it. I had enough trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I went and fell in love with Holden Prescott. Considering the implications of that was too much to handle.”
“You mean like when you get married, Philip Prescott’s gonna be your father-in-law?” Logan burst into fits of laughter.
“Fuck you. I don’t know why I tell you anything.”
“I wonder if he’ll let you call him Daddy.”
“You know, I could kill you and make it look like an accident.”
Logan whipped his head around. “Jane! You heard that, right? If anything happens to me, tell the cops it was Gage.”
Jane brought over my drink and placed it in front of me. “I didn’t hear a thing.”
“Whose side are you on anyway?”
“His,” she said, pointing to me. “I like his guy, and if he’s shipped off to Anchorage Correctional, no reason for Holden to stick around anymore.”
“You like him better than me?”
“You don’t want me to answer that,” she said with a wink.
“I knew I shoulda gone straight home.” Logan shook his head. “So what are you gonna do?”
“Tell him, I guess.”
“Please tell me there’s going to be some sort of public spectacle involved. No jumbotron in Sawyer’s Ferry, but I bet you could convince the PE teacher to let you put a homemade sign up on the scoreboard in the high school gym.”
“You’re such a smartass. I can’t wait until the shoe’s on the other foot and you’re the one trying to figure out how to break it to the poor asshole you’ve fallen in love with.”
“Unlikely, my friend.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Now that you’ve got Holden pinned down, you’ve officially cornered the market on gay in this town. You think some random homo’s gonna come outta the woodwork and drop to one knee? Nope. I am a confirmed bachelor. For life.”
“That’s what I thought too, and now look at me. I’m a fucking mess.”
“Go home. Confess your everlasting love to your man. Have lots of hot, sweaty sex, and then tell me all about it, because this confirmed bachelor hasn’t gotten laid in a very long time.”
“You’re stuck with me for a little bit longer. I gotta let this buzz wear off, and there’s no rush to get home. Holden’s at the hospital, remember?”
“No. I’m too delirious from lack of sleep to remember anything.”
I sighed. “Fine. Go home. I’ll hang out here by myself.”
“You’re a good man, Gage Emerson.” Logan stood and kissed my forehead before turning and sauntering out of the bar.
I wasn’t in a rush to get home, but I didn’t much feel like hanging around J’s. I grabbed a coffee to go and headed over to the hospital.
Night shifts for us were generally pretty dull—there was nothing to do unless an emergency flew through the doors, and so most of the shift was spent hanging around or sleeping in the on-call room. I found Holden in the ER, sitting in one of the nurse’s chairs, his feet propped up on the desk. He was laughing, head thrown back, hands folded with his fingers interlaced across his chest, and even in the shitty fluorescent lights of the emergency room, I was momentarily stunned at how beautiful he was.
But what was more amazing was how his expression changed when he saw me. His eyes lit up, and his whole body seemed more relaxed somehow. Maybe I was hallucinating it, but I could swear his demeanor changed, just by my presence.
This was the first time I’d seen him since I’d admitted out loud how I felt about him, and while I hadn’t planned to tell him at the hospital—pretty much the least romantic setting ever—I didn’t know if I was going to be able to wait.
“Gage!” Holden jumped up and ran over to me. “I’m so glad you’re here. I gotta talk to you.”
Normally those words “we have to talk” meant the beginning of the end, but the way Holden was beaming at me, the way he was practically vibrating with excitement, I felt nothing but overwhelming anticipation.
There was a catcall from Nadia in the supply room, but Holden ignored her as he pulled me past and into the staff room.
“I wanted to talk to you too. I was going to wait until home… doesn’t matter. You go first. What did you need to tell me?”
He dashed across the room and picked up a piece of paper from his locker, then handed it to me. It was a printout of an email. I stood there, skimming the email, then reread it twice to be certain I hadn’t misread it.
“They’ve headhunted you? Sutton Memorial?”
“It’s one of the most well-funded and highly regarded labs in the whole country. One of my research assistants was poached by them a few years back, and I guess she recommended me for the position. They’re offering me a chance at an insane budget to continue the research I started at Westbridge.”
“That’s an amazing opportunity.” I tried to keep the disappointment from creeping into my voice. Holden was happier than I’d ever seen him, and I couldn’t tarnish that, but the sinking feeling got worse. “Did you already apply?”
“No. I’m still considering it. There’s a lot to think about.” He paused, seeming to have lost some of his exuberance. When he spoke again, his voice was slightly flatter. “What did you want to tell me?”
I waved the question off. “It was nothing.”
“Aw, come on. Tell me.”
“Nothing nearly as exciting as that. Barrett debuted a new beer at J’s. Something with blood orange. I thought you’d like it.”
“That does sound good. We’ll have to try it out next time we’re both off together.”
“Definitely.”
I kissed him. “Congratulations again on Sutton. I’m gonna head home, though. It’s been a long day. I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Yep. I’ll try not to wake you when I come in.”
I kissed him again and headed out.
The whole drive home, it took everything I had to keep focused on the road. My mind was running in a thousand different directions. What it would mean if Holden applied for the job, and then accepted, because honestly, they’d be idiots not to choose him. I didn’t care who the other candidates were, Holden was a shoo-in.
The house was quieter than I ever remembered it being, and I couldn’t seem to settle my thoughts down enough to fall asleep. I lay there for hours, staring into the darkness and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do.
Holden hadn’t made a decision yet, but the decision was clear, wasn’t it? There was no choice—he had to go. That offer was the job of a lifetime. Asking him to hang around Sawyer’s Ferry for my sake was selfish and stupid.
But if I didn’t, he would leave, taking my heart with him in the process.