CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
For a guy with a little more than seventeen bucks in his bank account, Holden sure was a picky fucker when it came to apartment hunting. It wasn’t like Sawyer’s Ferry had all that many options for monthly rentals. He pretty much had his choice of cutting a deal with the owner at the inn—an option I vetoed without even asking—a little apartment over Cornerstones Tom owned, or Leslie’s basement suite.
“There’s no closet in the bedroom,” Holden noted, his tone bordering on a whine as he walked out into the living room.
“You don’t need a closet. You don’t have any stuff.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off.
“And you’re broke, so you can’t buy any new stuff.”
Tom didn’t look that impressed, doubly so once I’d made the money comment. I couldn’t blame the guy. It was the second time we’d been in to see the place, but Holden was flip-flopping on it.
“And who knows if I’ll even have my application approved. We haven’t even sent it in yet. Doesn’t it seem like I’m jumping the gun a little with renting this place? What if the application is denied?”
“It won’t be,” I assured him. “We’ll cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s. Logan and I are both pleading your case. It’s a foregone conclusion. We might as well take you shopping for scrubs this afternoon.”
“I dunno,” Holden said for the fifth time. I wanted to kiss him and strangle him in equal measure. We’d spent the morning at Logan’s mom’s place, picking up the truck she’d been kind enough to lend to Holden while she was on a cruise through Europe. After that and now this, I was about ready to call it a day.
“Sorry, Tom. We’ll go. I’m sure Holden will have an answer for you soon.”
“I will,” he said. “I promise. I just need to mull it over.”
Tom didn’t look impressed.
I shook my head. “Just go.” I pushed him toward the door and followed him out.
“What do you think?” Holden asked once we were out on the street. “Honestly?”
A few days had passed since he’d announced his decision to stay in Sawyer’s Ferry, and apartment hunting had been his idea. The phrase “stand on my own two feet” had been thrown around, and who was I to stand in the way of Holden discovering his independence?
I’d actually been slightly relieved. The few nights he’d spent at my place—in my bed—had been incredible. When he was naked and wrapped up in my sheets and his warm skin was pressed against mine, I couldn’t imagine him being anywhere other than right there, but that scared the shit out of me.
Having Holden around all the time was fucking with my head. It was bad enough when I thought his stay was capped at a few days, but the idea of him staying for any length of time… It seemed… serious. And I didn’t know how I felt about serious. The way I felt about Holden—the intensity of the attraction that had built after only a few days—was overwhelming. And although his status as a temporary guest in Sawyer’s Ferry had been extended, it wouldn’t be forever.
He was still leaving.
I didn’t want to think about forever. It was way too soon for that, but the knowledge that it wasn’t even a possibility put major limits on how much of myself I was willing to risk.
And yet… I still wanted to make the most of that time he did have in town.
“You can stay with me. If you want.” I’d made the offer almost without thought, almost as though my mouth and brain weren’t connected. But now it was out there, and there was no taking it back.
“How much would the rent be?” he asked.
“If I’d have planned on charging you rent, I woulda told you so.”
Holden didn’t respond right away, seeming to consider it, and for a split second, I thought he was going to turn me down. The feeling of relief I’d been anticipating never came, and disappointment showed up in its place.
Finally, he said, “I wouldn’t be taking advantage?”
“I made the offer.”
He huffed a reassured breath. “That would save me some money, and having some savings when I go back to New York would be good.”
“Plus, there’d be someone else on the lookout for bears in the yard,” I added.
He was staring at the ground, and I wasn’t even sure he’d heard the part about the bears. “It seems fast, you know? I mean, we’ve only been… well, whatever it is we’re doing… for a little over a week now and moving in together? That’s a lot, just—”
Thank Christ we were on the same page. “Holden.” I stopped walking and grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to face me. “Who’s committing? Am I down on one knee?”
“No, but—”
“Then don’t be an idiot. I have a guest room. You’d have your own space if you want it. No ulterior motives.” Well, no motives to do anything he wouldn’t enjoy anyway.
He ran his hand through his hair and kept walking. “Three months, though? That’s a long time for a houseguest. Isn’t there a saying about dead fish or something?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, laughing.
He shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”
He didn’t think about it for all that long. Sitting at the Starlight Diner, waiting for two orders of fish and chips, Holden was uncharacteristically quiet. With the exception of relaying his order to Rosemary, he’d been completely silent.
Until he wasn’t.
Much in the same way he’d announced he was staying in Sawyer’s Ferry, he looked at me out of the blue and declared, “I’ll stay.” His announcement came at the same moment Rosemary was setting down our plates. He waited for her to walk away. “I’ll stay with you… if the offer still stands.”
I let his words sink in, fleetingly questioning whether or not this had all been a terrible mistake. In the span of a week and a half, Holden had gone from the son of a man I hated, to living with me.
Goddamn, it felt fast. But running through all the other possibilities of the way things could have gone down, this made the most sense. Rationally and emotionally, this solution checked all the right boxes for both of us. I just hoped I wasn’t getting in over my head.
“Gage?”
I hadn’t realized I’d been staring at my coleslaw and hadn’t yet given him a response. “Huh?”
“I said I would stay with you. Is that still okay? You didn’t change your mind in the last two hours, did you?” He sounded suddenly unsure.
“No, of course, you’re still welcome to stay.” I attempted a smile. “It’ll be nice having someone else around the house.”
I was pretty sure that was the truth.