CHAPTER TWENTY
The envelope was sitting on the table in the staff room, practically mocking me. Holden’s name was printed on the front in bold, black letters. Christ, I wanted to open it. The weight of not knowing what that letter contained was heavier than I’d thought possible.
The contents would dictate whether or not Holden stayed in Sawyer’s Ferry. I’d told myself a hundred times it didn’t matter either way and that even if he stayed, the contract was only three months. After that, he’d be gone. And I’d be okay with that, because this thing Holden and I were doing, this wasn’t like my past relationships. This wasn’t a relationship at all.
So really, it didn’t matter what was in the envelope.
I picked it up, feeling how light it was. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I tossed it back on the table. An hour until the end of my shift, twenty minutes home, and then I’d know for sure when Holden opened it.
“Just call him.” I looked up to see Logan walk in. “I’m sure he’d be fine with you opening it. He wants to know as desperately as you do.”
“There’s nothing desperate about me.”
He scoffed. “Oh, please. You reek of desperation. I could see you salivating over that fucking envelope from across the room.”
“I was not,” I said, indignantly.
“There’s nothing wrong with hoping he’ll stay. I’m hoping he’ll stay.” Logan grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and cracked it open.
“Would be nice to have an extra set of hands around here.”
“Uh-huh. Yeah. That’s why you’re praying that’s his license and not a rejection letter. For the extra help.” He rolled his eyes at me before taking a sip of water. “God, you’re impossible sometimes. I don’t know how Holden puts up with you.”
I was becoming more incensed by the second. “He doesn’t ‘put up with me.’ I put up with him. Do you have any idea how irritatin—”
“Can it, Gage. I know you a lot better than that, so you can stop right there. Admit you like the guy, that you like having him around, and move on.” I knew he was teasing. His tone was light, and he’d harassed me far worse than this before, but his words burrowed under my skin.
“Of course I like him. He’s a nice enough guy, a good surgeon apparently, amazing in bed… What’s not to like, other than his assfuck of a father?”
“Yes, what’s not to like?” Logan beamed as he walked out of the room.
When I got home, I looked for Holden the second I stepped through the door. After taking off my boots, I didn’t bother with my jacket before hurrying inside. I found him in the living room, reading one of my books, curled up in the chair. He glanced up and smiled at me as I entered.
I held up the envelope. “It came this morning.”
He launched himself out of the chair and snatched it from my hand. “And you didn’t call me? You had this all day and you didn’t open it?”
Logan had been right. I should have opened it. I couldn’t help but hold my breath as Holden eagerly tore into it. He pulled out the paper inside, and I felt like time stopped as I waited for him to tell me what it said.
“Hope you didn’t like having me around—”
I grabbed the paper from him. “They rejected your application? What the—oh.” I stared at him.
“You gotta stop interrupting me. I was going to say because I’m gonna be here a lot less now that I’m working at the hospital.” His serious expression melted into a gleeful one in the span of a single second, and my heart tripped over it.
I wanted to pull him into my arms, to hug him hard enough that he couldn’t breathe, but I was stuck on the feeling of overwhelming disappointment I’d experienced when I thought he was leaving. I’d known there was a slim chance the board would reject his application, but I hadn’t known how intense my regret would be at the thought of him leaving prematurely.
But he’d be leaving sometime. There was no way living in Sawyer’s Ferry would make him happy, and so I’d need to come to terms with it at some point. In the meantime, I could be grateful the board had issued his license.
He was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. Finally, I said, “We should celebrate.”
“Yes! Let’s celebrate. Call Logan. Maybe he can meet us somewhere close to the hospital. I know he’s on call, but he can slip away for a few minutes, right?”
“Right. Logan. I’ll shoot him a text.”
I should have been happy that Holden wanted to invite Logan out. He was my best friend and just as invested in Holden coming to work with us as I was. But I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to get drinks. I’d thought I was losing him, and now all I wanted to do was to strip Holden naked and bury myself in his body and make him come until he was too tired to move. I didn’t want to share, not even with Logan.
“Yeah, you text him. I’ll go get changed.” He ran from the room only to appear a moment later. “So, uh, this one’ll have to be on you. But I’ll pay you back next week.”
I laughed. “Go get dressed. We’re leaving in twenty.”
He disappeared again, and I pulled out my phone to send a message to Logan.
Holden’s in. Going to J’s to celebrate. Meet us there in thirty.
The surgical schedule for the evening had been completely clear, so I was pretty certain he’d be free to meet us. I tried to tuck away the little flare of jealousy, but it couldn’t seem to shake it. My phone chimed.
See you there.
I could hear Holden walking upstairs, and I could imagine him stripping down. I was halfway up the stairs by the time I had my next message typed out.
Make it an hour.
I hit Send and shoved my phone in my pocket, taking the remaining steps two at a time.
I knocked on the guest room door, and as I heard Holden say “yeah,” I pushed it open. He was standing over his suitcase, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. I grabbed him, shoving him up against the closet door.
“What are you—?”
“Getting the celebration started early.”
I slanted my mouth over his and kissed him hard. He groaned, and I could feel how quickly he got hard. I thrust my hands into his hair, holding him still as I deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue against his and pressing my hips into him. He grabbed at me, his hands fisting in my shirt and holding me close.
I needed to get him all the way naked.
Now.
Pulling him back from the door, I shoved him onto the bed, dropping to my knees to get at his pants. It took seconds to tug them off, taking his underwear with them, and Holden propped himself up on his elbows to watch. He was gorgeous, relaxed and desperate for me at the same time, his cock leaking against his stomach, his chest rising and falling quickly as he breathed just a little too fast.
I slid my hands along the inside of his thighs, pushing them farther apart. I drank in the sight of him, my mouth going dry.
“Gage…”
I loved the way my name sounded coming out of his mouth, but when he said it like that, like he was begging me, it was so fucking sexy.
Massaging my thumbs over the ridges of his hips, I leaned forward, kissing the sensitive skin of his thighs. He trembled, and I couldn’t help but smile. I loved seeing him like this, making him needy and compliant. His hands went to my hair, but he didn’t push, just grabbed ahold like he needed something to anchor him.
He sucked in a breath as I licked along his shaft, tracing the veins with my tongue before pulling the tip into my mouth. I slid my tongue along his slit, smearing the single salty drop of liquid over it and closing my lips around him.
Relaxing my throat, I took him all the way down. He cried out, his hips coming off the bed. I moved with him, taking what he gave me. The feeling of his cock sliding against the back of my throat as he fucked my mouth was so goddamn good, my own dick was almost pulsing hard enough to hurt. Holden was so hot like this, wanton and unrestrained in his desire.
His grip tightened in my hair, his gasps turning to moans as I slid him all the way back to the root. I held him down, my hands on his hips, and swallowed around him. A sharp cry tore from his throat, and I tasted the first splash of come as I pulled back. I sucked him, gentling my mouth, squeezing the last of his orgasm from him.
He yanked me to him and slammed his mouth down on mine, sucking my tongue into his mouth. I knew he could taste his own come, knew his head was swimming as hard as mine was, and I kissed him back, furiously and full of need. I couldn’t say with words how much I’d wanted him to stay, so I tried to show him instead.
I rolled him under me, smoothing his hair off his face, making out like we were back in high school. I couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t get close enough to him. The way he tasted, the sounds he made, the way he moved under me… I was bordering on obsessive.
Eventually, the fevered frenzy slowed a little and I broke the kiss. Logan would be waiting for us, and as much as I wanted to shove my pants down my hips and bury my dick inside him, we’d already long exceeded our time limit.
I pulled myself to standing and grabbed Holden’s hands to help him up. “C’mon. Get up. We gotta go.”
Holden looked up at me, his eyes barely focusing, then reached for me. He pulled me back down on top of him, shivering as the fabric of my jeans grazed his oversensitized cock. “Not yet. We’ve got time. I wanna make you come.”
I kissed him and he moaned softly, his hand going to the back of my head, holding me to him. It was slow and languid and so fucking hard to quit. Reluctantly, I pulled back.
“We’ll finish this later. I promise.”