CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The club was built atop a cliff near the ocean. Its towers brushed the sky, and it dug deep into the earth below, with levels down the cliff face. Designed of red brick and grey stone, it boasted an Old World revival feel, as well as stunning views of the sea and the mountains north of Virona.
Climbing out of the new car Jason’s father had had delivered to Xan and Caleb as a housewarming present, Xan admired Urho’s tweed, khaki herringbone suit, and the pinstriped, brown and white button-up shirt beneath the high buttoning vest. The tie held the only pop of color, a touch of orange in the pattern, and the whole ensemble enhanced Urho’s dark, russet brown skin, somehow making him look younger and more relaxed.
Or maybe he simply was more relaxed after the pleasurable week they’d had. Urho had bewitched Xan, body and soul. As far as he could tell, Urho felt the same. Always keeping within a certain distance of Xan and treating him with the respect he’d show an omega—and not just any omega, but one he was contracted to. As Caleb had commanded, they had “gotten to know one another.”
And not just in the naked way.
They’d talked, and walked, and explored the grounds together. Xan had listened to stories of Urho’s days at the university before he’d set up his new clinic and asked questions about Riki. It made Urho smile, and he found that he genuinely wanted to know more about the man Urho had loved and lost.
It hurt his heart to think of Urho’s pain when Riki and their child died, and he could tell that pain eased when Xan asked about him, and that speaking of his lost Erosgapé made Urho happy. Xan wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to be so happy that he’d never leave.
The days had stretched into a beautiful, glossy, golden haze of hope—something Xan had never experienced before. Caleb seemed very pleased, treating Urho with such kindness that Xan felt almost delirious watching his omega interact with his lover.
The lines around Urho’s eyes were lighter, and the tension he usually held in his shoulders—a habit of years, likely—was almost entirely gone. A puff of pride lifted Xan’s chest. He’d done that. He’d left Urho sated and satisfied.
Janus had been gone a week and Caleb had encouraged Xan and Urho to go out on the town. Jason had also strongly suggested it since Xan and Urho’s enthusiastic fucking was making poor Vale hornier than ever.
Urho reached out and adjusted Xan’s fedora, made from a new gray wool and chinchilla felt mix with a darker gray silk band. He’d bought it locally to suck up to the tailor, and Caleb had declared it was as well made as any in the city.
“You look handsome,” he said, brushing the shoulders of Xan’s favorite suit, a gray-and-black checked wool-cotton blend with small, embroidered red hearts throughout. He’d embellished it with a black tie featuring lush roses. A romantic suit for a romantic night.
Xan stood taller, gazing up at his lover, heart in his throat and buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t believe Urho was here with him in public, and they were together. No one else would know, of course, but it was enough that Xan did. Knowing the handsome, older man beside him was his and his alone made his possessive alpha instincts sing with joy.
“It’s a nice night,” Urho said, gazing up at the star-filled sky. “But the wind off the ocean is chilly.” He shivered slightly. They’d left their heavier coats behind in hopes that the warmer weather they’d enjoyed in the garden earlier in the day would hold.
“Let’s head inside,” Xan agreed, breathing in deeply and admiring the way Urho’s skin scent mixed so well with the sea air. An aphrodisiac for the heart. It made Xan feel as though he floated into the five-story Virona Gentlemen’s Club.
Admiring the interior décor and design, as well as the fashionable dress of all the other patrons, Xan held back a gasp. It was every bit as decadent as similar clubs in the city. “Janus comes here almost every night,” he said, gazing around at the boldly patterned walls and hunting trophies.
Other members of the club milled about—mainly unattached alphas, but there were a few, quiet omegas in the mix as well, usually wearing the circle pin showing their contracted status. No betas aside from employees were allowed in, and Xan had to admit the inequality of the caste system they lived with daily blinked in and out of his privileged consciousness.
A smiling beta servant removed their suit coats—leaving them in just their vests and shirtsleeves, as was the current fashion at clubs—and offered up tickets to retrieve them later.
They made their way into a gaming room, where many men played games of chance and skill, like pool or cards. Others stood in groups, talking, and drinking. Xan relaxed as he noticed several admiring eyes on him and others on Urho. They did make a fine pair, if he did say so himself.
“Can I get you drink?” Urho asked, nodding toward the bar along the back wall.
“Let’s go together.”
The bartender opened a tab for Xan as soon as proof of his new membership was displayed, and he poured generous drinks for them both. Xan hopped up on a barstool and took a long look around while sipping his drink. There were men of all ages here tonight. More wealth than he’d realized existed in Virona. He supposed this was what his father and Ray had been going on about. There were clients here and he should groom them.
“Janus has made a lot of connections at this club,” Xan murmured, wondering which of these men his cousin had already bagged for the company and taken the credit for himself.
“Has he?” Urho asked, gazing about the room. The stately, polite play and the almost old-fashioned air of the place suited him. “It doesn’t seem his speed.”
Xan gave a nod to an alpha he recognized as Jol Martinez, the owner of the contracting firm they were using for the new office building. He got a smile and a lifted drink in return.
See? Connections were easy. He could make them too. If he ever tried.
But tonight was about him and Urho spending time together away from the bed, so he smiled and then politely turned to Urho to let Jol know he was engaged elsewhere at the moment.
“Well, perhaps this area isn’t his style, but Janus loves to socialize. I know he’s become a big hit on the lower floors where the gym is housed and the wrestling matches take place.”
“Wrestling?”
Xan rolled his eyes. “Yes. Apparently, he’s quite the fighter.”
Urho frowned but remained silent.
The drink was good and Xan downed it more quickly than he should have, the pleasure of it sweeping through him and flushing him with heat. He wanted to touch Urho’s chin, slip a hand around his neck, and tug him down for a kiss. He sighed and settled for a smile.
“I enjoyed a bit of boxing when I was young,” Urho said, licking his lips and pulling his gaze up from Xan’s mouth. Had he been having the same sorts of thoughts? “Riki found it thrilling and I enjoyed thrilling him.”
“You don’t box now?” Urho looked like he could still take down a mountain if he chose. Muscled and strong, tall and well-made. He also moved with such steadiness and purpose that Xan could imagine him in a fight, landing solid punches like a machine.
“It’s for young toughs. Like Janus, apparently.”
“If the time he spends here is any indication, he’s not just good at wrestling, but loves it too. Though I suspect he also loves getting away from the house, almost as much as we enjoy having him gone.” Xan smirked. “Especially since he and Caleb came to blows.”
Urho’s eyes went hard. “You’re going to have to explain that a bit more. Particularly the part about how Janus is still breathing. He hurt Caleb?”
“No! Caleb hurt him!” Xan smiled with pride as he remembered the way Caleb had taken Janus down. “He kicked him in the shin and then elbowed him on the back of the head.”
“Wolf-god.”
Xan shrugged. “The idiot brought it on himself, of course.”
“Caleb is fierce and beautiful. You’re a lucky man to have him.” Urho smiled fondly, admiration shining in his eyes.
“I am,” Xan agreed. “He makes me as happy as any omega could.”
“And that makes me happy,” Urho said, nodding toward a tall, well-dressed, middle-aged beta approaching them. “That looks like the concierge you arranged to meet. Let’s see what activities keep Janus so occupied.”
The concierge of the club gave them a full tour even though it was night. He touted the club’s golf course—glimpsed by the light of the moon from a balcony on the back of the building. He also pointed out their thirty-five slip marina, and their outdoor and indoor swimming pools.
“Those are our most popular summer attractions,” he said, with a slight lisp and a twinkle in his gray eyes.
They were on the stairwell headed down from the upper floors to the lower levels of the building within the cliff wall. The scent of sweat and musk drifted up from below.
“But in the winter, sirs, we offer indoor activities. Bowling, of course. And, as you saw, billiards, poker games—for the gambling types—and racquetball for the sporty men.” His brow rose and his expression took on a sly expression. Then he lowered his voice as though revealing something secret. “For those with a taste for something brutish, however, we also offer a more aggressive, alpha, form of indoor entertainment.”
With that he opened the door at the bottom of the stairwell to a large interior gymnasium. It was almost rank with the scent of alpha pheromones and sweat. The smell stung Xan’s nose, and he blinked as his eyes teared up from the intensity of it. Urho seemed to have a similar reaction, clearing his throat hard and wiping at his eyes.
The reek lit up Xan’s nerves, his alpha instincts going on alert: danger, pain, suffering—and yes, sex—was to be had here. He could smell it. He gazed around at the vast room, divided into different sections and overrun with men.
This must be where all the alphas of Virona congregated at night. Between the upstairs and the down, how could there be any left at home with their omegas and their families?
Speaking of, there were no omegas in this room. Alphas only. That was evident at once and brought home by the sign across the back wall: OMEGAS FORBIDDEN. And in smaller letters: due to the danger of alpha expression in their presence.
“They’ll fight—and not by the rules of competition, sir,” the concierge said under his breath, noticing the direction of Xan’s gaze. “No one wants to lose in front of their omega.”
Urho nodded and loosened his tie.
The air was humid and thick. Half the room was dedicated to boxing and wrestling rings, and the other half to punching bags and weights. There were seats set up in front of one ring, as though for an audience, but they remained empty at the moment.
Alphas prowled the room in tight shorts and shirts that exposed their ripped, muscled arms and sweaty shoulders. They punched and kicked sand-filled bags, and, in the rings, each other. Some wrestled on a mat in the corner, and another group of men were helping each other lift bars of heavy weights.
Xan’s mouth went dry and his balls grew heavy. The scent of so many alphas in the room was thrilling and dangerous. He cleared his throat and looked up at Urho, who was watching him with an expression of amusement.
The concierge went on conspiratorially, “Of course, there is gambling to be had here as well, if that’s your poison.” He motioned at a large chalkboard with names and bets next to each one. Xan spotted Janus’s name listed, though marked as absent for the evening’s event. Other names were listed under the Virona Gentlemen’s Club Wrestling team, and most were marked as present, and several had quite high odds next to their names. Another board for a visiting team was up as well, and a young man with strong arms was chalking in the names of the members in attendance.
“I take it there’s going to be a series of bouts tonight?” Urho asked, nodding at the chalkboards.
“Yes, indeed. For future reference, there are gym clothes for rent here in the locker rooms, if you gentlemen would like to partake in any of the activities.” He nodded toward doors on the left-hand side of the room marked with drawings of the male form.
Xan would rather die than come here amongst all these muscular alphas and take off his clothes. He was small and wiry enough, and definitely not ashamed of his body. He had no reason to be, given the way Urho seemed to want him, but he also didn’t want to chance getting hard in public, or being teased for his size.
“However, the gym is going to be closing shortly for the main events,” the concierge said apologetically. “So there’s no time for that tonight. However, you really should stay and watch. It’s quite a show.”
Xan followed Urho’s lead and undid his tie in the heat of the room, and then met Urho’s eyes. He seemed open to the idea. Xan swallowed hard, images of sweaty alphas grappling already filling his mind. “When does it begin?”
“Oh, you’ll have plenty of time for dinner beforehand, just as you planned. The first pair will start in an hour.”
“Is it quite violent?” Urho asked, his hand falling on Xan’s shoulder and squeezing.
Xan leaned back into his palm and then had to steady himself with Urho suddenly removed it. It was wise, of course. They couldn’t be seen as anything other than friends in public, and especially here. What would men like these do if they knew?
“Oh, quite violent, sir! But the tournaments are fun to observe from the safety of the seats around the ring,” the concierge said, smiling. “I’m pleased to say our wrestling team is quite good. Though we are missing a very talented member tonight—Janus Heelies. Not only a fine businessman, from what I’ve overheard, but an excellent wrestler.” The concierge leaned close and whispered, “He fights dirty, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
Urho chuckled and said, “You hear a lot, don’t you,” just as Xan muttered snidely, “Oh, I’d believe that.”
The concierge ignored Urho’s comment and turned to Xan. “You know the young man, then?”
“Too well.”
“I see.” The concierge smiled again, ingratiating and a little too smarmy for his own good. “Well, as I said, our team is quite talented. Tonight we face off against the team from Blue Vein. They come all the way from the city.”
“Oh my,” Urho said, and he managed to sound impressed instead of amused. But the twinkle in his eye gave it away.
“Indeed. They’re our biggest rivals and I expect the room will be packed tonight. Why don’t we go ahead and reserve two of the seats near the front for you?”
Urho and Xan agreed, and the concierge led them up the stairs again. “You have reservations for dinner in the Sea View dining room?”
“Yes,” Xan confirmed.
“Excellent. It’s the only mixed room in the club. We allow anyone from the community to dine with us, of course. So long as they can afford to pay.”
Xan gestured for Urho to follow the concierge first into the dining room offering a wide view of the ocean. The tables were only half full. There were several tables of alphas, a few beta couples, and a good number of alpha and omega couples, including some Erosgapé—obvious from the way they were so absorbed in one another. However, compared to the activity in the games room and the gymnasium, it felt nearly empty. Obviously, the dining room was not the main draw of the club, despite its fantastic reputation for excellent cuisine.
“What a view,” Urho murmured.
“We should invite Rosen and Yosef up,” Xan said, once they were seated by the window, facing out to the sea. “After the baby is born, of course. And then we could all come out to dinner here and stay to watch a brawl.”
“If Vale leaves that baby with a caretaker for more than five minutes during the first year, I’ll be shocked,” Urho said, laughing as he took a menu from the waiter who had come to serve them. “But otherwise, I think that’s a fine plan.”
They settled into their seats and chose a bottle of wine. After ordering their meals, Xan smiled and said, “Caleb thought we should take this opportunity to talk.”
“About anything in particular?”
“I think about ourselves. He’s worried we aren’t getting to know each other.”
Urho’s smile was filthy as he whispered, “I’m getting to know you very well, in all kinds of interesting and intimate ways.”
The waiter showed up again with the wine at that moment, and Xan was able to take a second to collect himself, hiding his arousal with his napkin. After the waiter left, Xan said, “Caleb says truly knowing someone comes from more than that.”
“I’ve watched you for two years now, at parties, during our beach trips, over dinner at Vale and Jason’s house, and now I see you here in your home. I’ve watched the way you treat your friends, your servants, and your omega. I’ve observed you put on a show to hide the tenderest parts of yourself from the casual eye. And now I’ve seen you in bed—your vulnerability, and your passion. How should I know you better?”
Xan grabbed his glass wine and took a large sip. He almost couldn’t swallow around the gratitude welling up inside his chest. “I don’t know,” he finally murmured. “I feel the same. But Caleb says we should be friends first and foremost.”
“That sounds like good advice. Aren’t we friends?”
“Yes.”
“And more than friends?”
“Yes,” Xan said, his cock twitching dangerously beneath the napkin.
Urho leaned closer, his white teeth so compelling against his dark skin. “Is there something you feel like you need to know about me before you can trust in what we’re building?”
The fact that they were building something was dizzying. And too good to be true. Aside from that, though…
Xan thought carefully, sipping his wine and staring out at the dark, rough sea. “I’ve never seen you angry. Upset, yes. Maybe that day when you came to my house after…well, when I was hurt. You were stressed, confused—”
“Afraid. I was beyond afraid.”
Xan swallowed hard. “For me?”
“Yes, I was afraid for you, obviously, but I was also terrified of what my reaction meant. What it said…about me.” Urho’s voice was calm now, a soothing, low tone that gave no indication of the man who’d been so bewildered.
“You don’t seem afraid anymore.”
“I should be,” Urho said, glancing over his shoulder, clearly checking that, yes, the closest table to them was still several feet away. “But when I’m with you, I forget about all of that.”
“That’s dangerous.”
“Only in public,” Urho said, relaxing back into his seat with a shrug. “And we’ll be smart. Keep our hands to ourselves.”
“Of course.”
It irked Xan, though, to look around the dining room. He saw omega and alpha couples canoodling in a corner, or beta couples holding hands at the table, and even one set of omegas hugging each other on the sofa near the far wall. How unfair that he would always be afraid to act naturally with Urho in public for fear of devastating repercussions.
“Virona is probably safer than the city,” Urho said. “The culture of northern seaside towns is more relaxed and people are accustomed to tourists coming through, bringing with them other ways and beliefs. But obviously we’ll be as discreet as possible. We don’t want to risk ourselves—or Caleb’s safety.”
Xan nodded and smiled tightly as the waiter returned with their meals. He found the flavor was a bit dull with the taste of regret fresh in his mouth. “If I’d been born an omega…” he started, but Urho put a hand over his and squeezed briefly before letting go.
“There are things we can’t change. Riki is gone. You’re not an omega. The sky is blue. Water wet.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “It doesn’t change my feelings for you; my lust or affection, either one. I want you just the way you are.”
Xan couldn’t help but want to turn the words “lust and affection” into love, but he knew that was a word that only came with time. Many Érosgápe didn’t even use it for the first many months or even years of their relationship, despite quite obviously being in love. He still remembered the first time Vale said it to Jason, well after they’d contracted. Jason had been flying high for weeks after.
Yes, it was a good bit too early to think about declarations of love.
“I feel the same way,” Xan said, smiling softly and taking a sip of his wine.
Urho turned back to his steak and lobster plate. “Is there anything you want to know about me? I’m happy to fill in blanks for you.”
Xan tilted his head. “I know who you are—what kind of person, I mean. But I don’t know a lot about your life before I met you. Why did you go into the military? Why didn’t you just become a doctor immediately?”
“I wasn’t born into wealth like you and Jason. I came into it via Riki when we contracted. Before that, I had to scrape and save. The military was the best option for me after I left school and before I met Riki. It trained me in the virtues of self-discipline, which I still sorely lack when it comes to you, and it paid for my physician’s training. The war itself was horrific, and I’ll spare you details, mainly for my own sake. There aren’t a lot of memories there that I like to dredge up.”
Xan nodded, eating his steak and fussing with the salad he’d ordered.
“I met Riki while I was still enlisted. It was a surprise, as all Érosgápe bonds tend to be, and I can’t say his parents were impressed with me. In the end, his father didn’t live to see Riki die, and his pater succumbed to cancer not long after.”
“I’m sorry.”
Urho frowned. “It was a dark time. I don’t know how I survived it. Eventually, I learned to go on. But I didn’t let go.” He took a long swallow from his glass before meeting Xan’s eyes. “But maybe it’s time I consider how to do that.”
“Letting go of Riki would be impossible, wouldn’t it? He completed you as only one other person in the whole world could. I’m not going to replace him.”
“You do understand,” Urho said, squeezing Xan’s hand again. “I don’t want you to replace him. But holding on doesn’t take me anywhere new, does it? You, though… With you, I could go somewhere different. A fresh journey to close out my life.”
“You’re not that old!”
“I’m good deal older than you. It’s better to accept that now so you can plan for it when you need to.”
“Do you see us together that long?” Xan asked, his heart leaping with hope.
“I don’t see why we wouldn’t be, if we learn how to manage the taboo nature of our relationship and want to accept the risks of it indefinitely.”
Xan swallowed hard, his hope a fluttering, twittering thing. “I do. I want that.”
Urho smiled. “Right now you do, but you’re young. As I age, things may change. I might not be able to satisfy—”
“Stop. I’ve never had something like this in my life. Don’t take it away from me before I even get a chance to enjoy it.”
“Then let’s enjoy this dinner instead.”
Xan agreed with a smile. He was quite content with their friendship. Later he’d tell Caleb that he and Urho had more in common than perfect fucks—though, the sex was so good, Xan would have been entirely content to let that be the end all and be all of their relationship. It was beyond lucky that it didn’t have to be.
Xan had never imagined he could be so truly happy.
Afterwards, they entered the gymnasium again, Urho saying, “When I was in the military, of course we held wrestling matches for entertainment, but it’s been a long time since I saw one.”
The chairs they’d reserved waited for them, despite the now-overflowing room. It seemed all the men from the upper floors had descended for the wrestling. The crowd paced the back of the space and the sides. Urho and Xan took their seats, eager for the matches to start.
“Interested in placing a bet?” Urho asked, nodding to the chalkboard, which was now covered in numbers and names.
Xan shook his head. “Father would think even less of me if I took up gambling. I’ll leave that to Janus. He’s the golden one in the family and can seem to do no wrong in Father’s eyes, even while doing plenty of wrong in the eyes of society. But never mind. I’ll leave that aside for now. Let’s just pretend that the only reason I’m not betting is that I have no idea who to put money on.”
Urho grinned and shrugged. “Not much of a betting man, either. Riki used to bet on horses, though.”
“Did he win?”
Urho laughed heartily. “No, he lost like a fiend, but he loved it so much I didn’t want to tell him to stop. He was always hopeful, and then so disappointed every time. Comforting him was worth whatever he lost. It was his money anyway.”
“He sounds like a fun man.”
“He was quiet, actually,” Urho said, knocking Xan’s shoulder. “Nothing like you. But his smile made my heart sing.” Then he looked at Xan again. “So maybe a little like you after all.”
Xan’s own heart soared on the praise. To be compared in any way favorably to Urho’s Érosgápe was the highest compliment he could imagine. He grinned up at Urho, pleasure suffusing him from head to toe.
“Yes,” Urho murmured. “Exactly like that.” He touched his chest and winked. “It’s singing.”
A whistle called the crowd’s attention to the ring, and Xan laughed happily, his joy rushing louder than the announcement of the first two contenders. The Virona man wasn’t familiar to Xan from his dealings setting up the new office, nor was the Blue Vein competitor from the city, but he took notice that the crowd cheered rousingly for both.
“This should be good,” Urho said, leaning forward in his seat and gazing toward the ring with interest.
The match was quick. The Blue Vein competitor kicked the pants off the Virona man. Still, the moments between the bell and the call of victory had been thrilling. Man on man, grappling with effort, rolling around on the raised mat with hard panting breaths and flexing muscles.
Xan’s cock had woken again. He couldn’t help but imagine Urho pinning him like that as he struggled. How the ending might go differently between the two of them, especially if they were naked.
“Enjoy that?” Urho whispered in his ear, and Xan shivered happily.
“Yes.”
“I thought so.”
“The rug in my room is pretty big,” Xan said softly, turning to Urho and pressing against his side recklessly. “We could try it for ourselves. You could teach me a thing or two.”
“I could,” Urho agreed. “And we could do some boxing in the garden too. Less grappling. More tactical.”
Xan nodded and sat back in his seat, breaking the sweet contact of their arms and torsos. That’s when Xan saw him.
His heart stuttered and stopped for a long, wretched second and then thundered hard.
Standing by the ring, wearing the uniform of the Blue Vein Wrestling Club, and grinning right at Xan like a predator who’d spotted his prey, was Wilbet Monhundy. His muscled arms and powerful thighs were on display in the tight, Blue Vein wrestling uniform, and his cruel smile sent a horrible convulsion through Xan.
Monhundy looked at Urho significantly, raised a brow, and sneered at Xan, shaking his head in disgust. Xan went cold all over.
Urho leaned close again to explain some of the finer points of the next competitor’s backgrounds as outlined in the pamphlet handed out at the door. Xan wanted to shove him away, keep him safe from Monhundy’s knowing gaze, but he didn’t want to react at all either. He held as still as possible, but an urge to stand and run, a strangled need to flee, made him squirm in his seat.
“Love, what’s wrong?” Urho asked.
“Nothing,” Xan gritted out. “This chair is uncomfortable.”
Urho’s eyes took on a concerned glimmer and he whispered, “Are you sore? Have we been too rough? You should have said.”
Xan swallowed hard, his focus on Monhundy, who was watching his interactions with Urho like a snake watched a mouse. “I’m fine. Don’t worry. Everything’s all right.” He sounded as pale as he probably looked, and he squirmed convulsively again, pinned by the nastiness in Monhundy’s gaze.
Urho’s eyes followed Xan’s stare to where Monhundy stood waiting his turn to wrestle. “Who’s that man? Do you know him?”
Xan swallowed hard again and shook his head. “No.” Then, reconsidering, he nodded once. “Yes. He’s, uh, well, his family is in business with my father. The Monhundys.”
Urho grimaced. “Ah yes. I remember that one—Wilbet, wasn’t it?—from when I worked at the university. A nasty piece of work. A bully of the worst sort.” Urho froze, the words sharp in the air between them. His eyes narrowed on Monhundy.
“Don’t,” Xan murmured.
Urho’s fists clenched. “It’s him. He hurt you. He’s the one who—” He leapt up from his seat, pamphlet crushed in one hand and murder in his eyes.
Monhundy smirked and raised a challenging brow. Almost begging Urho to do something reckless.
Xan jumped up and tugged Urho down to sitting again. It was difficult, but he was determined, and he caught Urho off balance. “We can’t make a scene,” he hissed.
The announcer walked into the middle of the wrestling mat with a hand-held microphone. “Our next Blue Vein competitor is a hard man to beat!”
“I’ll kill him,” Urho whispered, gritting his teeth together and holding Monhundy’s gaze. “I’ll gut him. He raped you.”
Xan squeezed his arm. “I went to him!”
Urho’s cry of rage was covered by the excited yells of the crowd as the bell rang and the wrestling match began. The men grappled and rolled, broke apart and flew back together. It was brutal and violent, and the rules didn’t seem to properly apply this time. The Virona opponent’s nose began to bleed profusely, but no one called an end to the match.
Xan sat frozen, holding onto Urho’s arm, watching the match with one eye on Monhundy in a haze of fear and barely banked rage. How dare Wilbet Monhundy show up here in Virona? How dare he show his face anywhere near Xan’s recently almost-perfect life?
This time the Virona wrestler was declared champion, but Xan couldn’t even enjoy Monhundy’s team’s defeat. Urho was on his feet again with determination on his face, and Xan leapt after him, managing to grab his arm and pull him out of the overcrowded and overheated room. Xan could feel Monhundy’s gaze on their backs. Sweat slipped down the side of Xan’s face as they fought their way toward the exit.
Urho was more than strong enough to break Xan’s grasp, but thankfully he didn’t. Once out of the gymnasium, though, it was Urho who yanked Xan up the stairs, down the hall, and toward the front door of the gentlemen’s club without any care as to whether or not he was drawing any notice or stares.
Luckily, most everyone seemed to be in the gymnasium now watching the wrestling, except for beta employees. So there was no one to ask questions, or stop Urho, or ask if Xan was all right.
“What are you doing?” Xan finally gasped as Urho tugged him out into the cool evening air. The ocean pounded below, the roar of the waves rising up in a mist.
The valets stopped chatting and looked their way.
Urho motioned for them to bring the new car around, handing over the ticket, but saying nothing. His mouth was set in a straight line, his eyes hard, and a tension radiated from him that Xan hadn’t seen since that day when Urho had stopped by his house to check on him and proceeded to put his finger up his ass during the following examination.
The wind stung through his shirtsleeves. “Our suit coats…” Xan said, looking back toward the foyer of the club. “This is my favorite one.” The hearts he’d thought so darling earlier in the evening now seemed to be taunting him, pointing out how silly he’d been to think he’d get any kind of romantic night. That he deserved one.
Urho grimly stalked back into the club and returned with their suit coats. Xan shrugged his on, but Urho held his folded over one arm, panting as he stared out at the dark, churning water below the club. Xan wrapped his arms around himself, the chill from the night air soaking into him, a wet, damp misery.
Once the vehicle was brought around, Urho took the wheel, and Xan climbed into the passenger seat, even though it was his car. He tipped the valet and buckled his seat belt.
“Where are we going?”
Silence.
Xan tried to figure out where Urho was taking him by the turns they made, up and down twisted cliffside roads. But he didn’t think Urho had a true destination in mind.
Eventually, they reached the bottom of the cliffs and drove alongside the beach for some time. Urho pulled off the road and parked the car by the dunes. He got out and marched toward the ocean, undoing his tie and throwing it into the wind. Xan followed after, his stomach churning and blood pumping hard.
Ahead of him, Urho tossed his shoes off into the dunes, and then his socks, before starting down toward the water.
“Urho?” Xan shouted after Urho’s back as he struggled to unknot his right shoe, before finally getting it. He kicked his shoes and socks into the weeds and ran hard after his lover, the cold sand shifting dangerously under his feet when he hit it at full speed.
Catching up to Urho, he grabbed his arm and forced him around, his thundering heart sinking at the dark, stony expression on Urho’s face barely visible in the moonlight. “Talk to me!”
Urho squeezed his eyes shut and wrenched away, staring at the dark, roiling ocean. Clouds had rolled in, obscuring the stars, and the water was only visible as the tossing moon reflected on the waves. The sound of the ocean’s fury was inescapable, though. Waves crashed on the beach, rushing up over their feet and soaking their hems, shockingly frigid.
“I didn’t know he’d be there.” Xan clutched Urho’s arm again. “I haven’t seen him since that night. I swear to wolf-god, Urho. I swear on everything I have and love. Please believe me!”
“I do believe you,” Urho gritted out.
“Then why are you so angry with me?”
“I’m not angry with you,” Urho barked, but he sounded angry as wolf-hell, so Xan didn’t know what to believe.
“Look, I can’t read minds!” he exclaimed desperately. “Talk to me. Please.”
Urho stared at the black ocean. “You went to him. To get fucked.”
Xan swallowed hard, and shame flooding him. “I did.”
“And he hurt you.”
“Yes.”
“And you liked it.” Urho sounded broken.
Xan ripped a hand through his hair, tugging hard. He sobbed, “I don’t think I really did? I don’t know!”
“You went back.”
“I was messed up, Urho! I was angry. I hated myself. Please.”
Urho turned to him then and grabbed him, tugging him into a tight embrace. He tucked his face in Xan’s neck and scented him deeply, shaking all over. It was tough to breathe, squeezed by Urho’s strength, but Xan didn’t struggle or try to get free. Instead, he grabbed Urho back and held on for all he was worth, gasping shallowly as the world swirled around him.
Then Urho released him and sank down to the sand, his filthy bare feet pointing out to the ocean. The waves came up to wash over them and up to his calves. His suit was getting soaked, and he shivered.
“Urho.” Xan squatted next to him. “I never cared for him. I told you that already. And if I have to, I’ll tell you a million times.”
“How long did you see him? How long did it last?”
“A year or so. I’ll never see him again.”
“I know you won’t,” Urho said, his voice raw and tight. “But I should have never let it happen.”
“How could you have stopped it?” Xan asked, reaching out to stroke Urho’s cheek.
“That first time I truly met you—on the beach the summer after Vale and Jason contracted—I felt something for you, but I denied it.”
Xan pushed windblown hair out his eyes and drew closer, trying to make sense of Urho’s anger and cold rage. “I felt something for you too,” he admitted.
“Fuck. It’s true. It’s my fault you were ever hurt.” Urho’s shoulders slumped and he squeezed his eyes closed. “You could have been safe with me this whole time.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Xan sputtered. “You barely knew me then.”
“But I grew to know you. As much as I allowed myself to. I held you at a distance because something about you always got under my skin.” He laughed bitterly. “You made me want things an alpha should never want.”
Xan blinked at him, trying to make out his face in silver light of the moon. The club on the cliff above glowed. It hurt to see somehow. It was a reminder that up there people were happy, laughing, gambling, and fighting—anything but having a conversation that cleaved open wounds with every word spoken.
“I let you down before we even began.”
“Well, that’s a fucking handy excuse!” Xan exclaimed, standing up to kick sand at Urho’s feet. “Let me guess! You’re going to end this now? Spare me any more suffering? What shit from wolf-god’s own ass!”
Urho grabbed his hand and pulled him down to the sand, dragging Xan into his arms. “No. I’m never leaving you to the likes of that monster again,” he bit out. “And I will see him buried before he ever lays a finger on you.”
“Urho,” Xan soothed, “he doesn’t want me like that. If I don’t go to him—and I won’t—he’ll never touch me.”
“He’ll still pay for what he did.”
“Leave the past in the past.” Xan’s heart thumped. The surf pounded at his back, racing up and wetting him all over. His favorite suit was now a wreck. “Anything you do to him will raise questions, and those questions will come back to us. Just let it go. I’m safe here with you now.”
Urho gathered him closer, removed his tie, and scented along Xan’s neck and collarbones. Opening Xan’s shirt, Urho kissed his chest and sucked his nipples before coming up to claim his mouth.
Xan was shaking with cold and fear, so lust was a welcome hot distraction and comfort. The waves roared around them, crashing over their legs and wetting them, but Urho didn’t let go, pushing Xan down, and shoving him into the sand. He kissed and rubbed against him until the sandy, gritty torture became too painful.
They pulled apart to walk, panting and shivering, hand-in-hand back to the car.
“Ren’s going to be annoyed with me about this,” Xan said, taking the driver’s side this time and nodding as ocean water and sand muddied the interior of the car. “He’ll flash me his angry eyes while outwardly smiling, and I’ll have to wonder if my tea is poisoned for the rest of the week. I’ll give him a bonus in his salary next pay period.” His normal words sounded strange to his own ears after what had happened.
Urho remained quieter than usual, but the drive back to Lofton had lost the tension of the race to the sea after leaving the club. As Xan drove, Urho stared out the window at the ocean until they came around the curve that blocked it from view. Then he studied the town’s houses and fields until they reached home.
“You can’t blame yourself for my choices,” Xan finally said, briefly reaching out for Urho’s hand between changing gears.
“How did it start between you? The first time?” Urho asked.
Xan nearly swallowed his tongue. He couldn’t bring himself to confess the reality of what had happened that first time with Monhundy. In part because the truth contradicted his statements that Monhundy only fucked him because Xan begged him to, and because it would show beyond a shadow of a doubt just how fucked up Xan was inside. How disturbed.
“I want the truth,” Urho said, as though reading Xan’s mind.
He chewed his lip and stared ahead, navigating the car through the gate leading up to the Lofton Estate. He was glad they were almost home. Maybe he could still get out of this.
“Was it alpha expression the first time? Did he rape you?”
Xan slowed the car to a halt and put on the brake halfway up the drive. He sat silently for a long moment until he thought he could speak without crying or hyperventilating. “I taunted him in a bar we were both visiting. He came at me, but his friends held him back. Said I was an unmanned shrimp and didn’t deserve the trouble he’d get for starting something with me in a beta establishment.”
Urho nodded.
“He waited outside the bar, though. It wasn’t the first time we’d gotten into it. He’d bullied me at Mont Nessadare and we’d come to blows more than once. He always won.” Xan gave a bitter smile. “It’s true that I’m an unmanned shrimp.”
Urho said nothing, but his fists clenched.
“You have to understand, what happened next… I didn’t want it to go down the way it did. But when it was over, it was my choice to go back for more. To make him do it to me again, and again, and again.”
“Stop now.”
“He didn’t rape me,” Xan said softly, lancing the festering boil. “I wanted him to fuck me. No matter what form that came in—I wanted him however he’d give it to me. Brutal, cruel—it didn’t matter. It was no worse than what I thought I deserved.”
Urho choked beside him.
“So that’s the truth of me. The worst thing I’ve ever been or done. I’ve never told anyone before. I’ll understand if you hate me.”
“I love you, dammit,” Urho croaked.
Xan’s heart clenched with a burst of joy amid the pain. He loves me.
“And that’s what’s killing me now. Because I love you and I hate myself. Why can’t I turn back time and make it all go away? Make him go away. I want to hurt him like I’ve never wanted to hurt another man. I want to send him to a place he’ll never come back from.” The darkness in Urho’s voice was something Xan had never heard, and it scared him. “I want him dead.”
“Urho…”
“I want to see him spit-roasted and burned alive.”
“Please…” Xan didn’t know what to say. The darkness was terrifying. Especially because he couldn’t say that some part of him didn’t want the same thing. “Leave it behind. That kind of hate will just ruin whatever future we could have now. And we have to think of Caleb.”
Urho jerked at that, his bright, dark eyes catching Xan’s. “Yes, it’s our responsibility to protect him.”
“Mine, actually,” Xan said. “He’s my omega. I’ll take care of him.”
“And you’re my omega,” Urho whispered. “I’ll take care of you.”
Xan’s eyes filled with tears but he held them back. “We’ll take care of each other.”
“I’m sorry I let you down.”
“You didn’t.” Xan unbuckled his seat belt to reach out and touch Urho’s cheek again. “Neither of us could have known…” He trailed off, looking up at the lights on in the house. There was beautiful warmth that came from knowing people waited for them, men who loved them both in various ways. “What we have now is too good to waste on what could have been. Forgive yourself. Please.” A tear fell, and Urho touched it with the pad of his thumb, wiping it away. “Because if you can forgive yourself, then I can forgive myself too.”
“My sweet alpha-shaped omega…”
“We all have room for improvement in our lives. I’m working on being a better alpha to my omega, and being a good lover to you. I want to be a better son to my father, and a better leader for Heelies Enterprises. So I figure you can work on this one thing to complete your perfection. Feel free to take your time.”
“I’m not perfect.” Urho placed his hand on the back of Xan’s neck, rubbing his fingers back and forth possessively.
“I know. You’re human.” Xan smiled. “I love you. Flaws and all.”
They kissed over the gear shift as the moon poured around the car. Their love overflowed in the sight of wolf’s own eye, and it was pure.
That night, Urho held Xan for a long time before they made love. He kissed every place he remembered being bruised after the last time Xan had gone to Monhundy, and he kissed every place that might have ever been bruised by that demon’s hands. His mind flashed to the smarmy, smug, handsome face of the man who’d hurt his beloved.
Urho wasn’t going to let it go, no matter what Xan wanted. But he was going to let it rest. For now. Bide his time. Make good, strong choices for them all. Because that’s what an alpha did when he was protecting his family.
Xan was his family now. He’d protect him with all his heart and soul, from damage past and future. And that meant protecting Caleb, too.
He’d protect them both always.