CHAPTER EIGHT
Urho woke cold and alone in his library, the air still swirling with the scent of his and Xan’s come. He hadn’t meant to pass out like that, but three nights of no sleep and riled up emotions—followed by exquisite and filthy sex with the man he couldn’t shake from his head—had wiped him out.
Rolling onto his side and into a sitting position, he pulled his hands through his hair and peered around the room, hoping to find Xan in some corner, or standing by the window. But no. There was no evidence of him aside from the remaining dried semen on the carpet and table, and the vivid scent of sex on the air.
Urho exhaled a shaky breath, filled with uneasiness. Where had Xan gone and why? A sick sensation slipped into his veins. Had Xan felt coerced into the sex they’d engaged in? Had he really not wanted it despite his trembling lust and relentless orgasms? Had Urho taken advantage of the boy?
He wasn’t used to negotiating sexual encounters outside of acting as a surrogate during heats. And wolf-god knew Urho hadn’t planned to have sex with Xan today. Not like that, anyway. When he’d made his offer, he’d imagined it as a future thing. A situation where Xan, unable to withstand temptation, would come to him and drop to his knees, look up at him with those big blue eyes, and ask for…
Wolf-god, he was getting hard again.
Apparently, he truly was a pervert. There was no getting around it. He’d had sex with another alpha and now yearned to do it again. Obviously he’d also lost his mind somewhere in the last few days. There was that to consider as well.
He tilted his head to gaze at the portrait of Riki, endlessly smiling. No change there. And he’d committed this sin right under his beloved’s watchful eyes. Why didn’t he feel more ashamed? He wiped a hand over his face and set about cleaning up the remainder of the mess his collision with Xan had left behind. It looked as though Xan had already tried his level best with the napkins.
As he scrubbed the carpet, his ears peeled for the footsteps of beta servants, all of whom seemed to have thankfully found something terribly important to occupy them after Xan’s arrival in the house, he tried to process the events of the day.
He’d been overwrought. He knew that much. But as for what had led him to order Xan to his knees? That had been lust and something more—a refusal to watch Xan walk away and into the arms of a man who didn’t value the beauty of his form, the vibrancy of his mind, or his passionate need to be handled with the same command and respect as an omega.
Urho gasped, sitting on his heels and gazing back up at the portrait of Riki.
How had he come to that conclusion? He’d sensed it from the beginning perhaps. So when Xan had turned on his heel to walk away from his offer, some part of him had simply known what to do: treat him like an omega, command him to his knees, and own him.
And he’d done it.
His balls filled and his cock rose. He closed his eyes and saw Xan’s arched back, his small hole presented to Urho complete with quivering haunches and flushed need. He’d licked it, kissed it, and demanded ownership of it, and Xan had given him all of that without hesitation. He’d given his seed, and his pleasure, and Urho wanted more. Needed more.
And he needed to know Xan was safe.
Rising from his cleaning, he wiped a hand over his sweaty forehead and peered up at Riki again. “Forgive me, beloved.”
But he knew, somewhere deep inside, that Riki didn’t mind. He’d only ever wanted Urho’s joy, and if he found happiness again in this madness with Xan, then Riki—far away in wolf’s cozy den of death—would support it. Even if the world called it sin and he might be imprisoned? If his soul might burn for this and be separated from Riki and their child forever?
Urho shook his head.
He didn’t believe in a wolf-god who punished, though he knew many did. Perhaps because he was a military man and a doctor, and he’d witnessed so much suffering that he truly believed the only thing wolf-god might offer is peace to all but the worst of humanity. Life was otherwise too full of misery to believe in anything else.
He took the stairs up to his rooms, avoiding the servants and glad for the betas’ relative lack of scenting abilities. He locked the door to his bathroom, flicked the shower on, and then hesitated once he was fully nude. He stared at himself in the mirror, taking in his wiry chest hair and dark skin leading down to his thick, alpha cock.
His pubic hair was pitch black, unlike the salt-and-pepper of his head. He was still muscled and strong, and he imagined lifting Xan into his arms, holding the boy like a treasure, and impaling him thoroughly.
Shuddering, he shut his eyes, took his cock in hand, and simply held it. The heat of his palm and clench of his fist kept him at the peak of arousal. He slipped it up and down his shaft, watching his cock grow harder, amused and amazed.
He hadn’t been so easily aroused since the last heat he’d acted surrogate. Omega pheromones were a guarantee for excitement, though. Odd that just thinking of Xan had a similar effect.
Wolf-god, what had he done?
As he reluctantly showered off the mixture of his and Xan’s come, he replayed Xan’s arrival and the brief conversation that had led so suddenly to what the people of the Old World had called fellatio. He recalled Xan asking him for pills for sexual stamina. The boy hadn’t needed help in that regard today.
But if he was truly unmanned, obviously, he wouldn’t.
Urho released a long breath. The slur unnerved him, playing at the edges of his mind. He’d accepted it and now he took responsibility for it. If Xan were truly unmanned then Urho would keep him safe. And if Caleb needed help with heats, if Xan needed pills to make it through, then he’d provide those too.
Drying off and dressing, he made up his mind. After going into his bedroom pharmacy, pulling out a tub of pills, and dividing them out into a pillbox, he called to Mako to hold his dinner. Then he left the house with a hammering heart and a whisper of worry in his mind, along with a hint of warning throbbing in his pants.
He needed to see Xan.
Face-to-face and man-to-man. And if he was jittery inside and feeling high on emotions he hadn’t experienced in years that was all the more reason to go to him.
Now. Before he lost his nerve.
“Do you think he ever gets lonely?” Caleb asked, lolling on his bed in a loose pair of pants and a V-necked white shirt.
His blond hair was tousled, and his fingertips were stained red from new ink he’d been trying out in his print studio. In a small room in the back of the house, he created bits of art on sheets of thick paper. He was never quite satisfied with any of them, though, and showed the outcomes to no one, not even Xan.
But he never threw away his so-called failures either. He hoarded his ink and paper creations in stacks that Xan was convinced were a fire hazard, but he kept that opinion to himself.
“Who?” Xan’s mind had gone immediately to Urho, though he’d hoped they were done discussing the man. He’d told Caleb that he’d stopped by Urho’s house and that he’d agreed to prescribe the medications.
Assuming Urho simply hadn’t had the pills on hand, Caleb had hugged Xan hard. “Thank you,” he’d said. “You truly believe this medication will help?”
“I hope so.”
But hope didn’t seem to cut it for Caleb, because he’d pressed on, asking, “And if it doesn’t?”
“We’ll make a backup plan, but unfortunately any plan we settle on will have to be made in Virona,” he’d said, and then he’d explained all about his meeting with Ray.
It was a relief to talk to Caleb about his father’s displeasure, his cousin Janus’s favor in his father’s eyes, Ray’s intervention, and their upcoming displacement, but it was strange to be so open about those issues, all the while keeping the true events during his visit to Urho’s house a secret.
Even as they’d discussed the motivations for the move and the necessary preparations for it, he’d remembered the hoarse cry of Urho’s pleasure and the hot splatter of his come against his skin.
Xan wished he hadn’t needed to wash so thoroughly. He still craved the scent of it. He wanted to taste it again. Most of all, he wanted to feel the way he had in Urho’s arms—at his command, quite nearly beloved.
He’d almost believed Urho cared.
But that was ridiculous and just the product of an overactive imagination. Xan was moving to a new city very soon, and Urho’s offer, generous as it was, and pleasurable as the sample had been, wouldn’t be of any help when he was three hours away by the seaside.
Also, maybe he was still in shock. He didn’t know what to think, what to believe, and a large part of him wanted to run away from Urho as quickly as possible before he let himself do something stupid like hope. Even if the move to Virona did feel like punishment for something he couldn’t entirely control, between Monhundy and now this, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
“I’m speaking of Ray, of course,” Caleb said, referring back to his question of loneliness. “He works so hard for your father, day and night. Does he even have a lover? Do you know?”
Xan shrugged. Their interactions had always been quite one-sided: older Ray trying to keep younger Xan out of bigger trouble. It’d never occurred to Xan to ask his brother about his feelings, romantic or otherwise.
“I think he must be lonely,” Caleb said, rolling onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows to smile at Xan.
Xan stared out the window, watching the beta servants below working on the layout of their spring gardens—the fruits of the servants’ labor now something he and Caleb would have to miss.
“Perhaps he is,” Xan conceded. “But that’s his problem. Ours is preparing to move. By the weekend. It’s not much time to get everything ready.”
Caleb nodded, rising gracefully from the bed, his long legs and arms moving like a dancer. “I’m glad. This is exactly what I’ve prayed for.” His eyes shone. “I’ve asked wolf-god for this every night, lighting the incense, and kneeling by my bed like a good omega should.”
Xan blinked. “What do you mean?”
Caleb crossed to him, folding into Xan’s arms. “I love you dearly, my friend. To get you away from that monster, I’d go anywhere, do anything.”
Xan hugged him close and fought down the lump in his throat. “What if I find another monster in Virona?”
“You won’t,” Caleb said fiercely. “We’ll build a new life there without any monsters in it. You’ll see.”
Xan kissed Caleb’s temple and sighed. The monster was inside him. He didn’t think there was any true way to escape that fact.
“And what about your family?”
Caleb shrugged, moving out of Xan’s arms and across the room to the vanity, where he sat down and began to brush out his blond hair. “You know how I feel about them. Leaving them behind is a bonus.”
Xan nodded, remembering the long, thin people who’d birthed Caleb and then treated him as nothing more than a pawn to marry off to the highest bidder.
The fact that Xan had chosen him and Caleb had at last consented to be contracted had been met with great rejoicing in the Riggs-Holo household. But that had died out when Caleb insisted their contract contain language forbidding his parents from access to the Heelieses’ funds outside of an annual gift consisting of a sum that was nothing to sneeze at. But that annual gift wasn’t even a drop in the massive bucket of money the Heelies, and now Caleb, had access to.
“And what about my own family?” Xan asked quietly.
Caleb’s gaze caught his in the mirror. “Darling, you’re more likely to be allowed access to your pater again if you do as your father asks. Unfair as that sounds and no matter how it hurts. Surely Virona is far enough away to put a damper on your urges, but not so far that your pater couldn’t come visit if your father lifts this ridiculous ban?”
“Pater must agree with it,” Xan said, voicing the fear he hadn’t ever allowed past his lips. “We all know how it is with omegas, with Erosgapé, especially. If he didn’t agree with Father, he could make him concede. All he’d have to do is express his disappointment in Father and he’d go on his knees to make it right again.”
Caleb put the brush aside, turning around to seek out Xan’s eyes. “Your pater loves your father and takes his side in all things. From what I’ve witnessed in my short time with the family, he always has, and I suspect he always will. No matter his own thoughts and feelings on certain subjects, namely you, he will side with your father. It’s the way of their relationship. Thank wolf-god it’s not the way of ours.”
A knock came at the door then, and Caleb moved to answer it, finding their head housekeeper, Ren, at the door. “Yes?”
“Dr. Chase is here to see Mr. Heelies, sir,” Ren murmured, glancing over Caleb’s shoulder toward Xan. His steel-blue eyes glinted in the low light in the hallway and his salt-and-pepper hair was combed back neatly. “He insists on seeing him. He’s made himself at home in your library this time, Mr. Heelies.”
“I see,” Caleb turned to lift a brow at Xan. “What’s this about?”
Xan’s tongue wet his suddenly dry lips. His library was a mockery of Urho’s beautiful space, with few books and hastily chosen furniture. He’d planned to expand it over the next year, but now he’d have to focus on the library in Virona instead. “I’m not sure. I’d better go see.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“Don’t,” Xan said breathlessly, putting out his hand to stop Caleb from following.
Caleb’s eyes took on a suspicious gleam, but he shrugged and fell back. “Whatever you say, darling.”
Xan could smell Urho’s skin from the upstairs landing. He’d never been so aware of another human being before in his life. He briefly wondered if this was what it was like for Erosgapé and then quickly dismissed the question. He’d known many alphas claimed to be able to smell their omegas from rooms away, but he’d never believed it.
He enjoyed Caleb’s clean scent as a comfort, but he’d never hunted for it the way his nose seemed to automatically seek out Urho now. He scented sweat and skin with a waft of excitement and arousal underneath it. Xan’s knees weakened as he started down the stairs, and he had to grip the banister tightly to prevent a tumble.
Urho stood by the fire, which roared under the new beta boy’s ministrations. Spotting Xan out of the corner of his eye, the boy rose and nodded, scurrying from the room like he knew something was amiss. Xan’s heart beat against his breastbone and his throat tightened anxiously. He stepped into the room, holding his head high and rubbing his sweaty palms on his clean trousers.
Urho turned to him, setting his strong shoulders back and proud. His eyes were penetrating and almost angry as he peered at Xan from across the room.
“Why are you here?” Xan asked, with a foolishly trembling voice. It wasn’t polite, and Caleb would bemoan his lack of manners, but nothing else really mattered.
“You forgot this,” Urho said, pulling a hand from his jacket pocket and producing a pillbox. “For the upcoming heat.”
Xan swallowed hard. “Yes. Thank you.” He stepped forward to take the small, brown box, but Urho grabbed his forearm and pulled him in close.
“And you forgot to tell me goodbye. Omegas always say goodbye to their alphas.”
Xan’s asshole spasmed, his cock fattening up against his thigh. His throat clicked as he swallowed again, soundless, wordless, astonishment gripping him.
“That’s what you are, isn’t it?” Urho whispered. “An omega.”
Xan whimpered, his body trembling. Urho yanked him closer, supporting Xan’s weight with his strength. “It’s what I wish I could be,” Xan murmured, his heart in his throat and a sting in his eyes.
Urho nodded. “I’ve read case studies in medical school,” he started but then he clomped his mouth shut, as though regretting the words. “You’re beautiful,” he said instead, and Xan closed his eyes, ducked his head, and tried not to fall to his knees in abject submission as Urho said, “I want you.”
Xan groaned. “This is…” He fought for the words, his knees already bending and his weight shifting down. Urho held his arm tightly. “This is highly irregular, you know.” What a prissy way to put it! He wanted to snatch the words back.
“It’s a sin,” Urho said roughly. “Against the law. Against wolf-god. I’ve heard it all. I’ve thought it all too. Once upon a time.”
“When was that? A few days ago?” Xan bit out, but it lost its anger in the breathiness of his voice.
“Perhaps. But today when I had you, I knew it for the lie it’s always been.”
The room slipped sideways around him, and Xan struggled to stand even with Urho’s help. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Have I ever struck you as the kind of man who doesn’t understand himself?”
“Yes.”
Urho chuckled and touched the bruise on Xan’s cheek. “There’s my smart-mouthed boy.”
Xan leaned into Urho, letting his head rest against his chest. He felt the rapid beat of Urho’s heart against his brow. “What does this mean?”
“You promised me something today. Do you remember?”
Xan shivered despite the fire burning at his back. “Yes.”
“What did you promise?”
“That my asshole belonged to you.” Shame and desperate longing rose hot up his throat and into his cheeks, and he burned as he stood with his face buried against Urho’s shirt.
“Look at me,” Urho rasped.
Xan forced his head up and met Urho’s gaze.
“Do you intend to break that promise?”
Xan shook his head.
“Good. Because I’m going to make a promise to you now: I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I’ll protect you. You’ll never suffer under that man, whoever he is, again. And if I ever discover his name I’ll put paid his crimes.”
Xan’s head ached and his cock throbbed. He was dreaming. This was a dream. No alpha would ever want him, not this way. Not in a way that elicited promises and offered up some sort of vague future. Especially not an alpha like Urho who had all the qualities to make it easy to find an omega to contract with: wealth, looks, kindness, and reputation. The works. What could he want with Xan?
Urho went on, “I promise to fulfill your needs, Xan, so that you won’t have to seek out hurt and humiliation. Not anymore.”
Xan couldn’t breathe. Dots swirled in his vision, and Urho’s head lowered to his, slick lips opening and taking his in a hungry kiss. Urho groaned into Xan’s mouth, releasing his hold on Xan’s arm to grip his hips and tug their groins together.
Their kiss turned into a grapple as Urho began to strip Xan of his clothes. Xan, bewildered and willing to take what he could get, tried to help, but his hands mainly just got in the way. The rug before the fire became their landing place, and once they were both naked, they rocked together urgently. Pleasure grew, and grew, and grew, until Xan sobbed in need and Urho met him with an intensity that shook the quiet room. Urho’s fist around his cock, and his fingers caressing Xan’s still swollen asshole, were like fireworks of sensation; his lips on Xan’s mouth were a constant caress and his tongue an invasion. His passion promised more than Xan had ever expected.
The culmination of their hunching, gasping, sweat-slick collision came with a shuddering cry from Xan and a loud groan from Urho, as come pumped between them, filling the air with the scent of spunk. Urho clutched Xan close, kissing his hair, his cheeks, his neck, and muttering strange endearments that Xan had never heard from anyone before.
“Sweet man, sweet joy,” Urho whispered, gripping Xan’s hips and rubbing their come-covered cocks together again. “That’s my good omega.”
Xan shivered in shock, his heart still racing, as the heat from the fire warmed their bare skin. Twice in one day they’d collided this way, and he didn’t understand why, or believe it was real, or know what came next.
“I’m moving to Virona in a few days time,” Xan said finally, as the lust cooled and the silence grew unbearable.
Urho’s hand stilled where it rubbed Xan’s lower back. “Moving to Virona? Why?”
“Banished, by my father, for… Well, for this.” Xan laughed helplessly, a pearl of sadness growing in the shell of his wonder. “For not being a proper alpha. For doing things that make people talk. For the unexplainable bruises, past and present.”
At the mention of bruises, Urho lifted up and in the light of the fire perused Xan’s body, checking for additional damage done. “Did I hurt you?”
Xan shook his head. “No.” Then he took a deep breath and confessed shyly, “It was complete and utter bliss.”
Urho nuzzled him, kissed his chest, and then settled down on the carpet, tugging Xan to rest in his arms. “You can’t leave for Virona. I can’t protect you from there.”
Xan smiled bitterly. It wasn’t a declaration, but it was better than nothing. Plus he had incontrovertible evidence that Urho did want him sexually, but he supposed it would be nice to be wanted emotionally too. As a true lover, not just as a cause.
But he’d take what he could get. “You won’t need to protect me there.” Hopefully. “The man who hurts me lives here and I’ll be three long hours away from him.”
Urho growled low. “I’ll kill him if he touches you again.”
“He won’t. Like I told you. I always went to him. He doesn’t really want me. Not that way.”
Urho seemed to struggle with how to respond, and he eventually settled on pulling Xan even tighter to him, placing his fingertips against Xan’s asshole, and stroking lightly there. Xan licked his lips, his cock rising hot against Urho’s thigh. He said nothing else for a long time as Urho played with his sensitive anus and brought him to a state of desperate neediness, until he rubbed violently against Urho’s leg and orgasmed with a shout.
“You’re as randy as any omega,” Urho muttered, scooping Xan’s come up in his fingers and taking it into his mouth. He hummed softly at the flavor and Xan’s cock jerked again at the sight. “Taste as good as one too.”
Xan whimpered. “Stop. I can’t take much more. I’m going to die right here and Caleb will find me in the morning, drowned in a puddle of my own come and still sporting a hard-on.”
“That mouth,” Urho growled. “Always with that mouth.”
Xan whimpered as Urho pressed fingers against his hole again.
“I want to fuck this sweetness so badly,” Urho groaned. His cock, unbelievably, had also returned to life.
“You can ride the train for three hours anytime you want and do just that,” Xan offered. He wanted it now, but he also knew Urho would never penetrate him when he was still injured from another alpha’s cock. For so many reasons.
“You’re truly going to Virona?” Urho asked.
“I am.”
“And Caleb?”
“Going with me, of course. He’s my omega. My family.”
Urho nodded and sat up. Xan followed suit. “What will Caleb think of this?” Urho asked, motioning between them, worry lining his tone.
“Caleb would be happy to answer that question for you,” came a soft voice from the vicinity of the door.
Urho grunted, tugging Xan close and throwing a blanket from the nearby leather sofa over them both.
“Apologies,” Caleb said, stepping into the room fully and shutting the door behind him. His white loose pants and V-neck shirt against his pale flesh made him look like an angel from wolf-god’s own heaven. “I came in search of my alpha and found more than I bargained for. I thought you must be at each other’s throats, and maybe you have been, but in a completely different way than I imagined.”
Xan flushed, his heart pounding. “We were talking and then—”
“Nature took its course,” Caleb supplied, smiling. “I’m glad. You’ve been dancing around each other for a long time.”
“Glad?” Urho said, frowning. “Dancing?”
Caleb smiled warmly at him. “Xan and I aren’t lovers except during heats when it’s absolutely necessary, so I’m delighted to see him with someone far less monstrous than that, well, monster. Someone wonderful, in fact.” Caleb sat down on the sofa and crossed his legs, revealing his painted toes. “You can get dressed now. I think we should all talk, don’t you? Though, wolf-god, this room reeks of come.”
“We could go to your drawing room?” Xan offered, moving around under the blanket as he tugged on his clothes.
Caleb rose again. “Excellent idea. I’ll leave you to it. Get dressed and maybe use the washroom across the hall. Meet me in no more than five minutes, please. That means keep your hands to yourself in the meantime, alpha mine.”
“Yes, omega,” Xan murmured, his cheeks so hot that he felt like he might burst into bigger flame than the fire roaring on the hearth.
Urho wasn’t sure what to expect, but Caleb was beyond easy with what he’d walked in on and smiled kindly as he poured bourbon into a glass and passed it over to him. Then he passed Xan a glass as well before mixing up a beautiful whisky cocktail for himself.
“Relax,” Caleb said, taking the seat on the cream-colored sofa next to Xan and leaving Urho one of the upright chairs he’d sat in on his last visit. “I’m not angry. I’m relieved.”
Urho wiped at his face. He could still smell spunk and lust rising from both Xan and his own flesh, despite having washed as best they could in the sink. He sipped his bourbon, feeling the burn in the back of his throat, and waited for sanity to hit.
The events of the day were wild, out of control, off the rails in every way. Surely he’d wake from this soon? It reminded him all too clearly of when he’d first met Riki—the compulsion, the impulsivity. Was it even possible to imprint again? And on an alpha, no less?
Wolf-god, what had even brought him here tonight? The pills, yes, but he could have sent them over with a messenger. Or arranged for Xan to pick them up at his office the next day. The truth was he’d wanted to be near Xan again. He’d needed it. Almost like the way he’d needed Riki in the past.
What did it all mean?
“I’m assuming Xan told you about our exile?” Caleb asked.
Urho jerked back from his reverie. His stomach soured slightly, but the knowledge that Xan would be far away from the man who hurt him allowed him to nod with approval. “Yes. That’s for the best. Until the monster, as you call him, loses interest.”
Xan huffed. “He’s never been interested!” he exclaimed with annoyance. “I don’t know why you think he would be. Just because he fucks me when I—”
“I don’t want to hear what he’s done to you,” Urho gritted out, clenching the glass in his hand. He took another fast sip, trying to calm the flash of possessive rage.
Caleb’s brow arched, and he looked between Xan and Urho with interest. “Let’s not discuss that since it’s so upsetting to all of us and Xan’s vowed to be done with the man anyway. The reason I thought we should talk now is with regards to something else altogether.”
“We owe you an explanation and apology,” Urho began, shamefacedly. “I don’t know how to offer one, though. This is quite unexpected and no doubt violates your contract and offends your sensibilities as—”
“No,” Caleb interrupted. “You don’t have to explain anything. Nor do I wish to give you permission.” He raised a hand, staying any comments from Xan or Urho. “Not because it isn’t granted, but because Xan doesn’t need it. It has always been part of our contract that fidelity isn’t required or even desired. Instead, what I want to address is the subject of my upcoming heat. It’s several months off still, but we can’t have a repeat of last time.”
Xan’s lower lip went into his mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut in obvious shame before whispering, “I promise to handle it. Urho brought the pills for me tonight.”
Urho’s head swam. He tried to move on from Caleb’s comment that fidelity was not in his contract with Xan and instead focus on this new topic. He gulped his bourbon down and Caleb rose to refill his glass.
Xan pulled the pill case out of his pocket and showed it to Caleb. “These will surely solve the problem.”
Caleb frowned, carefully setting the bourbon bottle on the low table between them and taking a seat again. “You’re not the first alpha I’ve gone through a heat with,” he said, obviously taking care with Xan’s feelings. “You love me, I know, but you aren’t made for this, darling. Please let someone help you.”
Xan stared at him wide-eyed, the bruise on his cheekbone gleaming in the low light. “They took better care of you? The men your family hired?”
He sounded gut-punched, as any alpha would. Xan’s contradictions—omega-like one minute, and traditionally alpha-like the next—rattled Urho’s sense of reality. His scientific mind clamored for more information, more pieces of Xan’s confusing puzzle. He wanted desperately to understand.
“Of course not,” Caleb said. “But they fucked me hard and long, and I didn’t suffer for a minute.” Caleb took Xan’s chin in his hand, preventing him from disappearing into his collar. “Look at me. I’d rather be your omega than theirs on any other day of my life, but when I’m in heat, I need an alpha who can take me for as long as possible. Until even the most intense wave passes.”
“I can take the pills! I can—”
“You can. And you will take the pills. But I want to ask Urho to help us. You’re lovers now.”
Were they lovers?
Urho’s mind spun even faster and the drink in his hand trembled. Xan wasn’t denying it and Urho wasn’t sure that he should, or even could, but when he’d made his initial offer to help Xan, becoming his “lover” wasn’t what he’d planned on. He’d just meant to help out—like with being a surrogate to an omega.
And yet he’d essentially demanded it himself, hadn’t he? He’d asked for a pledge of fidelity after the first orgasm, for wolf-god’s sake! Who was he kidding? They must be lovers. He’d made it so.
Fuck. He squirmed and cleared his throat.
“There are no secrets for you to hide from him,” Caleb went on, oblivious to Urho’s churning thoughts. “He’s a safe choice. A strong choice. And it would please me to be, even for a little while, part of what you share with him. Only during heats, of course,” Caleb said, shuddering and sneering with a hint of disgust. “Only when I want it.”
“Oh,” Xan murmured. “Of course.”
“You only want sexual touch during heats?” Urho asked to clarify his understanding. Perhaps Caleb simply didn’t want Xan, but why would he have contracted with him then? “You feel no desire any other time? You’re frigid?”
“Frigid is a rude word,” Xan said.
“I feel aroused at times, but I prefer to satisfy it with my own hand. In general, I don’t feel sexually attracted to other people.” Caleb sat up straight and brittle, almost daring Urho to challenge or insult him. “Also, for what it’s worth, I prefer the term asexual to the more colloquial and insulting ‘frigid.’”
Urho nodded solemnly and said nothing. He’d heard of such men—usually betas, though he’d read case studies involving omegas and alphas. He’d never met an asexual person, though, as far as he knew. He wondered what it must be like to scent as an omega, to smell the delectable odors of an alpha, and not be attracted by it.
Was Caleb disgusted even? He’d appeared disgusted by Xan and Urho’s scents before. Maybe, one day, he’d be a close enough friend with Caleb to ask. For now, he simply inclined his head again and said, “If your alpha agrees, I’d be honored to help service you during your heat.”
Xan let out a soft, wounded sound. He slumped on the couch, his eyes on the carpet and his lower lip in his mouth again.
“Darling, it’s not an insult to you. It’s a gift. You can share this now with your lover—both the pleasure and the burden.” Caleb reached out to touch Xan, but he shrank away. “What’s bothering you? I’d hoped you’d be happy.”
“I can handle the heat on my own. I’m strong enough.”
“You’re very strong. And a wonderful alpha,” Caleb said, using the voice omegas always employed when trying to soothe an alpha’s ruffled feathers: fond, quiet, sweet. “I’m proud to call you mine.”
“But…” Xan rubbed his fingers over his eyes.
“No ‘but’ at all. More of an ‘and,’ darling. And your lover is trustworthy, strong, handsome, and used to surrogate duties. He’s a perfect choice. Swallow your pride and accept this help.”
Xan shook his head. “But what about your reputation? Everyone will think you suffer from interminable heat.”
“Oh no!” Caleb gasped and clutched his chest. “People will talk!” He rolled his eyes and then smiled indulgently. “Alpha mine, people have talked about me for years. They speculated about what damage—mental or physical—might cause me to refuse so many offers to contract, what kinky sexual activities I must indulge in to be so hard to match, and then there’s you! And all the rumors that fly around about your barroom brawls and proclivities. Let them talk! They already do! I’m beyond caring. And your money makes us rather bulletproof.”
Xan rose to his feet and Urho watched as his boy (his boy? he was losing his mind here!) paced the floor. “My father will be appalled. Last time, he made sure I understood that servicing you, getting you pregnant, was my sole responsibility and that I needed to step up to the plate and be a man.”
“You have stepped up to the plate by getting access to the pills for stamina and by providing a wonderful surrogate option in your lover. I don’t think Urho will be gossiping about his duties toward me at parties!”
“Of course not,” Urho said, stung. He sometimes discussed his surrogate work with Vale, Jason, Yosef, and Rosen, but if Caleb and Xan wanted to keep this between the three of them, of course he could be trusted to do that.
“Good,” Caleb said, turning back to Xan. “As for your father, he’ll be fine with it. Leave him to me.”
Xan’s lips twisted. “He does like you.”
“Because I flatter him.”
“True. But I’m not sure that me arranging for a surrogate will impress him or make him think I should be allowed to see Pater.”
“Your father is keeping you from your pater?” Urho asked.
“It’s nothing,” Xan said, flapping a hand, but he still chewed on his lip, so it was clearly very much something.
“I think he’ll be more impressed that you’ve arranged a discreet way to prevent my suffering than if you allowed the next heat to be another failure.”
“I want to be able to do this myself,” Xan said with longing. “I want to be the alpha you deserve.”
Caleb rose and pulled Xan up into his arms. “You accept me the way I am. This is me accepting you the way you are, darling. And I’m encouraging you to accept yourself.”
“Limitations and all?”
“No, Xan. No. You and me? We’re without limits. This is even further proof of that. Boundless love and friendship and boundless acceptance—that’s what we give each other.”
Xan nodded against Caleb’s neck, and Urho stood slowly.
It was a risk, and he didn’t know if he was overstepping, but they’d had a very intimate discussion in front of him, about him, even. Despite all sense and reason, he’d laid some sort of claim to both these men now. So he wrapped his arms around them both, joining in their embrace.
Caleb stiffened for a moment and then relaxed. When the embrace ended, Caleb said, “Now that’s all settled, I’m going to leave you two alone.” Caleb kissed Xan’s cheek. “I’ll be in my room. Come to me before bed?”
Xan nodded, and his eyes followed Caleb out the door before he collapsed on the sofa again, covering his face. Urho stood by helplessly, confused about what he should do next: return to his chair, sit beside Xan, or maybe take his leave? It’d been a confusing day for them both, surely. Maybe Xan would prefer to be alone?
“What happens now?” Xan said, his voice muffled through his hands over his face.
Urho chose to sit next to him on the sofa, close, but not quite touching. “I admit I don’t know. I’ve never done this kind of thing before.”
The honesty seemed to prod Xan from where he was hiding, and he dropped his hands, a self-deprecating smirk on his lips. “Believe it or not, I have. Not exactly this, I suppose, but I’ve had a lover before.”
“Jason.”
Xan swallowed hard and nodded, darting his eyes toward the fire. His bruised cheek shone in the dancing light. “We don’t talk about it. The two of us. We never mention it. It just exists there. A memory that we both feel, but we ignore.”
Urho knew exactly what that was like. He and Vale were the same. “It must be difficult to see him so happy.”
“It has been, yeah. At times. But I love him—as a friend—so I’m glad for him too.”
Another point of feeling they had in common. “And sad for yourself.”
Xan shrugged. “I’ve been very sad for a long time, but I wasn’t sad with you today in your library. Or tonight in mine. Shocked, maybe. Surprised, for sure. But not sad.”
The glow in Xan’s eyes was probably hope. Urho wanted to coax that small flame to life, but he had to be sensible about it. No matter what he felt, or what they’d done, they couldn’t flaunt this in society and not pay a price. “I’ve been sad for a long time too.”
“Because of losing Riki?”
Urho nodded. His beloved’s name on Xan’s lips should have rankled, or at least brought with it a stab of guilt given what he’d done with Xan right beneath Riki’s portrait earlier in the day, but it didn’t. Instead a warm pleasure filled him, as though maybe Xan might hear Urho’s stories of Riki and help keep him alive by listening. To his surprise, what he felt was hope too. “I still grieve him.”
“Of course you do. And then you lost Vale,” Xan said cautiously, as though Vale was the more prickly topic when it came to Urho’s prior loves.
Urho smiled. “That was hard, but nothing like losing Riki. My relationship with Vale was always doomed to end, even if Jason hadn’t come along that night in the university library.”
Xan sucked in a breath. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice you then. I was too busy holding Jason back from just taking Vale right there in front of wolf-god and the whole wide world to notice anyone else. That and dealing with the realization that my own puny plans for my future with Jason had just gone up in flames.” Xan snorted, but then went on wonderingly, “Until just now, I’d nearly forgotten that you were there that day.”
“Both of us supporting characters in other men’s love stories.”
“Yes.”
Urho smiled. The fire crackled. “This room is very modern.”
“Caleb likes things to look clean. He wears white except for his baubles and paints, and his room is a nest of white fluffy everything. He says it’s calming to him, and he keeps his areas as sparse as possible. Everywhere except in his print studio. That is a bird’s nest and a fire hazard, if you ask me. But it makes him happy, so I don’t forbid it.”
Cool relief flooded Urho to have left behind discussion of love and past lovers. He grabbed on to this new information about Caleb. “He’s an artist?”
“Supposedly,” Xan said, laughing gently. “I haven’t seen any of his work, but he spends a lot of time in there and then comes out covered in ink. It’s cute.” Xan’s eyes sparkled fondly. “He’s cute.”
A strange, fragile jealousy grew in Urho—unbidden and imperfect. “And you don’t want him between heats at all?” Clarification on that seemed incredibly important. “You’re truly all right with his frigidity?”
Xan frowned. “I am. I don’t find him physically or sexually exciting. He smells like an omega, and the alpha in me does respond to that in some ways. Like, I want to protect him and care for him. But fucking him is not something I want to do. Which is lucky since Caleb would hate it if I did. And we already told you the word ‘frigid’ is very rude and it makes Caleb angry. He prefers asexual.”
Urho inclined his head. “I tend to fall back on the old-fashioned terms. Vale is always arguing with me about that. Out of respect for Caleb, I’ll try to remember to use this new term.”
“It’s not new. It existed in the Old World too. It means someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction.”
“And he doesn’t?”
“No.”
“Not even during heats?”
“Not really. He says being in heat is like having a really, unbelievably intense itch that he can’t reach. It feels amazing when someone finally scratches it for him, but that doesn’t mean he’s attracted to the person doing the scratching. He says he prefers it be with someone he cares about. Would most like it to be someone he loves as a friend.” Xan chewed on his lower lip again.
“But his heats are like any other omega’s?”
“I guess? I don’t know for sure. I don’t have any experience other than the one heat we’ve shared together, so I can’t say.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “It was a disaster. A complete wreck. I couldn’t stay hard for very long and he was in so much pain. I tried fisting him, and using the alpha dildo, but it wasn’t enough. He needed a knot, and it was…” Xan’s mouth wobbled. “I hate myself for that entire situation. I let him hurt.”
“You didn’t call for assistance?”
“I asked my father to arrange for something once I realized that I truly wasn’t going to be able to satisfy him, but by the time a suitably discreet man arrived, the heat had passed. I managed to knot him once a day for the duration—”
Urho held back a gasp. That wasn’t nearly often enough. Poor Caleb! He must have been in agony.
“I think with the pills…?” Xan rubbed at his eyes, pinching between his brows and sighing in frustration.
“They’ll help,” Urho agreed. “But I’ll help too. Caleb won’t suffer again.”
“But we’ll be in Virona by then.” Xan looked up worriedly. “Won’t you need to stay here with Vale for his pregnancy?”
Urho frowned. “When is Caleb’s heat due?”
Xan counted on his fingers. “Two months and two weeks, give or take.”
“Vale isn’t due for another three months. If things are going well at that point, it’s possible I could leave him for a week.” But it was doubtful. That was a slim window and Vale would be in the most dangerous stage of the pregnancy. Urho would need to be here for him.
Xan must have read the truth on Urho’s face because he shook his head. “I don’t want to risk Vale or the baby’s life for this. You need to be close by in case anything goes wrong.”
“There are other options. You and Caleb could return here for the duration of his heat. You could say he wanted to be comfortable in the home he’s most familiar with. Surely your father wouldn’t argue with that?”
“No,” Xan agreed. “He probably wouldn’t. Father is generous with Caleb. I think he pities him being contracted to me.” He nodded slowly, blue eyes distant and thoughtful.
“That way you would be close and if I needed to leave the heat to deal with Vale, I could.”
“It’s a lot to put on you,” Xan fretted.
“I’m strong. I can handle it.”
“Heats are tough and tiring. You’ll be worn out when Vale needs you most.”
“It’ll be fine. With two of us, the heat won’t be a problem to manage at all. Especially if Caleb is not a nymph—suffering from interminable heat.”
Xan huffed a soft laugh. “Old-fashioned asshole words are hard to let go of, huh?”
“I’m learning.”
Coming back to his main worry, Xan asked, “But the pills will help?”
“The pills will provide you with a great deal of stamina, but if your interest isn’t there…” Urho lifted his hands helplessly. “There’s no forcing that. Still, I believe if I’m with you then you might find the situation more exciting.” Urho cast a hot glance up and down Xan’s body, imagining him naked again.
Xan’s cheeks flushed beneath his bruise and his eyes brightened. “Definitely. I have other ideas too. I was thinking during Caleb’s heat, I’d ride a dildo myself and pretend it’s…” He trailed off, licked his lips, and smiled hotly. “I could pretend it’s you. That might help keep me hard. Of course, if you’re actually there…”
Urho flushed hot all over. “You’re going to arouse me again. The image of you with a dildo pressed inside and thinking of me. Filthy.”
Xan’s cheeks glowed pink in the firelight. “How many days until I’m healed enough that you can take me?” he asked, licking his lips. His eyes shone hungrily again.
Urho’s cock ached as it thickened against his thigh. “Remind me, when do you leave?”
“Sunday.”
Urho groaned. “I don’t think you’ll be healed enough to take me for a good deal longer than that.”
Xan squirmed, scooting closer to Urho on the sofa. “I can handle it. I can take a lot of punishment.”
Urho touched his cheek where the bruise still distorted his handsome face. “Punishment is the last thing I want to give you.”
“But what if I need it? For something bad that I’ve done?” Xan blinked long and slow.
“Like…like a spanking?”
“Yes,” he hissed, shifting on the couch, his arousal on display distorting his pants.
“I’ll tell you what,” Urho said, leaning closer. “If I hear of you doing anything worthy of punishment, I’ll dole it out. But only if you truly need it.”
Xan licked his lips. “I’ll need it. Definitely. Really soon.”
Urho’s heart skipped a beat. “Then I’ll have to come up to visit you and dispense a spanking or two. I couldn’t stay more than one night, in case something goes wrong with Vale, but I could steal away once I’ve checked in on him. If all stays well.”
“You’d do that?” Xan asked, eyes wide and happy shock in his voice. “You’d visit me even before Caleb’s heat?”
Urho took Xan’s chin in his hands and rubbed the cleft there with his thumb. His insides trembled, confusion and certainty warring. His voice shook as he said, “How else will I tend to the beautiful, sweet hole you’ve promised to me?”
Xan’s lashes fluttered and he groaned. “I’m going to come in my pants if you say things like that.”
“You smell so good,” Urho whispered, leaning close and nuzzling the sweaty place behind Xan’s ear, overcome with the urge to cover Xan and protect him. To make him smell like Urho’s own come and saliva and skin. To mark him as his own for all to scent and know. “I want to suck you and taste your juices again.”
Xan turned to Urho, kissing him quickly.
The night dissolved once more into lust and madness. Any attempts at holding a reasonable conversation were lost in a lush raft of scents, skin, and desire. Urho sucked Xan’s cock, and allowed Xan to drain his dick again too. His balls ached like when he was a newly imprinted youngster and he’d fucked Riki for days upon days. He stroked Xan’s hair as the boy swallowed his come again, gazing up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, begging for Urho’s approval.
“Good boy,” he whispered, his voice slurring with satisfied lust and exhaustion. “Such a good boy.”
Xan buried his head in Urho’s lap and kissed his softening cock. “Are we lovers, Urho?” he asked tremulously.
“We’re lovers,” Urho agreed, the weight of the words shaking him to the core. “My beautiful one. My alpha-shaped omega. My lover.”
Xan quivered and a sob burst free. Urho hushed him and fed him cock again, petting his head as Xan suckled him gently and cried.
Somehow it felt holy.