Chapter Twenty-Three
Aaron
How the hell could I have been so stupid? Why the fuck had I used Finn’s suicide attempts against him like that? I’d completely betrayed his trust, and just so I could win a stupid argument. I hadn’t even meant what I’d said, not really. For fuck’s sake, I’d had just as hard a time adjusting back in college, I’d simply handled the stress differently. I’d had no right to say that to him. And I probably had no right to keep the whole job thing a secret in the first place. I’d royally screwed up, and instead of trying to fix it, I’d only made matters worse. Finn probably hated me now. I hated me right now.
After splashing some cold water on my face and calming down a little, I went back into the party to grab my jacket. Finn wasn’t in there, but his jacket was still on the back of his chair, so I grabbed it. I didn’t even bother saying anything to anyone. I just walked out. Finn wasn’t out on the street, either. I had no clue how long I’d stayed in the bathroom after he’d left, but apparently it was long enough for him to call a cab and get out of there.
I jumped in my car and drove straight to Finn’s house. There was no way we were leaving things like this tonight. I needed to fix it immediately. I knocked on Finn’s door, and even yelled in to him for a minute, trying to give him some semblance of privacy. But he didn’t answer, so I used my key to let myself inside. I searched the apartment, but he wasn’t there, so I tried calling him. He didn’t pick up.
Fuck. Fucking fucking fuck!
If he wasn’t home, there was only one place he’d go. The bakery. Or rather, the apartment above the bakery. Which meant that Layla and Griffin would know what I’d said to him too. Double fuck.
I leaned against the wall, too frustrated to even sit, and I sent a text to Layla.
Is Finn with you?
She responded a minute later.
I’m not at liberty to say.
Shit. That was an obvious yes. I typed up a quick text as I ran to my car.
I’m on my way over.
Luckily the bakery was less than ten minutes from Finn’s apartment and there wasn’t much traffic. I ran around to the back of the building and up the steps to the apartment. Then I banged on the door.
Layla answered it while my fist was still mid-motion. “He doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“Please let me come in so I can make this right,” I begged her. I was so not above begging when it came to him.
She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re an asshole.”
“I know. I didn’t mean what I said.”
She looked surprised by my response, but she didn’t uncross her arms. “If I let you in, you’re forfeiting your rights, which means that I get to kick you in the balls if you hurt him any more than you already have.”
I swallowed thickly, but nodded. “Fine.”
“You know I’ll do it.”
“I know,” I choked out.
She squinted at me, but moved out of the way and waved me in.
I walked in and found Finn sitting in the corner of the couch with his knees up and his arms crossed, purposefully not looking in my direction. He’d already changed out of his suit and was now wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. The fact that I knew they were Griffin’s and not mine rubbed me the wrong way. If he was going to wear anyone else’s clothes, they should be mine. But first I’d need to beg him for forgiveness before demanding he change. Griffin was sitting in the armchair glaring at me, and I looked at him first. “Can I please talk to him alone?”
Griffin opened his mouth, but Finn interrupted. “It’s fine, Griff.”
He looked at Finn. “You sure?” Finn nodded, so Griffin stood and walked over to me, glaring right into my eyes. “I swear to god if you hurt him, I’m going to kick your ass.”
I nodded. “I know.”
He huffed before shouldering past me. I heard him and Layla go into their bedroom and shut the door.
I went over and sat in the armchair so I could try to catch Finn’s eye. He wouldn’t look at me, but I could see that his eyes were red and puffy. He’d been crying. I’d made him cry. Oh… god, I made him cry. I cleared my throat. “Finn… I’m so, so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean it.” When he didn’t respond after a minute, I figured that maybe I needed to grovel a little. “I was upset and angry with myself for not telling you about it sooner, and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that. And I didn’t mean it. What happened before… back in college, that has nothing to do with why I’m not moving to California.” He finally looked over at me, resting his chin on his knee. So I smiled and knelt down on the floor in front of him, putting my hands on the couch on either side of him. “The reason I’m not going is because… well, I’m in love with you, Finn, and I don’t want to leave you.”
When Finn’s shiny eyes looked away from me, my heart sank. Oh god. I’d messed up again. He didn’t feel the same way.
Finn cleared his throat, then looked back at me. “Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” I blinked at him in surprise, but then I saw him smile a little and I blew a breath out slowly. He looked down and started playing with the end of my sleeve. “I love you too, even though I’m still mad at you.”
I let out a watery laugh and closed my eyes in relief, then dropped my forehead onto his knee. “I’m so fucking sorry, Finn. I’m so sorry.”
He kept playing with my sleeve. “You can’t just pick and choose what you tell me, Aaron. You need to be honest with me. I still…” He took a deep breath. “I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this job offer. I’m really hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me about it.”
I cringed a little. “I do trust you.”
“You have to talk to me.”
I nodded against his knee. “I know. I’m sorry.”
He stopped playing with my sleeve and put his fingers in my hair instead. He kept gently running his fingers through it, making me sigh in relief.
I finally felt like maybe we’d be okay. I looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes and whispered, “I love you more than anything, Finn. I don’t ever want to lose you.”
He continued playing with my hair, which sent little shivers through me. “I love you too.” He dropped his feet from the couch, putting one leg on either side of me. He cupped my cheeks and drew me in for a soft, slow kiss. “I don’t ever want to lose you either, Aar.”
I puffed out a breath of relief and let my head fall forward so my forehead was on his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He draped his arms over my shoulders and one of his hands went into my hair again. I scooted my head up a little bit so it was tucked under his chin the way he usually tucked his head under mine. He moved forward in his seat a little so he was flatter against me and he started playing with my hair. I breathed him in, so fucking relieved that he didn’t push me away or kick me out of his friends’ house, so fucking relieved to have him in my arms.
We stayed that way for a few minutes, but then Finn whispered, “Please don’t hide anything from me again.”
I shook my head against him and swallowed hard. I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing that I was still hiding something from him. But… I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. Not yet. I would tell him, though. Just… not for a few months. At least. “I won’t.” The lie felt sour rolling off my tongue. But… I knew I wouldn’t keep anything else from him, just this one thing. We weren’t ready for my baggage yet, not even close. I placed a kiss at his throat, then whispered, “Please don’t run away from me when we’re fighting.”
It took a few seconds, but eventually, he whispered, “Okay.”
“I was so scared that I’d messed up so badly you wouldn’t forgive me… I was scared I’d lost you.” I squeezed his waist and he squeezed back but didn’t say anything. I sat up to look at him and noticed his red, puffy eyes again, so I looked straight into them and said with as much certainty as I could, “I love you, Finnigan Jameson Moroianu.”
He rolled his eyes at my use of his full name, but with a small smile said, “I love you too, Aaron Richard Havenport.”
I leaned in and captured his lips with mine, savoring the flavor of his unique taste on my tongue. I seriously couldn’t get enough of him. As I continued kissing him with everything I was, I gripped onto the back of his shirt, pulling him to me and not letting him go. I wanted him as close to me as possible. I never wanted to let him go.
But all good things must come to an end… especially when you hear your boyfriend’s best friend clear his throat loudly behind you.
Griffin said loudly, “I really don’t need to see that,” making me freeze in place.
Finn broke the kiss, sent me a small smile, then looked over my shoulder with a glare. “Don’t be a dick.”
“You’re in my living room. You’ve been out here for so long, I almost died of thirst. I had to cut through to get to the kitchen.”
“If you don’t like what you see, then don’t look,” Finn said, still over my shoulder.
I heard Griffin sigh and mumble under his breath. I couldn’t understand him, though I was pretty sure the word jerkface was thrown around a few times.
“Now he hates me again,” I whispered once I saw Griffin’s back retreating into the kitchen.
“What? No he doesn’t... and what are you talking about? He’s never hated you,” Finn said at a normal volume.
“Shh!” I looked at him with wide eyes.
His eyes widened slightly, but then he burst out laughing and pushed my shoulder. “Griffin is harmless.”
I whisper-yelled, “He’s one of your best friends and he hates me. I wouldn’t call that harmless.”
Finn’s eyes softened a little. “He doesn’t hate you, I promise.” He pushed my hair off my forehead. “You worry too much.”
I sighed, closed my eyes and leaned my forehead back on his chest. I took a deep breath and was assaulted with the smell of laundry detergent. Only, it wasn’t Finn’s laundry detergent, it was Griffin’s. I looked back up at Finn and asked, “Can I take you back home now?”
Finn gave me a weird look and slowly asked, “What’s with the sudden rush?”
“No rush, I just want to get you back to my house,” I said a little too quickly.
“We’re going to yours, not mine?” he asked, still giving me that weird look, probably because I was changing our plans.
“You need to get out of these clothes,” I said a little more forcefully than I’d meant to. Finn gaped at me. Okay, maybe I’d said that a lot more forcefully than I’d meant to.
But then I watched something cross over his eyes and he smirked. “Why, Dr. Havenport, are you jealous?”
I grunted in annoyance, then groaned and admitted, “Maybe a little.”
He chuckled at that. “Okay, fine, but only because you asked so nicely,” he said sarcastically.
“Sorry,” I muttered, making him laugh again. I stood up and pulled him with me.