Chapter 17
For years Christmas Eve had been all about hosting a “night of worship,” as Adam called it.
“The first Christmas was the largest worship concert ever,” he told her that first year. “Think about it. A multitude of angels showed up praising God. Can you even imagine? It makes sense that we should celebrate Christmas Eve with a night of worship.”
The decorations, the food, the small gifts they always sent home with their guests were a lot of work but proved worth it when Adam ushered the fifty-some people into worship. She loved that it wasn’t only his voice she heard, but the voices of people from various walks of life—politicians, musicians, pastors, sound guys, and their friends. What a blessing the evening always turned out to be. Truly the perfect way to celebrate the night before the Savior was born.
Not this year. Beth tried to convince her to go through with it, but Lauren shuddered at the thought of someone else at Adam’s piano. The sadness in her heart from the 23rd felt even more unbearable the morning of the 24th. She regretted refusing to carry on their holiday traditions. Lauren was grateful Tyler invited her and David to his house for lunch before they picked up Ruth’s family at the airport, because she couldn’t stand the thought of being in the house.
Knowing from the day before that Adam’s music wouldn’t help, she listened to her favorite chapters in the Bible. Romans 8. Psalm 139. Philippians 4. Quoting Philippians 4:8-9 brought tears to her eyes.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.”
“God, I want to do that,” she whispered as the narrator continued. “I want to keep my mind fixed on such things.” Memories of Adam and their missions projects came to mind and the hurt in her heart increased.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
God, give me the strength to make it through the day, Lauren wrapped her arms around herself as she prayed. I miss the way things were. I can’t do this on my own.
She raved about the seafood cioppino and laughed when Tyler pulled out the gingerbread-house-making kit, but the sadness in her eyes was undeniable.
“What’s going on?” Tyler asked on the way to the airport. It was obvious she wasn’t okay. He promised himself he would never ignore her moods.
Lauren shifted from the window to face him. “I knew things would be different, so I decided to scrap all our traditions.” She sighed. “Maybe that wasn’t the best idea.”
Her frown hurt his heart. Tyler had to take her hand in his. “We’re going to have fun with David and Hannah, Ruth and Mike. Focus on that and the miracle of Jesus’ birth instead of what’s different. It’ll be a great night. Trust me.”
She nodded, biting her lip.
The reunion with Ruth was a joyous one. Chatting and laughter filled the limo the entire ride back to Lauren’s house. She positioned herself in between David and Hannah, handing Hannah a new board book every time she finished one and switching out David’s teethers and toys when he began fussing, all while catching up with Ruth.
God, she’s such an amazing mother, Tyler thought watching her in action.
“I love your lights,” Ruth said as they pulled up to the house.
“Funny because when I left the house this afternoon there weren’t any lights up.” Lauren turned to Tyler as they passed the nativity scene on the lawn.
“That is funny,” Tyler said.
“What are all these cars?” Curiosity rather than anger laced her voice.
“I didn’t think you really wanted to give up everything you love about Christmas.” Unbuckling David, he climbed out of the limo behind Ruth, Hannah, and Mike.
Standing outside holding David, he offered Lauren his hand. “I told you, it’ll be a great night. Trust me?”
Lauren didn’t know what melted her heart—his smile, his words, or those ridiculous dimples.
“Do I have a choice?” She placed her hand in his.
Once beside him, Tyler lifted Lauren’s hand to his lips and gently kissed it. “I wanted this Christmas to be filled with joy and the Holy Spirit like the past six have been.”
At his words and touch, her heart rate slowed. She took a deep breath as Ruth opened the front door.
Shouts of “Merry Christmas” greeted them. They stepped into a sea of people and the smell of pine. Hannah squealed at the sight of the twelve-foot tree. All the decorations she rejected at the beginning of the month and wished she had up that morning were in their place. It suddenly felt like Christmas.
“Thank you,” she whispered in Tyler’s ear as she hugged him. “Thank you.”
“I just made a few calls. Shelly and Beth did the hard work.” He squeezed her. “I know how much you love Christmas Eve.”
The guests approached Lauren to greet her and David, many she hadn’t seen since Adam’s memorial but received Christmas cards from. Eli, the worship artist she and Adam had toured with, and his wife were the last.
“I hope you don’t mind if I play Adam’s piano tonight in his absence,” Eli said. “The boys were going to join in on guitars.”
“That would be fabulous.” Lauren hugged Trina. Two guys they toured with tuned their guitars by the piano along with a teen with short black hair. Lauren looked him over.
“Is that Jackson?” she asked Tyler.
“Sure is. Four months into remission. Doing good.”
“We’ve enjoyed playing with him,” Eli said. “The kid has talent.”
“Did he bring his girlfriend?” Lauren asked. “The one he wanted to write the song for?”
“Best not to talk about that.” Tyler waved to Jackson when they made eye contact. “Maybe your youth pastor friend can hook him up with a nice Christian teen.”
“We want to thank Lauren for having us tonight,” Eli said during the musical introduction to the first song. “Last Christmas Eve we were blessed to be here when Adam played for the last time on this earth.” He paused, taking a breath. “This morning in my prayer time as I was lifting up tonight and praying for Lauren, the Lord brought to mind Revelation 21:4, ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.’ I thought of our brother Adam, playing his heart out tonight for our Lord, praising Him.” Eli smiled at Lauren before continuing. “Psalm 77 verses 11-14 says, ‘I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds. Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.’ Tonight let’s recall the miracles He has performed in the past, including the birth of Jesus and His gift of salvation, and praise Him for the miracles He will do in the future.”
With each song, she transitioned into a deeper state of worship. Tyler sat on her left, Shelly on her right, and her father stood behind her holding David. The music continued for an hour. Traditional Christmas hymns, songs the band had written, and a few of Adam’s favorites. All different from how Adam may have played, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was praising God.
The beginning chords of Joy to the World immediately stirred anxiety in her heart, but then a scripture came.
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
In her mind she saw the faces of the children in Moscow, eyes and smiles wide, heard their cheers and singing as Adam led them in worship. Lauren remembered the cold, hard San Francisco sidewalk she sat on listening to the testimony of a teen who had been abused and lived on the streets. Lauren recalled how fervently she had prayed for the girl in her mind as she poured out her grief. Next came the remembrance of Tyler and Danny’s last play, how nurses entered her room during the evening to watch the Livestream. Nurse Cindy had cried after telling Lauren about her son who had run away from home. Lauren prayed with Cindy for him and had continued praying after she was released from the hospital until a month ago when Cindy texted he had returned home. She remembered David’s first cry, the peace that flooded her heart knowing he was okay. And then God brought to mind Tyler’s tears on her face in her dark magnesium room after giving birth.
“I thought I was going to lose you,” he whispered in her ear.
Lauren slipped her hand in Tyler’s, her heart filled with peace, wonder, and most of all, joy.
No sooner had Tyler slipped his arm around the back of Lauren’s chair during Joy to the World than she took his hand in hers. Though he sang, Tyler watched her, thanking God for the work He was doing in her. Tears came during the last song when she stood, arms raised. All he prayed for was peace and joy in her heart today, yet the Lord had given her so much more.
God, You amaze me. Thank You for working all this out for her good. I don’t understand it, but I praise You for it.
“Did you try this artichoke dip?” Shelly sat with Lauren at the dining room table surrounded by the leftover appetizers and desserts once the guests left and Ruth and Mike headed to bed. “Seriously, the best!”
“It is.” Lauren dipped a piece of sourdough bread in it. “It was really his idea? Tyler called you to organize this?”
“He had it organized before he called Beth. He arranged the band and the time with Ruth’s arrival. He called the decorators and set it up for them to come today when you were at his house. All we did was order the food and send invites. He even sent Beth a guest list. She was pretty funny, insisting on finishing everything two weeks ago in case she went into labor.”
Lauren shook her head, dipping a carrot.
“What?” Shelly asked.
“I expected it to be a hard day.” Lauren munched before continuing. “I know I shouldn’t think like that, but last night was—”
“Oh girl, when will you get it?”
“What?”
“The peace that surpasses understanding. You’re praying for it. All your friends, family, and church are praying for it.” Shelly squeezed Lauren’s hand. “You don’t need to wonder if you’ll get through. You’re making it, every day. I know when you lost Adam you thought you lost life as you knew it, but God simply changed the direction. He’s opening new doors, showering you with new blessings. Adam being gone doesn’t mean the best times are gone. Cherish the memories and continue looking for the blessings.”
“I convinced myself the first year would be the hardest,” Lauren said. “It’s hard, but somehow each day joy replaces a little more of my sadness.”
“That’s the mystery we can’t understand.” Shelly grabbed a carrot. “Stop trying and be grateful.”
“That was quite the party.” Tyler walked into the room. “David had a great time. He totally fought sleep. I had to rock him and sing two songs.”
“Thanks for putting him down.” Lauren smiled. “Thanks for everything.”
“Totally a God thing.” Tyler waved his hand, sitting beside her. “He gave me the idea. I called the band and your friends. They took care of the important details. Thank you, Shelly.” Tyler grabbed a cracker, scooping up artichoke dip. “This stuff is amazing.”
“We make a great team.” Shelly took some more. “Beth definitely knows how to throw a party. Man, did you see her tonight? She totally looks like she’s going to pop. How much longer until her baby comes?”
“Four weeks.” Lauren dipped bread in the dip.
“What’s she having?” Tyler asked.
“She didn’t find out. Wants to be surprised.”
“Bet that’s killing you.” No sooner had the words left Tyler’s mouth than she threw a carrot at him.
“I’m waiting to have a shower for her until after baby is born,” Lauren said. “Then we can buy all the fun boy or girl stuff.”
“What are you doing tomorrow, Shel?” Tyler piled appetizers on a plate.
“Morning with my parents, evening with his parents and sisters.”
Lauren’s eyes widened. “They’re all coming?”
A huge smile spread across Shelly’s face. “Yes.” She pulled out her phone. “They landed about an hour ago in San Diego.”
“You’ll love his family. Great people.” Tyler munched a jalapeno popper. “Aren’t you glad you ditched the hot director of the center from Detroit? Obviously it wasn’t love at first sight like you thought.”
“Lauren!” Shelly pushed Lauren as she chuckled. “I can’t believe you told him—”
“I did not say that.” Lauren glared at Tyler. “Stop embellishing. You’re getting me in trouble.”
Tyler moved on to a stuffed cherry tomato. “I figured out the hot part because I remember seeing him on TV at the Angel House dedication. The love at first sight was implied since you ditched your best friend who was mourning the loss of her husband to stay behind to balance his books.”
Lauren burst out laughing.
Shelly threw a tomato at Tyler. “Oh my gosh. You’re awful.”
Tyler laughed so hard he started choking.
“Raise your arms above your head,” Lauren told him. “It helps.”
“How does this help?” Tyler asked, arms in air and still choking.
Lauren furrowed her brow. “I don’t know. That’s what Beth always told the kids at the preschool.” She glanced to Shelly. “How long will they be in town?”
“January 4th.” Shelly turned back to Tyler. “Do you know something I don’t?”
Tyler took a sip of water and cleared his throat. “No ring. Yet.”
Shelly scooped up artichoke dip with her bread. “I tell you, he’s too good for me. I mean, he’s everything I ever wanted and so much more.”
“You guys are perfect for each other.” Lauren grabbed a cranberry feta tortilla wrap.
“He quotes scripture, like whole chapters,” Shelly said. “By lunchtime, I can’t remember the verses I read that morning. The most spiritual I get is giving my best friend advice.” She smiled at Lauren. “That’s because I know she won’t laugh at me if I get a verse wrong. I was freaking out over Brandon going to Bible college. Danny has his master’s in divinity. He lives, breathes, and thinks Christ. His dream is to start a church on skid row. Preach to the homeless, drug addicts, the down and out. I don’t even know what to do with that.”
“When you love someone, you rise to the role you need to play.” Both girls turned at Tyler’s comment. He motioned to Lauren. “You were this shy, sweet girl. Then you married Adam. Now you speak to packed out auditoriums about your deepest, darkest secret, chastise people for gossiping, and entertain a house full of guests like it’s no big deal.”
A thin grin graced Lauren’s lips. “And you?”
“Let’s see.” His eyes shifted up momentarily before looking back to her. “I came to Christ.”
She took him in, his clean-shaven face, his genuine smile. God, he’s more than I ever imagined he could be...
“Well, he loves movies, enjoys country music, and thinks my cats are hysterical.” Shelly stood. “I find myself reading my Bible every day instead of occasionally. Definitely the guy for me.” She pushed in her chair. “I’m heading out so I can call him before bed. He said we’re still coming on the 28th for dinner if that’s okay? We’ll hang out with his family during the day and be here by five.”
“Perfect,” Lauren said. “Ruth and her family leave that afternoon.”
“Pray all goes well with the meeting of the family.” Grabbing the platter with artichoke dip, she headed toward the door. “Hope you don’t mind, but I need to take this.”
Lauren laughed. “Please. I’m still working on those last ten pounds.”
“Merry Christmas,” Shelly called, walking toward the door. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.” At the sound of the front door closing, Lauren faced Tyler. “Thank you. It was such an amazing night.”
Tyler smiled. “I could almost hear Adam worshipping with us tonight.”
“Me, too.” A smile danced on her lips. “But this Christmas he has a smaller audience. Pretty cool that he’s performing for Christ alone.”
“Yeah.” Leaning toward her, he wrapped his arms around her. “Merry Christmas, Angel.”
The name took her aback, but only for a moment. It felt good to hear him say it again.
“Merry Christmas, Tyler.”