Chapter 13
Lauren continued rocking David once he passed out after nursing. The week had been busy with Tyler’s family in town, but so blessed. She loved watching Kris with Justin, chatting with her about motherhood. Justin’s curiosity and excitement was contagious. The day before had been her favorite, hanging out at the beach house, watching Tyler construct a sandcastle, complete with towers and a moat, and Justin loved destroying it. She caught herself thinking she couldn’t wait until David was old enough to participate. There were also the sweet conversations and compliments from his mother.
“Without a doubt you are the most beautiful woman in Hollywood,” was how she greeted Lauren the first day. Betsy commented on every outfit she wore, her hair, and the decor of her home. It made Lauren realize how much she missed having a motherly figure in her life.
Men shouting and cheering at the football game on TV seeped through the crack of her bedroom door, Tyler’s being the loudest. She kissed the top of David’s head when he stirred.
God, I thought it would be so hard. Thank You for making it so blessed.
Quietly pulling the door to her room shut behind her, Lauren was surprised to find Kris sitting on the stairs, staring at the wall at Romans 8:38-39.
“Justin asleep?” Lauren asked.
“Yeah.” Kris chuckled. “He was out before I put him in the crib. It’s been an exhausting week for him. He’s not used to so much activity.”
“He’s a fun guy.” Lauren sat beside her. “Thanks for staying with me.”
Kris moved her hand over the words “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.” “Do you believe it?”
“I haven’t always.” Lauren leaned against the rails. “Right before Tyler came home I couldn’t see it. Now it feels like my eyes are open. I see God’s hand in every situation.”
Kris slowly lowered her hand. “We’re trying for a second child. I don’t want to worry, but it’s there in the back of my mind. The doubt. The fear.” She looked at Lauren, tears in her eyes. “I don’t think I can handle another miscarriage. It’s like a piece of myself died with every baby. I wonder how much I’ll have to endure for our next one. And why God would put me through that.” She wiped her tears. “I’m sorry. Here I am crying over babies I never knew and you lost your husband.”
Lauren patted her arm. “I was devastated when we couldn’t get pregnant. I became obsessed, charting my ovulation, planning when we’d have sex. Months later I realized my fears and anxieties distracted me from appreciating the great husband and life I had. It wasn’t easy to let go. I continued praying and lifting my heart’s desire to God. I found gratitude for all He had given us and what He was doing in Adam, in our marriage, and in the ministry. Those last five years when we were so devoted to God’s will and His ministry were the best.” She glanced up towards her closed bedroom door. “God chose to wait and give me hope in my mourning. When I wanted to be done with life, the thought of David helped me carry on. And your brother.” Shifting back to the verse, she remembered the dark night so many months before. “He returned from Africa when I was at my lowest. I couldn’t accept him back. I listened to the lies for too long that told me I was alone and he didn’t care. I pushed him away.” Her fingers traced separate us. “He ran inside right before—” She swallowed back the tears.
“I walked by his room one night when he visited after Africa. Through the crack in the door I could see him kneeling on the floor beside the bed and hear him praying for you.” She sighed. “It broke his heart when Adam died. Not only because Adam was his best friend, but because he knew your heart was breaking.”
Lauren inhaled deeply. “Somehow in the pain I feel God’s love. He’s merciful each day in lifting some of the heartache. His grace carries me through each season. I was dreading the holidays. I wanted the house to be filled with love and joy like when Adam was alive. Then Tyler said you were all coming to town.” Lauren grinned weakly. “It was a blessing to have all of you around my dining room table today.”
Kris hugged Lauren. “I know we haven’t spent much time together, but I feel like you’re part of the family. Any friend of my brother’s is a friend of mine.”
“I’ll be praying for you,” Lauren said. “Keep your eyes on the Lord and count your blessings. He’ll wash that fear away.”
“Thank you.” Kris squeezed her as they broke their embrace. “I’ll continue praying for you. I’m glad you let Tyler back into your life.”
Lauren shifted her gaze to Tyler climbing the stairs. “Me too.”
“So,” he said when a step away from them, “this is where the party is?”
Kris reached for Tyler’s hand to stand. “Making sure the boys are down. Has Mom cut the pies?”
“She’s waiting for you,” Tyler told her. “Lauren wants pumpkin with whipped cream. I’ll have apple with ice cream.”
Tyler reached to help Lauren up after Kris left. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “It’s been a great day. Thank you.”
The urge to touch her face overwhelmed him. He had prayed for her the entire week, that peace would fill her heart and mind. All week her eyes sparkled, her smile and laughter increased.
“Apparently it’s not over yet.” He jammed his hands into his pockets. “Your dad said something about beating me at thirty-one. The last time I played that was nine years ago with you guys. Think he whooped me then, too.”
Lauren linked arms with him, sending his pulse soaring. “I’ll share a secret with you.” When she leaned in, he caught a whiff of her perfume. “The trick is to knock if you’re dealt above twenty the first round. Otherwise, try and stack up the points quickly before he knocks.”
Taking a deep breath to clear his head only sent his raging hormones into overdrive. “How about you sit next to me and pass me tens under the table?”
Lauren laughed. “Are you that worried about losing seventy-five cents?” She patted his arm. “Don’t worry, I can spot you three quarters.”
“Oh good. I haven’t carried quarters around since I gave up drinking games.” Tyler squeezed her arm. “Thanks for having us over. Next to God, I’m most thankful for you.”
“I’m thankful you didn’t go away like I told you to when you came home from Africa.” Lauren leaned her head against his arm.
The warmth of her on his arm felt so comfortable. “Sorry, but you’re stuck with me. Speaking of Into the Jungle, did you find a dress when you went shopping with Kris?”
“Yes. Your mom said it’s very fitting for me. Modest, but elegant.”
“Hope she didn’t bug you too much this week. She has a good heart even though at times she’s a bit overbearing.”
“She’s fine.”
They entered the dining room to his mother setting two plates of pie on the table.
“Lauren, dear, your pie is on the table next to Tyler’s,” his mom said walking from the room.
“It’s a little fun to have someone take care of me other than my maid.”
“They definitely love you.” Tyler pulled out her chair. “I told you, you’re part of the family.”
“I feel it.” Lauren smiled. “For sure.”
The screaming began after Lauren attempted to nurse David at six a.m. She burped him, changed him, laid him back down to sleep. Tears rolled down his face as the crying escalated. She had never seen him so upset or been unable to appease him. Lauren was grateful Kris and her family were out the door by eight o’clock to meet her parents for breakfast and shopping.
David launched his pacifier each time Lauren placed it in his mouth, then attempted to fit his entire fist in his mouth instead. The only way he napped was strapped to Lauren in the front pack while she was moving. By noon she was beside herself with all the crying and not being able to put him down for even a minute.
“God, help me. I’m going insane.”
“Lauren coming tonight with your family?” Lucas asked while they went through footage with the editors for the preview.
“Yeah. She’s pretty excited.”
The corner of Lucas’s mouth turned up. “She’s not the only one.”
Tyler shook his head. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been on the edge of your chair since we started this morning, like you can’t wait to be done.”
“It’s always exciting to see the finished project on the big screen.” Tyler shifted. “Don’t you think?”
“Sure.” Lucas folded his arms across his chest. “How long have you known her?”
“Eight-and-a-half years.” Tyler paused. “We’re only friends.”
“Yet she was your distraction while filming in Africa.”
“For a while. Then God taught me contentment in all things. With or without her.”
“So, if she’s no longer your friend tomorrow? You’d be fine?”
A chuckle escaped Tyler as he shook his head. “Not really, but I’d trust the Lord to bind up my wounded heart.”
“I’m looking forward to meeting her. She sounds like an amazing woman.”
“She is. It’s going to be a great night. Let’s finish what we need to do so we can get on with it.”
Tyler called on his way to his Porsche at one p.m. Lauren answered her phone on the third ring.
“Hey, I texted Beth yesterday to set up hair and make-up at the hotel for you, Kris, and Mom. They were going first, so maybe if you’re there around four—”
“I can’t go.”
“What?” He pressed the phone closer to his ear. I couldn’t have heard right.
“David’s been screaming most of the day.” Tyler heard David whimpering in the background. “He’s barely slept, only when he’s on me and I’m moving.” The cries began to escalate. “He’ll eat for like two minutes, then he pushes me away.”
This can’t be happening, he thought. She needs to go.
“It’s okay, buddy,” Tyler could hear her patting David’s back as she spoke. “When I attempted to feed him a few hours ago I realized he has a fever.”
“Can you give him medicine? Maybe he’ll sleep while you’re gone. I mean, it’s only a couple hours—”
She sighed. “I’m sorry, Tyler. He needs me. I can’t go.”
“Of course.” Tyler’s heart sank. “I’m sorry you have to miss it.”
“I am, too. I really want to see it.” The screaming began. “I gotta go. I’m going to call the doctor. Please pray for him.”
“I will.” Tyler exhaled. “Keep me posted.”
“All I want is one night.” He slammed his palm against the steering wheel. “One night of her attention, one night of her on my arm. God, this was the movie that changed me and brought us closer. I wanted her to see what You did when I was obedient to You.”
Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.
“I know it shouldn’t be about pleasing her.” He rested his forehead against the steering wheel. “But I want her to see—”
...I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.
“David takes priority, which he should, but I gave her three months of my life. Now she doesn’t have three hours to spare?”
...I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.
Leaning back, he took a deep breath. “Lord, take care of David. Give the doctors wisdom. Heal him. And be with me tonight. Help me to get over this so I can enjoy myself.”
Teething was the doctor’s diagnosis. Lauren searched for remedies, called the local baby store, asking them to set everything aside for Shelly to pick up.
“Has he been screaming like this all day?” Shelly asked when she arrived.
“Pretty much.” Lauren dug through the bag she dropped on the couch. “Poor guy has a fever, too, which I guess is normal, but he’s totally miserable.” Pulling out the infant medication, she used the dropper to administer the goopy liquid to her baby. Though he squirmed, he smacked his lips. “God, let it work. Please.”
“Some of these go in the refrigerator.” Shelly read the directions on the back of the odd-shaped teething devices she poured on the couch. “I’ll take them to the kitchen.” She glanced at Lauren. “Need anything?”
“A nap.” She yawned.
“Has he gone in the theater yet?” Shelly nodded to the TV.
“No. Probably ten minutes.”
The screaming dwindled to whimpering as she placed him against her chest, rubbing his back. “It’s okay, buddy. You need to relax.”
A new text from Tyler arrived. How’s David?
Just gave him medicine, Lauren texted with one finger. Doctor thinks he’s teething. Praying it works. He’s been screaming all evening and still has a slight fever.
Sorry. :(
Lauren grinned at his text as she responded. It was nice he cared. I’m watching the news. You close to the theater?
Pulling up now. I’ll wave to you. Praying for little guy. And you.
I’ll be waving back. Thanks.
Lauren slid her phone on the table. With each breath, David’s body shifted. The sight of tears on his cheeks broke her heart.
“I love you, buddy.” She kissed away the tears. “We’ll get through this, okay?”
A song came to mind, the one Adam wrote her for her twenty-fifth birthday. His body relaxed a little more with each note she sang. By the end of the song, he was sound asleep.
“Teethers are washed and chilling. I put a couple in the freezer so they’ll get cold faster.”
“Thanks.” Lauren continued swaying David out of fear that he’d wake if she stopped. A limo parked at the curb. “Can you turn it up?” She pointed to the remote on the coffee table. “Tyler texted. I think that’s his.”
Lucas exited first, then his wife, Darlene. Next came Tyler.
He’s always been gorgeous in a tux. Lauren couldn’t help but grin.
True to his promise, the first thing Tyler did was wave to the camera. Then he faced the door, offering his hand. A tall, slender strawberry blonde emerged.
“Who’s that?” Shelly’s confused tone matched Lauren’s thoughts.
“Here we are with the director, Lucas, and his wife, Debra,” the reporter in a sequined evening dress said. “Followed by Tyler Stevens and his co-star, Karen Freeman.”
Lauren couldn’t take her eyes off Karen. Her black dress came several inches above her knees, her neckline revealed too much. She walked confidently, arm linked with Tyler. The conversation with the reporter didn’t attract Lauren’s attention as much as Karen’s hand that slipped from his arm to around his waist.
“She seems awfully friendly.” Shelly’s eyes were also fixed on the screen. “I thought she had a boyfriend.”
“She did. Tyler said they broke up before I went into the hospital.” God, I feel so stupid. How did I not know?
“It’s probably nothing,” Shelly said. “I’m sure it’s for show.”
Karen’s laugh and gaze into Tyler’s face told another story. A story Lauren knew all too well.
“It’s fine,” Lauren said the words she wanted to believe. “He needs someone. He hasn’t dated in a long time.”
“I doubt they’re dating.” Shelly pulled out her phone. “I’ll text Danny. He’d know.”
“No. Don’t.” Lauren forced a smile. “I’m fine. It’s fine.”
“What’s that about?” Tyler glanced from Karen’s hand on his waist to her face once they were walking away from the reporter.
She linked arms with him again. “Being friendly. It’s good publicity.”
“Well, let’s not be too friendly.” Tyler patted her hand as he unlinked their arms. “There’s that whole appearance of evil.”
“Right.” Karen straightened her skirt.
“What’s with your dress? Did it shrink?”
“Nothing wrong with attracting a little attention.” A wry smile appeared on her face. “Especially now that I’m single.”
Shaking his head, Tyler went the opposite direction to find his family.
Shelly watched one program before leaving, but Lauren’s thoughts were on Tyler the entire time, wondering how she didn’t know about him and Karen.
Settling into bed after putting David down, Lauren opened her social media app instead of her Bible. Her feed was filled with pictures of Tyler and Karen, along with the interview with them.
It’s ridiculous to be upset, she thought after rewatching it. We’re only friends.
He should be going out with single people. You’re pulling him down. You don’t care about him. You’re simply afraid to be alone.
Lauren realized the words came from the devil, but they somehow seemed aligned with the truth.
“God, Tyler needs someone,” she prayed aloud. “A good, Christian woman. Bring her to him.” Lauren ran her hand over the empty side of the bed. “And make me okay with being alone.”
The first time he called in the morning, it went straight to her voicemail. He figured either she had her phone off or was talking to someone. When he called at lunch, she answered after the third ring.
“How’s David?” he asked as soon as she answered. “I was going to call last night but the movie went late and I didn’t want to wake you if you were actually asleep.”
“The fever’s gone,” she said. “After he ate, he slept six hours last night. He’s been gnawing on the teething toys Auntie Shelly brought him all morning.”
“Good. You sleep okay?”
“Not bad. How was the movie?”
“Very well done. I wish you were there. We’ll have to see it together soon.”
“So, you had fun?”
Tyler paused at her question. “It was good to see it with my family and Lucas. Hearing the audience’s response is always great. The place was packed out.”
“How’s Karen?”
“A little off, actually.” Tyler wondered why she’d be asking.
“It would be nice to meet her, since you guys are dating.”
“Hmm, we aren’t.” Tyler shook his head. God, help her to not be insecure.
“She seemed pretty comfortable on your arm. I mean, I’m sure you guys became close in Africa.”
The sarcasm in her voice frustrated him. “I told her I didn’t appreciate that when we walked away from the reporters. She had a crush on me, but I made it clear I’m not interested.”
“Well, she’s Christian, right? Maybe you should—”
“I’m not interested.” Tyler cut Lauren off. “I invited her to church again. Her choice in clothes and the amount of alcohol she consumed last night points to her slipping into sin.”
See? They went out together last night. He’s having a great time without you, a demon mocked.
“Since David is better, did you want to get together tonight?” Tyler asked. “I took my family to the airport this morning. I could pick up dinner and bring it to your place.”
He feels sorry for you. You’re simply an afterthought.
“I’m still exhausted. Yesterday was a rollercoaster.” Lauren bit her lip, wondering if there was truth in the lies that surrounded her. “I need to go to bed when he does.”
“I could come early, leave by seven. It doesn’t have to be a late night.”
He pities you for being all...alone. Completely alone.
Closing her eyes, she massaged her temples in an attempt to forget the words that stung. “Thanks, but not tonight. Church tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’ll pick you up in the morning. We can do lunch after?”
“Of course.” Lauren stared at her phone after they hung up, confused about what to think or feel. She was so tired. God, he deserves someone who will love him. Bring him that perfect person.