Last night, I couldn’t sleep. My mind kept going back to Gabriel and the way we left it. It makes me so mad how he keeps pushing me away. Gabriel’s the most attractive man I have ever seen, and he’s the only man I allow myself to think about, from the poker game to the dance we shared. The night he ripped my dress and caressed my skin. The want I have for him is so overpowering. Could this be all lust or something more like the beginning of love? Love, a four-letter word that can screw everything up. A word I never imagined myself uttering, and the emotion I have never experienced.

Either way it goes, I’ll be fine. Whether he wants me or not. I’ll find a way never to go back from where I came. Catherine said if Gabriel chooses not to have me in his life, she will help me find someone else. So, I can do this; I will just have to find someone else. Easy, right? if I could only stop thinking about Gabriel.

Last night, I watched him standing there covered in blood, and all I wanted was to be his. I was scared to death he might have been injured, and it just made me realize he already has my heart. I now need him to feel the same. I need him to want and need me. I want him to find his comfort with me. I want to be his wife, lover, and confidant.

But then he ruined it by telling me he couldn’t. He pushed me away. Well, we will see about that. I walked out of that room frustrated and angry. How dare Gabriel determine what’s going to happen? If he doesn’t want me, fine; I’ll show him someone else will. Maybe as Catherine said, he just needs some competition.

I awoke with the idea that I would start looking for someone to play the role of a doting admirer. I leave my room, deciding I wanted a day of tanning while figuring out a plan.

As I head outside, I hear Catherine talking to Zander and Liam. That’s when I overhear that Gabriel’s still here. He’s somewhere in the house passed out. Excellent, now I just have to get the boys to be by my side when he comes down.

“Hey, guys. I was going to go for a swim. Would the two of you like to join me?”

They both smile and say, “Hell, yes!”

“Great!  Get changed and meet me out there when you’re ready. I’ll just lay out for a while.”

I know once Gabriel sees me out by the pool, he won’t be able to resist coming to me.

Once he comes out, I know I need to do more to gain his attention, to show him he does want me. Now I need to prove it to him. I ask Zander to rub my back with lotion, but not Liam. I knew Zander would irritate him more. Liam is too playful and shows no interest in me sexually, but Zander? He is sex on legs. I feel sorry for the woman who crosses his path, the one who will finally be his. She better be one hell of a woman, because that man is trouble with a capital T.

My plan works like a charm. The minute Zander starts rubbing my back, Gabriel goes nuts, proving he won’t let another man have me. I can work with this. I’m just sorry I have to use Zander this way. I like him and Liam, and I never want to come between any of them.

When Gabriel leaves us, I decide I would make it up to them by having the best day we can have. I’ll forget about Gabriel for now and concentrate on them.

Today was truly the most fun I ever had!  Zander and Liam are like brothers to me.

With the sun coming down and exhaustion taking hold, we call it a day. I kiss and hug them goodbye before I head inside to get cleaned up.

I go into my bathroom to take a shower. I look at myself in the mirror, I mean really look at myself. I see more confidence, and I feel stronger knowing I got Gabriel to react the way I wanted him to. I start stripping my bikini off and look at my body; I have a thin figure with just the right amount of curves, my breasts are a C cup, I learned, and they’re round and perky. My stomach is flat, and my hips slightly push out to my round behind that I always tried to cover. It is beautiful. I never allowed myself to appreciate my curves; it was always something to be hidden. But from now on, I will use it to my advantage. I just need to find a way to get comfortable with the idea of sex.

I turn the water on and jump in the shower. I tell myself I can do this. I need to explore to get accustomed to feeling sexual. I lather my hands and start caressing my neck. I close my eyes and imagine Gabriel touching me. His large hands are on me. I feel him as if he were here, standing behind me. I imagine his breath on my neck, and I glide my hands down to my breast. Running a finger over my nipple, I pinch and feel it throughout my body. I continue downward, touching myself, and it feels good. Imagining Gabriel is all the encouragement I need to speed up. I feel like I’m about to explode; this sensation is incredible. For the first time, I feel comfortable enough to explore.  Suddenly, I’m jolted away from my pleasure by a knock on the door. Shit. It’s Catherine.

“Fallon, are you finished? I’d like to speak with you.”

“I’m coming.” But obviously, I won’t be.

I hurry and dress. Catherine is waiting for me in my bedroom. When I open the door, she is sitting on the chair next to the balcony.

“Hi, Catherine, what’s going on?”

“Seems like you’ve been a busy girl. So, you tell me what’s going on.”

I shrug and say, “I changed my mind; I decided I want Gabriel, no matter what.”

“About time, girl. I don’t know what changed your mind, and I don’t care, but I’m glad.”

“Me, too.”

“So, you used Zander to piss Gabriel off.”

I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry, Catherine. I didn’t mean to hurt either of them, but I had to see.”

“To see if he cared that another man touched you.”

“Yes.”

“Well, it worked. I’m not happy that it put them against each other, but all is fair in love and war. Your experiment was a success. But you cannot continue to use my son like that. Find another man.”

“I will.” I start to consider last night again and decide I need to tell Catherine. “Even though Gabriel reacted the way I wanted, he still told me last night he didn’t want me. So, I don’t know how far I can go with this game before he doesn’t even want to look at me.”

“He says he doesn’t want you, but his reactions are a contradiction.”

“What do you mean by his reactions? There was only one.”

“Besides the way he looks at you and today’s little tisk. I have more information. He has a girl he calls every so often; her name is Brittany. She’s a professional. He calls her when he needs to release some tension. I spoke to her this morning and she informed me that she had a date with Gabriel a couple of nights ago. She claims during their activity, he screamed out the name Fallon.”

Confused, I ask, “Why would she tell you that?”

“She’s also on my payroll.”

“What do you mean? You pay her?”

“I pay her and a few others.”

“Why?”

“Dear girl, I can find out so much more from whom and what a man does between the sheets than any other situation. My girls fill me in on their moods, their habits, and their kinks, which all are very useful.”

“So, you even have Gabriel’s girls telling you about him?”

“Just the important things. I also had my husband’s mistress on the payroll. Remember that for the future; you might need it. A mistress you can control will be your best ally.”

“This is supposed to make me happy? That Gabriel was with someone else?”

With a shake of her head, she continues. “What should make you happy is that he called for you. Brittany is the best at what she does, and his mind was not on her, it was on you. Something like that doesn’t happen to girls like her. So yes, you should be happy.”

“I’d like to meet her. Can you make that happen?” I don’t know why I asked, but I’m curious.

Catherine stands up to leave, smiles at me, and says it’s already set up.

How the hell does she do that? Always predicting what’s going to happen next.

Even though Catherine might be right about having certain girls on the payroll, it still doesn’t make me feel any better knowing Gabriel slept with someone else, or the fact of her bringing it to my attention.

I do want to meet Brittany, though. I want to see if I can learn anything from her. What kind of woman does he like? Why does he see her, and what he’s like in bed? After all, as Catherine says, knowledge is power!

The following week goes by without any distractions, quiet and peaceful. I haven’t seen Gabriel or his brothers again.

The next day, Jeffery meets me in the library and tells me I have a dinner appointment with Mrs. Catherine’s friend Brittany.

I thank him and return to my reading until it’s time to dress. I go the extra mile tonight, wanting to look my best in front of the woman who sleeps with Gabriel. Jealousy is an ugly thing, but I can’t help feeling it towards a woman I’ve never met. Even though he has Angelle, I didn’t find myself jealous of her. Brittany makes him happy in a way I can’t understand, but I want to.

Vin’s outside waiting for me when I arrive at the door. He opens the back door and helps me in. He drives to Commander’s Palace, an elegant restaurant in New Orleans. He helps me out as the valet driver takes the car keys from him. We enter and are greeted by the hostess. Once I give her my name, she tells me my friend has already been seated. Vin is seated by himself not far, but not with me and my dinner date. She then ushers me through to a private table, where I get my first look at Brittany. She is what I expected: beautiful, tall, lean, and a brunette with shoulder-length hair. She greets me with a handshake.

“Hello, Fallon, I’m Brittany, although I’m sure you already figured that out.”

“Yes, but I appreciate the courtesy.”

“So, you are the famous Fallon. You’re stunning, but I’m sure you already know that.”

“As are you.”

“Well, Gabriel does have great taste.” She chuckles.

As she says that, I take a deep breath. I’d like to grab her hair and give it one hell of a yank. Jealousy is a bitch.

She takes my pause as just that.

“You know, Fallon, you don’t have to be worried about me. I’m no threat to you, or your relationship with Gabriel.”

I laugh. I couldn’t help it.

“My relationship with Gabriel is nonexistent, or it’s at least one-sided.”

She tilts her head and says, “I don’t think so. I think he likes you more than you think. From my experience, a man does not have sex with one woman and call out the name of another if he doesn’t like her or want her.”

“Yes, well, I’m not sure about that. Gabriel claims I am nothing to him, and he doesn’t want me at all.”

She stares at me and smiles. “I can guarantee you he does. He has never done anything like that before, even though he sleeps with more women than just me. He has never called out any name, not even mine.”

I like her, but I still need more information, so I ask, “Catherine says you’re a friend to her. Are you going to be my friend, too?”

She wiggles in her chair and nods. “If that’s what you want. I’ve always been glad to help when I can. It’s kind of my specialty, you see. I give people what they need. And Catherine says we’ll be friends. So, what do you need from me, Fallon?”

I think about it; can I be brave enough to ask her what I want to know? I must, to gain some insight into Gabriel. He wants and needs something enough from her, that he’s willing to pay her for it. So, without any more delay, I say, “I’d like to know exactly what you do for Gabriel that makes it worth him paying for.”

As soon as I’m finished asking, the waitress interrupts and asks what we would like to order. I tell her we would like a bottle of 1998 Veuve Clicquot La Grande Dame. It’s not the most expensive champagne, but it’s rich and warm. My teachers taught me well.

Brittany seems impressed. “I love your selection. Now back to your question. Men hire me for many various reasons, but Gabriel can have any woman anytime he wants. He hires me when he needs to relieve some stress.”

“Relieve stress? What do you mean?”

She smiles and squints her eyes. “You know you hide it well.”

I’m confused by what she means. “Hide what well?”

“Your innocence. Catherine said you aren’t experienced in sex. She said you might be shy with some of your questions. So, I’m a little worried about how much to tell you.”

We’re interrupted again by the waitress bringing out our bottle and pouring us each a glass. I thank her and tell her we would like to remain undisturbed, we would handle the rest of the bottle ourselves.

I begin. “Please don’t be. I might not be experienced, but I need to know as much as you are willing to tell me.”

She nods her head. “Gabriel is a very attentive lover. He thrives on being able to make women feel good, but sometimes he needs to just worry about himself. When he’s had a horrible or stressful day, he wants to let the beast out. If you know what I mean.”

Beast? Does she mean, like, he beats on her or tries to rape her?

“Do you mean he’s cruel?”

She laughs. “No, Gabriel’s not cruel, and trust me, I know cruel men.” She looks around the room to make sure we are not being overheard. “I mean, he just wants to fuck with abandonment. He wants it rough and fast. He doesn’t want to be like that with other women, because a lot of women in his circle would be turned off by it. They would think it was dirty or scandalous. Most of the women in high society are raised to be a princess and expect a man to treat them softly.”

“Do you like it like that, rough?” I can’t help it; shit just comes pouring out of my mouth.

“Yes, I like it all different ways, but allowing yourself to be taken by a man like that is sexy as fuck. Those prudes have no idea what they're missing.”

I start feeling like I can trust Brittany. Either that, or it’s the champagne starting to get to me, but I feel like I can talk to her as a friend.

“Can I tell you the truth, Brittany?”

“You can trust me, Fallon. Our relationship doesn’t work if you don’t, and you know I would never do anything to piss off Catherine. She’s always been good to me.”

I like hearing that. For some reason, it brings me comfort, so I start.

“I’m scared. I’ve never been with anyone, and I’m worried I won’t be enough for Gabriel, and I want him to only want me.”

“I see. Well, I can tell you he wants you now; the rest will be up to you. To make him not want any other, you’ll have to be his everything. That means you’ve got to trust him fully. I can also tell you he is not a violent man when it comes to women. He would never hurt you physically. He has a lot of women after him. I’m sure you know about Angelle. She’s a bitch, that one. I might not be a threat to you, but I wouldn’t turn my back on her. She has been trying to get her filthy claws into him for a long time.”

“Yes, I’ve met Angelle. She doesn’t seem to like me very much.”

“No, I don’t think she would. You’re about to gain something she will never be able to: Gabriel.”

“How do you know for sure?” I ask.

“Catherine wouldn’t have asked me to speak to you if you weren’t meant to be his, and that means you and I will have a very fruitful future together, even if it’s not through Gabriel. That choice will be up to you.”

We end up finishing our whole bottle of champagne, then we decide to move to the bar. I’m having a good time with Brittany; she’s fun and caring. I like her and hope we can keep a friendship going. I don’t care what she does for a living, she’s a good person. After a couple of more drinks, we are both getting drunk – and to hell with it, I could care less. I’m twenty-one, and it’s time I have some fun with a drinking buddy.

“Hey Brittany, does it hurt?” I’m going to blame the alcohol for my outburst.

“Does what hurt?”

“My first time. I never had anyone to talk to about stuff like this, you know.”

“Well, my first wasn’t the best, but yeah, it hurts, but only for a minute, then Gabriel will make it all better.”

She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and we both burst out laughing.

“Seriously, Fallon, don’t worry, he will be gentle with you. He does know, doesn’t he?”

“I don’t know. How could he? It’s not like he asked, ‘Hey Fallon, you’re a virgin, right?’” using my absurd manly voice to get my point across of how ridiculous it would be for him just to come straight out and ask.  Brittany laughs so hard, she almost falls off her stool.

“You never know, Fallon. Some men can tell, and don’t ask how, because I have no clue. It’s not like you virgins wear signs saying ‘Right here is an untouched pussy.’”

I laugh out. “Oh my God, can you imagine?”

“I’m imagining it right now. Pretty and untouched, you would have swinging dicks hitting you from every direction.” The alcohol is definitely affecting Brittany, too.

“Dicks? Ha! I’ve never even seen one. Tell me, what does Gabriel’s look like?”

Well, that stunned her. “Wow, okay...maybe you’ve had too much to drink. I think you should be surprised, but I can tell you, you won’t be disappointed.”

She winks at me.

I raise my little pinky in the air and tell her, “This size at this point wouldn’t disappoint me.”

She nearly spits her drink out and tells me, “Well, my little virgin, that size would disappoint any woman. After having sex with that, you would still be a virgin. Thank God you won’t have to worry about that.”

We finish our drinks, and Vin walks up to us. “All right, you two, it’s getting late.” He looks at Brittany and tells her, “I’ll drive you home first and have someone pick up your car and bring it to you in the morning.”

She agrees and starts flirting with him. “Good, because we’re drunk. Whoa, hey, you’re a very big boy, aren’t you?”

The words slur out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Oh shit, Brittany, leave my bodyguard alone, will ya? Get your own.”

She winks and says, facing Vin, “But yours is just right, huh, big boy?”

“Okay, I’ll loan him to you.”

“You hear that, Vin? She’s going to let me borrow you.”

Vin tells us, “OK, ladies, time to go.”