I watch Zander hit Gabriel, and I know why. Zander has always been my protector. Even as a child, that boy was relentlessly protective. I never wanted him to defend me against his brother. They are my life, and to know I could come between them would kill me.  

“No, Zander! No!”

“Tell him!”

My youngest, Liam, stands and says, “What the fuck is going on here? Tell us what, Mother?”

Before I can stop him, Zander answers, “He hit her. He hit her more than once. He was a piece of shit!”

I watch Vin’s face and see the sorrow he has. He and Zander both know, they’ve witnessed way too much.

Now I have no choice. For the first time in a long time, my choice has been taken from me. I reluctantly need to tell them all, but will they accept what I am going to reveal?

“Zander, please sit down, son. I will tell you all, then I hope you will understand why I did everything for all of you. Boys, your father was not what you all think. I was a nobody from nowhere, and when I met your father, he was so handsome, strong, and wealthy. He was supposed to be my Prince Charming, but that was a joke. He promised me the moon, and I took it. I married him, not for love, but for wealth. Don’t misunderstand, he didn’t love me either. He just wanted a pretty thing on his arm. We got along just fine, so long as I allowed him to do everything he wanted, which I couldn’t always provide. Then I got pregnant with you, Gabriel, and he started to change. I thought I could love him; he was attentive and loving throughout my pregnancy. Once you were born, things went well for a while. He then started with desires I could not fulfill, and he had addictions.”

Liam holds my hand. “Mom, I’m sorry. Why wouldn’t you tell us?”

“Because, my angel, I didn’t want any of you to know. After a few years, your father started spending more than he made. The business was neglected, and it was starting to lose money fast. He had accumulated a large amount of debt. We couldn’t pay, so I had no choice but to act. I had a child now; you see, Gabriel, I was not ever going to let you suffer as I had. I had no choice but to use what I had and make the business untouchable. A mother will always protect her children. I had to do it for all of you. I might have been a bitch, even feared, but I did what I knew needed to be done. It was to protect all of you.”

“How did Zander find out, and we didn’t?” Gabriel asked.

“When Zander was just a boy, he saw. He saw your father hit me when I was pregnant with Liam. I tried to protect him and my unborn child. I forced Zander out of the room. Later, I explained to him he could never tell anyone, not even you, Gabriel.”

Gabriel looks like he’s trying to decide whether I am telling the truth or not. He states, “I don’t remember ever seeing you bruised.”

“I tried so hard not to show anyone. I covered myself as much as I could and used makeup made to cover tattoos. There were times, if you remember, I couldn’t be with any of you for days. Those were the times there was nothing I could find to help with my injuries, so I told you I had to go away for work. See, boys, if I let people know, it would have only made me look weak. For what I needed to do, I couldn’t have anyone know what I was privately going through. Not even my sons. I had to protect you all.”

“Mom, why didn’t you leave?” Liam asks.

“Leave to go where, Liam? I had no family, no real friends, and with the business failing, I had no money. Where would I have gone? I had no choice but to stay. I had to assure your future, all of your future.”

I remember one incident in particular.

“One time it had gotten so bad, I decided to leave and threatened him with it. He grabbed Gabriel and left. I looked all over for him. I was willing to lay my life down for you, Gabriel, just to get you back. Later that night, one of your father’s prostitutes called me. She claimed to have you and said your father was out of his mind. I went and found you. She had been watching you, but she called because she was afraid your father had overdosed. I wish he had. That’s the night I knew I had to make all his affairs mine, even who he slept with. Years later, by the time I had the business where it was secure, I had three children, and your father was so far in his addiction, he was of no use to anyone. The other girls your father had over the years gave me the time I needed to deal with everything else. So, I became free to do what was needed.”

I look back at a quiet Vin. He won’t say any more than I’ve told.

Zander tells them, “When I was a teenager, I found Mom on the floor. I found him sitting in the corner, staring. I wanted to kill him, but she wouldn’t let me. He got up and attacked me. He called me a bastard, then started wailing on me. By this time, I was bigger, and I made sure I took him down. Mom had to jump on my back to get me off him.  She said he wasn’t worth it, and he wasn’t. For years I had to hear you, Gabriel, your complaining and bitching how mother was the bad one, but you never saw, Gabriel; you never wanted to see. All you wanted was the fantasy, for our father to be the hero. Well, he wasn’t!  You blamed her for him not being the father you needed. I kept her secret because she didn’t want to look weak to you or anyone else.”

Gabriel looked at me, and I knew what he was thinking. Knowing what he had to ask.

“Did you kill him?”

“No, son, I didn’t kill your father. I wanted to, but I couldn’t kill him; not the father of my children. I will tell you, though, I never had a choice in anything I ever did. I didn’t have a choice when he beat me, or how I covered my bruises and scars. I had no choice in how to protect any of you, but that night after he hit Zander, I had a choice, and I chose to watch him die as he overdosed. I chose not to help him, and to be honest, I don’t regret it at all.”

Gabriel looks over to Zander. “Is that why you thought I might hurt Fallon?”

“Yes. I failed protecting Mother for years, but I will not allow you to ever hurt Fallon,” Zander answers him.

“I would never hurt Fallon. I would rather die.”

I touch his arm and say, “I know you won’t. You are right, Gabriel, you are not your father; none of you are. I raised each of you better than that. That’s why it’s important to me that each of you has a strong woman, not to control you, but to help you when you feel like you can’t go on. She can be your strength.”

Gabriel bows his head, stands up from the chair next to me, then falls on his knees, where he reaches out to hold me; just like he did when he was a child.

“I’m sorry, Mom...I’m so sorry.”

He hugs me like when he was younger. I melt into him. He is my son, my oldest, and I never wanted to hurt him by crushing the idea he had of his father. I never wanted to see pity in any of their eyes for me. None of them deserves to know everything I went through, and hopefully, they never will.

After Mom and I console each other, I feel the need to get away. So much has been said, and I need time to process everything, knowing I have to find a way to forgive myself for years of thinking my mother was one of those women who ate men alive for entertainment. I was so blinded by my father. I remember him being happy at times, and I held those memories dear to my heart, like the times when he would sit on the floor and play with me. But looking back, they weren’t that often, and I never remember him playing with Liam; not once do I remember him holding him. Zander neither, come to think of it. I saw some interactions, but he never treated him like he did me.

Zander was right, all I wanted was for him to be my hero. I let myself believe he wasn’t because of her. I thought she made him that way, while the truth was, he made her the way she is. It was Mom who raised and taught me everything.

It’s going to take time for me to wrap my head around the truth, and I need space. I ask Mother to tell Fallon I’m fine, but I need time to think. Also, to tell her to stay here. The last thing I want to do is fight and take my aggression out on her – or worse, run to her for comfort. I don’t want her thinking I can’t handle it. I need her to know I can stand on my own two feet, and right now I can barely stand at all.

I hear yelling from downstairs. I think about going to see what is going on, but I decide it best to stay where I am. If Gabriel wants me out of the family business, this is a good place to start.

About an hour later, Catherine enters my room. She looks devastated. I can tell she had been crying.

She walks to sit on the bed with me and says, “Fallon, the boys learned some things about their father today that I don’t want to repeat, but Gabriel left. He said for me to tell you he needs time. I suggest you give him that time.”

“What’s going on, Catherine? Where did he go?”

“I’m sure he went to the casino. He needs to take his mind off learning his father and I are not the people he thought.”

I shake my head, trying to understand what she is saying, but I can’t.

“I don’t understand.”

“I know, but Fallon, give him time. Then when he’s ready, he will explain everything to you. It’s his story to tell. Come here, Fallon.”

I move over to her, and she hugs me and smooths my hair. We stay like this for a few minutes before I ask, “Will he be all right? You’re scaring me.”

“I know he will; he is stronger than even he knows. But when he does come to you, he will need your strength to see him through. Promise you will be there for him.”

“Always, Catherine. I love him.”

She nods her head, stands, and tells me I am welcome to stay with her until Gabriel comes to get me; in fact, she says that’s what Gabriel preferred.

“I’ll think about it.”

She nods again, then leaves the room. What the hell happened? Could the fight be about me? But she mentioned his father, so I know it wasn’t me.

What do I do now? Do I stay here, or go home and wait for him there? I decide, then go find Vin sitting in the kitchen. I ask him to drive me home. If my husband needs me, then I intend on being there for him.