I didn’t know what to expect with Gabriel or where he would bring me. I knew, though, the minute Gabriel walked me in what kind of place this was. He brought me here as a test. Well, fuck him. I’ll show him I can surpass any of his expectations.

Gabriel introduces me to a handsome older gentleman in a sophisticated suit named Theodore Trahan. I’ve heard of him; everyone has. His size alone is intimidating. At first I was taken aback, but then I’ve been taught by Catherine not to let men like this intimidate me. He was pleasant enough, and then Gabriel introduces me as his fiancée. Well, that wouldn’t do, so I immediately correct his error. All the men are very nice, except for Teddy. He’s handsome but kinda gives me the creeps. Then Gabriel holds my hand, and I feel safe even in this room and at this table with all these criminals. My fear dies the second Gabriel’s hand finds mine. He shocks me, though, when Theo wants to discuss business and won’t let me go. The fear comes back because I know this is it, no turning back; he is determined for me to hear enough that I can’t ever leave. As they talk, I understand everything being discussed. Stupid or not, I have solved their problem, but I’m not sure how these men will accept my input. Nevertheless, I go for it. I think Theo is agreeable, but Gabriel stays aloof; maybe I stepped too far out of the lines. Is he mad? I wish I knew; he’s so hard to read sometimes.

Now Gabriel leads me to our table, where we’ll be alone. I fear this more than meeting Theodore Trahan.

When we approach the table, he removes his hand from my lower back and I instantly miss it. The warmth and security it gave me is now gone.

Gabriel orders a bottle of wine, then asks if I have a preference for our meal.

“You order, Gabriel. I’m interested to see what you think I might enjoy.”

He places the order, and I’m shocked; it’s exactly what I would have ordered.

“How am I doing so far?” he asks playfully.

“Better than I would have thought. On...umm...what are we calling this, our first date?”

Gabriel smiles, and I melt.

“I guess this would be considered our first date, although I did ruin your original plans. I’d like to think I can make it up to you.”

I look around the room and tell him, “Interesting choice of venue.”

“In what way?”

“I figure you chose this place to test me. Am I right, Gabriel?”

His smile grows. “I guess in a way it is. Fallon, if you want to be a part of my life, then I needed to show you what it would look like. See how and if you could handle it.”

“Did you think those men and their fancy suits were going to scare me?”

“I scare you, and I wear fancy suits.”

“Yes, you do, but it’s all in the way a man wears the suit. Theodore and all his friends are proud men. They don’t try to hide the fact of exactly who they are. You, on the other hand, wear yours like a shield to keep people from seeing the real you. I always fear what I can’t see out in the open. You know, Gabriel, I’m not going to be a part of your life. I turned down your ring, and you just can’t seem to get over it.”

Now he looks pissed, but then he recovers quickly and states, “So, you think using my brother would piss me off? That proves what exactly?”

“Gabriel, I would never use Liam in that way. I truly enjoy his company. He’s my friend.”

“He’s your friend? You didn’t even seem to care where he went off to or the fact that we didn’t even tell him goodbye.”

Now I smile and say, “But I didn’t need to. I already know what happened to Liam. You’re the one who didn’t consider your brother.”

“Well, do tell. Where is Liam right now?”

“He is balls deep in the hostess at the restaurant we were at.”

Gabriel chokes on his wine, practically spitting it out onto the table. I can’t help laughing.

“Balls deep,” Gabriel repeats.

“Yep, he has been sleeping with her for a while now, and they had already made arrangements for after our date. You see, Gabriel, Liam and I are friends, that’s all.”

“OK, and what about Zander?”

“Ha, Zander. Now, that is another beast altogether. He’s like no other; tall, broad, handsome, and very sexy.”

Gabriel's hands tighten into a fist, and I can see the rage of jealousy steaming off him, so I laugh.

“Gotcha!”

“What?”

“Come on, Gabriel. I love Zander, and no, not that kind of love. I love him as a big brother. He’s very protective of me, and I like him being that way. I’ve never had anyone who wanted to protect me. Besides, he loves to push your buttons. He loves seeing your reactions. But no, neither of your brothers are for me.”

“So, am I for you, then?”

“No, I don’t think so. I –”

“Why, Fallon, I thought that’s what you and my mother wanted?”

“It is, or at least it was. I don’t know how Catherine thought she could trick all of you into believing she had no intentions of me marrying you, but plans change.”

“What changed?”

I lower my voice. “You happened. I met you.”

“Me? What, am I not good enough for you? Am I not what you want? Not like Miles?”

“Leave Miles out of this. When Catherine asked me to come for you, I wasn’t expecting to…”

“To what, Fallon?”

“To feel, Gabriel. And you...you fought it every step of the way. You’re so determined not to feel anything for me, so you can prove a point to your mother. It’s sad, really; Catherine believes with all her heart you are the strongest, yet you are still weak when it comes to your mother.”

“Weak? You think I’m weak? I’m obviously not the person you think.”

“Really? You’re so worried about your mother’s control over you, you don’t realize how much that woman loves you and is willing to do for you. She brought me here because one day she feared she might not be here for you and you would need someone on your side, but you are too blind to see that. She just wants to know she could find you a woman who would always be there for you, like she was. Now tell me, how is that so bad? I wish I’d had a mother with just a pinch of the affection Catherine gives to you boys.”

There’s silence for a few minutes while Gabriel ponders what I said.

“Fallon, you mentioned Zander and his protectiveness and Catherine’s affection. Why do you talk about it like you’ve never experienced any of it before?”

“What do you want to know, Gabriel?”

“Everything.”

Everything? How can I tell him everything? Will he understand? Will he think I am beneath him?   

“Fallon, look at me.”

“Why, Gabriel? Why do you want to know everything? It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does to me. Fallon, please give me something.”

“All right, Gabriel. I’ll tell you all about how I grew up with an alcoholic mother who didn’t care for me outside of what I could do for her. I’ll tell you how I slept outside in the cold night for days on end and how I dug through the neighbor’s trash for something to eat, because my stomach was turning in on itself. What about how I was tossed in and out of foster care? How I couldn’t sleep without a weapon, which in fact was just a dull steak knife because I was scared to be molested or raped, even in my own home? How about the fact that my mother didn’t want me anymore, because once my body grew her jealousy turned into rage? All for the lust in men’s eyes. How I made it to this age without being touched is a miracle. See, Gabriel, I’m not afraid of lust; I’m used to it, and I see lust in your eyes, too. The problem is, with you I like it and want more. I want more from you. I survived it all, and I don’t want to have to survive you; that scares me.”

“Fallon – f ”

“No, Gabriel, don’t. I don’t want your pity. You wanted the truth, I’ll give it to you. Your mother found me, sought me out. I was working in a crappy diner and living in a crappier apartment I couldn’t afford in the worst part of this city. Why she wanted me, I don’t know. She saw something in me, but you need to know, I’m not that same scared little girl anymore. Your mother took me in, educated me, taught me culture and class so I could hold my head high in front of anyone. She taught me her skills in everything. She told me I was special and how proud she was of me. She fed me, clothed me, and put a roof over my head. For that, I will always be grateful and indebted to her for the rest of my life.”

“Fallon, I don’t pity you. I respect you. You came through all those things, and it made you stronger. My mother was right: you are special, and you are mine.”

“No, Gabriel, I thought I could go through with it, but Catherine changed me. She gave me the idea that I deserved more than just to be a survivor. I don’t want to marry a man who has the power to destroy me, and you can, Gabriel. I want your lust, but I want more, and you’re not willing to give that to me.”

“Fallon, I do care for you.”

We stare at each other without saying anymore, till it becomes suffocating. I break the trance and tell him, “I would like to go home now, please.”

Without another word, Gabriel pays the bill and pulls out my chair, then we walk out and he helps me into the car.