Lena
I go crazy waiting for the next day to come. I’m so impatient; I want to see Booster again. I want to ride with him on his bike, wrap myself around him. I want to be buried in his arms and—
I want to tell him about our child.
I almost did yesterday. He surprised me at the school, and to be honest? I would have never expected a gesture like that from Booster. He’s not the romantic sort. Not like that, at least. But I have the flowers that he gave me sitting on my dresser—one of them in the thick braid that I’ve done my hair up in for the day.
As I think about it, it would have been the perfect time. Him romantically giving me flowers, and then I in turn telling him the news that we were going to have a child? It would have been icing on the cake, and he had already given me a hell of a kiss in front of the whole parking lot; would he have picked me up and twirled me? Shouted in happiness? Whooped? Passed out?
What? It could happen. You always hear such silly stories about men who do that when they find out their wives or girlfriends are pregnant, and the news is such a shock that they can’t even take it.
I laugh. It would have been comical to see Booster faint, but I’m looking forward to whatever reaction he may have today when I tell him. I’ve got one of the tests in my pocket, ready to show him so it’s there—proof. I’m certain that he’s going to be happy either way.
When I hear the knock on my front door, I hastily look myself over in my mirror one last time before dashing down, making sure to lock up before I head over to Booster.
I can never stop myself from feeling so overwhelmed by the sight of him on his bike. It always makes my face heat up, always has me biting my lip because it brings up such hot, flustered feelings within me, it’s hard to push them back sometimes. Then again … I don’t really have to push them back, do I? The thought has me smiling as I bound over to him, instantly kissing him once I’m close.
My enthusiasm seems to take him off guard. He laughs against my mouth before he wraps his arms around me, pulling and keeping me close to him.
“Someone’s excited for today.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve been able to head out. Of course I’m excited. Come on. Let’s go!”
“You gotta get on in order for us to go anywhere, doll.”
I scramble onto the back of the bike, arms wrapped around Booster tightly. I nudge him, almost impatient in my excitement.
“Well, come on. I’m on the back now, let’s go!”
Booster laughs, and I love the sound of it. We peel off and head out onto the road.
I’ve gotten used to riding on the back of his bike by now. Where there was a small twinge of fear each time in the beginning, now there’s nothing but pure adrenaline. I do wonder if all the excitement is bad for the baby or not—it’s something that I’ll definitely look into. I know that our outings like this won’t be happening when I’m bigger; too much risk there. But perhaps I can cash in and get what I can in the meantime.
With that thought out of the way, I enjoy the ride. We get out on the highway, zipping and zooming. I don’t think we have an actual destination. Booster just seems to be leading us out wherever he wants us to go, and I’m okay with that. He hasn’t steered us wrong yet, has he? It gives me the freedom to lay my head against his shoulder and enjoy the smoothness of the ride. I have my hands splayed over his chest and can feel the beat of his heart against my palms.
Why does this feel so right?
I smile, deciding that I know the answer to that.
We eventually pull off the highway and onto a longer stretch of deserted road. There’s nothing but mountain on either side of us; I’ve definitely not been out this way.
“Where are we going?” I shout loud enough I know Booster can hear me over the insistent, powerful roar of his bike’s engine.
“You’ll see,” he calls back to me. “It’s a surprise.”
He’s been full of surprises lately, but I’m coming to find that I like them enough that I’m not going to question them just yet. I’m curious about where we’re going and what we’re doing, and when Booster finally pulls off the road again, I’m not disappointed.
He’s brought us to an overlook, a little pull out from the road that looks out over into the valley. It’s … gorgeous. Still early enough that there’s fog rolling down from where we are into it, and the colors of the valley are still a cool blue-green. It’s surreal, and as I get off the bike to get closer I’m struck by how impossibly beautiful this is—and how romantic.
“Nice, isn’t it? When I was first learning how to ride, my uncle would bring me out here and have me ride up and down this stretch of road. We’d plop down here and eat sandwiches that we prepped beforehand.”
“That sounds so nice.”
“It was.”
I laugh.
“We didn’t bring any sandwiches, though.”
“Nah, but I’m sure we’ll get some eating in at some point. There’s a diner not too far from here.”
He comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. He’s tall enough that his chin can rest on my head, and for a while, we stand there, looking out over the gorgeous valet below us. The fog eventually begins to thin, revealing a quaint dotting of houses and small neighborhood roads at the bottom of the valley. I smile.
This is … so lovely …
As we stand there, his hands rub over my stomach. Small circles of his fingers rub into me there, and I wonder—does he, instinctually, on some level, know that our child is beneath those fingers?
I slide my hand over his, squeezing before I turn around in his arms. I’ve never had moments like this—soft, romantic moments with men. I’ve barely even dated. I’ve fooled around some because what woman doesn’t want a little companionship here and there? But this … I want this.
Turning around, I loop my arms around Booster’s shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss. Admittedly, I let him make a lot of the moves first. It seems like something that makes sense with him. But this is as natural as breathing, pulling him to me. I sigh against his mouth and enjoy the way he tightens his hold around me.
I don’t think about the fact that anyone could come riding around at anytime and see us. Booster makes me forget a lot of things that I should remember, sometimes. It’s all right, though. I slide my hands into his hair, darting my tongue out to part his lips as I kiss him deeper. Already, his cock is hardening; I can feel it in the press against my belly.
I want him, now. Out here in the open. I slide my hands into his kutte, intent on pulling him closer to me. My fingers slide into the denim and grasp onto a small pocket that’s inside them. I think to use it as leverage but—
My brows furrow, coming across something silken soft in the pocket. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull out of the kiss as I pull whatever the material is out of his pocket.
My eyes widen.
It’s a silky, slinky pair of panties, and they’re definitely not mine. Upon this realization, I drop them, not knowing whose they are or who they belong to—just that I don’t want to touch them with my bare hands. They drop to the ground between mine and Booster’s feet, and he looked down, confused at first before his eyes widened.
And then … he starts to laugh.
“Oh, shit, I completely forgot that those were there,” he says, as if this is some kind of joke. He stoops down and goes to pick them up, tucking them back into his kutte. “Funny story—”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
There’s a ringing in my ears, and I feel … numb. I don’t know what to think. I didn’t expect to find a pair of someone else’s underwear in Booster’s jacket, and I sure as hell didn’t expect him to go on about it like it was some kind of joke.
“What?” He seems confused.
“I want to go home.”
I feel stupid. His stipulation on my not being with anyone else was obviously one-sided—and as I stand there continuing to feel stupid, I realize I should have known that he was probably getting it from somewhere else, too. My mind imagines Booster doing this with another woman … maybe even several. Maybe whatever woman these panties belong to was someone who Booster was permanently interested in. Maybe the reason he chose me was because his other options couldn’t—
I think I’m going to be sick, and it has nothing to do with being pregnant.
“Wait. Lena. Come on, let me explain—”
“I said I want to go home, Booster.”
I start to walk away from him, around him. He grabs my arm and pulls me back to him, and I’m quick to jerk my hand out of his hold.
“You’re not even going to listen to me?”
“I think the panties in your jacket have said enough.”
“Wait … You think—no, no, Lena—”
“I said take me home, Booster—”
“You need to—”
“I don’t need to do anything. I’m ready to go home.”
Booster stares down at me, first incredulous before he gets this annoyed expression on his face.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fucking serious.”
I think for a moment that he’s going to stick around and say something more. He looks like he wants to, like there’s something on the tip of his tongue he wants to tell me. I have no interest in listening to it, and I make my way over to his bike with pointed steps, letting him know that I’m not going to back down from this. He follows behind me with a huff.
We ride back to my home in silence. I have nothing to say to him. I don’t want to hear his excuses or any kind of rationale that he might have for why there were panties in his pocket. I think that that it’s a bit obvious as to why there are. I feel played, and stupid—and now I’m pregnant, too.
Christ.
I was going to tell him today that I’m pregnant.
I keep this information to myself, however, and I feel it bubbling up in the form of a lump in my throat. It’s something that I force myself to swallow down, because damn it, I’m not going to let Booster see me crying over him. I can’t afford something like that.
When we get to my house, I’m off the bike nearly as quickly as I got on it. Booster calls out to me.
“Lena, can you just listen to me?”
I don’t answer him, heading up the stairs. I fumble with my keys, but I manage to get my door open. I almost go in without looking back—but it’s something that I find I can’t help. He’s frowning in my direction, something caught between confusion and agitation.
Well, that serves him right, I reason with myself, and close my door to his face.
Inside, my house seems cold. It’s been barely a few hours since I left, thinking about how amazing the day was going to be. And then I was wooed by the sight of the valley …
I shake my head and make my way into my kitchen. I wish that I could make myself a drink, but instead I go about making myself something to eat, so that I can have something to distract myself with. A drink would be ideal … but the baby …
The baby.
It comes crashing down all at once, that I should have known this was never going to work. A man like Booster doesn’t settle down—especially not one who approached a woman he knew nothing about aside from the fact that she was a teacher, asking her to carry his child for him. And now I am doing just that.
What on Earth am I going to do?