CHAPTER ONE
Devastated
Reese
Seven and a half Years Earlier…
My palms are all sweaty. I don’t know what we are about to hear, but I already have a knot the size of a melon in my stomach. I can’t take one more disappointment. This has been so hard.
I gaze at my husband for a look of encouragement or support, but he is on his phone once again. The indifference I see in his face stings more than the stress of this situation. Ty gave up on this a long time ago.
I roll my eyes when he smiles at his phone and starts to text some more. I remember when we met in high school. I was a freshman and Ty was a senior. He was such a sweet boy. Ty may have been a star athlete on the team, but he was also shy and endearing. It was cute to watch him stumble all over himself to ask me out on a date. I knew then he was quite the catch, with his almost translucent green eyes and dark hair.
My dad almost had a stroke the first time I brought Ty home, my sophomore year. Daddy thought that I was talking about a brother, every time I talked of this great running back I was dating, named Ty. Tiberius Roman was so far from who my mom and dad expected me to walk in the door with.
Not that they were against me dating a white guy. It’s just that I had always had a thing for tall, dark chocolate, and handsome. Well, at least I thought that was my thing. When I think about it, I dated football players in junior high and high school because they knew who my father was.
Jim Bridges, my dad, played in the NFL until a back injury ended his career, thankfully he could still walk afterward. Not long after recovering from his injury he became a defensive coordinator at one of the division one universities.
Anybody that wanted to play for my dad thought the best way to do so was to go through me. What threw my father was that I never told my parents I was dating a college freshman. Also, I never called Ty by his real name. My father knew all about Tiberius as a player and shook his head that he hadn’t put it together.
Daddy admitted to being stumped at not knowing the player I was talking about, never giving a single thought to the fact that I was dating a white boy. My father’s words, not mine. I used to think my father didn’t like Ty because he was white. On my wedding day, my father actually sat me down and asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it.
“Yes, Daddy, I love him,” I had said with tears in my eyes.
“Then I hope to God, I am wrong about him,” my father sighed and walked me down the aisle.
Daddy later told me he didn’t think Ty was good enough for me. I didn’t see what my father had against Ty until two years into our marriage. He changed or maybe I started to see what everyone else saw. My father wasn’t the only one that tried to warn me off of Ty. Tam, Stacey, and Alee, my very best friends, all asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with marrying him.
I had thought they were just being jealous. Alee and Tam weren’t in relationships and Stacey’s was engaged for the third time to a control freak. I had it all figured out back then. Now, some days, I wonder who this man sitting beside me is. The loving, supportive boyfriend I used to know doesn’t exist in this man.
Ty is selfish, a habitual flirt, and at times I know I have caught him being a liar. The gorgeous eyes, sexy smile, fine body and tanned skin, mean nothing to me anymore. Other women drool over him, but I still love the shy, silly boy I first met. I don’t even know if I like this man sitting beside me.
“Why are you staring at me,” Ty says without looking up from his phone.
“You’re my husband, Ty,” I huff. “Is it wrong for me to look at you?”
See, this is what I mean. I used to think it was me in my feelings about this whole situation. It has taken its toll on our relationship, but Ty has changed. When he used to find me staring at him, he would look up and give me that bright smile of his and say something sweet.
“Don’t start Reese,” Ty grits through his teeth. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you. You’ve just been bouncing in your seat and now you are staring at me. You’re making me nervous.”
“Well, I am nervous,” I huff.
Ty sighs placing his phone on his thigh, face down and turns to look at me. He reaches to cup my cheek with his large hand. “Babe, everything is going to be fine. You wanted to see the best and I found you the best. Stop worrying. This guy will fix you,” Ty says looking me in the eyes.
My head snaps back. I feel like I have just been slapped. We don’t know if I am the problem here, but he just said the words with such conviction. Like I am the reason we haven’t gotten pregnant since after we first married. I was pregnant for six months after the wedding, before I lost our baby boy.
I still feel like Ty blames me. I did nothing wrong. The doctors said these things just happen. That was it. No explanation for it, just this happens, you’re young, you have time. Now here I sit, twenty-three and I haven’t so much as conceived since my miscarriage. That was four years ago.
During that time, being three years older than I am, Ty started his career as a professional football player. I guess that has placed a strain on our marriage as well. Ty insisted that I remain here in New York when he got drafted to Florida. At the time, he made so much sense. I was still in school and I didn’t know anyone in Florida. My family was here, in New York, to support me.
I was on the dean’s list and my professors were so great. I didn’t want to lose that support. I have wanted to be a physical therapist since I watched my dad get hurt, having to come back from that devastating injury. It is my dream to open my own healing clinic. I want to mix holistic and traditional medicine. So when Ty said it would be best for me to stay behind I agreed.
It wasn’t like he would be home much anyway. We would see each other just as much as we do now. Ty comes home as much as he can, or at least he used to.
I can feel myself getting ready to curse Ty out. I open my mouth just as the doctor walks in the room. I shut my mouth and rub my hands on my thick thighs. Between school and stressing about getting pregnant, I have put on a few pounds.
Ty says he loves the extra curves, but sometimes I feel like maybe that’s the reason he has been distant with me. I have loved this man with everything I am, but something has definitely changed. He has changed and so have I, but there is more, something I haven’t been able to put my finger on.
I touch my fleshy belly as I think of all the groupies that are always throwing themselves at him. I sometimes wonder if they even know he is married. I haven’t missed the fact that his publicist manages to work around his personal life. I never come up. When asked about his personal life he dodges it.
“It is lovely to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. Roman,” the doctor says as he takes his seat.
“Good to see you too, Doc,” Ty says with his blinding grin. I used to love that smile. Right now, it just seems so inappropriate, but I say nothing.
“Mrs. Roman,” Dr. Diamond starts.
“Reese, please, call me Reese,” I interrupt.
“Babe, let the doctor speak. I have places to be,” Ty says looking back at that damn phone. I narrow my eyes at him, ready to take the stupid thing and throw it across the room.
The doctor clears his throat and wrinkles his brows as he watches Ty text away with no regard for the conversation. When Ty realizes the doctor is not talking, he looks up from his phone. The doctor shakes his head as if to clear it and turns sympathetic eyes to me.
Dr. Diamond has kind eyes like my dad. The thought makes me wish I asked my parents to come along for support. Daddy still doesn’t like Ty too much, but he still supports my decision as long as I am happy. I try my best to make everyone believe I am just that. I have even fooled myself.
Dr. Diamond clears his throat again. “Yes, Reese, I was saying that I have looked at all of the labs and everything looks fine. Well, there is my concern for your weight. At your height you should be around one hundred and twenty-seven, one hundred and thirty-five pounds max. Right now, you are a hundred and seventy-five. Your sugar was a bit high as well. I’d like you to consider Metformin,” Dr. Diamond says with an encouraging smile.
I cringe and jerk back in my seat. First, I know I have gained some weight, but I have never been smaller than a hundred and fifty, maybe a hundred and forty-five. My mother says heavy bones run in her family. I don’t think I’ll ever be one thirty-five in this life time. I don’t even think it would look good on me. I wince at the image of jotting bones and a gaunt face.
Second, I am not big on medication and that is something we talked about at my last visit. The side effects of the drugs these doctors pump out, sometimes are worse than the ailment they are trying to treat. I have based my career on alternative medicine. There is no way I am going against all I know to pop pills.
“I understand your stance on medication, Reese. But women have been known to become pregnant after being treated with Metformin. I’ll write you the prescription. I want you to at least consider it,” Dr. Diamond smiles at me.
“So I’m the reason we haven’t conceived,” I whisper in a pained voice.
Something flickers across the doctors face and his eyes bounce between Ty and me. I look at Ty and he is giving the doctor an evil stare. I mean really, it’s okay for it to be my problem, but not his. I pause in my anger as I watch something else cross Ty’s face. It is a mix of what looks like guilt, panic, and something else.
Maybe I am being too hard on him. He has had to suffer the loss of our son too. I mean this has to be as hard for him as it is for me. I look down into my lap and fight back the tears. I’m damaged, it is me and no one has been able to fix me. I guess it was easier when I thought it could be either of us. When I didn’t have someone to blame.
Now I know it is me and it hurts like hell. I fight the sob that becomes trapped in my throat. Did I lose our only chance? What does this mean?
“I don’t understand,” I say in a shaky voice. “You said everything looks fine, but I haven’t gotten pregnant and now you want me to take meds, to do what? Regulate sugar that was a little high the day of the test? Meds that some women have taken and gotten pregnant on. Doctor that sounds like a shot in the dark. It is not answering any of my concerns.”
“You are still young, Reese. You can try changing your diet. I tested for PCOS, but I don’t have conclusive results to actually diagnose you for it,” the doctor sighs. “I know you are a firm believer in natural medicine, but in this case I really think you should stop all natural treatments and consider taking the Metformin.”
“We’ll take the script, Doc,” Ty says while looking at his phone again. “Maybe it’s time you stopped all that other stuff, it works for your clients, but it hasn’t been working for you. I’ll have a trainer come to the house, Babe. Look, I have to go.”
I sit with my mouth hanging open. This is not the man I married. The Ty I married wanted a baby as much as I did. He wanted to start a family and talked of nothing but our future.
I let the tears finally fall as I watch my husband get up and leave without so much as kiss or real goodbye. He doesn’t even glance back to see if I’m following him. Wow Ty!