CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Say Yes
Reese
Two weeks later…
I feel really bad. My best friend has just passed the New York State bar exam and I should be going to celebrate with her tonight, but I can’t. Nico and I have decided not to tell anyone about the baby. I am only five weeks along and we just want to keep it to ourselves for now.
That’s why I won’t be going to the club to meet up with Stacey and Tam tonight. Tam would read my secret in a heartbeat and if she doesn’t see it on me, she would know the moment I refuse to have any alcohol.
With my busy schedule I have been missing a lot of our girls’ nights, so I am hoping I get away with missing this one. I will be at Tam’s graduation party tomorrow evening. I will figure something out by then. At least I hope to be there.
That was my plan until I started spotting this morning. I have been mediating trying not to freak out all day. I know going to the doctor is useless since I am only five weeks. My first official appointment isn’t until I turn twelve weeks to begin with.
So here I seat, trying not to stress out about either one of the things that are out of my control. I am also trying not to alarm Nico. I haven’t mentioned the spotting to him yet. It is light, so I don’t want him to worry unnecessarily.
He seemed so happy this morning. He is up to something I just don’t know what. It is written all over his mischievous smile that I love so much. I focus on that smile as I try to calm my nerves.
My phone chirps and I pick it up to see who it is. I smile as I see it’s a text from Tam. She is so happy and I can’t blame her. The girl worked her ass off. I hope she parties until the sun comes up, because Lord knows she wouldn’t let loose while she was working her way to her degree.
Sorry Sweets, I won’t be able to make it.
I reply to her text with a sad smile on my lips. I remember when we were all little girls. We all had different dreams and things we wanted to do when we grew up. Tam was the one that knew from the beginning what she wanted to be, while the rest of us had something new every week.
I am so proud of her for making that dream come true. I think of Nico’s offer to set her up with some of her first clients and I smile a little brighter. My man is always looking to make the people most important to me happy.
“She will understand,” Nico says, causing me to look up at the doorway.
I beam-pout at him. “I know,” I grumble.
Nico chuckles. “I have something that will cheer you up,” Nico says and holds out his hand.
I scoot off the bed and clasp his outstretched hand as I meet him at the door. Nico leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. I look up at him and beam, reaching to smooth my finger across the scar over his brow.
“I love you,” I say getting a little emotional.
Nico’s brows draw in and he pulls me into a hug. “And I, you. More than you will ever know,” Nico says and presses a kiss to my forehead.
He takes my hand again and starts for the stairs to the rooftop. I look at him suspiciously, but he doesn’t look back at me. For the first time, I realize Nico is dressed in dark slacks and a white dress shirt that is open at the collar, but he hasn’t gone anywhere today.
Again, I wonder what he is up to. I have been in yoga pants and a t-shirt all day. I know for a fact Nico was in sweats the last time I saw him. When we make it to the rooftop I have my answer. The air is brisk but it is still a nice evening for a rooftop candle lit date, I guess.
At least, I thought this was a date at first, that is until I see it. The words spelled out in the bottom of the pool in red and pink. Will you marry me, is somehow illuminated in the water. The water is literally glowing with the question. Beams of light are dancing over the water making it look as if the words are hovering in the air as well.
I cover my mouth with shaking fingertips. I have been dating Nico for over a year, never once have we ever spoken of getting married. I was burned so badly in my last marriage, I never really thought too much about it. However, this is Nico. When he wants something he lets it be known. I don’t know why I’m so surprised.
I mean, I love him and I can’t see myself with anyone else, but…I don’t think I’m ready to be married again. There are so many reasons I don’t think this is the right thing to do. I feel the panic rise inside as Nico drops to one knee.
The ring he is holding up is gorgeous. It is twice the size of my old engagement ring and I have a feeling that was done on purpose. It is simply, stunning in its simplicity. It says me, better than I thought any piece of jewelry ever could.
“Reese, I never thought I would love someone as much as I love you,” Nico starts, I shake my head and back away. Nico’s eyes grow wide and he frowns. “Reese,” he growls with his Italian accent thickening as he continues. “Don’t, all of that is in our past. I know you love me and you know I adore you. Nothing else matters.”
“Nico, yes it does,” I sob. I swallow hard. “I started spotting this morning,” my voice comes out in a strained whisper. “You are thirty-eight, Nico. You want a family. I will not be selfish and take that from you. I’m not saying no because I don’t want to marry you. I’m saying no because it will kill me to have to give you up if I can’t give you what you want,” I choke out.
Nico lift to his feet and rushes me. He cups my face and as I look up at him, I can see the pain. He places his forehead to mine. “Why didn’t you tell me,” he asks gently.
“I didn’t want to worry you. It could be nothing,” I say softly.
Nico nods. Without speaking a word, he lifts me into his arms. I don’t protest because right now I need to be held. I am barely holding myself together at this point. Nico carries me back downstairs to our bedroom and places me in the bed.
When I am tucked in, Nico kicks off his loafers and climbs in bed beside me. I turn on my side and look up at him. A few tears slip free when I see the hurt in his face. Nico reaches to wipe them away and kisses me be gently.
“What you don’t understand, Cara mia, is that I will love you till the day I die. Do I want to be a papa, yes. I would love nothing more than to have beautiful children with you, but if it is not meant to be, I will still love you and want you with every breath I take,” Nico says with conviction, but I cut him off.
“But will you be happy? Can you honestly say it wouldn’t sting each time you see your brothers and your sister with their little families? Will you still love me if I lose this baby too,” I breakdown.
I haven’t wanted to admit that this is my greatest fear. That Nico will see me as a broken woman and leave me to find one that can fulfill the things I cannot. My heart breaks at the thought of losing him.
“You don’t get to decide that I will stop loving you,” Nico says losing his patience. He pauses to reel his anger in. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Nico thumps a fist to his chest, hard. “I know in here that it is not possible to stop loving you. Have I not shown you this? I will not live in his shadow, Reese. I am not your ex-husband.”
“Nico, I never said you were,” I sniffle.
“No, you don’t say it, Cara mia, but you didn’t have to,” Nico says then stand up from the bed. He walks to the door and with his back to me he says. “I will not push you. I want you as my wife. No, Cara, I need you as my wife. So I will wait as long as I need to. Maybe this will show you who I am.”
With those word Nico leaves the room. I break down and throw myself into his pillows. I want to marry Nico so bad, but I know I am right. He wants a family too badly for me to rip that from him. All I am asking is that he wait until we are sure I can give that to him.
I pray I can give that to him.