Sam

The woman was infuriating and by the end of the week, I had reached a point of no return. It was almost impossible to know what Meri was thinking because she did her best to stay as far away from me as possible. When I asked her to lunch again, Meri was always busy or at least always had an excuse why she couldn’t go with me.

It was getting to me and by Friday at the end of the day, I made it my mission to track her down. She was hard to find, never in the accounting department because she was always retrieving reports and dropping things off throughout the very large building. Finally I called down to her department and requested she picked up some reports that I didn’t even need down there, but it was an excuse to see her. Meri wouldn’t be happy, she would think I was bringing attention to her that she didn’t want, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to see her and that is what matters.

Meri knocked. I was so hard up for her that I could recognize her knock as opposed to others. She had only been in my office a couple of times and it didn’t take long for me to get to know her knock.

“Come in Meri.”

She smiled as she came in, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It wasn’t the welcome that I was hoping for. I kept hoping that I would get the same smile I was given in Thailand. It was that open and free look that I missed the most.

“Close the door behind you Meri.”

Doing as I asked, I offered her the seat across from my desk and Meri sat down, crossing her legs in a modest way.

“So this is your first week over. How did everything go?”

“Pretty well I think Sir. Thank you for the opportunity.”

I sighed at Meri. “Please don’t call me Sir. I think we know each other a bit too much to be so formal.”

“Yes.”

“I got some paperwork in from Thailand that I have been meaning to give you. It is releasing you from all of the charges officially. It has been hard to find you lately. Have you been avoiding me?”

“No, not at all Sam. I have just been busy and want to make sure I am doing a good job. This job means a lot to me.”

She was trying to steer the conversation away from what I wanted to talk about. I tried to think through it while I went through a stack of papers on the desk for the ones for her. It wasn’t that important, not really, but it kept her here and gave me a little more time to think about all of it.

“Here it is.”

“Thank you for everything Sam.”

Again she was reminding me of how she owed me and it was ruining where I wanted this conversation to go with this. It made me feel like I was taking advantage of her and I wasn’t. Damn she made this so much harder than it had to be.

“Was there anything else Sir?”

Back to Sir, again. I shook my head and told her that there wasn’t anything else. I was at a loss of words and the more I thought about it, the more it drove me crazy. Why couldn’t she be like every other woman? I could barely shake them, but the one woman I wanted, wouldn’t give me the time of day. It really just didn’t make any sense at all.

“I will see you Monday Sir. I hope you have a good weekend.”

“It would be better if you would go out with me on Saturday. We could do whatever you want to do. Go wherever you wanted to go.”

Meri told me thanks, but she wouldn’t be available. She had plans with Ashlyn and I watched her leave. This was becoming too complicated and I didn’t like complications. If Meri wouldn’t have me, someone would. I had never had trouble before. I just needed to get the vixen out of my mind.

***

Meri wasn’t getting out of my head like I needed her to. She was stuck there and when I decided that I was going to find someone else to push her out, I knew that I was going to call an old friend that I hadn’t seen in a few months. Angie wasn’t what I was looking for, but she would have to do.

I called her up and Angie was always ready to see me. I knew that she was just as sexual as I was and unlike other women, she wasn’t afraid to show that side of her. It was one of the things that I liked best about her, though I had never said it out loud. I don’t know if she would have been offended if I had.

We met at the Castrov bar and she was waiting for me at a table when I got there. Angie stood up and I took her slim body into my arms. She was beautiful, her long brown hair swept back in a ponytail and a tight dress that showed off how trim and petite she was. The feel of her body was so different than Meri. I immediately felt the difference and wished that they were built alike more. It would have been easier for my brain to pass her off as Meri that way.

“It has been a long time Sam. I thought you had forgotten about little old me.”

“How could I forget about you Angela? I have just been too busy to partake in the better part of life.”

Angie chuckled and took a sip of her wine. She had a grin on her face that I had loved to see. It was full of mischief and I knew what she was thinking about. Angie moved closer to me and I felt her hand go on my thigh.

“What are we doing here?”

“We are having a drink.”

“Why here? Don’t you want to go somewhere where we can be alone and we can act on the urgings that we are feeling right now?”

It was exactly what I wanted, but I wasn’t as ready to leave with her as I would have thought I was. I needed this, my body needed this and even though she wasn’t Meri, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to be enough. My body was working on the invitation of privacy, even if my brain hadn’t caught up yet. It was hung up on a woman that I couldn’t have, so there seemed to be no real reason to deny myself.

I finished the drink in front of me and took her hand, leading her out of the bar and into the waiting car that was out front.

“You had me worried there Sam. I missed this side of you.”

The door was opened and she kissed me on my lips, her tongue pushing through to mine and I could tell that she was ready, most likely wet. That was something that I remembered very fondly about Angie, that and her willingness to please.

When we got into the car, she sat so close to me, her hand back on my thigh as I told the driver to take me to the hotel. There was a part of me that knew this was wrong, but I tried to push back the thoughts that were haunting me. How was I ever going to get anywhere this way?

It didn’t take long for Angie to do what she does best. She was pulling my pants down and before long I was in her hands. The palm was soft and small, though not as small as they should have seemed. I wanted to take her, make her mine, but the rest of me now wasn’t so sure. I had been hard for weeks it felt like, but now there was nothing tenting my pants.

“Are you sure you are okay? Did you drink too much?”

Her hand rubbed on my shaft, but nothing happened. This had never been a problem before and I didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes, we were at the hotel and I was no closer to being with Angie than I was before. She even tried to use her mouth to get me going, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to.

“What is going on here Sam? This has never happened before. Do you not like me anymore?”

The driver was opening the door as I was sitting up to get my pants back where they belonged. I was embarrassed to no end, but it wasn’t as surprising as it should have been. Angie wasn’t what I wanted, no matter how talented she was. I wanted Meri, the innocent one that had no experience. My pleasure from her was derived from the reaction to her own. I didn’t need to know anymore. It was clear that my body wasn’t going to go with it.

“I am sorry Angie. I am really tired and I thought that I would be able to muster through it.”

“Do you want to come up and see if we can get you back on track?”

If I thought that it would actually work, I would have went upstairs with her and tried. But I knew that it wasn’t going to work because I just didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to try when it was like banging my head against a wall anyways.

“I’m sorry to have called you out and then left you wanting.”

“It’s okay Sam. I have missed you and it was good to see you. Are you sure you won’t come up?”

Her tone was confused and I felt like I should second that notion. I was confused too. How could Meri be affecting me so much? She made it clear that she didn’t want to pursue anything further. I should back off and give her space, but what if I wasn’t able to ever move on? Was I really supposed to wait for her to come around, or worse, what if she doesn’t come around ever?