Chapter Thirteen

“IT’S GOT THE consistency of tar, but it’ll keep you awake.” Colby handed Tanner a Styrofoam cup filled with coffee.

“Thanks.” The small hospital’s surgery waiting room was too hot, yet Tanner couldn’t recall having ever felt this cold. It was two in the morning. When he couldn’t wake Jenny after her fall, he’d called Kodiak Gorge’s only ambulance to the house. When paramedics lifted her, they found her in a puddle of what they suspected was amniotic fluid.

With her unconscious and a twenty-hour countdown to how long their baby could safely remain inside her, Tanner had signed surgical consent forms for an emergency C-section. An OB/GYN had just flown in from Anchorage and according to the on-call nurse was already scrubbing in.

Lilianna and Rose huddled together, whispering in low tones.

Colby sipped his own coffee.

Brody paced.

When the waiting room’s automatic door slid open and Hawk and Patrick rushed through, Brody cut them off at the pass. They seemed to have words, then Hawk brushed past his boss only to have Brody try physically restraining him. Fat chance, since Brody was the brains of his operation and Hawk the brawn.

“Back off,” Hawk said over his shoulder. “If something happens to her and I didn’t get this off my chest, I’d never forgive myself.”

Tanner’s gaze narrowed while slowly rising from his chair. The yawning pit in his stomach told him that whatever Brody and Hawk had fought about concerned Jenny.

“Hawk,” Tanner said with a nod. “We’ve got this covered. There was no need for you to come.”

“Yes, there was. I have something to tell you that you’re not going to like, but needs to be said.”

“Now isn’t the time,” Brody said to Hawk. “You’re being a selfish prick.”

“Agreed.” Colby stood beside Team Brody.

“Selfish prick is my best look.” Hawk bowed his head.

Even Rose and Lilianna joined the fray.

Patrick held back, texting furiously on his iPhone.

“Would someone tell me what the hell is going on?” Tanner asked. “My wife is fighting for her life. My baby is also in danger. Hawk, whatever beef you’ve got, I agree with Colby and Brody that this isn’t a good time.”

“There’s no right way to say this…” Hawk forced a deep breath.

Rose clamped her hand over her mouth.

Tanner’s already spiked heartrate shot to an unhealthy degree.

“Don’t do this,” Brody said. “Jenny’s not the same person. You’re not only hurting her, but Tanner.”

“Don’t you get it?” Hawk clenched his hands into fists. “My whole life I’ve been a total douche. Up until now, I was okay with it. But then I saw all of you with your perfect families and I wanted more. Tanner, when you and Jenny officially split, and she moved back to San Diego, we—”

“No, no, no…” Tanner turned his back on Hawk. Whatever the bastard had to say, he didn’t care to hear it.

“She told me your divorce was final. I believed her. It was just a fling—for both of us. It meant nothing. I was a convenient rebound. When she learned the paperwork on your divorce had been screwed, and she came back up here to see you, I assumed that was the end of it. But then she called to tell me she was pregnant. And she didn’t know which of us was the father, so…”

“Are you kidding me?” Tanner said through clenched teeth.

“It’s going to be okay,” Rose assured. “Jenny loves you. She’s always loved you.”

“She sure had a funny way of showing it. How long have all of you known?”

Their silence spoke volumes.

“Screw each and every one of you.” Tanner punched the nearest wall. The painted concrete block won. With his fist bloodied and mind spinning, he ducked into the bathroom for privacy and paper towels. He locked the door behind him, letting the cold water run to partially drown out the sounds of arguing spilling from outside.

After cleaning his wound, he pressed a wad of paper towels to it, switching them out when it bled through. After the third change, the bleeding had slowed, then stopped. He was glad for the distraction, because the reason behind his self-inflicted wound was too much to bear.

It didn’t especially bother him that Jenny had been with Hawk.

She believed they’d been divorced.

As did Tanner. He couldn’t fault her for moving on.

The paternity issue didn’t even bother him. Was it humiliating? For sure, but the mystery could be easily enough solved and custody arrangements made. God forbid if Hawk did turn out to be the baby’s father. He was hardly in the position to be a single dad.

What really bothered him? The fact that before the fire, Jenny had known there was a chance the baby they were putting their marriage back together for may not even be his. The whole time, she’d known. For all he knew, she could have been in constant contact with Hawk. The reason she remembered him, but no one else, could be because he was the man she’d last loved.

Everything now made sense. Her standoffishness. Her reluctance to be with him.

All along, Hawk had been the man she wanted. Tanner had been a consolation prize. If he hadn’t already been bleeding, that realization would have had him not punching the wall, but his supposed SEAL brother.

Even more cruel? Current Jenny—Jenny 2.0—the woman he’d grown to love all over again had no idea what she’d done, so how could he in good conscience be mad at her?

He shouldn’t, but was.

His supposed ex-wife hadn’t cheated, but she’d lied. Which was the worse offense?

A knock sounded on the bathroom door. Colby said, “The doctor’s here. He wants to talk to you.”

“Be right out.” Tanner splashed cold water on his face, dried off, then left the blessed privacy of the room.

“Good,” the doctor said upon Tanner’s exit. “Are you the father?”

Incapable of looking at Hawk, he said, “Yessir.”

“Great. First, congratulations. You have a beautiful baby girl. Though she made her appearance sooner than we’d have liked, her lungs seem fully developed and she weighed in at a whopping five pounds and eight ounces. As a precautionary measure, we’ll keep her here for a few days to rule out jaundice.”

Relief weakened Tanner’s knees. “And Jenny?”

“She’s in recovery. Paramedics noted in their report that she briefly woke in the ambulance, asking for you.”

For me? Or Hawk?

“She’s in recovery now, but the surgery was fairly routine and a complete success. I don’t expect any lasting effects from her earlier fall.”

“Thank you.” As angry as he was with her, Tanner was also that much in love. He shook the doctor’s hand, thanked him again, then a nurse guided him to the clinic’s third floor, one-room maternity ward.

“Wash up,” the maternity nurse said, “then put this on, leaving it open in the back.” She handed him a pale blue hospital gown. “The restroom’s on your right. When you’re ready, press the metal plate on the wall to your left, and it will open the nursery door.”

Tanner nodded, thanking the woman before completing his chores.

Even though he didn’t know if Jenny’s baby was his, he desperately wanted her to be. He deserved her to be. Surely fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to steal this infant from him when he’d already lost so much? Even though he and Jenny were finally headed in the right direction as a couple, that didn’t mean she was the same woman he’d known before.

Maybe that was a good thing?

For now, all he wanted was to focus on his daughter. He refused to give light to the fact that Hawk could be her true father.

“There’s your daddy,” the nurse said in a sing-song voice to the sleeping pink bundle in a clear plastic bassinet. “Mr. Muldoon, if you’d have a seat in the rocker, I’ll bring the baby to you.”

Tanner complied. He could hear no sound other than his pounding heart.

He held out his arms and when the nurse landed the baby in his hold, his eyes welled with tears. Never had he seen a more beautiful sight—other than the baby’s mother.

Tracing his pinkie finger along her delicate brows and cheeks, Tanner scarcely believed the tiny angel was real. Had it really been only a few hours earlier since he’d talked to the baby in her momma’s belly?

“I don’t know much about pageants,” he whispered when the nurse resumed computer work on the opposite side of the room. “But if I were a judge, it would be a shoo-in for you to win.” The sleeping infant’s swaddling prevented Tanner from inspecting tiny fingers and toes, but he figured it was a pretty safe bet that they were as flawless as the rest of her.

He lost track of how long he rocked his daughter.

The next thing he knew was that a different nurse woke him, suggesting he return later that morning. A glance at a glowing digital clock showed it was 4:12 a.m.

“Do you know if my wife has left recovery?”

“Not yet,” she said. “But she’s been assigned to Room 302. Feel free to wait for her there.”

“Will do. Thanks.”

He left the nursery’s tight quarters to emerge into an equally cramped waiting area. How many new fathers had stood in this very spot? Enthralled by their son or daughter? Tanner envied them. The ease with which they’d slipped into their new role. He didn’t have that luxury. The realist in him had to face the fact that the precious baby girl may not be his.

The knowledge was crushing.

Though he was stone sober, exhaustion had Tanner stumbling down the hall like a drunk.

He finally reached Jenny’s room only to add insult to his already critical emotional injuries.

Hawk had helped himself to the room’s recliner, snoring loud enough that Tanner heard him while still out in the hall.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered under his breath.

Unable to be in the same room with the guy, Tanner turned to leave, but then Hawk said in a groggy voice, “Stay.”

“I can’t deal with you now.”

“Tough.” Hawk worked the side lever that pulled in the recliner’s footrest, abruptly sitting straighter. “You have to know I wanted to tell you a hundred times. Jenny was going to tell you, but then there was the fire. She was hurt and you were hurt and…” Hawk hung his head, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. “I’ve always looked up to you, man. You’ve been like a big brother.”

Tanner snorted.

“Jenny never planned any of this. When she was with me, she truly believed she was officially divorced from you. If I hadn’t also believed, I never would have been with her. If it hadn’t been for that screwy paperwork, this never would have been an issue. She wanted a forever kind of guy, and you and I both know that’s not me.”

Armed crossed, Tanner pressed his lips tight.

“When she told me she was pregnant and didn’t know who the father could be, she was mortified. The good news for you is that she flat out told me she prayed the father wouldn’t be me. You’ve gotta believe I’ve prayed for the same. If the baby does turn out to be mine, I’ll sign her over. I’ll—”

“You don’t mean that. You can’t. I’ve held her and trust me, that bond is intoxicating. In an instant, you’ll know you’d be willing to give your life if it guaranteed her safety.”

“See, man?” Hawk pressed his hands to his chest. “That’s what I’m talking about. You get it—life’s bigger picture. It’s not about chasing the biggest wave or adrenaline junkie thrills, but love. People who make you love. I want that, but I must be missing a gene. No matter how many times I try, I always screw everything up. But you?” Hawk laughed. Shook his head. “You were born to be a husband and father. There’s nothing I want more than for you and Jenny to raise this baby girl and be a happy family. When you left, I tracked down the doc, explained the situation, and got him to order a paternity test. A lab tech already swabbed my cheek. After they check you and the baby, we’ll know—I’ll call the lab tech up here now. But like I already said, it doesn’t matter. Regardless of the results, you deserve to be this baby’s father. She equally deserves you.”

Nice words, but did Tanner dare believe him?

Then there was the issue of how dirty he felt inside about Jenny’s lies. All that time he’d been fighting to recover for her, she may have been dreaming of growing strong enough to once again be with Hawk. Without her regaining her memory, how would he ever know?

What should have been the happiest night of Tanner’s life had grown horribly complicated.