Chapter Nine

“WOMAN, DO YOU have any idea what a shitstorm you’ve just caused?”

Jenny winced when Hawk slammed her door on his black Hummer, then rounded the front to climb behind the wheel.

“Tanner was fifty shades of pissed. You’re his property. What you and I shared is long behind us and as far as I’m concerned, you chose the better man.”

He started the engine, thrusting the powerful vehicle backwards, then gunning it forward.

“How can you say that? First, I’m not any man’s property. And second, it feels like just a few days ago when you kissed me and promised I was—”

“No!” He slammed the heel of his hand against the wheel. “That wasn’t days ago, Jenny, but months—I mean, years. Another fact you’ve conveniently forgotten is that right after my pretty speech, I stood you up for a date because La Jolla had twenty-foot swells. The next time you planned a special night, I missed it because I’d zoned out while working on my car. It’s not that I didn’t have a thing for you. I just focused on my own needs more. What you and I shared was never more than hot sex. You and Tanner were always the real deal.”

“Let me out.” Jenny clenched the passenger door’s handle.

“I told Tanner I’m taking you to the lodge, and that’s where you’re going.”

“Why are you being cruel?”

“I’m being real.” He turned from the side road onto the town’s main road. It was the start of tourist season and as they drove alongside the lake where Colby landed his plane, the lakeside trail hummed with bike riders and couples holding hands. Smiling parents, watching toddlers run ahead. Everyone belonged except her. She thought finding Hawk meant finding her true home, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Or more confused.

How could her time with him seem more real, more vivid, than the years she’d spent with her husband?

Hawk said, “I’m sorry, okay?”

Hugging herself, she nodded.

“Tanner adores you. What he lacks in presentation, he more than makes up for in being a stand-up guy. With him, you will never be stood-up or worry that you come second to anything or anyone else.”

“But I don’t know him!” Angling on the seat to face the man she’d thought was her boyfriend, she said, “Back at the party, I didn’t know anyone besides you. Do you have any idea how confusing that is? How terrifying? When I found you, it felt effortless—like slipping into my favorite hoodie or listening to my favorite song. With Tanner, everyone tells me I loved him enough to marry him and have his baby, but if that’s true, why can’t I feel it?” She pressed her hand to her thundering heart. “What’s wrong with me?”

He’d pulled the Hummer into a parking space at the lakeside trailhead, then killed the engine.

After unbuckling his seatbelt, he did the same to hers, and then drew her against him for a hug. “Let’s get one thing straight—there’s not a damned thing wrong with you.”

She’d have expected herself to feel more comfortable in Hawk’s hold as she had beside the iris-filled marsh with Tanner, but it didn’t feel right at all. Why? Could her heart finally be telling her something her mind didn’t yet know?

Jenny pushed back. “Thank you for taking me with you, but I think I’m ready for Tanner to come get me.”

“Sure?”

She nodded.

“I’ll let him know…” While Hawk texted her husband, Jenny peered out the car window, longingly wishing she didn’t feel like an outsider to her own life. In a way, like all the happy people on the trail, she was just visiting. Only her return ticket wasn’t merely open-ended, but blank.

And far from being happy, all she wanted to do was cry…

TANNER HAD PREPARED himself for the news that Jenny chose Hawk over him. When he received the text from his old rival not thirty minutes after they’d left, he was shocked, but not especially hopeful this was a win.

On the short drive to the lakeside park, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. What was proper etiquette on your wife taking off with her former boyfriend?

He pulled into the lot, stopping alongside Hawk’s massive rig. He always had been a showboat. But when push came to shove, Tanner had trusted him under enemy fire, which meant he had no choice but to trust him now, right?

When it came to leaving the infamous ladies’ man alone with his wife?

No.

He found Jenny and Hawk seated atop a concrete picnic table at the glassy lake’s edge.

“Hey,” he said on his approach.

“I’m sorry about party what happened kiss.” She covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head.

“Are we cool?” Hawk pushed himself off the table to stand beside it.

“Yeah,” Tanner shook his SEAL brother’s extended hand. “Thanks for getting Jen out of that party. It was probably too much, too soon.”

“No problem. Glad to help.” He waved to Jenny, then doubled back, ambushing her in a hug. “Think about what I said. Tanner will not only be a great husband to you, but a great dad.” Hawk nodded to Tanner, then jogged toward his ride. “Catch you later, man.”

“Strange night, huh?” Tanner took Hawk’s vacated seat atop the table.

Rather than respond, she drew her lower lip into her mouth.

In the day’s fading light, her pale complexion appeared ethereal, her slumped posture fragile and defeated. His heart ached for her. But he also ached for himself.

Where did that leave them?

“I’m tired,” he said.

“We should leave. Go to sleep.”

“Not that kind of tired.” He rubbed his palm over his stubble-covered jaw. “I can’t do this. I thought I could—wait for you to remember who we are. But I’m exhausted. There were all those days we spent in Anchorage, and then San Diego, and if during all of that time you didn’t see a glimpse of the reason why we fell in love, then I’m prepared to let you go. We’ll work out a custody arrangement. It’s not ideal, but…” His chest ached from giving voice to his soul’s pain.

“Is that what you want? For me to go back to my parents?”

Shrugging, he said, “It’s not what I want, but maybe for you, it’s what’s right.”

He wanted her to fight him. To shout and rail in protest.

But she remained quiet and so did he. What was she thinking? Would he ever know?

Was he strong enough to want to know?

Forty minutes later, they’d returned to the house that didn’t remotely feel like home. She went directly from the garage to her bedroom. He made a ham sandwich in the kitchen that still smelled like smoke, then found an old Jackie Chan movie on Netflix.

There’d be plenty of time to figure out flight arrangements in the morning. For now, he needed to chill. To remind himself that he’d had a full life before meeting Jenny and would someday be happy once she was gone. He’d spend equal time raising their baby and given enough space, whether she accepted him as her husband or not he’d learn to not care.

Time. Space. All he needed to accept their impossible situation.

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against sofa, abandoning himself to exhaustion. He’d drifted into welcome sleep when he heard her. Unsure if he was dreaming, he ignored the soft familiarity of her saying his name.

“Tanner?” She sat beside him, touching his hand.

That’s when he knew she was real enough for him to open his eyes.

“Tanner, I have a question for you.”

Hand to God, if she asked him to have Colby fly her out tonight, he’d lose his—

“H-Hawk, well…” Head bowed, she said, “He hugged me, but I liked your hug—next to the irises—better.” Faintly smiling, she cocked her head. “I thought that was significant. And if you don’t mind, I think I might like to stay. You know, just to see what that might mean—the fact that I’d rather have you comfort me than him.”

Hope swelled deep inside him, but the part of Tanner that had gotten his hopes up too many times before refused to fully abandon himself to what may only be Jenny’s folly.

“Another thing I’d like,” she said barely loud enough for him to hear, “is for you to take me to the house we once shared—or, at least what’s left of it.”

“It’s just a grassy lot.”

“That’s okay. I think it’s important for me to see it.”

“We’ll go first thing in the morning.”

“Another thing I wondered—do you think Rose and Lilianna might have more pictures of us together—besides the one that was on the cake?”

“I’m sure they do. Want me to pick them up?”

She shook her head. “I think I’d like best if they showed me. And shared stories.”

“We can do that, too.”

“Thank you.” As if they’d completed a formal business meeting as opposed to a conversation between a man and wife, she abruptly left the sofa to veer toward the kitchen. “I’m hungry. Would you like to share an omelet?”

“Yes, please.” It didn’t matter that he was still full from his earlier ham sandwich. The only thing that mattered was that Jenny was trying to meet him halfway. The least he could do was return the favor.