Chapter Ten-
In all the time I spent denying that I was dating Derek, I don't think I realized how nice things would be if I just stopped fighting it and went with the flow.
Since Derek and I were officially dating, I didn't feel awkward when we sat together at lunch, I knew I didn't have to explain why he would sit on my desk to talk to me, and it seemed like a perfectly natural thing to do to just walk down the hall holding hands.
Although Derek started picking up extra shifts at work, we still spent as much time together as we could outside of work and school, but I never wanted to go to his house, just in case I would run into Mike.
He spent the night a time or two over the course of our first official week, and spent those two nights introducing me to a more tender kind of sex, the kind that could actually be referred to as lovemaking. I liked that, too, although he would still tug on my hair a bit.
Strangely, the only thing that was really different since admitting that Derek and I were dating was that it was easier. I didn't have to spend so much time being confused or suspicious, and I didn't have to waste any energy making up excuses about being friends.
Derek and I were more than friends, and even though at the start of the week I had difficulty accepting that, it only seemed to take until the end of the week to sink in. Once I stopped fighting it, I realized that it just felt right.
I thoroughly enjoyed Derek as my boyfriend, too. He no longer had to come up with reasons to hate me, as we were both set free of that dutiful –but pointless—hatred.
I still enjoyed talking to him about school assignments, and the way he would look at me, eyes twinkling, and shake his head made it somehow better. He made me feel so good, so special, even cherished when he would look at me that way. He had this way of conveying his feelings for me in a single look, and when he would look at me that way there was no doubt in my mind that he did care about me.
I never realized how good it would feel to have someone care about you when you returned the feeling. I had known that Andy cared, but that only made me feel like there was a burden on my shoulders, a vague sense of guilt that I could never and would never reciprocate.
With Derek, even though it still made me a little anxious to think about it, I already returned the feeling.
Not that I loved him, obviously—but I certainly cared about him. And there were plenty of things I loved about him, or things he would do that I loved. But I still wasn't going to go throwing that word around.
Another thing I loved about openly admitting that Derek was my boyfriend was that I got to enjoy official girlfriend privileges, like nagging him about taking me places I wanted to go, and guiltlessly expecting rides to and from school.
I got several rides to the bookstore, where I still hadn't put my application in. It definitely wasn't Derek's favorite place to go, and since I could spend hours in a bookstore and still want to go back the next day, he got bored easily. Usually he would try to find me if I had wandered off, but sometimes I would actually hide from him just to amuse myself.
During one of our trips, I really threw him off. I saw him peeking down the aisles for me, so I made sure to stay an aisle ahead of him, but I ended up wandering over into the children's books. Ironically, even over there I found myself browsing through the books, and while I was browsing I found the book that had always been my favorite growing up.
"Derek, look," I said, excitedly running over to him and holding up my book.
He raised an eyebrow and read the title. "The Littlest Pumpkin." Then he gave me a funny look. "I think you've been here too long, hon. That book is for four-year-olds."
I rolled my eyes dismissively. "I know that, but you don't understand. This was my absolute favorite book when I was little. My mom used to read it to me every single night, but my grandma sold it in a yard sale for a quarter, and I've never been able to find it again."
"How tragic," he remarked dryly.
"This is the best book," I told him, hugging it to my chest. "Because of this book I used to drive my mom crazy. She would take me up to the little produce stand to pick out my pumpkin for Halloween, and she would show me the big pumpkins, but after she read me this book, I would always pick the littlest pumpkin to take home."
He smiled, shaking his head. "Why?"
“Because in the book The Littlest Pumpkin was the littlest one, and nobody wanted it. It made me sad, and I didn't want any of the pumpkins to feel that way. I remember literally going through each and every pumpkin, picking them up, eyeing them up, and only the smallest one would do."
"Well, what about the biggest pumpkin? Didn't he feel unwanted then?" he teased.
"No, everyone wants the big ones. I had to have the small or deformed ones."
He shrugged. "I don't remember ever picking out my own pumpkin. We always just had one of those light up jack-o-lanterns from the store."
"Really?" I asked, wrinkling up my nose a little. "I can't imagine. Picking it out was the fun part. I got to pick out two of them, too, because I got to pick out one for the grandparents and one for us. My grandpa would gripe about my fetish for little pumpkins though, because they cost the same as the regular sized ones. I have to get this book," I told him.
"You should," he agreed.
I gave him a teasing smile. "Maybe I'll read it to you before bed."
"I can think of more interesting things to do before bed," he remarked.
Rolling my eyes, I ignored his comment and said, "Next year you have to promise me that you'll go pick out your own pumpkin."
"Do I have to get the smallest one?" he asked.
"Nope, that one will be going home with me. You'll have to settle for the second smallest."
"Lucky me," he remarked dryly, following me up to the checkout.
As winter break drew closer, I tried to decide what I should get Derek for Christmas. I would have loved to get him a book, but I knew he wouldn't want one, so I tried to coax other ideas out of him. I wanted to get him something that he would really like, but none of the ideas that I came up with seemed good enough. They all seemed too generic. There was a CD that he wanted, a movie he mentioned, then I thought maybe I would buy him a new hoodie or something. But none of it was good enough. I wanted to get him something really good, I just didn't know what.
It was several days before Christmas vacation, and Derek got off work and came over to my house. We were sitting on my couch watching television and there was some commercial on, predictably about a husband buying his wife a Christmas present.
Derek gave me a little smirk and tugged on my pony tail, stating, "I got you a pretty good present."
I could not believe that Derek, the guy, had finished his Christmas shopping before I did. "You already bought it?"
"Yep," he said, nodding. "You're never going to beat me, either, so you may as well get me a pack of socks." He paused thoughtfully and said, "No, you know what, I have a guilty pleasure. I like toe socks better."
"Toe socks?" I asked, a giggle escaping before I could attempt to stifle it.
He nodded. "They're comfortable. Get me a pair of those."
"I can't just buy you a pair of socks. You're incredibly difficult to buy for, Derek Noble," I informed him.
"Well, you're not, Nicole Harmon," he mocked.
"What's your middle name?" I asked, realizing I had always wondered that.
"Michael," he answered.
"Is it? I thought my mom mentioned something about Mike wanting to name the baby after him if it was a boy."
Derek nodded. "He did, but my mom wanted to switch it around. His name is Michael Derek Noble, and she wanted to switch the names around and name me Derek Michael."
"Well, I'm not going to lie, I'm glad she did. It would be creepy to call you Mike."
"Very creepy," he agreed.
"Okay," I said, rubbing my hands together. "If you could have one thing, anything in the world that you wanted, what would it be?"
He thought for a few seconds, then responded solemnly, "World peace."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Okay, Miss America, what else?"
Derek chuckled. "I don't know, hon. I'm not really a big gift person. I don't have Varsity Blues, buy me that."
"That's not good enough," I complained. "I don't know what to get you."
"I will like whatever you get me, Nikki." Then, inspired, he said, "I know what you should get."
I looked up, waiting for the next stupid suggestion. "What?"
"Buy yourself some lingerie. I promise I'll enjoy that," he said with a smirk.
I swatted him on the arm, smiling and rolling my eyes. "I'm not buying myself lingerie as your Christmas present."
He raised his eyebrows, shrugging. "Suit yourself. You asked me what I wanted and I told you. It's not my fault if you don't listen."
"You cannot seriously want that," I stated.
"Actually, now that I think about it, that is what I want. You know what else? A pair of handcuffs. We could have some fun with those."
Honestly, just thinking about that was making me wish I really could buy him stuff like that without feeling ridiculous.
"Go to the porn store," he suggested. "You will find the perfect Christmas present there."
I shook my head. "No, if I buy you handcuffs you're definitely going to have to end up using those on me, too."
"Which is exactly the point."
Imagining some of the more interesting uses we could find for them made me consider it again, but I rejected the idea because it would completely cross the line of propriety.
"Did you get me something like that?" I asked.
"I'm not telling you what I bought you," he stated. "You can't base what you buy me on what I bought you. The perfect gift for you isn't the perfect gift for me. We're different people."
"Well, can you at least give me a price range so I don't feel like an idiot one way or another?"
"Between one dollar and one million," he responded.
I rolled my eyes. "A narrow price range?"
"No. It's the thought that counts, not the price tag."
Since he was absolutely no help, I still had no idea what to get him. I would have loved to get him the handcuffs, but just imagining purchasing them embarrassed me, so I knew I couldn't.
I went to the store with Alex later that day though, so I decided to start my Christmas shopping. I decided instead of doing one big thing for Derek, I would just make him a goodie bag of sorts. I bought him a stocking, then when Christmas got closer I would buy some of his favorite candy to put in it. I bought him several gifts I thought he would actually like, and a green and white striped pair of toe socks with penguins on them. Then I went home and made various homemade coupons, with things like, "This coupon is good for one back massage." I made him a couple dirty coupons, a couple nice coupons, one "complete control of the radio" coupon, and even one coupon where I promised to cook for him, any dish of his choice, providing I knew how to make it.
I wasn't sure if it was enough, but I decided I might buy him something else if I figured out what to get him.
The very next day he was complaining–unintentionally, I was sure—that he needed a new pair of work boots. I looked at the ones he had, looked at the brand, the size, and made a mental note to find them. That way I didn't feel like I was being cheap, and I knew I was getting him at least something that he wanted.
Winter break finally came, and Derek and I decided instead of waiting until break was almost over, we would do an early gift exchange so we had more time to enjoy our presents.
He came to my house to do the gift exchange, and I figured he must have left my present in the car because he didn't bring in any packages.
"Can I go first?" I asked, putting the tray of cookies down on the table.
Derek grabbed a cookie, nodding at me. "Yep."
"Steph and I are going to do our gift exchange early, too. I got her this really pretty necklace and earrings. I haven't wrapped them yet, you want to see them?" I asked.
"Not really," he said, smirking at me.
I rolled my eyes playfully. "Fine, but I think she'll like her presents. I hope you'll like yours, too," I called over my shoulder as I went into my room.
I came back out with the stuffed stocking and a big square box wrapped in SpongeBob paper. He smiled, finishing his cookie, and took the presents from me. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," I said, smiling.
"Which one should I open first?" he asked.
"Either one," I said.
He sat the stocking down on the couch and started opening up the box. When he saw the work boots he smiled. "I didn't say that so you'd buy them."
"I know," I said. "But I knew you wanted them, so..."
"Thank you," he said, leaning in and kissing me.
I beamed, feeling like I had done a good job. Then he opened his stocking, eating a couple pieces of candy as he read the coupons.
When he was finished, he kissed me again, informing me, "I hope you know that I'm going to redeem every last one of those coupons. And do you know how to make lasagna?"
"Oh yeah, my lasagna pretty much rocks," I said, not bothering to be modest.
He chuckled. "Well, that's what I want for dinner."
"See, I didn't do so bad, huh?" I said.
"Nope, you did pretty good, I think."
That made me pretty happy, and I felt pretty good about what I had given him.
"Is it my turn now?" he asked.
"Yep," I said, eager to see what he got me. I was really hoping for a book. I had thrown out a few hints about wanting either a book with all of Jane Austen's novels, or one with The Odyssey and The Illiad. I had even shown him where to find them at the store.
But what he pulled out of his pocket was an envelope, and it wouldn't fit a book in it.
"I'm not much for wrapping presents," he said apologetically.
I grinned, taking the envelope. "That's okay, it doesn't matter what it's wrapped in." I ripped open the envelope and saw a yellow bumper sticker that said in red writing, "If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair."
"I thought of you when I saw it," he said, his eyes twinkling.
I clasped my hand together, laughing. "This is absolutely perfect for me, thank you," I said, reaching over to hug him. "I'm going to put this sticker on my journal."
"You could," he allowed. "I thought you might find a better use for it though."
"Well, I don't know if Alex would want it on his car, and if he would... I'm not sure I would want to know that."
Derek nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key, dangling it in front of me.
My smile froze and my jaw dropped as I gaped at the key. I quickly looked up at him, staring, finally saying, "You better be kidding."
"It isn't a very nice car, it definitely isn't a new car, but it does run now, it's safe to drive, and it'll serve its purpose. You don't have to work at Wendy's because it's within walking distance."
"Derek!" I said, jumping off the couch, torn between excitement and utter disbelief. "You did not buy me a car."
"Nope, I stole it," he responded, also standing. "You want to see it?"
I couldn't decide if I was more shocked or more excited. Nobody had ever done anything like that for me before.
"Derek, it's too much! I can't accept a car!"
"Well, I don't have any use for two of them, so you better. Come on," he said, taking my hand.
He bought me a car? How could he buy me a car? Who did that?
"Now, the headlight on the passenger side still needs replaced, I was planning on fixing that before I gave it to you, but I just got the headlight in the mail today, so I still have to fix that. Other than that, it drives and considering its age, it doesn't have incredibly high mileage."
When he opened the door, I saw that instead of his car, there was a little red Ford Tempo sitting in the driveway.
"It's mine?" I asked, not able to contain my excitement as I ran outside in my slippers to get in the driver's seat.
He smiled, following me out and sliding into the passenger side. "Yep, all yours."
"You are completely amazing, you know that, right?"
Derek nodded a little. "I've been suspecting."
I rolled my eyes, still insanely excited. "You're the best," I said, throwing my arms around him and giving him a kiss.
He chuckled, saying, "Careful, you'll make my head so big I won't be able to get out of the car."
"You should not have done this. I am extremely happy that you did, but you definitely shouldn't have. Not only did you outdo me, but you spent way too much on me."
"I got it really cheap," he said. "I picked up a couple extra shifts... no big deal. Anyway, you're worth it."
I could only stare at him, so bewildered that he cared about me enough to actually buy me a car. To me, a brand new car right from the factory couldn't have been better than that old red Tempo.
"You're the best," I said again, leaning over into the passenger seat and giving him a deep kiss.
"So I've heard," he murmured, kissing me again. I was so caught up in the moment, with all the excitement and the extreme fondness I was feeling for Derek, that within a couple minutes I was stretched half across the car, him half on top of me as his hand slid up my shirt.
"Wow, this is not comfortable," I remarked as he pulled down my pajama pants.
"Not as bad for me," he said. "But then, I'm not stretched across the car like you are. We could get in the backseat," he suggested.
I smiled. "No, we'll claim the front seat first. The backseat can wait for another day."
"I like the way you think," he said, unbuttoning his jeans.
"This is kind of fun," I said. "We've never done this before. Other than the backache I'll probably have tomorrow, this is an interesting new position."
He no more than got the condom on and his cell phone started ringing.
"Oh, hell no," he said, pulling it out of his pocket and frowning at it. His frown deepened when he saw the name, although I didn't see who it was.
"Do we need to stop?" I asked, thinking it might be important.
He tossed the phone into the backseat and gave me a little smile. "No one's that important."
I grinned, working my fingers into his hair as he started kissing my neck.
Shortly after we broke my car in, Derek checked his voicemail to see what the person who tried to interrupt us had to say. I don't know what they said, although I noticed him scowling the whole time he listened to it.
He stayed with me for a while, and I made him watch Santa Claus is Coming to Town with me on television. I told him I was going to read The Christmas Carol, and when I was done he should watch the movie with me, or if he really wanted to experience it, he should go see the play with me. He agreed to do whichever one I wanted, but said he drew the line at reading the book.
As soon as Alex got home, Derek snatched a couple cookies and I drove him home, telling him I'd give him a call later and let him know what was going on in my book.
I thanked him again in the driveway, but didn't go inside. He had definitely given me a Christmas that I would never forget, and I found myself actually eager to go home and show Alex the car that my boyfriend bought me for Christmas.
It was all very exciting.
I did try to call him later that day, but he didn't answer his phone, so I figured maybe he had his music too loud again. I could've called the house phone, but I didn't want to talk to Mike, so I figured I would just call him the next day.
Later that night I showed Alex my new car, and we took it for a ride around the block. Alex didn't know much about fixing cars, so he told me he hoped I knew how to fix it if it broke. I told him I didn't, but Derek might.
"Aw, puppy love," he said, ruffling my hair.
I shot him a look. "It is not. But isn't he awesome? He bought me a car. How many boyfriends buy their girlfriends cars?"
Alex simply shrugged. "I can't say that I've ever even considered buying a girl a car."
"He knew I wanted to get a job at the bookstore, but I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have a car. I think I'm going to apply there now," I said. "Can you imagine working in a bookstore?"
He half smiled, getting out of the car. "Probably more exciting for you than for me."
I sighed happily, looking at my old car. "I love my car."
He was behind the car at that point, and he raised an eyebrow. "Interesting bumper sticker. Was it on there when he bought it?"
"Oh. No, he added that," I said, blushing slightly.
"Right. Not gonna ask, don’t wanna know," Alex said, walking back up to the front of the car. "Well, I have to admit, if he's already buying you a car, it looks like you caught yourself a good one, daughter."
I nodded. "I'm inclined to agree."
I took one last look at my car and sighed, finally walking back in to join Alex so I didn't turn into a snowman.
It wasn't until three days had passed and I still hadn't heard a word from Derek –despite my many phone calls and voicemails—that I allowed myself to acknowledge that something was obviously wrong.
I stubbornly denied it for the first two days, insisting that he must just be busy with work or friends, but he couldn't be avoiding me. He wouldn't do that. He liked me enough to buy me a car, so surely he liked me enough to want to talk to me.
On the third day, when I finally called his house, he answered.
"Hello?"
Well, at least I knew he was still alive.
"Hey, it's me," I said.
"Oh, hey," he said, not sounding entirely too excited to talk to me.
"What have you been up to?" I asked conversationally, as if he hadn't been ignoring me for three days.
"Just... work and stuff," he said, his tone quiet.
"Do you get that many hours?" I asked in what I hoped was a light tone.
"Actually, I guess they had to fire someone at Burger King and someone else quit, so I started working there, too."
I frowned. "You're working two jobs? But you're in high school."
"Yeah, well..."
Why was he working two jobs? I suddenly felt so guilty that he had bought me a car, it wasn't even funny. "Derek, you should not have bought me the car. Why don't we sell it? You shouldn't be working two jobs, if you couldn't afford it—"
"It's not that, Nikki," he said, cutting me off. "You're keeping the car. It has nothing to do with the car."
"Then what's the problem?" I asked.
He paused for a few seconds. "Can you come over?"
"To your house?" I asked dumbly.
"Yeah," he said.
"Is your dad home?"
“No.”
"I guess I can come over," I said carefully. "Is something wrong?"
"Can you just come over?" he asked.
Since he avoided answering me, I was immediately uneasy, but I agreed and hung up anyway.
On the ride there, I attempted to fill my head with happy thoughts of Christmas and books, telling Derek that I was going to apply at the bookstore. Then I started thinking about how much money I would have to save up in order to start college, wondering if there was a chance I might get money from anyone in Alex's family. His mother usually sent me some birthday money, so if she would send birthday money, Christmas money, and graduation money, that would be pretty great.
But my mind kept trying to wander back to Derek, his quiet tone, the fact that he had been avoiding me. It all felt vaguely familiar, even though I had certainly never experienced anything like that with Andy as my boyfriend, and I didn’t have any other exes.
Thinking about what it could mean made my stomach hurt, so I would stop and try to think of something else.
When I got to his house, I realized I was very nervous, and I still had that gnawing feeling in my stomach, but I did my best to paste a smile on as I waited for him to come to the door.
When he opened it, I tried to look as cheerful as I greeted him, "Hey."
"Hi," he said.
My stomach started hurting even more at the telling look in those blue eyes of his. There was no playful glint, and I knew just looking at him that I could deny it until I was blue in the face, but something was definitely wrong.
Something big.
I said a quick, silent prayer as I stepped over the threshold, praying it would be something that could be easily solved, like the destroying of the tapes talk.
I didn't say anything at first, letting him lead me down the hall to his room.
It couldn't possibly be anything like I was thinking, I told myself. It couldn't be.
Derek sat down on his bed and looked at me, but his eyes were sad.
I couldn't take it anymore. When he gestured for me to sit down I shook my head, refusing to sit, and said, "What is it? What's going on?"
"Could you... sit down for a second, Nikki?"
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I feel like I should probably be close to the door to hear whatever it is that you're about to say to me."
He sighed, looking so miserable that I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost. But not quite.
I crossed my arms across my chest, ignoring the hammering inside it, and waited.
There was only silence that seemed to stretch on forever, as Derek appeared to be trying to figure out how to say what he needed to say.
But I was afraid I already knew what he was going to say, and if I was wrong, I would be incredibly relieved, so either way I wasn't in the mood to be patient.
"Just say it," I snapped.
He looked up at me with sad eyes, but I refused to budge. He hadn't even spoken yet, and I already felt the icy walls creeping back up around my heart, pushing out all the happiness and warmth I had been experiencing. My heart was still thudding in my chest, and there was still a small part of my brain that was hoping he was going to say something I wasn't expecting to hear, something better.
But when his mouth opened, the words I already knew were going to come out were finally released:
"Kayla's pregnant."