Chapter Eight-
Derek and I continued our little arrangement, and other than Kayla and Andy, nobody really seemed to notice anything going on between us.
I didn't know how. Derek wasn’t very discreet, and he had taken to sitting on my desk daily and chatting with me about something or other (but I suspected this was his way of convincing me to do most of his work in that class). I didn't care though. I never met anyone who would actually let me babble on about school assignments the way Derek did, and I thought it was pretty great.
I gathered that Derek must have enjoyed my company in bed as much as I enjoyed his, because it seemed like he was trying to invite himself over all the time, but since he had never again denied me my cuddling when we were done, I hardly minded.
One day he even shocked me, because he was giving me a ride home from school, and instead of turning right out of the school parking lot, he turned left. When I informed him that he had taken me the wrong way, he told me he hadn't, that he was taking me somewhere. I asked where, but he wouldn't tell me. Twenty minutes later we pulled into my favorite bookstore, and for that moment at least, he was one of my favorite people in the universe. I had just been telling him a couple days prior how I wanted to go to the bookstore, but Alex wasn't letting me take the car.
When Derek would do nice things for me, it still made me fairly suspicious. I think that annoyed him, because one day after he randomly took me to a movie –and I badgered him, trying to figure out his motive—he snapped that he couldn't even do anything nice for me without getting tortured about it. I told him it wasn't my fault, that he normally wasn't nice to me, so when he was, I automatically wondered why. He was grumpy for the rest of that ride home, and only got grumpier when I mumbled, "You're moodier than any woman I've ever met."
I was vaguely aware that I had been spending a lot of time with Derek, but I didn't acknowledge it until Stephanie stopped me in the hall one day and asked why I kept blowing her off. She actually thought I was mad at her, which of course I wasn't, I was just so busy with Derek –between his sexual appetite, day trips, and sometimes helping him study or doing a little bit of his homework—not to mention my own school assignments and job, that I really didn't have much time anymore. Of course she didn't really know I was spending so much time with Derek, so I didn't say that to her.
We decided we were going to go out to dinner Friday night for some girl time, which made me happy.
Friday rolled around, and I picked out a pretty outfit, did my hair, and left to meet Steph. She was already there when I got to the restaurant, and she immediately started chattering as we went to our seats. Steph was telling me all about the drama at work, how this one guy wouldn't stop calling her, and how this girl on the volleyball team was dating Steph's ex-boyfriend. I missed her endless chatter.
When she finally got done, she said, "So, what have you been up to? Between our schedules I've barely had a chance to talk to you. I haven't seen you at lunch, either. Is everything okay?"
Derek and I had made a habit of skipping lunch every day that week, as I still didn't want Andy to see us together, and there just so happened to be a Subway down the road, so we had been running down there and grabbing lunch.
"Yeah, everything's fine," I said, trying to figure out how I was going to explain the Derek situation.
"I was talking to Kayla the other day," Steph began, frowning a little. "Did you know she pretty much hates you?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I kind of got that impression when she vandalized my car."
Steph gasped. "That wasn't Kayla! She wouldn't do something like that."
"She did. She admitted it to me," I told her.
"That's crazy! Why would she do that?"
Well, there was my opening. I sighed, glancing down at my hands. "Okay, this is going to sound a little... out there."
"Oh my gosh, you really are dating him, aren't you?" Stephanie said, wide-eyed.
I grimaced. "You've heard?"
"Oh my gosh, Nicole! How could you not tell me that?"
"Well, we aren't actually dating," I defended. "We're just kind of... hanging out."
"I thought you two hated each other," she said, shaking her head in confusion.
"We did... I guess... I don't really know how to explain it, Steph," I said honestly.
"So that's why you broke up with Andy? And that's why Derek broke it off with Kayla?"
"I guess so," I said uncertainly.
"Wow... that's crazy."
"Agreed," I said.
"So... what's that like? According to Kayla he didn't really treat her very well. He was kind of an ass."
That caused me to smile. "He's definitely an ass," I agreed.
"Okay... so of course, knowing this, you just had to date him. Makes perfect sense," she said sarcastically.
"We aren't dating," I insisted.
"Well... you know you guys don't have to hide, right? I mean, Kayla will be pissed, but she'll get over it, she always does. You two should sit with me at lunch one day or something. Maybe Derek won't dislike me so much now."
I nodded, opting not to tell Steph that for some reason Derek just didn't really like her, and it wasn't because of me. When I would bring Steph up he would usually roll his eyes and make some remark about how dumb she was—which of course she wasn't, and I always told him so. But he also considered Kayla incredibly dumb, so I decided maybe it was their entire group he thought had no brains.
Stephanie and I had a nice dinner after that, and we didn't bring it up again. I did start to talk to her excitedly about one of our assignments, and I saw her interest fade, a tolerant but disinterested smile on her face, so I decided to just wait until later and tell Derek about it.
That was one of my favorite things about spending time with Derek. I enjoyed his company even when I was pretty much ignoring him. It was not uncommon for Derek to come over to my house just so I could curl up on my bed and start reading a book. He would try to steal my attention, but I would always tell him, "Derek, I'm reading."
"Of course you're reading, what else would you be doing?" he would reply.
He would go on to ask what I was reading and why it was so important that I read it right then instead of later when he would be at home. Of course I would respond with a campaign about whatever book I happened to be reading, and more often than not (especially with my "The Bell Jar has been compared to Catcher in the Rye, Derek!") I would end up curled beside him with his arm around me, and he would give in, reading along with me.
I still didn't like to be around Mike, so I seldom went to Derek's house. The only time I would go over was when Derek absolutely promised me that Mike would be at work, so I wouldn't have to see him. I don't know if it bothered him that I disliked his father so much, because we tried not to talk about our parents very much.
Anytime our families came up Derek got really weird on me, and usually he would start being kind of mean to me again after what I could only assume was a reminder of what had happened so many years earlier. So we pretty much avoided that topic altogether.
Once in a while we’d talk about things that I would have never expected us to talk about, but it just came up.
For instance, Friday night after my dinner with Steph, Derek and I were in his room doing homework, and I was jotting down a couple books from the "Further reading" suggestions in our textbook. Out of the blue, Derek asked, "Where are you going to college?"
I was lying on my stomach on his bed, so I glanced up at him. "Oh, I don't know if I'm going to college."
He frowned as if I had said something incredibly stupid. "Are you kidding? How could you –of all people—even think about skipping college? You love to learn more than anyone— everyone I've ever known."
I sighed, shrugging it off. "I can't really afford it. The most I could do would be community college, and there's nothing I want to do that I can do with a two year degree."
"So do what I'm doing," he said. "Go to community college for two years, then transfer to a bigger university to get your bachelor's degree."
"That would still be expensive, Derek. I don't even have any more time to save up money, just this year."
He shook his head. "I just can't believe you would skip college. It seems insane to me."
"Well, if college didn't cost thousands of dollars, I would go, but... I don't have parents to pay for my education and I don’t want to take out a bunch of loans, so..." I shrugged again, going back to my assignment.
"So pay for it yourself," he suggested.
I raised my eyebrows, looking up at him again. "With what? My good looks?"
He smiled. "You can try that, but if it doesn't work you can get a different job. Wendy's probably isn't going to cut it, but as much as you love books, why don't you get a job at a bookstore or something? Just the employee discount would probably be worth it for you," he half joked.
"I would love to work at a bookstore," I said, smiling at the thought.
"So do it," he said simply.
"I can't, Derek. The closest bookstore is 20 minutes away from here, Alex hardly lets me borrow his car as it is. It's a nice thought and everything, but it's not that simple."
He shook his head. "You are one confusing person, I hope you know that."
I smiled jauntily. "I'm a walking anomaly, but I like that about me."
"I like that about you, too," he said, bending his head and kissing my shoulder.
I merely pressed my lips together as his kisses moved closer to my neck, and then he started to try to coax me over onto my back.
"Derek, I'm trying to study."
"Oh, me too," he replied, his kisses moving to my ears.
"Mm," I murmured, closing my eyes, goose bumps traveling up my neck. "Derek, you're distracting me."
"I like to distract you," he said, finally getting me on my back.
I sighed, deciding easily that there was no point. "Fine, I surrender," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and returning his kiss.
"I do like when you surrender," he murmured against my mouth.
For all that I shrugged the matter off to Derek, it bugged me a little when he brought up college.
I always said I was undecided, as if I merely didn't feel like going, but I did wish I could go to college. When Stephanie brought it up, it bothered me too, but she was normally just talking about going herself, never trying to bring me into it.
And it wasn't that I wasn't trying to save up some money, but there was just so little time and so much money that needed to be saved. Even if I went to the community college that Derek and Steph were going to, I would have to come up with enough money for a car; there was no way Alex was going to let me borrow his car to drive 30 miles each way every single day. Steph was one of those lucky people whose parents had not only saved money for her to actually attend college, but would also let her live at home with them for as long as she needed to while she got a higher education.
I was not in the same boat.
I would need about a thousand bucks just for a car to get me to and from school, then probably close to another thousand for books, and of course there was the actual price of tuition, not to mention all the gas and unexpected car troubles. Even if I could miraculously figure all that out, the chances of Alex actually letting me stay with him for two more years... let's just say I wouldn't put any money on it. So I would have to figure out how I was going to pay rent on top of all those expenses. If I had to do all that, when would I be able to actually study and do my assignments? I would have to work all the time just to pay for it.
There was simply no way.
On Sunday, a mere two days after our talk, Derek caught me by surprise again when he came over after work and tossed an application on my bed.
"What's this?" I asked, picking up the application and looking at it.
"Your bookstore's hiring. It's a barista job, but it is in the bookstore," he replied.
I could only stare at him. "Why?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Because... they need one? How am I supposed to know why they're hiring?"
I shook my head, smiling a little. "No, I mean... why would you go to the extra trouble of not only going to the bookstore, but getting an application for me?"
He shrugged. "I guess you're growing on me. Just a little," he said, giving me a small smile.
"Like mold?" I asked gravely, my expression innocent.
His eyes twinkled and he nodded. "Yes, exactly like mold."
I chalked it up to joking at the time, but I realized later, as I was looking over the application, that Derek really was being nice to me lately. I kept noticing it, but I always seemed to have some reason that I was just mistaken.
If I didn't know any better, I just might start thinking that Derek was starting to like me.
But when thoughts like that would surface, I would usually reject them, telling myself I was being silly. Derek hated me, he had always hated me. But as I looked at the application, I thought maybe he really was getting over his senseless hatred, and that's why he was treating me like a friend.
Maybe we were friends.
After all, I was hardly a friendship expert.
That thought made me happy, but I didn't want to get too excited about it in case I was wrong.
Monday came too soon, and Derek came to give me a ride to school, as he had been doing since the weather was getting colder. I told him cautiously about Stephanie's invitation for us to join her at her lunch table, and while he didn't seem very excited about the idea, he did agree.
During lunch, Derek mostly stayed out of the conversation. Since Thanksgiving was fast approaching, Stephanie was talking about her family from North Carolina coming to visit for the holiday. She asked me what I was doing, and I realized I didn't really know.
Sometimes for Thanksgiving I would go with Alex to his mother's house, but since it was one of maybe four times a year that we saw her, it was usually fairly uncomfortable.
Stephanie casually asked Derek what he was doing for Thanksgiving, wanting to include him, and he said he would probably get roped into going to his grandmother's house.
"Which grandmother?" I asked curiously.
"On my dad's side," he said.
I wanted to ask if he ever saw Sarah's parents anymore, but I didn't want him to get all freaky on me, so I didn't.
I really didn't like holidays very much. It was the worst time of the year, with everyone planning to visit their loving families. It never failed to remind me that I didn't have one, and I wondered if it bothered Derek, too, but of course I wasn't allowed to ask.
That did bother me. If we were friends, shouldn't we be able to get past our family history and actually talk about our families?
Our conversation was cut short, though, because Kayla entered the lunch room and she started to come sit by Stephanie, but when she saw me and Derek at the table, she was outraged.
"Bitch," she said to Stephanie, upon learning that Steph was the one to invite us.
Stephanie sighed, trying to reason with her friend. "Kayla, just sit down."
"No, you invited them to the table, so obviously you like that freak and my ex better than you like me. Some friend."
"Kayla," she said, sighing again as she stood up and went after Kayla.
I rolled my eyes. "She is such a drama queen."
Derek nodded his agreement, taking a bite of his pizza.
"She can't really be that upset, right?" I asked, my conscience uneasy. "I mean... when you two were together, she never claimed to love you or anything, right?"
Derek shrugged. "Not that I can remember."
"I just thought she'd be over it by now," I said, before turning my attention back to Steph, who was sitting back down, Kayla at her side.
"I'm sorry," Kayla said to Steph. "I've just been a little emotional lately, I don't know what's wrong with me."
I glanced down at Kayla, but when she realized I was looking at her she fixed me with a glare, asking, "What the hell are you looking at?"
I rolled my eyes at her once again, not bothering to reply, and returned my attention to eating my lunch, not really talking much to anyone once Kayla sat down.
As usual, Derek's bad mood seemed to come out of nowhere. When Thanksgiving break started, we were perfectly fine, possibly even friends.
Then he went to that stupid dinner with his grandmother, and suddenly he was grumpy toward me again.
I was really starting to hate his family, maybe even more than I did when I met him. It was almost always after he would be around them that his moods would turn mean and he would push me away. Normally it was just his dad, who, despite telling me that Derek "could" date me if he wanted to, still didn't seem to be wildly fond of me. That was probably partially my fault, since I had never been more polite to Mike than the day he gave me a ride home, but it was still really annoying. Just when I thought I was wearing Derek down and possibly earning his friendship, his family could easily wipe out all of my progress, and it would seem like he hated me again.
It was starting to drive me crazy.
But for the next couple days, Derek was sullen and withdrawn, completely disinterested in being nice to me. I didn't like to sleep with him when he was like that either, because although he would let me cuddle for a few minutes, he made me feel like I was forcing him, and then he would leave, making me feel just a touch aggravated. After all that physical closeness, it took me just a couple minutes to be able to space myself, and it didn't seem that way for him.
I waited patiently for his moods to go back to normal, but when the beginning of December rolled around and he still seemed withdrawn, I decided it was time to have a discussion, whether he felt like it or not.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked him one day.
"What do you mean?" he asked, glancing up at me.
"Well, for a while it seemed like you didn't hate me so much, but even today I felt like I had to convince you to study with me. Did I do something?"
"No," he said, turning his attention back to the book as if the conversation was over.
"Then why are you being like this?" I asked him.
He sighed irritably. "I don't want to talk about it."
"You never do," I responded. "But unfortunately I'm not really feeling the brooding silences you've been practicing lately. I want to know what's wrong with you, and if I have to use a crowbar, I will pry it out of you."
"Look, Nikki, the only person you have to deal with is Alex, and he doesn't have a problem with my father or me. It isn't like that for me. As soon as someone in my family finds out that I actually associate with you, I'm automatically betraying my mother's memory, and I'm sick of catching shit about it."
I frowned at him. "That's stupid."
"Maybe it is, but it's what I deal with," he said in an agitated tone, turning his attention back to his books.
Since he had been weird since Thanksgiving, I assumed it was at that dinner that it had come up, but why would it still be bothering him?
I decided to be nice, and I got on my knees behind him and started to give him a back massage. "Well, do you want to talk about it?" I asked. "Maybe it would help to make you less grumpy."
"Doubt it," he said, but allowed me to keep rubbing his shoulders.
"Before we reject the idea, let's try," I suggested. "Tell me, when did this start?"
"The day your mother decided to crash into mine."
I tensed a little, but didn't let it bother me. "You know what I mean. You've been nice lately, you've taken me to bookstores, you've talked about my future, and you’ve acted like a real friend to me."
He scoffed a little. "Yeah."
Undeterred, I went on. "Then you went to Thanksgiving dinner. Is that where it started?"
He sighed as I started to massage his neck and admitted, "My grandmother didn't know I even knew you. I don't know that she even knew you existed."
"How did she find out?" I asked, continuing to knead the tense muscles in his back.
"My step-mom cluelessly told her," he said. "My grandmother... she adored my mother, at least that's what I've been told. My dad started seeing my mom when he was 14, and I guess my grandmother has loved her ever since. As far as she's concerned, my liking you is the most blatantly disrespectful thing I could ever do to my dead mother, and we got into a fight about it. She makes me feel like shit, and it pisses me off, because... honestly, I don't understand why I'm supposed to hate you. It just doesn't make sense anymore. I know I've always been under the impression that I was supposed to hate you, so I just did, but that was before I knew you. Now that I know you I just don't understand why the hell I should have to hate you because of something your mother did over a decade ago. Yes, I lost my mother, and that sucks, and of course I miss her, but you aren't the one who did it and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for liking you. You’re your own person. Nobody gets that."
I stopped massaging him in the middle of his speech, although I didn't realize it. But I couldn't seem to help it. As soon as he told me that he got in a fight with his grandmother for sticking up for me...
Nobody ever stood up for me. Especially not Derek. It made me feel so good inside to think of Derek actually standing up to his grandmother, probably in front of his father, and defending me. I couldn't even describe the way that made me feel.
"Really?" I asked a little quietly.
He nodded, lying down on the bed. "I just don't feel like I'm wrong, I feel like they are. But I'm really sick of having to fight with people about it. I'm really sick of people being on my case and saying that I'm being disloyal to my mother because I decided to be with you. Maybe that is how she would see it, I don't even know..."
I thought about it for a moment, then I cuddled up next to him, draping an arm across his shoulders. "You know what, I don't think she would," I finally said. "I mean, there's no denying that our mothers hated each other, but that's because they loved the same man. Personally, I don't believe they would have wanted to condemn us to that kind of hatred. When I think about it, I never even consider that my mom would be angry at me for not hating you. I know she wouldn't."
It took him a moment, but then he said, "You must have known your mother better than I knew mine."
"Well, you had a mother and a father," I reasoned. "I didn't. My mom was pretty much all I had, and I was all she had. We were each other's world. Your mom... had Mike, so... If my mother would've had the man she loved, maybe I wouldn't have gotten so much attention."
He glanced over at me. "You know, I never remember feeling like they loved each other. I don't even know if they did."
That comment made my heart skip a beat, but I didn't know how to coax information out of him without making him clam up. So I just casually responded, "Really?"
Derek nodded. "They fought a lot, I think I told you that. He cheated on her once," he said.
My heart dropped when he said that. "What?" I exclaimed.
He nodded his head. "I remember hearing her screaming at him, hearing things breaking against the wall. She thought it was your mom, he said it wasn't. I don't know if she believed him, I just remember she kept screaming ‘that whore’ at him."
My mind raced, and I dug to the very depths of my memory, trying to figure out if there was some journal I was missing. Surely if Mike would have cheated on Sarah with her, she would have recorded that. And was he married? Would she have really done that? She might have, I realized. She loved him more than anything and would have done anything to be with him, probably including being an adulteress.
"When was this?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I don’t know, I was little."
"Well..." That didn't help.
"Wait," he said. "No, I do remember, it was... around his birthday the year I started first grade. We still had cake left, because I remember she threw the cake at him."
"That's February," I remarked absently, my brain trying to put the pieces together. When the hell had this happened, and how did I not know about it?
But then I remembered that he said Mike claimed that it wasn't my mom that he cheated on her with.
"Well, did he ever say who it was?"
Derek shook his head. "Not that I know of. I don't remember hearing any other name, I just remember that fight. It was their worst."
"And it was near the end," I said, my interest stirred.
"What?" he asked, glancing over at me.
I looked up. "Oh, well, if it was near the end of February then... the accident happened in April, so that was just a couple months before the end. I turned seven in May, so..."
"I don't know," he said, sighing a little. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm just tired of this, especially since I can't seem to stop liking you, even when I think I should."
I was only half paying attention at that point, my mind making its way back to the past, my only desire at that moment to go home and search through my mother's journals.
As soon as Derek dropped me off, I ran to my room.
I knew I had read through the last journal of my mother's, the one she never finished, trying to find some sort of reason, something that might have triggered her. As many times as I had searched, I never found anything. Everything seemed completely ordinary. It seemed like she had just snapped for no apparent reason.
I dug the journals out again and went back to that February, carefully reading each entry again. I didn't know if I expected to find a page I had somehow missed before or what, but I didn't. The entries were still the same. It seemed to be just another ordinary month. No matter how thoroughly I read each entry, she just journaled about work, about me, about a conversation she had with Alex.
Mike’s birthday was the 15th, so I started concentrating on the 12th. But there was still no entry that read, "Oh, and I slept with Mike." On the 12th she had been pretty pleased with a particularly generous tip she got at work. On the 13th she had a bad dream (that she didn't describe) and then she went on to have a lousy day at work, then she didn't get home in time to even put me to bed. On the 14th was when she was talking about Alex, a conversation they had on the phone that day. Mike’s birthday was the 15th, and she just wrote that morning that she was already in a pretty lousy mood, that she didn't feel like going to work, that she just wanted to sleep in. "Today is always a little strange for me, which I find incredibly annoying." But that was the only comment that might have even been about Mike, as far as I could see.
She had to work that night until close, so she didn't write anymore until the 16th. On the 16th she was contemplative. She did mention him, because she wrote how she hated that February 15th was a bad day for her every single year. She wrote:
You would think after all these years it wouldn't matter anymore. You would think he wouldn't be able to get to me anymore. But he still can. Even knowing it's his birthday... thinking back to the year I got to see him for his birthday, because he had worked that day. I remember I teased him, and I told him I was going to give him a kiss for his birthday, then I gave him a Hershey's kiss. Of course I really did kiss him after that...
It felt so good to kiss him.
But why am I doing this to myself?
Never mind, I refuse to think about this anymore right now.
I have to go to work anyway, because Debbie called off again...
I kept reading carefully through each entry, although there were days that she didn't journal that month, but she never mentioned him again, not once for the rest of the month.
Maybe it really hadn't been her. It was somewhat disappointing to think about, but maybe Mike had just cheated on Sarah with someone else.
That thought made me a little angry. As much as my mother loved him, why would he choose to cheat with someone else? Did he really just not care about her? Had she been wrong about him? If it was someone else, the entire memory of their relationship was a lie. I almost felt like not only was he cheating on Sarah, but my mother's devotion.
It was a silly thought, but I still didn't like the idea that he would do that, even if I did think Mike was dirt bag.
On a whim, I decided I would read the journal she kept in April. I opened up the unfinished journal, although I had always hated reading that one. Oddly, it was the barest of them all. There were several blank spaces in that journal, days where she would just not write anything at all. You would have thought that the journal she was keeping when she finally snapped would be the most interesting, or at least the most depressing.
It wasn't. It was boring, to be perfectly honest.
I flipped to the end, to the very last entry in her journal. She was just talking about Wuthering Heights. She was writing how she had lost both copies of the book. She said that the other day she had been looking for her second copy, but she couldn't find it. She said she knew she had it a couple months before, because she had been reading it. Apparently she had told someone about it, and although she normally didn't loan out her books, since she had two copies, she let him take a copy, telling him he should give it a try. "You might relate," I told him, were her exact words.
And that was it. The anticlimactic last line of her journal was about loaning someone a book.
I was sure she had never gotten the book back since she died the next day, but my grandmother had boxed up all her books, and since I knew I had Wuthering Heights, I knew Grandma must have found the second copy.
My wild goose chase was finally over, and of course I had found nothing very exciting, which was pretty disappointing. It would have been much more interesting if I would have somehow discovered a passage that I had missed before, and solved the mystery.
But maybe there was no mystery.
Maybe Mike was just a typical, disappointing guy, and my poor mother had been disillusioned. Perhaps he had never really even wanted to be with her. Maybe he had been playing her all along.
It seemed I would never know.
I was caught by complete surprise when Stephanie told me that Kayla suggested we all hang out sometime. I thought that was pretty weird since Kayla absolutely hated me and had even gone so far as to vandalize my car.
When I mentioned this, Steph said that Kayla wanted to extend her apologies for acting like such a bitch, and she wanted us to hang out with her and Greg, this new guy she was seeing.
I hated the idea, but Steph looked so hopeful that I somehow found myself agreeing.
Talking Derek into it was the hard part. It wasn't so much a matter of talking him into it, but waiting until we were in bed and he was almost satisfied, then adding, "Oh, and we are hanging out with Steph and her friends tomorrow night, right?" when he wouldn't have been able to refuse me if I asked him to buy me a car.
I was completely prepared for awkwardness, especially when Kayla decided she was driving, Greg would sit shotgun, and Derek, Stephanie and I could sit in the back.
I ended up stuck in the middle, jammed between Stephanie and Derek, while Kayla and her incredibly loud and obnoxious new boy toy blasted music and decided to sing along. Out of all the songs they played on the longest ride ever, I liked two of them.
We ended up at the mall, where Kayla –who was definitely a size two, if not smaller—tried on a pair of jeans, modeled them, then proceeded to ask Derek if the jeans had made her butt look big.
I felt a small surge of satisfaction when Derek replied, "I have no idea, I didn't look at it. Ask your boyfriend."
I didn't have much money, so I didn't want to waste my time looking at anything. I did end up buying a pair of earrings that were on sale 2 for $8. Steph and I both found one pair that we liked, so we put our money together and bought them. Then Kayla hauled us into another store, and I saw this really pretty autumn-orange sweater that would go perfectly with the earrings I bought. I really wanted to try it on, but it was $25, and I only had $12 left, so I didn't feel the need to tease myself.
Steph noticed that I kept gravitating back to the sweater, so when she found a shirt to try on she insisted that I go try on my sweater.
It was just as pretty on as I expected it to be, and I wished I had more money so I could buy it, but I didn't. I really hated not having any money.
Derek saw me admiring it, but I merely offered him a smile in the mirror and said, "It's pretty, isn't it?"
He nodded with a slight smile, his eyes twinkling. "Very pretty."
I nodded, then went to change back out of it and into my boring T-shirt. When I came out, Steph told me I should buy it, because it was really pretty on me. I shook my head and put the sweater back on the table. "Maybe another time," I said.
"Why?" Derek asked, glancing at the sweater.
"I don't..." I thought about just saying I didn't like it that much, but I decided just to tell him the truth. "I don't have enough money to buy it," I said with a tiny smile. "No big deal."
"How much do you have?" he asked, looking at the price tag on the sweater.
"Twelve bucks," I responded.
He nodded and continued to tag along as Kayla held up various items of clothing, then decided to buy them, reminding me with every item of the money she had cost me by vandalizing my car. If not for her being such a petty bitch, maybe I could afford my sweater.
I was a little thrown when it felt like Derek was trying to hold my hand, but despite my bewilderment, I let him. Then I felt him slip me something and I looked down to see a $20 bill.
I shook my head. "No. Thank you, but no," I said, passing it back.
"Go get the damn sweater," he said, shoving the money back into my hand.
"I am not taking your money," I said stubbornly.
He shrugged. "Fine, don't take it. I'll buy the sweater," he said, turning and going back in the direction of the sweater.
"No," I said, grabbing him by the hand to stop him. "It's really very nice of you, I appreciate the gesture, but you really don't have to do that. It's just a sweater."
"A sweater that you want," he replied.
"A sweater that I can't afford. I'm not taking your charity."
He rolled his eyes. "Don't be an idiot. It isn't charity. I'm allowed to buy you things."
"You are not," I argued.
"Why?" he responded sardonically. "Is that too much of a boyfriend thing to do?"
I didn't even have to think about it, I simply nodded. "Pretty much."
"Too damn bad," he said, walking over to the table with the sweaters.
"Derek, don't," I said quietly. "If they see you buy it..."
"That's why I gave you the money, hon," he replied easily.
The endearment caused me to tense a little.
"Please just take it," he said, pressing the money into my palm. "I really don't want to have to explain why I'm buying myself a very feminine sweater."
I cracked a smile, taking the money, and also holding his hand for a few more seconds than I really needed to. "Thank you," I said quietly.
"You're welcome," he said, lightly smirking at me. Leaning in, he whispered in my ear, "You can thank me later."
I grinned, picking up the sweater and tossing a wink at him over my shoulder. "Oh, for sure.”
He raised an eyebrow at my response and I just gave him a jaunty little smile, not realizing until I spun around that Kayla was watching us, her expression less than friendly.
I immediately put a few feet between myself and Derek, walking over to pay for my sweater.
As soon as we left the store, Kayla made a show of flirting with her new boy toy. Derek didn't ignore her, but he did watch with amusement for a few minutes, then he grew bored and started asking when we were going to be done.
Kayla seemed a little miffed when, on the ride home, Derek and Greg actually talked more than anyone, seeming to get along like old friends.
I had to admit I was pretty amused. Kayla invited us on the shopping trip to try to show me up, and instead, she went home pouting while I went home with a beautiful sweater and a new pair of earrings.
Honestly, I enjoyed watching her plan completely backfire.
A few days later I wore my new sweater to school, and I had lunch with Derek and Stephanie. After I sat down, I realized I forgot to get my drink, but Derek said he wanted one, too, so he'd just get mine while he was up there.
As soon as he was out of earshot Stephanie elbowed me and gave me one of her happy little smiles.
I automatically smiled back, not even knowing what her smile was about. "What?" I asked.
"It's just so cute," she said.
"What is?" I asked cluelessly.
"You two. I take it you're officially dating now?" she asked, smiling at me in girly confidence.
I raised my eyebrows, shaking my head. "Oh no. We're just friends."
"Don't lie to me, Nicole Harmon," she said , her tone mockingly stern.
"I'm not lying," I told her.
She rolled her eyes. "You better be. It's obvious he likes you. I've never seen Derek play the puppy dog to anyone, surely not to Kayla."
"He doesn't play my puppy dog," I argued.
"For Derek he does. He would've never gotten Kayla a drink, even if he would've been up there."
I had a few choice responses to that, but since Kayla was Steph's best friend I held my tongue. "It's just a friend thing, Steph," I insisted. "It's like how we bought our earrings together so we got a better deal. It wasn't a difficult thing to do, but not something you would really do with someone who isn't a friend. Derek and I are friends. I think we're actually becoming pretty good friends, but... just friends."
"And are you satisfied with this?" she asked skeptically, watching my expression.
I smiled and nodded. "Oh yeah, I love it."
She smiled at me oddly, and it looked like she was going to say something else, but then Derek came back, taking his seat beside me and sliding a can in front of me.
"Oh, thank you," I said, opening up my can and glancing at him.
Once in a while, although I would never admit it to Stephanie, the stray thought did enter my mind that Derek was suddenly an awfully friendly friend. But as soon as the thought would surface, I would push it right back down.
If I wasn't careful, I would be as silly as Stephanie, thinking that Derek and I were actually dating.