Nate
I was worse than a teenager. I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but I was worse than a fifteen-year-old boy who’d just seen his first set of real tits. I’d already jerked off twice since I got home. I couldn’t shake the thoughts of Josie from my mind. Not that I wanted to. Not really. The sounds she made, the way she wriggled in my arms, pressing herself against me. The way she tasted on my tongue. The look of her swollen, well-kissed lips. Damn, that was an image I wasn’t letting go of ever. Knowing I was the one responsible for them.
After a quick, cold shower I collapsed into bed. Josie was a puzzle I had yet to figure out. Tonight I’d learnt a lot. A lot I didn’t like. Not. One. Little. Bit. Someone, some asshole, had broken her. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that part out. Shattered her self-esteem and left an empty shell. Or at least she saw herself as an empty shell. The truth was, she was far from it. Any idiot with eyes could see it. So it did nothing but piss me off that she couldn’t. It was my mission now. One I set right then and there. I was going to make her see it again. No matter what. Josie would believe what a fun, sexy, and smart woman she really was.
Damn it! Even thinking about who she was made me hard again, and soon enough I was pitching a tent with the cool, cotton sheet. It was going to be one long, lonely night.
***
The morning came way too soon for my liking. And it wasn’t Saturday. I had to get my tired, grumpy ass up and go on a school excursion. What sort of idiot suggests taking a busload of boys on a two hour drive to play football in the freezing cold? Oh, that’s right. Me. I’m the moron that thought it would be a good idea. Thankfully, Mia, who’d wormed her way into the school’s good graces, had volunteered to come with me, so at least I had someone to talk to.
Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, I groaned as I stretched my arms high above my head, hearing the creaking of my old, overused joints. The pain felt fantastic. Dropping my hands back to my sides, I found myself lightheaded and more than a little dizzy. For a few moments I just sat there, completely naked, focusing on my breathing. This wasn’t something I remember feeling before and I didn’t like it. When the spinning finally subsided, I risked standing. I was fine for three steps. Three lousy steps before I wobbled on my feet, crashing my shoulder into the wardrobe as I fought to stay upright. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head, and pretend the world outside didn’t exist. But I couldn’t. Not today. Today I had a football team counting on me and I wouldn’t let them down. In my few short years teaching, I’d seen enough kids disappointed by adults to know I never wanted to be responsible for putting that look on their innocent faces. I was going, no matter what. Coffee would help. Coffee fixed everything.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my pyjama pants from the end of the bed and pulled them up over my hips before tightening the drawstring. Even that seemed an effort. Leaning on the wall, I shuffled down the hallway and into the kitchen. Outside it was still dark and dew touched everything. On a normal day, a day where I didn’t feel like every movement was making me want to throw up, this would be my favourite time of the day. The time where nothing had gone wrong and the world was at peace. Well, at least my world. It was something I’d come to appreciate since moving here. The lack of drama. I’d lived through enough of that bullshit to last a lifetime. I had no intentions of chasing more.
Turning on the kettle, I grabbed my favourite coffee mug from the counter. But I was still off balance. When I went to set it down again to fill it with the elixir of life, also known as my morning flat white, I misjudged the bench and sent the cup clattering to the ground, where it shattered, sending shards of ceramics in every direction.
“Fucking hell!”
Today was going to shit. Quickly. When I attempted to step over the mess to grab the broom, with the luck I was having, it made complete sense that I stepped on a piece, lodging it in my heel. Pain shot up my leg and I let a string of expletives fly. Some that weren’t even real words.
Slumping onto the bar stool, I grabbed my foot and dug out the offending shard before dropping it back to the floor and slumping forward. This was bullshit. When the alarm on my phone sounded, I knew I had to get my dragging ass moving. That was the snooze alarm getting me out of bed. I gave up on my coffee and the mess on the floor, hey, it’d still be there when I get home and I’d deal with it then. At least I might be awake then. Heading for the shower, I got ready for my day.
Or at least I tried to.
Today was so not my day. In the shower I’d had to lean on the wall just to hold myself upright. Having that much trouble standing meant I wasn’t shaving. Not just because I couldn’t be bothered, and I’ll admit that was some of it, but more so because I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t accidentally slit my own throat with a blunt razor blade.
Eventually I was ready to go. Dressed in a pair of jeans, runners, collared shirt, and jumper, it would do. And thankfully, none of it needed ironing. Stepping outside into the cool air, I noticed the drizzle had started coming down. It was light and misleading, but undoubtedly it was there. Not trusting myself on a slippery road on my bike, I grabbed the huge golf umbrella, tossed my bag over my shoulder, and started walking to work.
By the time I made it to the end of the street I was panting heavily. I didn’t think I was that unfit. Sure, I couldn’t quite remember the last time I’d seen the inside of a gym or gone for a run, but surely all the construction and renovations I’d been doing wouldn’t let me fall that far, that quickly. But with the sweat gathering on my brow, I knew I had to make some time to fit some exercise in. And soon. The drizzle soon turned to rain, and when I fell through the front gates of the school I was fucked. There was no other word to describe it really. Completely and utterly fucked. How the hell I was supposed to keep up with a bunch of hyper wannabe footballers all day I had no clue.
Ducking into my classroom, carefully dodging the parents already pulling into the car park, I just needed a minute. A minute and then I’d be fine to go. Everything was an effort, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me. I found myself grateful that I’d been bored yesterday while I waited for the Parents and Citizens meeting to start and got organised. Grabbing the clipboard from my desk, I flicked through, making sure everything I needed was still there. Consent forms, entry form, and a list of important numbers—like the bus company who were notorious for not showing up. I was sure the only reason they were still in business was because there was no competition. Not in a town this size.
Taking a swig from the half empty bottle of water on my desk, my stomach turned over at the intrusion. Something was seriously not right with me today. I’d deal with it later. I didn’t have time to be sick today. Grabbing my sunglasses, I slipped them on my tired eyes and headed out to join the growing group in the parking lot.
“Morning,” I grumbled as I tried to fake enthusiasm. Even that was draining. Fuck me, it was going to be a one long ass day.
A few fathers shook my hand vigorously before bidding their child goodbye and climbing into their mud covered trucks and heading off, leaving me in charge. Some days I couldn’t believe people would do that. Trust me with the most precious thing in their life. Their children. It wasn’t something I’d ever do. That’s why I wasn’t having children. You couldn’t trust anyone with them. Not for a second.
The moment their parents were out of sight, the boys became boys. Running and tackling each other. I’m not sure what they had for breakfast, whatever it was had them bouncing and ready to go. At this rate they’d be exhausted before we even got to the field. But while they weren’t hurting each other, I wasn’t about to stop them. They weren’t pestering me, so all was good. I rubbed my temples, feeling the headache settling in. I needed Mia to hurry up so I could dash back inside and grab some aspirin, otherwise there was no way I was going to survive today. All I had to do was hold out until she got here.
More kids arrived and the noise grew. So did the pounding in my skull.
A heavy hand clamped down on my shoulder and I almost doubled over from its weight. Staggering forward, it took a second for me to steady myself on my own feet. It was embarrassing. I was quite sure I looked like I was drunk.
Slowly I spun around, coming face to face with a concerned Derek.
“Hi,” I offered weakly, as I thrust my hand out between us.
I was moving slowly and my mind seemed to be even slower, but I didn’t miss the quirk of his eyebrow as Derek took me in. When I’d left home I’d looked fine. Maybe a little pale and unkempt due to the two day stubble on my chin, other than that though, I was fine. Under Derek’s intense scrutiny though, I was doubting it. I was doubting everything.
He took my hand and squeezed. I almost doubled over in pain. Hissing through my teeth, I managed to hold myself upright. Barely. “Morning.”
Mia stepped beside him and froze.
“Shit, Nate! You look like death. What are you doing here?”
“Mia!” Derek warned, pointing out the kids running every which way surrounding us. Mia giggled as she bit her lip. Today was going to be interesting, to say the least. If I could stay awake through it.
“Um, we have a busload of kids to get to a football carnival?”
“No. The kids need to get to the carnival. You need to get back to bed.”
“I…can’t.” My protest was weak. The truth was with every passing second I wanted to do nothing more. Bed sounded wonderful right about now. I would have sworn I could have slept for a week and still be tired. “I’ll be fine. I just need to get some aspirin. This headache’s killing me.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” I lied. I lied to a cop. Some days even I was surprised by my own stupidity. Fortunately, Derek let this one slide. At least for now. “Are you right to watch the kids for a second while I race in and grab some?”
Mia nodded, her eyes never leaving mine. Luckily my eyes were still shielded by my dark glasses. She looked every bit the trainer. With her black three quarter tights, stark white running shoes, and bright pink windcheater, she wouldn’t be hard to miss. Even with her tiny height, she’d stand out. When Derek cleared his throat, I knew I’d been sprung checking out his fiancée. Mia knew too. She just giggled and it sounded like a ten-year-old girl. Sweet and innocent. It was a good thing I knew Mia was anything but. Quickly dismissing those errant thoughts, I started down the path back towards my class room. I didn’t have much time before my head exploded. Or the bus arrived. I wasn’t sure, at this rate, which would happen first.
“Nate! Nate!”
Someone’s cool fingers tapped my cheek and my eyes flickered open. As soon as they did I regretted it. It hurt like a bitch. As quick as they’d sprung open I squeezed them closed again and took a steadying breath. Everything was spinning. Including my stomach, which was desperate for me to empty. Swallowing back the bile, I forced it back down again. It tasted disgusting. After a few fortifying breaths, I forced my eyes open again slowly, only to see a group gathered above me. Struggling to sit up, I felt two huge hands slip under my arms, dragging me to sitting.
“What…what happened?”
“Not sure,” Mia admitted as she crouched down and ran her soft fingers across my scalp. I wasn’t really sure what she was doing and was too exhausted to protest, so I let her do whatever she wanted.
“Is he dead?” a small voice asked. I couldn’t see where it came from and panic flooded me. So did the reality of where I was.
My eyes went crazy. Fighting to take everything in, I figured out where I was soon enough and wanted to hide from humiliation. I was sitting on my ass, in the dirt, with my back leaning against the brick wall. Mia and Derek were there, Derek towering above me while Mia fussed over me and a group of kids peeked around Derek’s massive, dominating legs.
“I’m fine,” I said as confidentially as I could. The kids didn’t need to worry about this. I wasn’t there problem.
“You’re not,” Mia whispered.
“I will be,” I countered.
“You ready to stand?”
“Yeah?” I wasn’t really sure. I didn’t want to admit that I was afraid of getting off my ass. It wasn’t really the standing I was worried about, it was the staying there. So far today it’d already proved a challenge more than once, and judging by the throbbing pain in my hip, my fall hadn’t helped my cause at all.
Derek helped me to my feet and stepped back, but he didn’t let go. Instead his grip on my arm tightened as I felt myself wobble again. Breathing through my mouth, I tried to focus on the tree across the parking lot to stop the world from spinning out of control. It worked. For all of about four seconds before I fell forward at the waist and emptied the contents of my stomach all over the concrete path. And my shoes. And Derek.
Wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, I was finally forced to concede that today just wasn’t going to happen for me…a reality that stung like a thousand tiny pin pricks. The kids were going to miss out and it was all my fault. If my stomach wasn’t already empty, then that realisation alone would have emptied it.
“Come on, man, I’ll take you home.” Derek moved to my side and wrapped his arm around my shoulders before half carrying, half dragging me towards his truck.
I climbed in, buckled my seatbelt, and let my head fall back against the head rest before closing my eyes. I didn’t need to see to know Derek was driving slowly and carefully on the wet roads. When he turned the corner, my stomach lurched again and I bit my lip, determined not to make a mess in his truck.
A moment later we came to a stop and my eyes opened of their own accord. Derek jumped out and was around the car before I even had my seatbelt undone. “Let’s get you inside,” he instructed, helping me down and guiding me inside.
In my delirious state I’d forgotten to lock the door. As soon as we were inside, I flopped onto the sofa and growled. This is where I needed to be. Lying down with my eyes closed. The moment my head hit the cushions I knew I shouldn’t have forced myself to move this morning, but it was too late for regrets now.
“You going to be okay on your own?”
At the sound of Derek’s voice, I sat up again. I’d completely forgotten about him being here. He was standing in my house looking at me like I was dying. Maybe I was. It sure as shit felt like it. “Yeah. I think I just need some sleep. I’ve got to make a few calls first though.”
“To who?”
Derek’s question caught me off guard. Who really cared if I was sick? Oh that’s right, no one. When I’d moved I’d used it as an excuse to cleanse my life. Cut out the bullshit. Cut out the people who lied or cheated or were pretentious assholes. That included my mother. Isn’t a mother supposed to love her kids no matter what? Isn’t she supposed to be on their side regardless? At least that’s what I thought. Turns out though, my mother missed that memo.
“I’m supposed to be on a bus in—” Squinting, I checked the time on my watch. It took a lot of effort. Too much effort. “In twenty minutes. The football carnival—”
“You’re fine. Mia’s going to let them know what’s happening and I’m going as your replacement.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t know you could do that.”
“Nah, you wouldn’t. See, you’re still new around here. Basically we do what needs to be done and help each other out. Obviously, you’re not going anywhere in a hurry, so I’m going to take the little monsters to the carnival. I know all of them and their parents, so there’s no issue. Besides, being the only cop in town means I have all the clearances I need to hang out with a bunch of brats.”
“I…I can’t ask you to do that, man. It’s my responsibility—”
“Nate, shut up. Go get changed and sleep it off. Whatever it is. It’s all good. And it’s already done. Mia, well, let’s just say she doesn’t muck about.”
“Right.” I huffed as I fell back against the cushions.
“Get some sleep, man. I’ll let you know how we go.”
“Thanks Derek. For…everything. I’ll pay you back.”
I hated owing people. Being indebted to friends was the worst feeling in the world. Okay, maybe the second worst feeling. First was this constant spinning.
“Nah. Just get better.”
“Thanks.”
“Catch ya.” With a wave he was gone and I was left alone in my huge, deserted house.
Not trusting my legs to hold me up, I crept down the hallway on all fours to my bedroom before yanking my clothes off and tossing them into a pile before crawling into my bed wearing nothing but my boxers.