July 22

I hadn’t planned to go to the gym tonight, but I needed an excuse to leave Madeline’s, and I can definitely expend some restless energy. Once I said it, I had to follow through so it wouldn’t be a lie. It’s humid tonight, so I put up my windows, blast the AC and crank the volume on my favorite hard rock station as I drive over to Silver’s Gym in Holden. After my workout, I’ll stop at Lowe’s to pick up some sheetrock mud before heading home.

And while I’m driving, I’ll try to make sense of what just happened with Madeline.

Let me begin with...

W

T

F.

I’ve been with a lot of women—too many to count—and I’ve gotten off (literally) on pleasing them, but Jesus. This felt different. Maybe it had something to do with how responsive she was, and of course hearing how long it had been for her magnified everything, but it’s also about how I responded to her. We didn’t even fuck, but man, it was fierce—and I wasn’t prepared for what it would do to me to touch her, put my fingers inside her, make her come.

Honestly? I’m wondering if hooking up with her was such a good idea. Yet I can’t back out on our alliance, number one because I do what I say I will, and number two...selfishly, I want to fuck her. Many times. Plus, we’ve got parameters already established, so it’s safe.

Right?

Right.

I say hi to Julie at the check-in counter. Today being a chest day, I do some free weights and then a half hour on the treadmill. There’s a lot of eye candy here in here—a cute brunette with legs for days, a blonde whose ass looks ah-may-zing in her Spandex, a couple college-age girls who keep darting their eyes in my direction. I’m feeling more like myself, scoping them out, and I flirt a little with the brunette when we both walk toward the locker rooms at the same time. May sound dumb, but it’s like a relief I’m in player mode. That, I can do. Questioning/confused/unsure...uh, not so much.

After a quick shower and giving the blonde my classic I think you’re fucking hot look as I leave, I drive over to Lowe’s, happy to give them business instead of New England Home Supply. Lowe’s does for me what Target does for women—definitely my happy place. Don’t think I’m weird, but I pretty much get off on looking at all the new tools—the cordless ones from Ryobi are always good for a rush.

Plus, the manager Owen is great and a good buddy of mine. He’s at the Pro desk flipping through a catalog and is all smiles when he sees me.

“Well, if it isn’t Big Deck. Haven’t seen you in a while. You’re not cheating on me with those guys in the orange aprons, are you?” He narrows his eyes at me suspiciously, rubbing his scruff of a beard. Owen’s a little guy, only about 5’7”, but stocky and strong as hell. I wouldn’t want to mess with him.

“Not a chance, O. You’re the only one for me.”

“Aw, you’ve got my heart all a-flutter.”

“It’s what I do, bud.”

“Ha! Yeah. Toying with the hearts of hundreds of women.”

“But only one at a time—that’s important.”

He shakes his head, laughing. “You’ve got quite the lifestyle, pal. Need help with anything?”

“Nope. Just here to get some mud. Thought I’d maybe see your ugly mug and find out what’s new.”

“You’re looking at it.”

“How’s Dayna?”

“She’s great. Teaching a couple water aerobics classes this summer and spending whatever money I make at IKEA.”

“How long’s it been for you two, anyway?”

“Jesus.” Owen scratches his head thoughtfully. “I think it’ll be four years this fall.”

“Wow. So you’ve manage to fool her all this time, huh?”

“Evidently. You’re obviously still enjoying bach-ing it?”

“Hell yeah. The girls just keep on coming. Literally.” I grin as he cracks up.

“Man, you’ve got more stamina than a porn star, that’s for sure.”

The phone rings at the desk, so I raise my hand in a wave and tell him I’ll let him get back to work.

“Come find me before you leave. We need to set up a golf date.”

“Will do.” I go over to the tool section, lingering for a bit at the cordless miter saw before heading to the joint compound, which is what I came in for.

Mudding...walls...Madeline Callaway up against one...now there’s a vision I want to put on repeat, but goddamn, I wish it wasn’t accompanied by this leaping sensation in my chest. Gonna need to work at keeping the feelings below the belt, where they belong. I’ve had some pretty intense fuck fests, especially over the past couple years—granted, not to this extent—but I’ve always managed to keep things short-term, light, simple.

So I’ll maybe have to be a little more diligent about keeping a lid on this one, but I’ll do it. The four F’s philosophy, baby. Remember that?

I sure as hell have to.