July 13

Ten minutes after our exchange, my heart’s still pounding like a jackhammer. God damn it, leave it to me to pick a simile with his name in it. It’s just pounding, period, like it’s out of control. And that’s how I feel when I’m around him, which I do not appreciate.

He is in my house, which is why I am out of my house, walking toward the water so I can hopefully find some calm in the sea, as I have so many times before. It occurs to me that he might be watching me from an upstairs window. Let him. It is utterly absurd, the effect this man is having on me, when I hardly know him, and when his purpose is to simply renovate my bathroom.

I didn’t need a bigger bathroom. My bathroom is just fine. Maybe I should go up there, right now, and tell him that I’ve changed my mind. That he was wrong about women wanting palatial bathrooms.

Wrong about me wanting him.

I should be so offended by the things he said.

So why aren’t I?

I’m at the water’s edge now. The waves are gentle, frilly, foamy...lapping at the gravelly shore. Flip-flops in hand, I’m in my bare feet, gripping the wet slabs of rock with my toes and avoiding the prickly, dried seaweed. The water is refreshingly cold and interrupts the steady staccato of my heartbeat. The Atlantic has saved me time and time again. The mind-clearing scent of the salt water, the pull of the waves, back and forth, in a hypnotic, soothing rhythm, the sparkling vastness of the ocean, making me feel humble and small, my problems insignificant.

And what are my so-called problems, anyway? This incredibly gorgeous, dirty-talking, huge hunk of a man whom I find enormously attractive is making me a new bathroom. And…

That’s it. There is no “and.”

Is this even really a problem? I am single. Jack, to my knowledge, is also single. He has made it clear that he is interested in me. He will be working at my house for a few weeks at most. And then—he’ll be gone.

There is a muffled strumming from my pocket—my ring tone. The word Mumsie is on the screen. I’m smiling as I answer the phone, because I always feel better after talking with my mom, the perpetual optimist.

“Hey, Mum.”

“Sweet pea. How are you?”

Confused. Horny. Pretty fucked up. “I’m good. What’s new?”

“Oh, nothing really...just calling to check in with my baby girl.”

“Is Daddy ready for his surgery?”

“Ready for it to be over with, that’s for sure. He’s looked up surgical complications and all the ways you can die from them.” She sighs. “Your father always likes to be prepared.”

“Aw, poor Daddy. He shouldn’t worry.”

“No, he shouldn’t, but it’s what he does. What’s been going on with you?”

“Not much...really busy at work.”

“Busy is good. Just make sure it’s not all work—have some fun, sweetie. You deserve it, after what that wanker Paul put you through.”

I stifle a laugh. Mum’s always got my back.

We talk a few more minutes—about the book club my mother started, the blistering Arizona heat, the jackfruit recipe they tried last night. I do not mention my renovation. Before we hang up, Mum tells me again to do something for myself—something fun.

Sex is fun.

So you could say I am basically being encouraged by my mother to have sex. Reckless sex, even, with someone I’ve only just met.

I’m not looking for a relationship. But a fling...maybe that is something I should consider. A fling with no strings.

My heart begins to pound again, but this time, it’s accompanied by a pulsing in another area. An area that hasn’t had any action except self-induced in an embarrassingly long time. I’m shocked to find that I am dipping my toes in the pool of possibilities.

I breathe in the air above the sea, let it cleanse my mind and soul.

Okay...I feel calm. Somewhat confident. Enough so that I am walking up the slope to my back lawn, across the grass, along the flagstone walkway and into the sliding glass door of the kitchen. Enough so that I can use the excuse of needing to get something out of the upstairs bathroom so I can see Jack Decker.

I can hear him working. It sounds like he’s using a drill. Something noisy, which means he won’t hear my footsteps coming up the stairs. Or the pounding of my heart, which seems to have started up again.

The bathroom door is open. He’s hung plastic, presumably to prevent dust from getting through the house. So he’s also thoughtful.

Feeling a bit like an intruder, I pull back the plastic from the doorway. Jack is bending over his tool bag, and oh my God in Heaven, his ass. I realize I am most likely going to hell for using the Lord’s name in the same breath I’m lusting over man buns, but Jesus. His jeans are pulling tight, the dark denim accentuating his well-muscled backside.

It looks even better than when I saw it the first time. I have a ridiculously crazy urge of walking up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my head against his strong, muscular back...my hands reaching around to his belt buckle, unfastening and slipping my fingers down inside to—

He is straightening up, the expanse of his broad upper body filling my vision. He has a pry bar in his hand, and when he turns and sees me, a slow grin spreads across his face.

“Hi,” I say, stupidly.

“I’m glad you came up. I was hoping you would.”

How can he speak so directly? I can barely manage stringing a few words together, and here he is, sharing feelings...

“I needed to ask you if there were any fixtures you wanted to re-use.”

Oh. “Um, I guess not. You can just get rid of everything.”

“So towel rings, towel bars, medicine cabinet?”

I nod again.

“I’m going to have a dumpster delivered in the next couple days. If you don’t mind, I’ll pile the stuff outside for now.” He steps over to the towel bar beside the shower and positions the tip of his rechargeable screwdriver into one of the screws.

Everything about what he is doing screams sex.

I am sick. Pathetic.

I lean against the door frame, trying desperately to look casual and nonchalant and like I’m not thinking, how can I do you? Let me count the ways. I realize I am supposed to have come up here for something, and then I realize I’m looking at it.

“So how’s the real estate business?” He’s on one knee, taking the towel bar off the wall.

“Busy. Doing a lot of showings, especially this time of year.”

“Putting in a lot of hours, then?”

“Oh, yes. And you?”

“Busy as well. But I live by the ‘all work and no play’ proverb.”

“So Jack isn’t a dull boy?”

He fixes his devastating blues on me. “No, Callaway. He’s not. And I can prove it.”

My fuck. I need to get away from him. “Let me just grab my, um, sunscreen, and I’ll get out of your way.” I walk into the bathroom in the direction of the linen closet, tripping over his tool bag and wincing at the sharp jab on the top of my foot. Jack is at my side in an instant, holding my arm at the elbow. The nearness of him, his hand on me, shifts my focus from the pain.

“Are you all right?” His eyes are earnest, concerned.

“Yes—just clutzy. I’m sorry...” I look down at my stinging foot, which has started to bleed. “Oh, shit.”

Let’s recap, shall we? Coffee stain, tampons on the counter, and now bloody foot. I really know how to make an impression on a man.

“You must have poked your foot on my screwdriver. Sorry about that...I shouldn’t have left it sticking out of the bag. Do you have bandaids up here?”

“In the linen closet, I think. I’ll get one, thank you...” But before I can reach the closet, he’s there, opening the door and finding Kleenex and the box of bandaids. He dampens a tissue under the faucet and returns to me, bending down so I am looking at the top of his thick, wavy hair, his shoulders.

This absolutely gorgeous man whom I do not know is on his knees, dabbing at my foot with a Kleenex, and I feel so idiotic and embarrassed that I have no choice but to make a joke. “Really attractive, huh?”

He tears open the bandaid and places it carefully on my wound. I feel the light pressure of his fingers. “Madeline,” he says, as he straightens up, “everything about you is attractive.”

And then, it begins.

“Your hair,” he continues softly, his fingers reaching out to brush the side of my head, tracing the curve of my ear and trailing down my neck.

I start to tremble. I cannot speak. His touch has rendered me incapable of any intelligent thought except the realization that he is making my skin tingle and burn, and he hasn’t even gone anywhere good yet.

He leans in closer, his cool, peppermint-scented breath mingling with my gaspy inhales. “Your cheek,” he murmurs, as he skims his lips across it. There is an unbearable tickle inside my mouth, and I part my lips slightly in anticipation of his kiss. “And your other cheek,” he says, a playful smile in his voice, and I clench my fists to keep my hands from going places they shouldn’t quite yet.

He presses his lips ever so softly just beside my mouth. It is utter agony, cruelty in the highest form, and I love every second of it.

“Jack.” A hoarse, pleading whisper from me. I’m embarrassed to hear how much need is in my voice. I don’t want to sound desperate. But right now, with him, this is exactly what I am.

“Madeline.” One word, but hearing him say my name is panty-melting.

I close my eyes. Just when I think—I hope—he’s going to kiss me, I feel his fingers at the top of my blouse, unbuttoning the top button and gently pulling the fabric to the side.

“Your collarbone.” He lowers his head, his thick hair brushing against my chin, and gives me the softest of kisses there. The urge to put my fingers in those unruly waves is almost unbearable.

“And most definitely, your mouth.”

I cannot breathe, waiting for it. My gaze is locked on his. This man’s eyes...they are mesmerizing. Not just the color, which now looks to be the hue of the ocean on a cloudless day, but the feeling I get looking into them. I see desire, amusement, boldness, and more—there is a depth in those eyes I hadn’t expected.

It’s too much to keep looking up at him. I close my eyes, trying to block out what I just saw, and then I feel the soft breeze of his exhale on my face as his arms go around me...his strong, hard arms that are somehow able to hold me delicately, like I might break. He’s pulling me gently but firmly into him, so that my breasts and his abs and my shorts and his jeans are up against one another. One of his powerful arms slides up my back, his hand cradling the very neat hair bun I created this morning, when I actually thought I might have a chance at resisting this man.

Who the fuck was I kidding?

He bends down so that he’s able to wrap his other arm around my waist, and then suddenly, he’s lifting me up. My feet are now inches off the floor, and I am in Jack Decker’s arms, helpless and dangling in my bathroom that doesn’t look at all familiar to me anymore.

My pulse skyrockets. He is holding me where he wants me—let’s be serious, where we both want me, which is my pelvic region pressing tight against his pelvic region—and the lead pipe he happens to have stored in his pants.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I am rubbing against a fucking tree trunk in denim.

My physical reaction is instantaneous, and I silently thank God for the pantiliner I put on this morning.

“I need to kiss you, Madeline,” this beautiful specimen of a man is saying, as I hang suspended over his giant penis. “I’ve wanted to kiss you from the moment you opened the door.” And then I feel both his hands cupping my ass, and he hoists me up a bit higher. My legs have no choice but to wrap around him.

He shifts his hips a bit so that his cock is directly in line with my ladyparts and pulls me tight, rubbing his hard-on against me. My God...I could actually...come like this. I would be totally, absolutely mortified if I came. I cannot allow myself to. But the feeling…it’s torturously delicious.

Jack is staring at me, into me, his eyes glazed with lust. He knows. He knows how turned on I am.

“God, Madeline—your mouth,” he mutters.

Clearly, I am not the only one turned on.

Then, his kiss.

His lips are incredibly soft and mold to mine perfectly—fitting over them like he’s claiming me. He holds me tightly as his kisses transition from slow and sweet to deep and urgent, and oh, God, none of my fantasies even come close to the reality of kissing Jackson Decker. There is no kissing clumsiness or uncertainty or hesitation—it’s like we already know each other’s rhythm. His tongue fills my mouth in a sweet assault, and I have to fight to keep myself from moaning against his lips. I cannot get enough of his kiss. My hands leave his shoulders and climb to his gorgeous mane of hair, sinking in with sheer bliss. I wrap my legs tighter around his waist—oh, God, the hardness of him—hoping I’m not getting too heavy for him, hoping he won’t stop.

Hoping he’ll do more.

I am wrecked. And scared out of my mind.

Suddenly, Jack slides me down the front of him until my feet touch the floor. He breaks our kiss, looking down at me with his chest heaving. There is still lust smoldering in his eyes, but a glimmer of something else, too…a silent WTF?? Like this was not what he’d expected.

Me neither.

He leans down to me, putting his lips to my ear and speaking softly. “Madeline, I just want you to know...”

I shudder with anticipation.

“...I’m not going to charge you for that.”

Sputtering, I back away from him and in that split second realize he’s teasing. He drags the back of his hand across his mouth, his deep, boisterous laugh reaching the very depths of me. I cross my arms in front of me, trying to look pissed, but Jesus, he is so charming that I can’t help but blush and smile and shake my head.

“If you’re wondering why I stopped, it’s because I felt you tense up. I don’t think you’re quite ready for anything more just yet, and that’s probably just as well. If things had gone any further, I don’t think I would’ve been able to stop.” He’s grinning at me almost apologetically. “Plus, I’ve got work to do, right?”

I am suddenly feeling very shy and stupid in his presence. The only thing I can think to do is fix my hair, which seems to have come undone—much like the rest of me. I slide down the elastic and shake my hair free, preparing to make another ponytail and coil it into a bun.

Jack is watching me. “I like your hair down like that.”

“Thank you. I’m...sorry about leaving you, um, you know—”

“High and dry? Yeah, it’s not my favorite place. But it’s my own fault, seeing as I started it. I’ll survive.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.” Somehow, this seems like the lamest possible thing to say, given that our mouths and pelvises were basically fused together a few minutes ago, but it’s all I’ve got.

My face feels warm, and other parts of me do as well. Fortunately, I have an ocean in my backyard, which I plan to take full advantage of right now.

“Madeline.”

I turn. Jack has my bottle of sunscreen in his hand and tosses it to me.

“Thanks for caring about your skin.” He winks. “And you are one fucking amazing kisser.”

I can’t get down to the water fast enough.