Kyla
I let the fresh, brisk air bite into my skin. It’s easier to think clearly when you’re not stuck inside around screaming, bored kids and music that no one ever seems to turn off. Sometimes it’s loud, and sometimes it’s low, but it’s always playing.
This morning was humiliating, I don’t even know why I acted like that. I knew when I was getting dressed it was going to cause problems and turn into a fight between Ricky and I. I don’t even know what I was trying to achieve, maybe to show him I could do what I liked like he does?
“Ricky is a survivor, he’s strong and he knows how to look out for himself. You will drive yourself insane if you don’t let go of your worries.”
I turn in the chair I’ve sat in for the last four hours, overlooking the mountains in the distance and find Alannah standing behind me.
She pulls up another chair and sits beside me.
“How do you do it? I mean, Cas looked dead that night like Ricky did and yet, you kiss him goodbye when he leaves to track them assholes down and you get on with it.”
“I suppose it’s easier for me, I was born into the club and they were at war with a different enemy at the time. Although we’ve lost brothers over the years, many more still come home. Your dad has been in the club longer than you’ve been alive. Our men are fighters and more importantly, their survival instincts are what keeps us and them alive.”
This is all I hear from everyone; their little speeches are robotic and have been said over and over for years. Yet, when Alannah talks to me, she speaks with a passion that I think I could believe.
I find peace in the mountains and I wonder what it would be like if Ricky and I just ran to them. It’s a useless dream but one I like to fantasise about. We could build a house and not worry about anything or anyone.
Alannah reaches over and squeezes my thigh. It’s a comfort to know she cares enough to come out and talk to me, to help me through this.
“You know everything I’ve said is true. My advice is to believe he knows what he’s doing, embrace him when he comes home and when he tells you he loves you, always say it back. Above all, don’t push him when he’s trying to protect you.”
“Have you ever pushed Cas?”
Her chuckle is light and carries in the wind, she grins and looks at me.
“Honey, I push him every day, but when it comes to the serious shit, I don’t argue with him, I ask what he needs me to do. In the grand scheme of our lives, he looks out for us and I let him because I know he will make sure life will go back to how it was.”
It dawns on me that life before the blast wasn’t all that perfect. Apart from my life with Ricky, everything else was like walking on egg shells. Maybe it’s not a case of going back to how it was, maybe it’s about forming a new life. I guess we’ll find out, and hopefully soon.
“We won’t be here for long, you’ll soon be home and going to work. You’ll be running your errands and this will become a story the brothers speak of after too much to drink. Let go of ‘what ifs’ and deal with the here and now, because Ricky is here and alive. Don’t be like Shellie and always worry over something that may never happen or not happen for a very long time.”
She takes her hand away from my thigh and offers a weak smile. As she stands, the sound of a car comes from the front of the cabin.
“Come on, hopefully that’s either your man or mine.”
She holds out her hand and helps me up. My back is stiff from sitting for so long. Stretching out, I walk with Alannah around the front and it’s neither Cas nor Ricky. It’s Jake.
“Wipe that look off your face,” Alannah mutters and I frown, “He will pick up on everything you don’t say.”
I wasn’t aware I had any look on my face. Jake gets out the car and he’s alone. We watch as he looks around and my heart thumps when he spots us and makes his way over.
“Is Cas around?” he asks.
“Nope,” Alannah smiles sweetly.
“I stopped by the clubhouse and it’s all locked up, what are you doing out here?”
“We’re on vacation.”
He snorts, clearly not believing her.
“Right,” he drools, “how about I get your version of what happened the night someone tried to blow you up.”
“You’re mistaken, no one tried to blow ‘me’ up.”
I watch in fascination as she perfectly rearranges her words so she’s telling the truth. I outright lied to the police once to save my dad from facing prison and if it came down to it, I would do it again. It hits me, I’d do it for the club too, lying for one is lying for them all.
“Hey,” Slade calls over.
He and Noah start making their way over and Jake takes a step back from us.
“You’ve got no business here,” Noah growls.
Jake doesn’t seem fazed by them and turns back to Alannah and me.
“You tell Cas to come and see me or I will keep coming back.”
At least he’s leaving for now and I can relax, but he stops as he opens his door and turns.
“Oh, we found a print at the diner, maybe it will belong to the same person who attacked the club.”
He gets into his car and drives away and Slade and Noah stand down.
“He didn’t find shit, Sparky always wears his gloves, plus there wasn’t much left of the diner, it was burned to a crisp,” Slade says, adamantly.
“He’s trying to rattle us, he’s grasping at straws,” Noah adds in.
Rattled, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling since the blast but not anymore. Instead of fighting against the club and their ways, I decide in this moment, I’m going to take Alannah’s advice and do my part.
I dig out my phone from my pocket and bring up Ricky’s number. I know better than to call him while he’s out doing whatever it is they’re doing so I message him instead.
‘I’m sorry for this morning. I love you. Be safe and come home to me soon.’