Chapter Thirty-Two
Everly
I woke up wanting to fall back asleep forever. I couldn’t even force myself to get out of bed if I wanted to. The constant thoughts of “what now” kept me in a severe case of self-doubt until I convinced myself that as long as I stayed in this bed, nothing bad would happen and I wouldn’t have to make any decisions.
So, I covered my head with a pillow, turned off my phone, and tried to stop thinking about gray eyes and a charming smile. It was useless, of course, and all thoughts of Maddox eventually turned into thoughts of Abby, and that painting.
But thinking about Maddox affected me in more than one way. His touches, caresses, his voice as he moaned into my ear from behind. It had only been little over a day since I last felt him inside of me, and it was like there was a hole that needed to be filled. My body desired his in such a way that I’ve never experienced, and I wasn’t even sure if it was healthy. I’ve never felt like this before. Was I supposed to touch myself while thinking of only him? Was it okay to imagine his lips as they ran down my body, his tongue as it slipped in between my thighs? I squirmed in bed as my hands slowly moved toward my breasts.
I stopped myself. This was crazy! I’ve ignored the man for 12 hours, and now I was fantasizing about him? What was wrong with me?
Someone knocked on my front door, and I curled deeper into my bed. There was approximately zero percent chance that I would be leaving this bed.
The door opened and closed and I groaned as Belle and Lacey entered my apartment. They spoke loudly with one another, clearly not realizing that I was currently sulking in the corner of my bed.
My bedroom door opened.
“Oh, Everly,” Lacey said as she saw the distressed state my room was in. I’d had plenty to drink the night before, and no doubt she saw the empty bottles of liquor on my kitchen counter as she walked in. In my drunken stupor, I had accidentally knocked over two shelves in my room, and I hadn’t planned on cleaning them up until all of my angst was out of my system. I peeked one eye out of the covers and looked at the fallen shelves with potted plants and soil littering the ground. Maybe waiting to clean had been a mistake. “Everly, what happened?”
Belle slipped beneath the covers and placed her head on the other side of my pillow. I made room as Lacey slid in on the other side, and soon I was surrounded by sisterly love that was already beginning to make me feel better. I turned to face Lacey.
“Before you left for kindergarten yesterday, Belle said I might have a kid that she can play with,” I said. Lacey understood immediately but gestured behind me. I realized my mistake. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Belle,” I said quickly. “Your words just made me think a lot, okay? You didn’t say anything bad.”
“I’m sorry,” Belle still apologized, and I felt as if someone chipped my heart. I never once wanted Belle to blame herself. “I was just excited.”
“I know, sweetie. I just hadn’t thought of it before, until you mentioned it. And it made me think a lot,” I said.
“And then?” Lacey asked. I turned back toward her.
“Well, I went over to make dinner. Maddox’s friend came over with Abby, and she showed me a painting of me, Maddox, and her as a happy family. I was her mom in the picture, Lace. She couldn’t have made it any more obvious. What Belle said, and then the painting, it was just too much.” I covered my face with my hands and closed my eyes. “I couldn’t take it anymore; I just ran off.”
“Abby is just a child,” Lacey said. “She didn’t mean anything by that, you know? When Belle was her age, she was constantly asking about her father, and if she would ever have one. It’s just something kids of single parents do.”
“Even though they’ve only met the person a few times? I don’t know anything about Abby, and she doesn’t know anything about me, and already she wants me to fill in the most important role in her life. That can’t be normal,” I said. Lacey shook her head.
“All she knows is that she loves her dad, and her dad seems to really like you, so of course she’s going to love you,” Lacey said, and I frowned.
“Why are you defending the situation for Maddox?” I asked and then shook my head. “Never mind, I know why. You’ve always wanted me to change my mind and have kids so I would know what it was like for you.”
Lacey rolled her eyes. “Sure, it would be nice to have my own niece and someone to grow up with Belle, but Everly, really? I’m on your side, no matter what. But this is the first time I’ve ever seen you so distraught over something that can be fixed through honest communication. Not to mention, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you even interested in a man. For a while there, I wasn’t even sure if there would ever be a man in your life.”
I considered her words. “Really?”
“Yes, really. You’re acting like a damn teenager. And I know you’re afraid to do anything because of the shit luck our family has had with men, but you’re not doomed to follow our path, Everly. Not every relationship fails; some are meant to be. And the ones that are meant to be can seem harder than others, because they’re the most worth it.”
“Don’t be sad,” Belle said behind me. “You like him, and he likes you.”
I blinked away tears as Lacey and Belle left the bed. Their words meant more to me than they could imagine, but it didn’t make the situation better. I already knew all of that anyway, and it hadn’t helped me yet.
“I’ll make breakfast,” I said. I forced myself to my feet and headed into the kitchen to start some omelet muffins. I served them up shortly after, and we ate them while watching the news and listening to Belle’s current preschool project. I wondered if Abby was ever enrolled in any type of school and if Maddox had to put up with the same things. After another hour of idle chatter, we said our goodbyes and they left me alone again to drown myself in my sorrows.
I didn’t feel comfortable talking to Maddox just yet, and I was positive that the lack of communication was enough for me to lose my job. I had the rest of the day to do anything I wanted, maybe go job hunting again or call Phil. I picked up my phone with the intent to call Phil and was surprised when it began ringing in my hand.
Maddox’s name and number were on the screen, calling me. My thumb floated above the Answer button. Was he calling to apologize? Should I apologize? I wasn’t ready to hear his voice, so I hit Decline.
Still, I decided to maybe consider my options for the day, and call Phil tomorrow. For some reason, it didn’t seem right talking to him about another job before I had a chance, or the courage, to talk to Maddox.