Chapter Four
Zayden
Things had become very different since the day I had gone to Aria’s school. Upset by her defiance, I had stopped pushing for her attention, but that had caused a remarkable effect on my mood. I felt cranky and impatient all the time and not a single interaction with anybody had gone by without my snapping.
I was at the dinner table with my mother and Gina and whatever they were chattering about was making my blood boil.
“What do you think, darling? You haven’t spoken a single word all evening,” my mother said sweetly. “Should I try acupuncture? Gina seems to swear by it.”
“Sure,” I mumbled and went back to nibbling on my shrimp and mashed potatoes.
“For God’s sakes, Zayden,” my mother snapped, seeming to finally lose her temper. “Make the slightest bit of an effort. How much time do you get to spend with family? Do you think it’s fair that on the odd night that we all get to sit down and have a meal together, you are not even really here?”
“What do you want me to say?” I snapped back. “You two seem to be doing fine on your own. I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Leave me alone, mom.”
“Hey, don’t speak to your mom like that!” Gina gasped. “She is only trying to spend some quality time with her son.”
“Nobody asked you for your fucking opinion,” I snapped at her, too. “I am done eating.” I through my napkin down and stormed out of the kitchen.
No matter where I went, I couldn’t find peace. At work, I was forced to look at Aria all day and not be able to approach her. At home, it was the constant whining of two women who somehow seemed to have vowed to make my life difficult. Maybe now was a good time to take a vacation…
There was a knock on my door. I ignored it, hoping that would make it stop, but I had no such luck.
“Open the door, Zay,” my mother finally said. “This is really important.”
“It’s open, just come inside,” I sighed.
She walked in and sat across from my desk.
“Are you feeling alright, sweetheart?” The look of genuine concern on her face took me aback. “You seem to have been very disturbed by something these past few weeks. I know you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and whatever it is that is bothering you, you know you can really talk to your mother.”
“Do I?” I glared at her. “It has never quite seemed like it.”
Her eyes started to moisten but she held back. I had never seen her this way before. The only times I had seen her cry were full-blown episodes where she wailed until she manipulated me into doing whatever she wanted.
“I know you think I am a horrible mother. You always have. Even before your father passed away, and you learned about things that I wish you never had to hear.” She looked at me with a kind of rare intensity for a long while before speaking again. “And you are right.”
“What’s that?” I was surprised to hear what she was saying. It was not like her. Unless this was some new, twisted plot intended to manipulate me.
“You are right. I could have been a better mother and a better wife. I had you when I was too young. Married your dad at an age when I should have focused on my career and living my life, without understanding the repercussions of being a wife. He wanted a child right away and I loved him so much, I went with it. Without warning, my youth was suddenly over and I became responsible for a whole new life at a time when I wasn’t sure I was doing a very good job of taking care of my own. Your dad had a huge business to run, so even though he had wanted a child, he didn’t have the time to care for it. Obviously, I had to quit my job – I was working towards being a chartered accountant – and then I started getting lonely and distant with your dad always working. I started finding comfort in other things, other men, and a part of me felt like I had given up so much, that I deserved to stray a little bit. Subconsciously, I blamed you for some of the things I had to give up, but it was never your fault. As you grew older, your dad started spending more time with you and going to all your football games, and you two bonded while I stayed home and made dinner. So it always looked to you like he was more of a parent to you than I was, but he never helped me raise you, Zayden.”
“Why are you telling me these things?” I asked softly. “Why now?”
“Because it is important that you understand. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, Zay, but maybe you will understand why I was always the way I was, and why I want so badly for you and Gina to work out. It’s not for my sake, not at all.”
“Why then? Because if you haven’t picked up on it yet, Mom, Gina is only around for your sake. She is what you want for me, not what I want.”
“I know you feel that way right now because you’re hurt–”
“I am not hurt. I don’t love her. She means absolutely nothing to me, but that doesn’t matter to you does it? You have decided that she is the perfect woman for me and you will just continue emotionally blackmailing me into trying to make it work with her. Whether or not I am happy in the process doesn’t matter to anybody, does it?”
“Have you been listening to a word I have said?” She was getting teary again. “I love you very much, Zay. You are my son, and no matter what happened in the past, I want to make it up to you by being a better mother now. Of course your happiness means a lot to me. It means everything to me. I have very little else to live for.”
“Then why don’t you give a shit that I don’t want to make things work with Gina?”
“Because I have been where she is now, and it’s a terrible, terrible place! If I had gotten a chance to make things better with your dad, I would have given everything I had to make him happy, and I know she will do the same. She used to make you happy once, and I just want to see that again.”
“Would you care if I told you there was someone else I am certain I would be happier with?” I didn’t know why I had asked that. It wasn’t like Aria and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Hell, she barely even spoke to me, yet I was having this conversation, as though she were ready to seamlessly take Gina’s place in my life.
“You’re only saying that to shut me up. Believe me Zay, just give her another chance. She will make you happy again, you will see.”
“So we are back to square one, then? You want what you want and obviously think you know what’s better for me than I do myself. Why are we even having this conversation?”
“Because I had to tell you I loved you, I don’t think I do it nearly enough,” she said, crying openly now.
“It’s not necessary that you do. I have a lot to get done for work, so you should go back to your room.”
She didn’t say another word, but hugged me tightly before leaving with tears in her eyes.
---
The next day Aria was already at the bank when I got there, and she was by herself. Taking the opportunity, I strode over to her desk.
“Hello,” I said, unsure of what I was hoping to achieve from this interaction.
“Good morning, Mr. Sinclair, how may I help you?” she asked with a fake bright smile.
“We’re still at Mr. Sinclair, then?” I frowned.
“Depends. Am I allowed to talk to whomever I want yet? You still married?”
I shook my head and walked back to my office, not having the energy or the will to deal with this for now, and then buried myself in paperwork for the next few hours.
No matter what I did though, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The way she moved in her body-hugging dress sent tingles of excitement throughout my whole body. Aria had such an incredible presence. Every customer who walked up to her would leave looking happier than they were walking in. She exuded the kind of charisma that very few people I knew could muster, and this was when I knew for certain that she was going through a bunch of issues in her personal life.
The truth was that I missed her incredibly. She had been great in bed, despite only having sex once before me. It was like she had this inherent talent that drove me completely mad. And it wasn’t just the sex that I missed, I missed talking to her, hearing her laugh, and working through her schoolwork together.
When I had first thought up the contract, I never imagined that this girl would have such a powerful impact on me. It was supposed to be a game, a challenge to show myself that I was capable of making any woman want me. To an extent, I could say I had succeeded. Then why was the fact that she would refuse to meet my eyes frustrating me so much? What could I even do to make her stop being so distant?
The answer was obvious: I had to end it with Gina and let Aria do whatever she wanted. She wasn’t like other girls, she would never be okay with doing things my way. That was one of the things I admired about her. In asking her to compromise her ideals, I was forcing her to be someone she was not, and there was no point in even trying to pursue that person. If I wanted her back in my life, just the way she was, I had to do it.
I thought back to my conversation with my mother last night. From her feeble attempts at motherhood, I had at least gathered that she thinks she wants me to be happy. Surely this meant she wouldn’t threaten me with more suicide attempts if I could explain to her what I really wanted? Maybe I would take her out to dinner and forgive her for everything I was holding against her, if she were able to handle this without pulling any new shenanigans.
With new resolve, I dialed Gina on my cell phone and walked out into the hall so that I could make sure Aria heard the conversation.
“Hi,” I said when she answered. “About that deal you wanted to make with me? I don’t think so. I don’t love you, Gina,” I said more loudly. “And you don’t love me. Let’s not waste any more time on facades and pretenses. I don’t hold anything against you, and if you ever need anything, I will be glad to help out, financially or otherwise.”
“Zayden! You can’t do this! Not like this, over the phone! Come home and we can talk about it properly. You don’t need to–”
“I am done talking about it. I am just done. Can’t you respect me enough to understand that? It’s over, Gina. Take as long as you need to move out, and I would appreciate it if you let me tell my mother myself. Goodbye,” I said and hung up before she could make any more protests. She called back immediately, so I shut my phone off. Then I looked up at Aria. She was pretending to be typing something intensely on her computer, but there was no way she hadn’t heard that conversation.
Next order of business; I made a second phone call from my office.
One hour later, Rick, Aria’s ex-boyfriend, was inside my office. She was now actively looking towards me with genuine curiosity.
“Hello, Dick,” I said when he walked in.
“It’s Rick, actually,” he said, looking slightly confused. “Is there a reason why you asked me to come here today, Mr. Sinclair? Can I help you in any way?”
“Yes,” I said looking at Aria. “Go talk to Aria over there.”
“Huh?” He looked like someone had dropped him right in the middle of a bizarre dream. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re not very smart, are you?” I scoffed. “What is there not to understand? Go talk to Aria.”
“Was there something particular you wanted me to say to her? You understand my confusion?” He screwed his nose.
“Nope. I am giving you permission to talk to her because that’s what she wants, I think. But if you hurt her again, you won’t be seeing the light of the day for a very long time. Are we clear?”
He nodded, looking utterly confounded. “You can go now,” I said and got back to my paperwork.