We woke up on Saturday morning, the sheets tucked around us as we lay in a tangle of arms and legs. Her scent was permanently infused in my sheets, and the smell was intoxicating. Her presence left a mark on all of my household things, but now I liked the change. Once upon a time, it was impossible for me to share my personal space. Isabella hadn’t been to my home once.

I woke up first, so I watched Rome sleep beside me, noticing the way her mouth opened slightly when she breathed. Her teeth were cute, and her soft lips were always wonderful to the touch. Even though my t-shirts were baggy on her, she rocked them like a supermodel.

Subconsciously, she must have known I was staring at her because she suddenly stirred and opened her eyes. Heavy and full of sleep, they fought to stay open. But once she took in my face, a beautiful smile stretched over her lips. “Hey, Sexy…” Her palm immediately brushed over my cheek, feeling the beard that was coming in. I hadn’t shaved in a few days, and I couldn’t tell which she preferred.

“Hey, sweetheart.” My hand moved over her flat stomach, knowing my come was still sitting inside her from the night before. “Sleep well?”

She stretched her arms over her head. “I always sleep well over here. This bed is amazing, and the teddy bear that comes with it is perfect.”

“Teddy bear, huh? I think I’m more manly than a stuffed animal.”

“But just as cute.” She chuckled then tapped her finger against my nose like I was a child.

I chuckled then pulled her to my chest, my lips moving over her temple and kissing her as I went. “Let’s get some breakfast. There’s somewhere I want to take you this afternoon.”

“That’s right,” she said. “The surprise.”

“It’s not really a surprise in the way you’re thinking. Just something I want you to see.” I kissed her neck before I left the bed and pulled on my boxers and sweatpants. When I turned around, her eyes were glued to my backside. “See something you like?”

“You have the nicest ass,” she said. “It’s not something I ever paid attention to before. But then again, I’ve never met another guy with a tight ass like that.”

I smiled. “If you think my ass is nice, you should see yours.” I gave her a gentle smack on the behind. “How do pancakes sound?”

“Ooh…and bacon. I’m in the mood for greasy, crunchy bacon.”

She hardly ever had an appetite, so I knew she was in a good mood. “And some eggs. Need some lean protein.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not in the mood to be healthy.”

“Well, if you want my ass to stay tight, I need to watch what I eat.”

She crawled out of bed. “I don’t care about having a tight ass, so bring on the bacon.”

* * *

Hand in hand, we walked into the assisted-living facility.

“What are we doing here?” Rome asked.

“There’s this woman I read to.”

“Aww…that’s sweet.”

I approached the nurse’s station in the lobby and saw Diane.

Her smile lit up the entire room when she looked at me. “Calloway, it’s always so nice to see you.”

“Thanks, Diane. How is she today?”

The woman beckoned us to follow her down the hall until we arrived at my mother’s room. As usual, she was sitting outside on the balcony, looking at the deep green grass of the lawn, beside an arrangement of colored flowers.

“She’s pretty good.” Diane waited by the door. “Just had breakfast, so she’s less grouchy.” She winked then walked out.

“What’s her name?” Rome whispered as we walked to the balcony.

“Theresa.” The patio door was opened, so I stepped on through, a Harry Potter book tucked under my arm. Anytime a normal son saw his mother, he probably greeted her with a hug. But I hadn’t hugged my mom in nearly a decade.

She sat in the rocking chair, her knitting on her lap. Her dark hair was curled in a classy way, her champagne pink top going well with her skin tone. Even if she didn’t remember who she was or where she lived, she still groomed herself every morning.

When she noticed me, she looked up. “Hello. How are you?”

I extended my hand to shake hers, for the umpteenth time. “Calloway Owens. I’m from Humanitarians United. I’ve come to read to you today.”

She eyed my hand almost suspiciously before she took it. “Oh, that’s nice. I have so much knitting to do I never have time to read.”

I smiled before I introduced Rome. “And this is…my girlfriend. Her name is Rome, and she also works with me.” If my mother could remember anything, she would be so happy to see me with a woman. She’d always nagged me to settle down, even before I turned eighteen. What she’d wanted more than anything else in the world was grandchildren.

“Oh, that’s lovely.” Mom smiled before she shook Rome’s hand. “You’re a beautiful girl. Good. Calloway is a very handsome man, so you two go well together.”

Rome chuckled. “That’s nice of you to say.”

I pulled out a chair for Rome so she could sit down. Then I sat beside her.

My mom watched me with astute eyes, blue and clear like my own. Sometimes I wondered if she recognized me, or at least felt a sense of familiarity. But she never connected the dots, never remembered her oldest son. “Calloway…that’s a nice name. I like it.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Your mother has good taste.”

“She certainly does.” I held up the Harry Potter book. “Would you like me to begin reading?”

“Sure.” She turned back to her knitting, her short brown hair falling forward as she looked down. She was just as thin as ever, never having an appetite, even when she was well. But she still held herself like a queen. My mother was beautiful despite her age, and I saw so much of myself when I looked into her face. Sometimes I saw Jackson too.

“Would you like to read?” I handed the book off to Rome.

“Sure.” Rome opened the book to the first page. “I’m not a performer, but I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure it’ll be lovely, dear,” Mom said, using the yarn in her lap to knit a scarf.

I’d read the beginning of that Harry Potter book at least a hundred times. I practically had it memorized. Without the book in front of me, I could quote every line and every event.

Rome began to read, her beautiful voice soothing and enjoyable.

* * *

We spent the afternoon there, and Rome read so long she nearly finished the book. My mother listened, rocking the chair as she continued to focus on the work her hands were doing. Eventually, Rome grew tired and placed a bookmark between the pages. “I’m gonna lose my voice pretty soon…”

I rested my hand on her thigh. “We should get going anyway.” I rose to my feet and approached my mom, feeling the same pain I felt every time I had to leave. It would be easier not to bother coming at all, to give up hope that maybe one day her memory would come back to her. But I couldn’t live with that kind of guilt. If the situation were reversed, I knew my mom would always be by my side—no matter what. I wouldn’t feel like a man if I didn’t give her the same loyalty. Jackson claimed visiting her was pointless—and stupid. But I suspected he couldn’t handle the sight of her demise. He’d always been more sensitive than I was—even if he wouldn’t admit it. “We’ll see you again next week, Theresa.” I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.

My mom smiled up at me and rested her other hand on top of mine. “You’re such a wonderful man, Calloway.”

My heart nearly burst at the unexpected affection.

“I know it isn’t much, and I’m sure you don’t wear this sort of thing, but…” She held up the finished scarf and placed it into my hand. “It’s all I have to give. I’d like you to have it.”

I felt the soft fabric in my fingertips, and instantly, tears burned behind my eyes. I hadn’t felt emotion like this since I was a child, an undeniable sensation deep in my gut. I hadn’t felt anything besides permanent numbness. “Thank you…” I hooked the black and blue scarf around my neck, not caring what anyone thought of me.

She smiled then shook Rome’s hand. “You give him beautiful children someday, alright?”

Rome chuckled. “I’ll try. It was so nice to meet you, Theresa.” Rome kissed her on the cheek then walked to the door.

I stayed in front of my mother, wanting to say more than just a generic goodbye. I wanted to thank her for all she had done for me when I was growing up. I never had the opportunity to show her the gratitude she deserved, for taking care of my laundry every day and putting food on the table. They were all little things, but they added up in time. Jackson and I were her entire life until she lost her mind. Coming here every week to read to her didn’t begin to repay everything she had done for me. “I’ll see you soon.”

I walked out with Rome and grabbed her hand, wanting the affection that would keep me stable. Emotion never came easy for me, but whenever I visited this facility, I walked out a little weaker than when I walked inside.

“She’s sweet,” Rome said. “How long have you been doing this?”

“About seven years.”

“You’ve been reading to the same woman for seven years?” she asked incredulously, eyeing me with surprise as we headed to the parking lot where the car was parked.

“Yeah.”

“And she doesn’t remember you?”

“Her mind resets every morning when she wakes up.” She didn’t remember my father or her two children. She didn’t remember where she was born. Her entire life never happened because she couldn’t remember it.

“Poor thing,” she whispered. “She’s lucky to have you, Calloway.”

I reached the car and opened the passenger door. “I’m her son. I’ll always be there for her.” I didn’t make eye contact with Rome after I said the words, knowing what kind of reaction I would get from her.

Rome was about to enter the car but stopped when she heard what I said. Her gaze moved to my face, and all the joy she’d possessed that afternoon disappeared. Sadness entered her expression, and her eyes immediately welled up with tears.

I finally looked at her directly, seeing my pain mirrored back at me. I had no idea why I’d brought Rome here today. I wasn’t sure why I told her the truth about my mother. For some reason, I wanted to share it with her, not to carry the pain on my own.

“Calloway…” She moved into my chest and hugged me around the waist, her face buried into my t-shirt. “I’m so sorry.”

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, still wearing the scarf my mother knitted for me. “I know.” I moved my lips to her forehead and pressed a gentle kiss against her warm skin. “I know, sweetheart.”

* * *

Rome must have sensed I didn’t feel like talking for the rest of the evening because she didn’t say much. She sat with me on the couch, cuddled into my side with her head resting on my shoulder. She wore my sweatpants and t-shirt, looking sexy in the oversized clothes.

I watched TV but didn’t really pay attention to what I was watching. My mind drifted in a quiet moment, thinking about everything that had happened today. I didn’t know what possessed me to bring Rome to the assisted-living facility. There was no premeditated thought. I just decided to ask her—so I did it.

I was extremely quiet about my personal life. The only other person who knew about my mother was Jackson. And even then, I would have kept it a secret from him if I could. I pursued Rome because I wanted her to be my submissive, to obey all my commands without question. Yet, I did something I never would have done with any of my submissives.

What was wrong with me?

Rome moved up my chest and straddled my hips with her long legs. Her pussy was right over my cock, and within seconds, I would be hard, like always. She placed both of her palms against my chest and gently moved up and down, caressing me while looking into my eyes. There wasn’t any sympathy in her gaze, but there wasn’t a sexual appetite either. “Thank you for taking me with you today.”

My hands moved to her thighs, and I caressed the powerful muscles through her sweatpants. Rome didn’t hit the gym, but she walked everywhere she went. As a result, she was strong. I liked that about her.

“If you ever want to talk about it, you know I’m here.”

I looked into her eyes, my mouth immobile. There was nothing to say about my mother. She was in that facility because she couldn’t take care of herself. Obviously, I couldn’t give her what she needed around the clock. Placing her in someone else’s care was all I could do. “The doctors can’t figure out what the problem is. She doesn’t have Alzheimer’s.”

“Oh…”

“I think her mind snapped when she realized all the horrible things my father was doing. She couldn’t handle it, so she checked out. But now that so many years have passed, I suspect something else happened in her mind, something that doctors can’t figure out.”

Rome rubbed my chest gently, the pity rising. “You’re a good son, Calloway. Does Jackson visit her too?”

“Never. Says it’s pointless.”

She massaged my shoulders, her body weightless on top of mine. “I wish there was something I could do…”

“You’re doing it, sweetheart.” My hands circled her small waistline, feeling the muscles of her core.

Her hands wrapped around my wrists, and she gripped me gently, her hair falling over one shoulder. The brown strands were soft to the touch but strong. When I wrapped her hair around my fist, I could make her do my bidding.

She leaned forward and cupped my face, her beautiful eyes gazing at mine. Her features were more perfect than the stars in the nighttime sky, bright and beautiful. With or without makeup, she was gorgeous. And when she looked at me like that, like I was her whole world, I felt more like a man than ever before.

When I first saw her in that bar months ago, I’d never felt so much energy surge through my body. All I wanted to do was fuck her, but now, I respected her as a close friend. Sometimes I wanted to hold her just for the sake of it. With Isabella, there was no affection unless my cock was in her pussy, mouth, or ass.

Rome gave me a soft kiss on the mouth, her touch delicate and full of affection. When she pulled away, she had an emotional look in her eyes, feeling some kind of pain I couldn’t see. “I love you, Calloway. I don’t know when it happened, and I wasn’t sure if I could ever feel this way for someone…but it did happen.” She trailed her hands from my face back to my chest, looking at me with the same expression.

I heard what she said. It was crystal clear. But it was the last thing I expected her to say. We’d only been seeing each other for six months, and I’d told her I wasn’t looking for marriage and a happily ever after.

This was something I’d never anticipated.

She said it with such heart, such affection, and I felt like an ass for not saying it back.

But I couldn’t.

Love wasn’t in my vocabulary. Love wasn’t something I was capable of feeling. Affection and devotion were all I could offer her.

She continued to stare at me, waiting for me to say something.

I was surprised my reaction wasn’t to push her off of me and run. I was surprised I didn’t want to end our relationship then and there. Her words terrified me, but there was nothing she could say that would make me walk away. “Rome…”

Her eyes fell in sadness, catching my tone.

“A long time ago, I said I wasn’t looking for marriage and forever… I meant that.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling like an asshole for rejecting her confession. She put her heart on the line and left herself vulnerable, but I couldn’t give her what she wanted, even to spare her pain.

Her eyes moved down to my chest, where her hands still rested.

A beautiful day had been ruined, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to fix it. If she walked away, I couldn’t stop her. But I didn’t want to give her up, so I hoped she would stay. I hoped she would give this a real chance because it had so much potential.

When she spoke, her voice was still strong. “It’s okay, Calloway.” She looked at me again, determination in her eyes.

“What’s okay?” Rome usually said exactly what she meant, but in this instance, I couldn’t figure it out. It was okay that I didn’t tell her I loved her? It was okay that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with her?

“It’s okay that you didn’t say it back. Because I know how you really feel, Calloway. It was difficult for me to come to this realization too, to take down my walls long enough to actually let someone in. You need more time—and that’s perfectly okay.”

I stared at her in awe, surprised someone had the confidence to be rejected then hold her head high. She had misplaced faith in me after I hurt her. Despite everything I’d claimed, she still believed otherwise. She valued herself and noticed the way I treated her, assuming there was more underneath my cold exterior. “I appreciate how well you’re taking this but—”

“I know what you’re going to say, so you should just stop.”

“And what am I going to say?”

“That you don’t love me and never will. That you don’t see a future for us. That it’s just not in your nature. I’m sure you believe all of those things, but I know better. For the past six months we’ve been together, I’ve seen you change. I’ve seen you open up and take me in little by little. I understand it’s hard for you. Believe me, I do. But one day, you’re going to finally admit to yourself how you feel about us—about me. You were patient with me when I asked you to be, and now I’ll be patient with you. I don’t need to hear you say you love me—because I know you do.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off her, mesmerized by this powerful woman. When she put her mind to something, she didn’t change it. I could correct her as many times as I wanted, but it wouldn’t make a difference. The honorable thing to do was to walk away from this relationship since I couldn’t give her what she deserved. But I was too weak for that. Rome made me happy, and I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wasn’t ready to walk away from the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on. I was a selfish man, and I couldn’t stop myself from being selfish.

She grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head, revealing her perfect tits for me to enjoy. “Now, make love to me.” She stared me down with green fire in her eyes, looking unbelievably sexy. Her confidence turned me on more than her submissiveness. It was a paradox I couldn’t explain. I didn’t bother to contradict her and tell her that I didn’t make love to anyone. Instead, I grabbed her by her tiny waist and threw her on the couch, my cock harder than ever before. I wanted to be deep inside her, to take everything she was giving me. I wanted to give her so much of my come she couldn’t handle it.

And I wanted to do that for the rest of the night.

* * *

I sat at my desk in the office at Ruin. The bass from the music echoed down the hallway and reached my ears if I concentrated hard enough. The rhythmic beat was constant, shaking the foundation as well as the walls of this place.

This club once belonged to my father, but he used it in more sinister ways. Looking to make a quick buck from abducting young women naïve enough to enter a place like this out of curiosity, he sold some of them into sex trafficking. Others were made into his own prisoners. I grew up watching him whip women until they convulsed on the floor.

I promised myself I would never be so cruel, that I would lead a different life from my father. I upheld that promise—but not entirely. I’d inherited his need for pain, to hurt women to get off. I enjoyed the same things he did, but in a purely consensual manner. My crimes were nothing compared to his, but I still wouldn’t consider myself to be a good man.

Once I took over this place, I made a lot of changes. You couldn’t walk inside unless you were twenty-one years of age. We had a strict security system that inhibited date-rape of any kind. If a woman said no, she said no. End of story.

Other than that, members were free to do whatever they wished.

What I loved most about Ruin was the freedom. I could be exactly who I was without shame. When I walked up to a woman and told her I wanted to spank her ass until it was red and irritated, she’d simply smile. When I’d tell her I wanted to suspend her from the ceiling, she’d extend her wrists and wait for the chains.

There was no judgment.

So this place was a safe haven for me.

A place where I felt most alive.

But having Rome in my life complicated things. I truly believed I could bring her here eventually. But now that she told me she loved me, said it with such conviction that I actually felt guilty for not saying it back, I wasn’t sure how likely that was.

I had to choose.

Could I really keep running Ruin while I had this special kind of relationship with Rome? Shouldn’t she know about it right now? Shouldn’t she know where I went at night when she didn’t sleep over? She trusted me, and now I felt dishonest for not telling her who I really was.

I had to tell her the truth or step away from Ruin.

And I knew I couldn’t step away from Ruin. My soul was in this place. It’d been a part of my life forever.

So, that meant I had to tell Rome the truth.

I rested my fingertips against my lips as I considered it, unsure how I would even begin to explain my world to Rome—Vanilla. Would she judge me like everyone else? Or did she love me enough to keep an open mind? She allowed me to do some kinky stuff to her, so she definitely could expand her horizons.

I knew she trusted me, so hopefully, that trust was enough.

I was going to go through with it.

Come clean.

Fuck, I hoped it went well. Losing her wasn’t an option. We’d made so much progress, and I didn’t want to give it up. I wanted to move forward with her, have a life that we could both enjoy.

My office door burst open when Jackson walked inside. He may have knocked, but the music was so loud I couldn’t hear it. The music from the club doubled in sound once the door was open. When he shut it behind him, it returned to a dull hum.

“Hey, I’ve got a new member in the hallway. Wants to join.”

“We’re at full capacity.” Now that Rome had been chased from my thoughts, I focused all my attention on him.

“He’s just one more. I really like the guy, and he’s willing to pay double the membership fee.”

“We’re at full capacity,” I repeated in a bored voice. Jackson and I had already had this discussion. If we let this business go to shit, we would lose members just as quickly as we received new ones.

“Come on, it’s one more person.” He rested his hands on my desk and leaned forward. “Is one person that big of a deal?”

“If we make an exception for him, we have to make an exception for other people.”

“Oh, come on. The front door says we aren’t accepting new members. The only reason why this guy asked is because I know him.”

Jackson would pester me until he got his way, or he would just do it behind my back. I had bigger issues on my plate, and this didn’t deserve more energy than necessary. “Fine. Send him in.”

“Yes!” He fist-pumped the air and ran back to the door.

The second he was gone, I thought about Rome again, unsure when I was going to confess my darkest secret to her. I wanted to sleep with her a few more times, just in case she walked away. But even if I did get in a few more rounds, I would never be satisfied—because I’d always want her.

“Here he is.” Jackson walked back inside with his friend behind him. “This is Christopher. Christopher, this is my brother and co-owner of Ruin.” He stepped aside so we could shake hands.

I stared into the face of a man I already knew—and had known for a while. He stared at me with the same threatened expression, cold and surprised. His arms remained by his sides as his expression darkened, turning into a look of dark rage.

Fuck.

I rose to my full height and tried to think of a quick explanation, a way to defuse the bloodlust on his face.

Christopher didn’t say a word, looking at me like a bug stuck on the bottom of his shoe. He liked me, even respected me, but now that he knew I operated the most popular BDSM club in New York, he despised me. He could only assume that I was the biggest liar on the planet.

Jackson glanced back and forth between us. “Do you two know each other?”

Christopher stepped forward, his hands still by his sides. He snorted through his nose then spit on my desk, covering the top of my laptop. His eyes never left my face. “No. Not anymore.” He left my office and stormed out, leaving the door open as he walked away.

I dropped back into the chair and dragged my hands down my face, knowing the first thing he would do was return home and tell Rome everything. She would hear the terrible news from him, that I’d been lying to her this entire time.

I was in deep shit.

Jackson turned back to me once Christopher was gone. “What the hell was that about?”

I dropped my hands into my lap, feeling cold panic sweep over me. “That was Rome’s brother.”

“Seriously?” he asked, his jaw dropping.

I nodded.

“Oh, damn. He’s nothing like her.”

“No, he’s not. And now he’s going to let my skeletons out of the closet.”

Jackson didn’t show any sympathy. “Well, you’ve had six months to tell her the truth. It’s not like you didn’t have a chance.”

I glared at him. “Thanks, Jackson. You’re such a comfort…”

He shrugged in apology. “I want my brother back. And the sooner she leaves, the sooner you’ll be back to normal. You don’t know what I’m talking about, but very soon, you will.”

It was hard for me to imagine being with another woman after Rome. She was the only woman I wanted to spank and fuck. She was the only woman I allowed to sleep in my bed. She was the only woman who ever met my mother. The future was dark and cold, and I loathed my next conversation with Rome.

If she even gave me a conversation.