I knew I was walking into a war zone when I went to her apartment. Christopher would probably punch me in the face, and I wouldn’t block the hit because I deserved it. It would be easier to call, but that would also be pussy shit.

I wanted to talk face-to-face.

I knocked on the door and heard Christopher’s voice from the living room. “Gee, I wonder who that could be?” He yanked the door open and stared me down with the same expression he wore at Ruin. If he’d had a gun, he probably would have shot me right then and there. “Come here to tell us some more lies? To make us believe you’re something you’re not.” He pushed the door open until it banged against the wall. “Get your ass inside, and tell us all about it.”

I hated being told what to do. It rubbed me the wrong way and set my teeth on edge. My automatic response was to grab him by the neck and slam his head against the wall. But since that wouldn’t help my chances with Rome, I kept my hands to myself.

I walked inside and saw her standing in the living room, her arms crossed over her chest. She wore an old t-shirt and sweatpants, her hair in a bun because she’d already been in bed when Christopher came home and told her the news.

The look she gave me was terrifying.

So much rage. So much hate.

All directed at me.

Christopher slammed the door once I was inside. “Tell her the truth, Calloway Owens…if that’s even your real name. She needs to hear it from you.” He raised a hand to my shoulder to shove me.

That was something I wouldn’t allow. I grabbed his wrist before he could touch me, warning him with my gaze. “I get that you’re upset. But don’t fucking touch me.” I pushed his hand back, forcing him to stagger slightly. I liked Christopher and didn’t want to throw a punch, but if he pushed me, I would snap.

“Calloway.” Rome’s commanding voice came into my ear, making me forget about my standoff with Christopher. There was strength but also a noticeable hint of betrayal.

I turned my gaze on her, seeing the unrelenting fire in her eyes. Her eyes shifted back and forth as she looked into my gaze, searching for the truth without asking a single question. Her arms were still tightly crossed over her chest, her walls higher than they were when we first met. I actually felt a sense of fear jolt through me because the idea of losing her was oddly terrifying.

“I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt after everything we’ve been through.” Even in sweats and a loose bun, she looked ready to attend the Oscars. Her natural confidence was her most beautiful feature. Despite what her brother had witnessed, she was still giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. It made me want her more. “Is everything Christopher told me true? Are you the owner of a BDSM club?” Her voice shook at the end, like the word BDSM was a curse.

I held her gaze and felt my heart sink into my stomach. Judging by the look on her face, once I gave my answer, she would be done with me. It was as clear as the sky on a cloudless day. “Christopher, can I speak to Rome alone?”

“Fuck no,” he barked. “I have no idea who you are.”

“Christopher, it’s fine,” Rome whispered. “Perhaps we should have this conversation in private.”

Once Rome asked him to leave, Christopher didn’t object. He walked to the door. “I’m just a phone call away…” His footsteps sounded against the hardwood floor, and then the door clicked shut behind him.

My eyes never left her face. These past six months had been the best of my life. I wasn’t ready to walk away.

“Calloway?” she pressed. “Answer my question.”

I ran my hand across my hair and over the back of my neck, wanting to give the answer she wanted to hear—but that also wasn’t a lie. “Yes.” I lowered my hand and rested it by my side. “I’ve been running it for seven years now. It belonged to my father, and he handed it down to me.”

She tightened her arms, taking a deep breath like the answer was painful to hear. “I can only assume you haven’t told me this because you’re involved with the lifestyle…” It wasn’t truly a question because she obviously didn’t want to hear the answer. “You knew I would disapprove.”

“No.”

When she turned her eyes back on me, there was a small gleam of hope.

“I was going to tell you. Actually, I was planning on talking to you this week. The timing of this nightmare was just poor.”

“Why did you wait so long to tell me the truth?”

Here was the difficult part. I had no idea how she would react. “Because I want you to live in my world too. I knew you weren’t ready for that over the past six months. I was waiting until I thought you would consider it.”

“Consider what?” she asked.

I slid my hands into my pockets, knowing this was the moment of truth. “Being my sub.”

Her face held the exact same expression, a cold exterior that couldn’t be penetrated. She wasn’t as angry as I expected her to be. To find out her boyfriend was sitting inside a sex club while she slept would piss off anyone.

I wasn’t sure if she even knew what a sub was. “I’m a Dom, Rome. I’ve inherited this trait from my father, and I can’t shake it. I know I’m never going to change. I was hoping we could have that kind of relationship. If you need more time, I understand. But I hope you don’t reject the idea altogether.”

Like she was talking to herself, she whispered under her breath. “Now it all makes sense…”

I still couldn’t gauge her reaction. She didn’t seem angry. But she didn’t seem happy either.

She chuckled in a sarcastic way, even though there was nothing funny about this situation. “I knew you were too good to be true. An alarm kept going off in my head, saying there must be something wrong with you…and there is.”

The insult stung me—right in the chest. Like everyone else, she thought I was a freak. I’d hoped she would keep an open mind, but it didn’t seem like it would happen.

“I’m not even mad,” she continued. “First Hank and now you…” She shook her head. “I have terrible taste in men. I officially give up. Being single with a bunch of cats doesn’t sound half bad anymore.”

“I don’t know Hank, but I assure you, I’m nothing like him.” My jaw clenched tightly at the comparison. I never wanted her to think about another guy when we were together. Hank was probably an asshole, but I genuinely cared about Rome.

“Actually, you’re exactly alike,” she whispered. “And I feel like an idiot for not noticing.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I gave you my virginity.” She laughed again, but tears formed in her eyes. “I told you I loved you. I accepted your job offer to be closer to you. I feel…” She closed her eyes for a moment before she reopened them. “I feel so stupid.”

I felt like shit.

Worse than shit.

I hated myself.

No, I loathed myself.

“Rome, it wasn’t like that. I care about you—a lot. The second I saw you in that bar, I knew I had to have you. For the past six months, I’ve been absolutely faithful to you. I haven’t even looked at another woman. I’ve been in this relationship completely—heart, body, mind, and soul. I meant every word I said to you.”

“I’m sorry, Calloway,” she said in a resigned voice. “You had ulterior motives throughout this entire relationship. I don’t exactly trust anything you say right now.”

Fuck, that hurt.

It hurt more because I deserved it.

“I’ve never lied to you. I just didn’t tell you this one aspect of my life. I wanted to wait until I thought you were ready to hear it.”

“No, you purposely kept me in the dark for six months. You misled me about the man you really are. You didn’t tell me about your sexual preferences, calling me Vanilla like it was cute. Maybe you never directly lied because I never questioned you about it, but this is worse. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not real.”

This was going much worse than I’d ever imagined. I thought she wouldn’t agree to be my sub, but I didn’t think she would write off our entire relationship as meaningless. That wasn’t how I felt at all. “Sweetheart, it’s not like that… I’ve loved every moment with you. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Even if that’s true, it doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me—so much.” She stepped back, putting more space between us. “Because I was invested in this relationship and hoping it would last forever. But you already knew the end before the beginning.”

“In my defense, I told you I wasn’t looking for marriage and a happily ever after.” Maybe she didn’t believe me at the time, but I meant it. “I said that right in the beginning so you wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

She held my gaze, the memory on the surface of her eyes. “Christopher told me to ignore it…”

“Why would he say such a thing?”

“Because he said every guy says that exact same thing…until they find the woman they can’t live without.”

A pain thudded in my chest, hot and cold at the same time. I didn’t understand the sensation or what it meant. All I knew was I felt it.

“Obviously, he was wrong… I was wrong.”

“Rome, you’re looking at this the wrong way. I do want this to last forever. I just want our relationship to be a little different. That’s all.”

“You mean, you want to hurt me.” She broke eye contact because she couldn’t look at me anymore. “You want to tie me up and knock me around. Yeah, that sounds like a blast… I’ll pass.”

“It’s not like that.” Not even close. “All the things we’ve already done are precursors to that. You would enjoy it. You would enjoy me. I promise you.”

“No, I don’t enjoy being bossed around. Come on, Calloway.” She turned back to me, a sneer on her face. “Do you even know me?”

The insult burned through my skin. “Yes, I do know you. I know how much it turned you on when you slapped me—both times. I know how much you liked my cock in your ass. I know how much you like it when I give commands when we’re in the bedroom. Stop looking at this in black and white. Give it a chance, Rome.”

“No.” She shook her head, resistance in her eyes. “I’ve already been down this road before. I’m not going there again. You would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak if you’d just had the balls to be honest with me.”

I only focused on the first thing she said. “You’ve been down this road before?” How could she have been part of the lifestyle if she was a virgin? “What does that mean, Rome?”

She sighed as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to explain the story.

“Tell me.” I kept my tone polite so I wouldn’t push her further away. I would always be authoritative, but fortunately, I was able to control it around her—for the most part.

“When I first graduated college, I moved to New York for work. I had mounds of student loans to pay without any way of paying them. I lived in a studio apartment with three other girls for a while. I couldn’t find a job that paid enough, and eventually, I wound up living on the street. Christopher was in the same position I was for a while because he didn’t have a dollar to his name while he was doing an internship.”

Now I wished I’d never asked. Imagining her in a sleeping bag on the sidewalk made me hate myself for living in my mansion. I wanted to take care of her. I wished I could go back in time and take her home, lavishing her in warm clothes, food, and anything else she wanted.

“One day, this nice man walked up to me and gave me a hundred bucks. I was so grateful I cried. He set me up in one of the apartment complexes he owned so I would have a place to stay with Christopher. Once things were settled, he asked me out. I thought he was cute and compassionate, so of course, I said yes. But then he asked me to do things I wasn’t ready for. I said no, and he accepted that—for a while. But then he became angry when he didn’t get his way, threatening to take away everything he’d given me. When I refused to sleep with him, he broke my arm and beat me senseless…”

Tears sprang to my eyes, burning them because my ducts hadn’t produced liquid in so long. The idea of Rome suffering made me break inside. The fact that a man took advantage of her when she had nothing left in the world just sickened me.

“He wanted me to submit to him. He wanted to control me. He enjoyed hurting me. The gleam in his eyes when he heard my bone crack in two…is something I’ll never forget.” She stared at the ground as she finished her story. “So, I’ll never be your sub, Calloway. I’ve been used and abused once before, and I won’t tolerate it ever again.”

I had to walk away because the pain was too much. I couldn’t face her any longer, not when I felt my body slowly begin to crack. I turned away and approached the window in the living room, overlooking the traffic down below. My face was hidden, and my breathing was under control. But my momentary privacy allowed a tear to escape from the corner of my right eye, drip down my cheek, and fall to the floor.

I took a moment to center myself, not giving in to the overwhelming grief flooding through my body. I hadn’t felt this way since I first admitted my mother to the nursing home. The idea of Rome being treated that way disgusted me—killed me.

I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, but it seemed to be an eternity. I concentrated on breathing in and out, dispelling the agony and the rage within me. I needed to remain calm because going on a rampage wouldn’t fix my current situation. What happened to Rome was in the past, and no matter how powerful I was, I couldn’t change the past.

I could only change the future.

Once I put myself together enough to face her, I turned back around and walked to where she stood on the opposite side of the living room. She was exactly where I left her, her arms still crossed over her chest. Now she wore a defeated look, appearing hollow.

“There are a few things I’d like to say,” I whispered. “I hope you’ll hear me out.”

The only response I got was eye contact.

“What he did to you…” I couldn’t finish the sentence because the rage started back up again. “Is completely different from the kind of relationship I want. I would never hurt you, Rome. I would never do anything that you didn’t explicitly want me to do. Our relationship would be about trust. I would give the commands, but you would have all the control. With just a single word, you can make me stop instantly. There would only be pleasure—I promise you.”

She shook her head, the response I didn’t want to see. “Christopher told me about the stuff he saw inside Ruin. Women with chains around their necks while men held on to them like dogs on a leash. The way the men won’t even allow their women to speak in front of other men. The way they whip them in playrooms until their skin is bruised. As a feminist, I’m appalled that women participate in this world at all. I’m not ashamed to say I want true love. I want a man to love me with all his heart, to be gentle with me, to be satisfied when he makes love to me. I want a man who doesn’t get off on hurting his woman.” Her eyes burned as she looked at me. “Maybe you’re into that, but I’m certainly not.”

She didn’t understand, and now I feared she never would. “You’re looking at it from an outside point of view. That’s not what it’s really like.”

“So you’re saying the stuff Christopher told me is untrue?”

“Not at all.” It was definitely true. I’d had a chain around Isabella’s neck several times. “Yes, it happens every single day. But we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Rome. You aren’t listening to me.”

“No,” she scoffed. “You aren’t listening to me. I want nothing to do with your underworld, and I’m not going to change my mind.”

I was losing her. “I may have the control, but you have all the power, sweetheart. I would never do anything that you didn’t want me to do. Do you understand that? I would never put a chain around your neck unless you asked me to. I would never tell you to be silent in front of other Doms if you had something to say. You’re missing the fact that this is all consensual. As in, both parties want it. You and I can have any kind of relationship you want. We already do stuff that I enjoy. I loved tying you up to my headboard, and I know you loved it too. So don’t completely write this off because you don’t understand it.”

She only shook her head.

“Rome, please, just consider it.”

“No,” she said coldly. “You and I want different things. I’m never going to be your sub, Calloway. Accept it, and move on.”

I bowed my head in disappointment, struggling to accept the truth. I wasn’t getting my way with the one woman I truly wanted. “What if we took baby steps? What if we tried—”

“No.” She turned her head away, no longer looking at me.

Our relationship had already progressed beyond general lovemaking. I took her roughly in many ways. I asked her to do things for me, and she didn’t even realize it. Her prejudice against this world was unfair. What Hank did to her was just physical assault—a crime. But it didn’t seem like I could argue my point any further.

“I’ll submit my resignation tomorrow morning.”

I hadn’t even considered our work relationship. “Please don’t do that.”

“I can’t work with you every day, Calloway. No matter how much I may love my job.”

I’d go crazy if I didn’t have some kind of connection with her. If I never saw her again, I would lose my mind. “Rome, you’re perfect for the position. Think of all the things you’ve done in the past month. The people of New York City need you. Please don’t walk away because of me. It wouldn’t be fair to everyone else.”

“But I can’t—”

“I can be professional, Rome. You and I are both mature adults who can handle this. Whether we’re together or apart, we really do make a great team. Let’s not ruin that.”

She shut her mouth, having nothing to say in response. She loved her job. It was obvious every time I saw her in her office, every time she talked about a new project she was working on. She had the kind of compassion that was a necessity for Humanitarians United. Frankly, she was the most qualified person in the building.

At least I would get to see her every day—even if I didn’t see her every night.

When she said nothing else, I assumed that meant she would stay on board. “I don’t understand you, Calloway. I thought I did, but I really don’t. How can you run a place like Ruin, and then go to work every day at a place like Humanitarians United? It’s like you’re two different people.”

“Because I am two different people. I started Humanitarians United to balance out the terrible things my father did to innocent people who didn’t have any way to fight him. I run it every day to offset the dark things I’m into… To make up for them.”

She watched my expression, her thoughts a mystery.

Now there was nothing else for me to do besides walk away…but that seemed impossible. “I don’t want this to end…”

“It has to. You and I want different things and neither one of us will change our minds.”

No, I could never abandon who I really was. I could only fight it for short periods of time. And after Rome explained what had happened to her, I couldn’t blame her for being afraid. I’d lied to her for the past six months. It didn’t surprise me that her guard was up again.

“I just wish you had told me the truth, Calloway. Finding out from Christopher…” She didn’t finish the sentence.

Earlier that evening, I’d decided to sit down and talk to her about everything. But to say that now would just be empty words. Now I had to walk out of this apartment and not look back. I’d have to look at her at work every day and know she was no longer mine. I’d have to sleep in my large bed alone, wishing she were beside me. I’d have to find a sub that could please me, but the idea of any woman but Rome nearly repulsed me. “I know.”