The finality of the breakup didn’t hit me until I got home.

Once I was inside my house and accepted that she wouldn’t be joining me, I realized I was truly alone. My enormous bed upstairs would feel twice as big without a person to share it with. I would only cook dinner for one each night. When I sat on the couch and watched TV, she wouldn’t lie on my chest, her hair brushing against my neck.

Rome was really gone.

My first instinct was to head to the liquor cabinet.

And drink away my sorrow.

I sat at the kitchen table and faced my backyard, placing the bottle of scotch and the glass on the table. I stared at the label before I poured myself a drink and swirled the ice cubes. Then I downed it in a single gulp, feeling the fire move down my throat all the way into my stomach.

“Fuck.” I leaned over the table and rubbed my temple, realizing I hadn’t hit a low point like this for six months. One of the first times she slept over, I had a nightmare and tried to drink myself into a stupor. But that woman told me to shove my drinks up my ass and get over it.

I already missed her.

I thought about the course of our relationship and wondered what I could have done to save it. If I’d told her the truth sooner, would she still be in my life? If I had walked away from Ruin before Christopher appeared, could I have given her the life she wanted? So many different possibilities, but all of them led to the same destination.

Losing her.

I had been happy with Isabella until I spotted Rome in that bar. Once I broke it off with Isabella, I didn’t feel anything for her. There was no pain, no regret. Like it had never happened, it was hardly a memory.

But with Rome, I felt like I’d died a million deaths.

It was pure agony.

I’d never felt this terrible—not once.

I pulled out my phone, and without really thinking, I called Jackson.

“So, what happened?” he barked the second he took the call. “Did Christopher rat you out?”

“Of course he did.” I poured another glass, spilling drops of scotch onto the table. “Told Rome everything.”

“And?”

“She left me.” The words hurt to say out loud. It was far worse than saying it in my head. I closed my eyes and felt my temple thud with a migraine.

Jackson picked up on my resigned tone. He didn’t gloat or even seem happy. It was one of the rare times he actually showed compassion. “Sorry, man…”

I didn’t have any friends because I preferred solitude. Acquaintances were easier, much simpler. Friendships required expectations, and expectations always led to disappointments. And disappointments led to reevaluation of said friendships. So, Jackson was all I had. “She doesn’t want anything to do with our lifestyle. I have no choice but to accept it.”

“It sucks right now, but you’ll get through it, Cal.”

Would I? This feeling in my stomach was new. I felt sick.

“Are you drinking?”

“What else would I be doing?” I downed the shot and slammed the glass onto the surface of the wood.

“Want me to come by?”

“No.” I sat in the darkness and looked out the window, listening to the memory of Rome’s laugh in my ears.

“You know…if this woman is different, maybe you should try the vanilla route. You wouldn’t be the first.” Jackson spent so much time giving me shit for turning my back on Ruin, and now he was encouraging me to do it.

“We both know I couldn’t do it—at least not forever.” Something would give eventually. I would have to break it off and hurt her because she refused to allow me to tie her up. I’d have to find someone who would allow me to do it instead.

“I’m sorry,” he said for the third time. “Is there anything I can do?”

I eyed the scotch, seeing that it was half empty. “No. There’s nothing anyone can do for me.”

* * *

I didn’t sleep that night.

I stayed at the dining table, drunk out of my mind. When the sun rose the next morning and peeked through my blinds, I wasn’t entirely sober. But I wasn’t wasted either. I had a hot shower then threw on the first suit I could find.

I looked forward to seeing Rome at the office. A stupid part of me hoped she would have reconsidered overnight and had decided to give us another chance. But the pragmatic man inside me knew there was no possibility of that ever happening.

So now I dreaded it.

I wouldn’t have to interact with her often, but there was always a possibility I would see her on a regular basis. Maybe we would pass each other in the hallway on the way to lunch. Maybe she would be in the conference room with her team as I walked by. There were endless scenarios in which my eyes could fall on her.

I arrived at the office later than usual and grabbed my messages from my secretary. I didn’t spot Rome in the hallway, and I purposely didn’t walk past her office. Once I was behind my black doors and had plenty of privacy, I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers, releasing a sigh that carried my pain.

I needed to snap out of this.

Rome was just a woman.

They came and went.

I shook it off and got to work, but my focus only lasted an hour at the most. My thoughts drifted back to that busty brunette with those long legs running through my mind. I didn’t just miss having her in my bed because the sex was great. I missed holding her, brushing my lips against her soft hair. I missed telling her about my day, telling her things I never told anyone else.

It felt like I’d lost a friend.

The end of the day couldn’t come soon enough. I was eager to leave the office space I shared with her. Pretending everything was fine to everyone I talked to was much more difficult than I thought it was going to be.

When I finally left for the day, I felt some of the stress leave my shoulders. I walked to the elevators and happened to catch one right when the doors opened. I stepped inside and hit the lobby button.

Because I was the unluckiest man in the world, Rome rounded the corner, obviously leaving for the day too. She stopped when she saw me, her eyes immediately glued to mine. It didn’t seem like she was going to take the elevator, but it would be stupid for her not to. She could easily have to wait ten minutes for the next one.

I held the door open and nodded for her to come inside.

She tightened her purse over her shoulder like I might snatch it and walked inside.

I released the door and returned to my side of the elevator, my hands resting in my pockets.

The elevator began to move, and it was the tensest two minutes of my life.

Rome looked at anything but me, keeping her eyes trained on the metal door in front of her. She pulled her hair over one shoulder, trying to block her face from my view. Her perfume filled the small space, hinting of flowers in summer.

I missed her even more now.

I wanted to say something, but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon. Was it better just to stay quiet? Should I say hello? Was it more or less awkward to say something? “I got your budget reports. I approved everything you asked for.” It wouldn’t be smart to talk about our relationship, not when we’d just broken up twenty-four hours ago. But talking about work was safe. It was better than not saying anything at all.

“That’s great.” Her beautiful voice came out quiet. “Thank you.”

“I have a few potential donors on my line. If we snag them, we can do more this year. We’ll see.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything.

Once the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, she walked out first. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Owens.”

Mr. Owens.

I fucking hated it when she called me that. So impersonal. So meaningless. I was so much more to her than Mr. Fucking Owens. “Have a good night, Rome.” I wasn’t embarrassed to admit I stared at her ass as she walked away, watching it shift from side to side in her tight dress.

I’d probably beat off to the image tonight.

* * *

The second I got home, I hit the bottle again.

It’s not like I had anything else to do.

My liquor cabinet was impressive because I collected fine wines and aged scotch. Sometimes bourbon and whiskey were in the mix. Ironically, I didn’t care for beer. Far too weak for what I was used to.

A knock sounded on my front door, my hopes immediately jumping to finding one person standing there.

Rome.

Only she and Jackson knew where I lived. And it was unlikely that Jackson had decided to show up at my door.

I opened the front door without even bothering to check who was on the other side. I wanted to come face-to-face with the beautiful woman who was constantly on my mind. I wanted to hear her say she would accept me for who I was and that we would work it out somehow.

But it was Christopher.

Looking just as pissed as before.

And Rome wasn’t with him.

“I’m not gonna punch you in the face.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “But if you say something, I might change my mind.”

My disappointment swelled into my lungs and spread into my stomach. He was the last person I cared to see. “What do you want, Christopher?”

“What are you going to do about the apartment? I can get out within a month, but Rome is gonna have to go somewhere else. There won’t be room for her.”

“You guys are staying put.” Even if she wasn’t mine to take care of, I liked knowing she was safe. “I don’t want the apartment. Keep it.”

His anger never faded. “Is that supposed to make me like you?”

“No. I can tell your hatred is here to stay.”

“Damn right it is.” He dropped his arms to his sides then cracked his knuckles. “You’re such a fucking asshole. You’ve got a lot of nerve.”

“You’re one to talk,” I snapped. “You’re the one who wanted to join Ruin.” If he was gonna judge me, then his record better be squeaky clean.

He held up his finger like he was making a point. “I’m a single guy who can do whatever he wants. I’ve always been up front about my true colors with women. If you’re into that kinky shit, I don’t give a damn. But you swept Rome off her feet by pretending to be this compassionate humanitarian, and it was just a bunch of bullshit. That’s unforgivable, Cal. And we both know it.”

“I am a compassionate humanitarian. But I’m also into Ruin.”

“I can only imagine the shit you did behind Rome’s back every night she was sleeping down the hall from my bedroom. You’re a piece of shit. I would kill you if I could get away with it.”

I knew he meant it. “Christopher, I ran the business, but I never betrayed Rome. My hands were kept to myself. I never even looked at another woman.”

He stared me down, his expression cold.

“I know you believe me.” It was a gut instinct, a sense I could feel. “I was happy with Rome and never needed anyone else. My brother Jackson is too stupid to be in charge, so I need to do it. Yes, I’m a Dom and I usually have a sub, but I haven’t participated in that lifestyle since the day I met your sister.”

When Christopher was quiet, I knew he’d heard the sincerity in my voice.

“I miss her.” I normally wouldn’t say that to another guy, but I was at my lowest point. “I miss her like crazy, and I wish we could work this out. But she wants nothing to do with me—and I respect that.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her?”

“I was going to. I was just waiting for the right time.”

“And there was no other opportunity in the past six months?” he asked incredulously.

“I just didn’t think she was ready.” I wouldn’t go into details about my relationship with Rome. She wasn’t really his sister, but it was still awkward to talk about. “She told me about Hank, and frankly, I can’t blame her for feeling this way.”

His eyebrow rose. “She told you about Hank?”

I nodded, feeling my blood boil when I remembered her story. “That he broke her arm in two different places because she wouldn’t sleep with him.”

He kept staring at me like I might say something else. “Did she talk about anything else?”

“No.” Was there more?

Christopher ran his hands through his dark hair, his eyes cryptic. “If you’re cool with it, then we’re gonna stay put. We just moved in, and it would be a bitch to pack everything up again.”

“Keep it.” I just wished I could give the place to Rome instead. I wished I could make up a fake lottery and give her more money than she knew what to do with. She was already a powerful woman, but I wanted to give her more power. I wanted her to be above everyone else, where no one would even consider laying a hand on her. If I could give her a crown, I would.

“Thanks…” He placed his hands in his pockets and stepped back slightly. “So…I guess this is it.”

My misery derived from losing Rome, but I felt an ache from losing Christopher too. I considered him to be a friend, not just her brother. “Yeah…I guess so.”

He extended his hand to shake mine.

I eyed it, touched by the gesture. Despite how angry he was with me, he still had some affection for me. I shook his hand.

“I don’t really understand what happened with Rome, but I can tell you really care about her.”

“More than you know.” I lowered my hand and cleared my throat.

“Good luck.” He gave me a curt nod before he walked off my porch and headed to the sidewalk. He didn’t turn back as he walked away, his hands stuffed into his pockets to hide away from the cold.

I watched him go, feeling Rome walk out of my life all over again.

When his shadow was gone, I walked back inside and headed straight for the liquor.