I hadn’t slept that well in four days.

It felt so good.

The second my head hit the pillow as I lay beside Calloway, my lights went out. Knowing I was safe in this castle with the king right beside me, I knew I was untouchable. I could finally let my guard down and get some real sleep.

The next morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed. Not because I was too tired, but because I was so comfortable. The sheets smelled like his body soap with a splash of mint, pure Calloway, and they were so soft to the touch. I missed lying in bed every Saturday, touching the strong muscles all over Calloway’s body.

When the alarm sounded, Calloway turned it off then sat up in bed. His back was to me as he stretched his arms, his muscles coiling and shifting under his skin as he moved.

I wanted to reach out to touch him, but I kept my hands to myself. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a rock.” He stared straight ahead before he rose to his feet, standing in his boxers. With toned thighs and long legs, he looked like the ultimate definition of what a man should be. “You?”

“Good.”

Without another word, he walked into the bathroom and got into the shower.

I expected him to make a move, to get me naked while I was in his bed, but he didn’t initiate anything. His cock had been hard. I’d felt it pressed against my hip. But sex didn’t seem to be on his mind. He was probably too upset with everything.

I got ready in the other bathroom, and after half an hour, we were both ready to go. Our routine was exactly the same as our old one, and we met at the front door. His driver took us to work, and we entered the building at the same time.

“Maybe I should catch a different elevator?” I asked, not wanting everyone at the office to see us walk in together.

The door opened, and he pointed inside. “No.”

“But what if—”

“I don’t give a damn.” He walked inside and held the door open. “If people think we’re fucking, so what? We were fucking, so it’s not like they’d be wrong. Now get your ass in here.” Calloway stared me down, looking like the devil in a suit.

I didn’t enjoy Calloway’s authority, but I felt so guilty for not telling him the truth about Hank that I complied. He deserved to be angry and protective. I didn’t have any right to take that away from him, so I cooperated. I walked inside the elevator and stood beside him.

He pulled his arm away and let the doors close. Immediately, the elevator rose to the top of the building. Like any other time we were in an enclosed space, I felt electricity prickle my skin. The burn moved through my body, lighting me on fire until I was a brilliant inferno. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him just the way I used to.

I wished he would give me what I wanted. I wished he would change for me.

The door opened, and we walked into the lobby, everyone seeing us arrive at work together. I turned down the hallway to my office, and he went the opposite direction, heading to his massive office against the back wall.

I got to my office and sat down, suddenly missing him more than ever before.

* * *

When the workday ended, Calloway appeared in my doorway, looking just as sexy as he did that morning. His suit was still crisp, and his stubble had grown in over the course of the day. His assistant brought me lunch at midday so I wouldn’t have to go anywhere, and now that he was here, he would make sure I didn’t walk back to his place unaccompanied.

“Are you finished?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe. He crossed his arms over his chest, his watch gleaming in the light.

“Yeah…” I saved the email I was in the middle of writing and put my computer to sleep before I grabbed my purse. I went to his side, knowing our leaving together would confirm everyone’s suspicions that we really were together.

But there was nothing I could do to fight it.

We walked out together, two feet in between us the entire time. We made it to the car, and the driver drove us back to Calloway’s house a few blocks away. His neighborhood was silent compared to the commotion of the rest of the city.

We walked inside, surrounded by privacy once again. I immediately slipped off my heels and left them by the door, knowing I would wear them the next morning. They hurt my feet every single day, but they were so cute that I couldn’t part with them. Plus, I got them for a really great deal.

Calloway undid his tie and left it hanging around his neck, just as he used to do when we came home together. He darted into the kitchen and opened his liquor cabinet, grabbing a bottle of his favorite scotch.

I figured he would start up the habit again.

He pulled a glass from the cabinet just as I grabbed the bottle off the counter. “None of this.”

He stared me down with lidded eyes. “We aren’t seeing each other anymore. I can do whatever the hell I want.” He reached for the bottle.

I stepped back and kept it out of his reach. “You’re better than this. I know you are.”

“I take a shot to shake the edge off. Doesn’t make me an alcoholic.”

“But it makes you dependent on it.” I unscrewed the cap then held it over the sink, threatening to pour it down the drain. I knew it was aged and expensive, so tossing it would really piss him off. But he didn’t need to turn to alcohol every time there was a bump in the road.

He glared viciously at me, his anger palpable. “Don’t you dare.”

“You can keep it for social occasions.”

“We both know I don’t have any friends.”

“Then maybe you should make some.” I put the cap back on then returned it to the cabinet. “I’m gonna trust you not to drink this when I’m not in the room. Can I trust you to do that?” I placed my hands on my hips and watched him, knowing whatever answer he gave would be the truth. He’d lied to me before, but for some reason, I still trusted him.

He eyed the cabinet before he looked at me again. His jaw was clenched with irritation, and he didn’t keep the annoyance out of his expression. “Yes.” He grabbed the glass sitting on the counter and returned it to the cabinet. He shut the door then leaned against the counter, his arms across his chest.

Now I didn’t have to keep an eye on him. “Thank you.”

He nodded.

“I’m going to shower…” I turned away from the kitchen, wanting to remove myself from the searing heat between us.

“I’m not done talking to you.”

I turned around, annoyed. “You think you can boss me around now?” I put up with it for a few days, but I was growing tired of it.

“Yes. I’ll boss you around as much as I like.” His blue eyes were no longer charismatic, but a little frightening. “We need to get to work on Hank. Perhaps you want to do that before you shower. Up to you.”

“Get to work on him, how?”

“I need you to tell me everything about him. I want to know where he lives, what he looks like, if his parents are divorced—everything. The more information I have, the easier this will be.”

I didn’t want to talk about Hank—not now or ever. But there was no way around it. I knew Calloway needed that information, not to kill him, but to destroy him. “Okay.”

* * *

We had dinner together at the table, dead silent and tense.

Calloway sat across from me, his forearms exposed in his t-shirt. Strong and powerful, he looked like a Roman soldier who could tear down an army all on his own.

“Can I ask you something?” I whispered.

He stopped eating and looked me square in the eye. “You know the answer.”

I hoped that was a yes. “How’s your mom?”

His eyes flinched like he didn’t expect the question. “She’s good. I saw her on Saturday.”

“She’s a sweet woman.”

“Yeah…” He spun his fork around his pasta but didn’t take a bite. “She remembered you.”

I heard the words but struggled to absorb them. “What?”

“She remembered you,” he repeated. “She asked where you were.” He chuckled, but the laugh was full of pain. “Never remembers me, but somehow, she remembers you…”

“She did? What did she say?”

He set his fork down and pushed his untouched plate away. “That you were lovely.”

To my own surprise, my eyes watered. I knew Calloway struggled with his mother’s illness. Every time he visited her, it caused him so much pain. She was his mother, but he could never be her son because she didn’t remember him.

“She told me to knock off my promiscuous ways and settle down. It’s ironic because I can’t remember the last time my mother gave me a lecture. It was nice, in a strange way.” He leaned back against the chair, one hand resting on the table.

“I don’t know what to say…”

“There’s nothing to say, Rome. It just seems like you have the same effect on my mother as you do on me…on everyone.”

It was a sweet thing to say, and it made my insides tighten with butterflies.

“Sometimes I wonder if she’s right…”

“Right about what?”

“Right about you. That I should give up my lifestyle for you.” He looked me in the eye as he spoke. “I’ve been miserable without you. The idea of being with anyone else literally makes me sick. I have the freedom to put someone in chains, but I don’t want to…because I only want you. I haven’t slept in four weeks because it’s not the same without you beside me. Every day, I wonder what you’re doing while I’m home alone. I think about you constantly, wondering if you’re thinking about me.”

“Yes,” I whispered. “I am thinking about you—every minute.”

His eyes immediately softened. “Sometimes, I think I can give it up. Then other times, I think I can’t…”

I wanted him to walk away from Ruin and start over with me. I wanted him to forsake the other half of his soul, the dark shadow that belonged in the night. I wanted him to step into the light with me, so we could spend our lives together as two people who loved each other. But I didn’t want to make him do it. He needed to make the decision on his own.

“I can’t give you up. But I can’t give this up either.”

Every time he came to a crossroads, he always chose the life he already knew. He wanted to pick me, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Sometimes, I think I can…but I’m afraid if I turn my back on who I really am, it’ll just be worse in the end.” He clenched his jaw like he was thinking of a memory from his past, something that angered him.

I was at the same crossroads. I wanted to move on and find a man I could spend the rest of my life with. Someone sweet and compassionate, who would be a great father and husband. But did that really matter when I loved Calloway? When I would always love him?

I loved every aspect about him, even his darker shades. I loved his intensity, his temper. I loved the way he made me feel like a woman when we were in bed together. I loved his fierce need to protect me even though I swore I didn’t need it. I loved the way he made me feel small when his thick arm was around my waist. Light and dark, I loved both sides.

Calloway watched me, knowing my mind was working furiously. “Do you still love me?”

My eyes shifted at the question, surprised he even needed to ask. “Always.”

His eyes softened again, this time with both pain and longing. “I want to give up everything for you… I just don’t think I can.”

“I know…”

He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “Meet me in the middle, Rome. Give me a chance. Let me be your Dom. I get what I want, you get what you want.”

“I guess you’ve forgotten why I’m living with you…”

He closed his eyes like he was insulted, taking a deep breath before he opened them again. “Hank is a psychopath and a criminal. I don’t assault, stalk, and rape women. Maybe it’s hard to understand because you’ve never tried it, but it’s completely different. It’s beautiful, powerful…you’ll enjoy it.”

“I don’t know, Calloway…”

“I can give you what you need. I can make love to you every night. I can take you out to dinner, hold you, whatever you want. And we can do what I want at different times. I think that’s more than fair.”

There was nothing I wanted more than to have Calloway again. My blood screamed for him. “Calloway, there’s nothing I want more…but I just can’t handle it. Hank just assaulted me less than a week ago. I couldn’t let you tie me up and punish me. I just can’t handle that…”

“I wouldn’t tie you up unless you asked me to. We never have to do anything you don’t want to do. I don’t think you understand, Rome.”

“No, I do understand,” I whispered. “You said a Dom/sub relationship is about trust, right?”

He nodded.

“I don’t trust you—or anyone—enough to have that kind of relationship. It’s nothing personal, Calloway.”

“But it is personal,” he whispered. “I would never hurt you.”

“But you get off on hurting women. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“But the women enjoy the hurt—because it feels good—”

“No.” The more we talked about it, the more convinced I was that I couldn’t handle it. After being prey to so many different men in so many different circumstances, I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted a normal relationship where I felt equally powerful. I couldn’t give Calloway all the control because I needed some of it to feel safe. There was no way around it. “I’m sorry…”

He bowed his head in disappointment. “It’s okay… I understand.”

I couldn’t sit at the dinner table with him any longer. Looking at him hurt too much. I wanted to crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling safe against his powerful body. But I couldn’t do that. Instead, I left my dinner untouched, determined to eat it later, and left the kitchen—returning to the solitude of my room.

* * *

I felt perfectly safe in his house, knowing Hank wouldn’t be able to get to me even if he knew I was there, but I still couldn’t sleep. After sharing Calloway’s bed last night, I knew I would never get a good night’s rest across the hall from him. There was something about his body heat, his rhythmic breathing, and his smell that lulled me to sleep like a lullaby. After the difficult conversation we’d had earlier, I shouldn’t get close to him.

But I was too weak.

I gently rapped my knuckles against the door as I opened it.

He lay on his back with his face pointed to the ceiling. The sheets were bunched around his waist, and his hand rested on his chest. “Come here.” He pulled the sheets back so I could join him, just as wide awake as I was.

I slipped in between the covers and cuddled into his side, immediately feeling better once he was beside me. His powerful body was a natural heater, emitting warmth that absorbed into the cotton sheets.

He wrapped his strong arms around me and held me close, feeling like a dream. His lips brushed my hairline, and he sighed in contentment once I was beside him. “There’s something I’d like to say.”

“Okay…”

“The first time we met, you slapped me in that bar—three times.”

“Yes…I remember.” I was still embarrassed about it.

“I didn’t tell you to stop because I liked it. I liked the pain, the crack of your palm against my cheek. I liked the way my skin lit on fire from the heat. I liked the rage in your eyes, the satisfaction you received from punishing me. My cock had never been harder, and all I wanted to do was bend you over the bar and fuck you.”

My heart rate spiked from his honesty—as well as arousal.

“That’s what I want us to have. That scorching, sexy kind of pain that feels so good. It’s not about hurting you to get off. It’s about both of us experiencing the same adrenaline, the same rush. I want you to understand that.”

I knew he really wanted to get his way, but no matter what he said, I was too stubborn to change my mind. I loved this man—still. And I had a feeling I would always love this man. But love wasn’t enough to overcome my past, to allow someone to use me like I’d been used before. I’d been down that road too many times. No more.

Calloway knew his words had no effect on me. He sighed then buried his face into my neck. His comforting arms wrapped around me again, and he pulled my leg over his hip, exactly where he liked it. His cock pressed against me, long and thick. But he didn’t try to have sex with me even though he probably could have seduced me if he’d tried.

I hated disappointing him.

But I didn’t want to disappoint myself.