Chapter 10 (Alyssa)
Past...
“Really, cupcakes for breakfast, Graham?” my mother cried. “That is not an appropriate breakfast for a 9-year-old.”
I grinned around a mouth full of my heavily laden chocolate frosted cupcake. “But I'll be 10 in two days, Mommy,” I argued. Before my mother could protest further, I added, “And look, Daddy put goblins on them!”
Since my birthday fell on Halloween, my father's nickname for me had always been 'goblin.' Most little girls would have hated it and wished for a nickname more feminine like 'Princess' or 'Pumpkin', but I loved it.
My mother shook her head and looked at my father. A soft smile spread across his face when he walked over to her and held a cupcake up to her lips. “Come on, honey. Take a bite. No one can resist little goblins.” He looked at me and winked. “Isn't that right?”
I nodded my head in excitement. “Do it, Mommy. Please.”
She let out a frustrated sigh before she took a haphazard bite. She pursed her lips and looked at me, her expression much softer than it was a moment ago. “Okay,” she conceded. “Finish your cupcake, but no more. You need to get ready for school.”
My father pulled my mother closer. “You have some frosting right here,” he whispered before he kissed her.
I scrunched my nose and made a face. “But it's my birthday,” I whined, effectively interrupting their moment. “Why can't I stay home with you? Or go to work with Daddy?”
My mother put her hands on her hips and gave me 'the look.' I knew that look well. “Alyssa Ford Tanner. It's not your birthday yet. Now finish the rest of your cupcake and get ready for school.”
Yup, she called me by my full name. She meant business.
I scrambled off the counter top and let out a giggle when my father swooped down and picked me up. “I'll tell you what, little goblin. How about I drive you to school today?”
My face lit up. “You mean it?” I asked incredulously.
All my dad did was work non-stop, especially as of late. Sometimes an entire week or two would pass without me ever seeing him.
This time, it had been almost three whole weeks. I hated it, but he promised me he would be around for my birthday weekend.
I overheard him telling my mother that him and Ford, his best friend, and partner, were working on their most important case and trying to gather intel, but they were encountering some unforeseen problems.
I didn't really understand it, but I knew my father had a very important job.
He caught the bad guys.
However, he never wore a uniform like some of the other officers I saw. Instead, he mostly wore suits to work and participated in things called 'stakeouts' or 'going undercover.' People at work also referred to him as 'Special Agent.' Whatever that meant.
I knew he traveled to the city a lot. That's where his headquarters and most of his cases were located. It was also his favorite place in the whole entire world.
He only moved to the suburbs because it was what my mother wanted, she thought there was too much crime in the city and it was no place to raise a child.
I, however, loved the city and would beg my dad to take me with him when he left, but he never did.
My dad put me down. “Of course, I mean it. Now go get ready.”
I ran up the stairs to my bedroom.
After I was done getting dressed I walked out to the hallway.
That's when I heard it.
“Fuck,” my father huffed. “Now? This wasn't scheduled to happen for another two weeks.” He paused. “The entire weekend? You gotta be shitting me.”
My stomach dropped. I already knew what was about to happen.
He sighed. “No, it won't be a problem.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, alright. Tell him I'm on my way. I'll be there as soon as I can.”
I heard some ruffling and a few more curses erupt from his mouth as I stood outside his bedroom door with tears in my eyes.
He opened the door and glanced down at me. I briefly registered that he wasn't in a suit but wearing black jeans and a t-shirt, which was odd since he was on his way to work.
Hope flickered in my heart.
“Goblin,” he began as he kneeled down in front of me.
I lifted my chin, preparing myself for what was to come. “Yes, Daddy?”
His hand reached up and brushed away the few tears that had started to fall. “I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But Daddy has to go to work. I won't be able to take you to school this morning after all.”
Disappointment settled in my chest, but that tiny ray of hope refused to leave. “It's okay. I understand,” I said. “You'll be here for my actual birthday though, right?”
His hand dropped, the same pain reflecting back at me through his own hazel eyes. “No, baby. Daddy has to take care of something very important at work.”
“More important than me?”
“Goblin—” he started, before I cut him off.
I steeled myself, it was the angriest I'd ever been in all of my almost 10 years. “No. I'm not your goblin anymore,” I said before I turned around and headed for the staircase.
Large arms wrapped around me and held me tight. “Nothing is more important to me than you. And you will always be my little goblin.”
I turned around and buried my face against his chest.
“I love you so much, Alyssa,” he whispered.
“Then stay, Daddy. Please.”
“I wish I could. But I can't.”
“But you promised me!” I shouted through tears.
He closed his eyes and kissed my forehead. “I know. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you somehow. I swear I will.”
I looked up at him, my resolve firm. “Take me with you.”
He gave me another kiss on my forehead and shook his head. “I can't.” He pulled something out of his pocket. “I was going to give this to you on Sunday, but I want you to have it now.”
I looked down at the white gold chain in wonder. A white gold and diamond encrusted goblin along with a small replica of a police badge containing my father's badge number hung from it.
“But mommy said I'm not old enough to wear real jewelry like hers yet,” I whispered as he fiddled with the clasp around my neck.
He smiled and brushed a lock of blond hair from his eyes. “I think we can make an exception for very special birthdays and very special little girls.”
I flung my arms around him. “I love the necklace, but I'd still much rather have you for my birthday. I miss you, so much. You're always gone, now. I never get to see you anymore. I get so jealous when I see my friends from school with their dad's.”
“Jesus, you're ripping my heart out over here, kid,” he mumbled.
“Then take me with you. We don't have to tell Mommy.”
He chuckled and ruffled my hair. “I can't. I'm sorry. Please try and understand.” he said before standing up and walking down the staircase.
Anger burst through me again. Only this time...I had a plan.
I crept down the staircase, being careful to not make any noise as I passed the kitchen and overheard their conversation.
“I have to go to work. We're about to make some major headway. I just got a call from one of his associates that he's doing the drop today. With the way things are going now it looks like we'll be able to nail him for good this weekend,” he told my mother.
Her mouth opened in shock. “Really? This soon? That's incredible.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, but I won't be back until Monday night, the earliest.”
My mother bit her lip and a crease formed between her eyebrows. “But it's her birthday, Graham. Her 10th birthday. This is going to break her heart. You know how much she loves you. You're all she ever talks about.”
“I know, honey. I know. I don't really have a choice right now, though. Maybe after this case I can take some time off, we'll take a family vacation or something. I'll make it up to her.” He bent down and kissed her. “To the both of you.” His hand landed on her tummy. “Take care of my girls.” He winked. “All three of them.”
Three? He always said his two girls. What the heck?
She looked down at his hand. “Speaking of which, when are we going to tell her? I'm a little over 3 months already. We can't wait forever.”
“Well, I figured we could tell her that she was going to be a big sister on her birthday.” He paused. “But, maybe it's for the best that we wait a little longer and let her have this one last birthday as the only child. I don't want to ruin her birthday any more than I already have. She's really upset with me and feels like my job is more important than she is. This certainly won't help matters. We'll tell her when we go on vacation, after I've spent some quality time with her and she's not so angry with me anymore.”
Oh no, no, no. This couldn't be happening. Another kid? A girl? I was never going to be special to him now. He didn't even have time to spend with me anymore...if there's a new baby it will be like I won't even exist.
I recalled what happened to my classmate, Margaret Weiss. She was the only child and her parents showered her in attention, but she said that all stopped after her brother was born.
Now, her parents were always grumpy from being up all hours of the night and they didn't care about her anymore. Which was stupid, she said; because all her new brother did was sleep and cry all the time.
My mother nodded and gave him a kiss. “Sounds like a plan. I guess that means I'll be taking her to school this morning.”
“Yeah, I should have left already.” He turned to leave and I scrambled to make it to the garage and out to his car before he did.
“Oh and honey,” he called out. “Don't make a fuss over the necklace I got her. I know it's a bit much for a 10-year-old, but I wanted to give her something special this year.”
My mother huffed before she smiled. “Okay, but you'll have to deal with the fallout if she loses it. She's still upstairs getting ready, right?”
“Yeah. I'll see you on Monday. Love you.”
“Love you.”
I made my way out to the garage before he did. His SUV was large, shiny, and all black. It even had tinted windows and came equipped with a phone, and special locks.
Problem was...I didn't know how to get inside without him noticing.
I hid underneath the vehicle and watched his feet move as he lifted the hatch in the back and maneuvered some things around, appearing to be looking for something.
He cursed under his breath before his footsteps disappeared and I heard the garage door shut.
Luckily, he left the hatch open granting me the perfect opportunity to climb in and hide under a blanket on the floor in the back seat.
My heart raced when he came back out and climbed in the driver's seat. I thought for sure he would notice me, but he didn't.
We drove for well over two hours at that point and my legs were starting to cramp up.
The vehicle began to slow down and he cursed when his phone rang.
What I didn't count on happening was my mother calling his phone.
“I can't talk right now, honey. I forgot to shut this phone off. I'm just pulling up to the location now.”
I heard shouting on the other line before my father's raised voice startled me. “What the hell do you mean she's missing, Debra? She was still upstairs when I left. Are you sure you looked everywhere?”
There was some more shouting on the other line.
“Shit. Keep looking. Call the neighbors and check the entire perimeter of the house. I'll put a call into the station. I'm sure she's just hiding somewhere.” He paused. “Don't cry, honey. Stay strong. I'm sure she's okay,” he said, his own voice beginning to crack. “We will find her. I'm calling the station now. Keep your phone on you.”
Oh no. This wasn't supposed to happen. I never wanted to make my mother cry or my dad upset. I just wanted to spend some more time with him and make a point.
He hung up his cell phone and picked up his car phone. “Yeah, Hannah, it's Special Agent Tanner. My wife just reported that our 9-year-old daughter's gone missing. She was last seen inside the house.” He paused. “A little over an hour. I want an amber alert issued right away. Blonde hair, hazel eyes...” he started to rattle off.
Panic gripped me. I remembered my father telling me that it was wrong to prank call the police. He told me that it took away from helping actual people who were having real emergencies.
I sprung up from the backseat. “Daddy, stop. I'm here. I'm okay. I'm so sorry.”
He clutched his chest and glared at me. “Never mind. I just located her. Please call my wife and let her know. Thank you and I'm sorry for the trouble,” he said before hanging up.
He stared at me for another second or so before he reached over and hugged me. “I'm so, so angry with you right now.” Relief flashed across his face. “But I'm so happy you're okay. Do you have any idea what it would do to me if I ever lost you, goblin?”
I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “You would be fine. You have a replacement on its way anyway,” I grumbled.
He looked confused before he sighed. “No one could ever replace you, Alyssa. But, how did you find out?”
“I overheard you talking to mommy about it. You're going to have a new little girl and forget all about me.”
He moved his seat back and sat me on his lap. “No, baby. That's not going to happen. I promise.”
I sniffled and leaned my head against his chest. “I don't believe your promises anymore.”
He held up my necklace. “You see this? You're the only girl in the world who will ever have it. I had it made just for you. That's how special you are to me.”
“Then why are you having another baby? Am I not enough for you?”
He leaned down and kissed my cheek. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky and water in the oceans. From the very first second I laid eyes on you, that was it, kid. I was a goner.” He looked lost in thought as he continued, “I was only 18 when you were born. Your mother and I were barely even out of high school. I was terrified of becoming a father, especially so young. Do you know who gave me strength to overcome that fear?” he asked.
“Who?”
“You did. I will never forget that moment. Your mother was recovering from labor and the nurses left you all alone with me. I started freaking out because I had no idea what I was supposed to do with you and I was sure I was going to screw something up and leave you scarred for life.” He paused and smiled. “I remember talking to you and telling you how scared I was. I was about to have a panic attack, but then your little hand wrapped around one of my fingers and held on. You looked up at me with these beautiful eyes full of wonder and a sense of calm washed over me...and I knew I could do it. I knew we were going to be a team for life.”
He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “That's why I call you goblin. It's not just because you were born on Halloween. It's because goblins are scary and frightening. And you were the scariest thing I'd ever come in contact with...but the best thing that ever happened to me. No one could ever take your place.”
He reached for my hand and held it up to his heart. “We have a special bond that can never be broken, goblin. I will love you for all of eternity. You and your mother are the very best parts of my life.”
I let out a hiccup. “I'm sorry I made you worry. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I love you.”
“It's alright. Let me just make a quick call to Ford and I'll drive you back home.”
He picked up the phone. “Hey, Ford. Look, something's come up. It's a long story. But I need you to distract him for an hour or two and buy me some time if he asks about me. I have to drive back home.”
He lifted me off his lap and gripped the steering wheel. “What do you mean, what am I talking about? It's happening today. In the next hour to be exact. I heard it from one of his men myself. I tried calling you on your work phone but you didn't answer. I figured you got the same phone call and you were already here.” He looked ahead and turned the key in the ignition. “Fuck,” he said. “I've just been spotted.”
He glanced back at me through the rear-view mirror and gritted his teeth. “No, I can't just drive off. That will only raise their suspicions further. Not to mention, I can't exactly start a high-speed chase with DeLuca's mobsters while my daughter's in the goddamn car!”
“What the fuck is Alyssa doing in the car with you right now? Fuck this. I'm on my way and I'm sending backup.” I heard Ford's voice scream on the other line before it went silent.
He swallowed hard and continued to look straight ahead. Nervousness crept up my spine, signaling that something was very wrong.
“Goblin. I really need you to listen to me right now.” My father took a deep breath before he continued. “I need you to go back under that blanket and hide. No matter what you see or hear, understand?”
“Wh-why...what's going...on?” I stuttered.
“Remember how Daddy helps to put away the bad guys?”
I gulped. “Y-yeah.”
“Well, the bad guys are outside right now. And something very bad will happen if they see you. So, I need you to go back under that blanket and don't come out until I say you can. Okay?”
“Okay. I will. I'm so sorry, Daddy.”
“It's okay, Alyssa. I'm not mad at you anymore. Everything will be fine. Ford and some other officers are on their way to come help us. Just do as I say, right now please.”
I went back under the blanket in the backseat, my body shaking worse than a tree in the middle of a hurricane.
“Remember what I said. I need you to be quiet and stay under there. No matter what you see or hear.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you, goblin. Never forget that,” he whispered, right before someone tapped on the door.
He got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him.
“Nice of you to join us, Graham,” some deep voice sneered. “Or should I say, Special Agent Tanner.”
I heard a few loud bangs and a few more muffled voices in the background.
It wasn't until I heard my father scream in pain, that I lifted my head out from under the blanket.
I scrunched down behind the driver seat but raised my head enough to partially take in my surroundings.
We were at a dock of some sort. There were a few dark SUV's around and big men wearing all black suits.
Then I saw something I would never forget.
My father chained up against a wall. His lip was bleeding, and someone had taken a pair of pliers to one of his fingers. My stomach heaved when I saw the blood dripping down.
I jimmied the door handle in order to go outside to help him, but it was locked.
I crawled over to the console and reached for the phone. I pressed the same button I'd seen my father press many times before.
“Hello Agent Tanner, this is Hannah. Agent Ford Baker has already made me aware of your situation and he's on his way with backup.”
“H-hello,” I whispered.
“Who is this?” Hannah asked.
“My Daddy's in trouble. The bad men are hurting him. Tell Ford to come, quick.”
“Is this Agent Tanner's daughter?” she asked.
“Yes, this is Alyssa. Come quick. He's bleeding and they're doing something to his fingers.”
“Alright sweetheart, please hang tight. Help is on the way. Where are you right now?”
“He told me to stay inside the car. I tried to go outside but all the doors are locked.”
“Does anyone besides your dad know you're inside the car?”
“No. They can't see me. Their backs are all turned away from me. And the windows are tinted.”
“Okay. Listen, I need you to stay away from the big windshield, Alyssa. It's not tinted like the other windows are. You can stay on the phone with me, but I need you to go to the backseat and stay down.”
“But then I won't be able to see them,” I protested.
Just then another car pulled up. My hopes were soon dashed when the door opened and out walked one of the biggest men I'd ever seen. Even bigger than my own father.
He wore an all black suit, dark sunglasses, and he had on shiny leather shoes with metal tips. There was also a fairly large scar on his face that stretched from his ear to his jaw.
His lips turned up in a snarl, and all the other men around him straightened their spines and lifted their heads.
He circled the men and stopped to narrow his eyes in my father's direction while he took his sunglasses off his face.
His eyes were dark as coal. The scariest eyes I'd ever seen in my life.
And I knew that something very bad was about to happen.
“Hurry. Another man just showed up. He looks big and scary. He has metal tips on his shoes. And his eyes are really dark and there's a scar on his face.”
I heard her mumble, “Shit, DeLuca himself just showed up. Where the hell is backup?”
“Wh-who's DeLuca?” I asked.
“Make sure you stay down, sweetheart. Don't let him see you, please.”
Tears pooled in my eyes. “Where's Ford?”
“He's on his way, sweetie.”
I sniffled and let out a tiny scream when I saw the man take out some kind of metal object and aim it in my father's direction.
“Don't scream, Alyssa,” she warned.
“He's about to hurt my Daddy. I want to talk to Ford. Please. I'm begging you. If you don't, I'll scream as loud as I can.”
“I'll transfer you over to him right now.”
The line went silent for a moment before I heard the sound of his voice. “Agent Baker.”
“Ford, help.”
“Alyssa?”
The man took another step toward my father. My father had remained strong, but for a single moment, I could see the desperation in his eyes when he saw what was in his hand. And it absolutely terrified me.
“Yeah. He's about to hurt my Daddy. He's wearing all black and he has metal tips on his leather shoes. He has a scar and he's scary and big, like a wrestler. And I'm pretty sure his name is DeLuca something. You need to get here and arrest him.”
“Fuck. How do you know that?” He paused. “Wait, are you witnessing everything that's happening right now?”
“Uh-huh. Where are you?”
“I'm about 5 minutes away. I'll be there shortly. Stay down and do not get out of the car.”
Three of DeLuca's men approached my father then.
I breathed a sigh of relief when they unchained him.
“They unchained him. I think they're going to let him go.”
“Alyssa, listen to me. I need you to put your head down and stop looking at them. Please, sweetheart.”
“I don't understand. Wait, another car just pulled up. Is that you?”
“No, that's not me, Alyssa. Now, stop looking.”
I ignored his request. “If it's not you then who is it?”
I watched in confusion as four more of DeLuca's men went over to the car and opened the door. They quickly yanked out two males with dark skin. Both men, if you could even call them that- because they looked more like teenagers; wore baggy clothes and had quite a few tattoos. One boy had a blue shirt on, along with a blue bandanna hanging from his back pocket. The other boy was wearing a red shirt and had a red bandanna hanging from his back pocket. They both looked tired and groggy and had bruises and gashes along their faces and arms.
I didn't understand what they were doing there, or what their involvement was.
I held back a gasp when DeLuca stretched a black glove over his large hand and proceeded to wipe down the metal crowbar.
His men then turned both boys to face one another before they shoved what looked to be guns in their hands. However, both boys appeared to be too out of it to be aware of what was happening to them.
Maybe Ford was right. Maybe it was best that I didn't see what was about to happen. I gasped loudly into the phone when I heard two gunshots go off.
My head jerked up and I let out a cry when I saw the two boys slumped over and bleeding.
My father yelled something at DeLuca then, something about them only being teenagers, I think. But I wasn't sure because my ears were still ringing from the shots.
DeLuca backhanded my father and my father, in turn, spit blood at him.
Then he raised the metal crowbar high above his head.
Everything around me stopped when he took the first swing against my father's skull.
“No! Daddy! Please, no!” I screamed out at the top of my lungs while hitting the windshield as hard as I could.
“Stop screaming, Alyssa,” Ford pleaded.
But I couldn't.
I watched as DeLuca continued to bash my father's skull in with that crowbar, deforming his once handsome face.
I watched as my father's body went limp, his blood pooling around the pavement.
I watched as DeLuca smirked and relished every second of killing the man I loved most in the world.
Until his eyes connected with mine.
I screamed even louder...and his smirk grew wider.
Finally, I heard the faint sound of sirens in the distance.
DeLuca took one final look at me before he and his men disappeared into their cars and took off quick as lightning.
I was still screaming when Ford pulled me out of the car and I clung to him for dear life, refusing to be anywhere else.
I was still screaming when Ford barked orders to cover my father's body because my eyes couldn't look away.
I was still screaming when the ambulance pulled up and took out three body bags, instead of stretchers.
I was still screaming when Ford pulled up to headquarters and took me inside an interrogation room.
Whenever I close my eyes...I'm still screaming.
***
“It wasn't those boys, Ford. It was DeLuca. I know it was.”
I'd spent almost 48 hours in the same interrogation room at that point. I fell asleep in Ford's arms for a few short hours, only to wake up screaming.
They tried bringing in a child psychiatrist. They tried feeding me.
They tried doing everything they could to get me to believe something that I refused to.
I knew the truth. I saw it with my very own eyes.
I just didn't understand why they wanted me to believe otherwise.
Ford dragged a hand through his dark hair. His 5 o'clock shadow looked even more scruffy than usual, not that it dulled his movie star good looks.
Like my father, he was young. Both he and my father were the youngest members of the FBI, still in their late 20's.
I sat up in my seat, my legs swinging because they didn't quite reach the floor yet. “Where's my mom? Why isn't she here with me? Especially when I'm being interrogated. Where's my lawyer?”
Ford threw up his hands in frustration. “I'm not interrogating you, Alyssa. I just need you to understand certain things. And you don't need a lawyer because you're not in any kind of trouble.”
“Then why am I still stuck here? Where's my mother!” I screamed.
Fords expression changed from one of frustration to sheer sadness.
He reached for my hand. “She's in the hospital,” he said softly.
“Why?”
He rubbed his eyes. “She's not in good shape right now, kiddo. And the doctor's need to look after her for another day or so. She knows you're here, safe with me.”
“What happened to her? Give it to me straight, Ford. I'm a big girl now. I'm officially 10 years old today.”
A look of pity flashed across his face. “After she found out what happened, she collapsed.” He paused, appearing to choose his next words carefully, but I cut right to the chase.
“What happened to the baby?”
“She lost the baby,” he whispered.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and began rocking myself. “It's my fault. I didn't want a little sister and now she's dead. Just like it's all my fault that my Daddy died.”
Ford immediately stood up, walked over to me and sat me on his lap. “No, sweetheart. None of this is your fault.”
I sunk against him and put my arms around his neck. “You're only saying that because I'm a kid.”
“Have I ever treated you like a kid, Alyssa?”
I thought about his question for a moment before I answered, “No.”
He was right. He never treated me like I was a child. He always talked to me like I was his equal. So much so, that he and my mother got into it a few times. Especially after he let it slip that Santa and the Easter Bunny weren't real, back when I was 8 years old.
I liked that about Ford, though. In a world full of adults trying mold me into what they wanted me to be, he let me decide things for myself. He let me draw my own conclusions after giving me the cold-hard facts.
He never told me I shouldn't do something, or told me I was wrong for feeling a certain way...until now.
“And you trust me, right?” he asked.
“You're the only one I have left now. Of course, I trust you.”
He turned us in the seat and hoisted me up on the table. “Then I need you to repeat after me- I saw those two boys kill my father after he broke up a fight brewing between them and a few others.”
“But I didn't, Ford. I know exactly who killed my father. I'll never forget his face. I see it every time I close my eyes. It was him. That DeLuca, man. I don't know why you don't believe me. Ask Hannah, she'll tell you.”
“Goddammit,” he barked. “Listen to me, Alyssa. DeLuca didn't kill your dad. It was two members of rival gangs. He tried to break it up and he got caught in the crossfire. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time.”
I shook my head adamantly. “No, it wasn't. Ask Hannah! Why won't you believe me?”
He stood up and kicked a chair across the room.
I began trembling. “Ask Hannah,” I repeated.
He ran back over to me and grabbed my face between his large hands. “I can't ask Hannah.”
I was even more confused by his statement. “Why?”
“Because Hannah's dead. She was found by her car after leaving the station with two bullets in her head.”
“W-what?”
His grip tightened around my cheeks. “You heard me. They got to her. I don't know how, but they traced everything. There must have been a mole working for us. A few of them.”
He sighed. “And now DeLuca's got all of New York eating out of his pocket. He controls the politician's, the news. Hell, he's about to have my department eating out of the palm of his hand soon. Your dad and I were trying to prevent it. We went undercover, without the FBI's knowledge, on our own. Hannah was in on it with us. We were trying to snag him on something and put him away before he became too powerful...but we failed.”
His face fell. “We fucked up big time and your father paid the ultimate price for it.”
“But he's a bad guy. How is that possible?”
Ford looked at me hard. “Because sometimes in life, sweetheart. The bad guys win.”
His grip eased up and I rubbed my cheek. “So put him away for killing my father.”
Ford groaned and took a step back. “In order to do that, we need to have something called motive. Not to mention all the evidence points to those two gang members being responsible.”
“What's motive?”
“A logical reason behind doing something. Usually in regards to committing a crime.”
“So tell them that you and my dad were trying to catch him doing something bad and he got angry.”
“I can't do that,” he mumbled.
“Why not?”
He leaned his forehead against mine and put my hands on his cheeks. My breathing became uneven and I didn't know why.
Actually, I did.
It was because I always thought Ford was the most handsome man I'd ever seen. Every time my mom would read me a fairytale, I would picture myself as the princess and Ford as my prince.
I never told anyone about that, though. I didn't think my parents would have liked that very much, for some reason I didn't really comprehend.
“Do you think I'm a good guy, Alyssa?” he whispered.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “You're one of my favorite people in the whole wide world.”
He smiled at me, showcasing his perfectly straight and white teeth.
“You wouldn't ever want to see me behind bars, right?”
My hand flew to my face. “Never. That would kill me.”
“Then you can't ever tell anyone about what your father and I did, okay?”
I bit my lip and looked down. “I won't say anything. Ever. I promise.”
He tilted my chin up to look at him. “And you'll tell everyone that it was those two gang members who killed your dad, right?”
I shook my head. “No. Because it wasn't them. DeLuca deserves to pay for what he did.”
His nostrils flared and he grunted. “If you say it was DeLuca- do you know what will happen, sweetheart?”
“Yeah. He'll go to jail for a very long time. Maybe even forever.”
He grabbed my face again and stared into my eyes. “No, he won't. He knows you saw him, Alyssa. And he'll come after you. Along with me, and your mother. And he won't stop until we're all dead.” One hand wrapped around the back of my neck. “He'll bash my skull in and spread my brains all over the concrete.”
He lowered his voice and whispered in my ear, “And then he'll do it to your mom. And he'll make you watch every single second of it before he does it to you. Just like with your dad.”
I couldn't stop myself from dry heaving with those words. Ford reached for a garbage pail and held it out in front of me while he stroked my hair.
After a few moments, my stomach settled and I was able to breathe again. “But that would make me a l-liar. Being a liar is bad. Those two boys were innocent.”
He sat on the chair in front of the table I was still sitting on and put my feet on top of his thighs. “I know your mom reads to you a lot. What's your favorite fairy tale?”
I was put off by the change of subject, but I answered anyway. “Beauty and the Beast.”
He smiled and tilted his head toward me. “Do you think the beast was bad?”
“No. I mean, at first, maybe. But he changed his ways for Belle.”
“And the beast rescued Belle in the end, right?”
“Well, yes...and no. It's complicated, Ford. The beast loved her and Belle loved him. Despite how mean he was in the beginning. She saw past all that.”
He lifted my hand to his lips. “Can you see past the wrong I've done?”
I didn't understand what he meant by that. “Of course. I already told you, you're not a bad guy. You're my favorite person.”
“I was only trying to put the bad guy away,” he whispered.
“I know. I'm not mad at you.”
“Will you let me rescue you then?” His thumb grazed my cheek. “Will you let me be your Prince, Alyssa?”
My cheeks flushed and a swarm of butterflies entered my tummy. “I-um.” My breathing became shaky. “I'm feeling nervous and weird right now and I don't understand why,” I blurted out.
“You never have to be nervous around me. I would do anything in the world for you. You trust me, right?”
“Yeah-yes.”
“I would never, ever hurt you.”
“I know.”
“Who killed your father?”
“You already know.”
The pad of his thumb brushed my cheek again and he moved closer. “Who killed your father, Alyssa?”
I stayed silent.
“Better, sweetheart.” He planted a kiss on my cheek and I blushed. “Now I'll ask you again. Who did it? Who killed your father?”
He kissed my other cheek right before I answered, “They did. Those...boys. My father tried to stop the fight between them and they attacked him before they shot each other.”
He let out a deep breath. “I'm so proud of you.”
He kissed the corner of my mouth. “Thank you for letting me rescue and protect you.”
***
“And that's my story, Jackson. You know things that I've never told another soul.”
His brows furrow. “Do you still talk to your dad's old partner?”
“Out of everything I just told you, that's what you're choosing to focus on?”
I get up off the bed. “Ford protected me from my father's killer.”
He runs a hand through his short hair. “Yeah, I know. I get it,” he says before mumbling something under his breath that I don't catch. He appears lost in thought before asking, “Is that why you were grilling me about the owner of the fight club? You thought it was this DeLuca guy, didn't you?”
I nod and he stands up. “It's not by the way. He's not the owner. But you realize how dangerous it would be for you if it was, right?”
“Yeah.” I stare at him. “I mean, no. If DeLuca wanted me, he would have gotten me by now. Trust me, after the sex tape my identity isn't exactly an issue anymore. Everyone knows who I am now. Besides, the media went with the story about two rival gangs killing a cop. No one knows the truth besides Ford and I...and now you.”
“You never answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Do you still talk to him?”
“No,” I lie.
I might have told Jackson things I've never told another person. But there's no way I can tell him about the exact nature of me and Ford's relationship throughout the years.
Or the moment, or rather, moments; it changed.
And the way it broke me.