Chapter 35 (Jackson)
I've thought about having Alyssa bound and gagged quite a lot since I first met her.
I just never thought I'd be partaking in it to get her to stop screaming such god awful, vile things to me in the middle of a parking garage.
And the fact that she actually thinks I would hurt her? Or worse, kill her?
I just don't have the words to express what that does to me.
I wanted to bash my own head through a wall right after I saw what Ricardo and I did to her when she jumped in the middle of our fight. I've never felt like such an asshole but I didn't even see her. Hell, I didn't even know she was standing in the room because I was too worked up about Ricardo and his possible involvement.
And of course, the fact that my best friend was in the middle of surgery and the doctors had just told us there was a chance he wouldn't make it.
Then that shit happened.
Then she looked at me the way she did.
I figured she just needed space because of what happened but when I came back, she was different.
I saw her talking with Shelby and then she just collapsed.
I thought she was having a reoccurring symptom due to still being sick. Then she walked over to Lou-Lou and held her hand. Fucking Lou-Lou, the girl she basically hates. She'd rather hold her hand than mine while I'm going through all this shit.
I knew something wasn't right.
And when she gave me a different look—a look that could have killed me dead right where I stood and threatened to have me hauled off to jail over an accident...I knew I was fucked.
I knew that somehow...she had figured out the truth.
Then I heard the news about Tyrone and although I'm beyond relieved that he's alive...I know that when he wakes up and processes everything, he's going to be inconsolable. I'm inconsolable for him but I'll be there for him and whatever he needs.
The last thing I wanted to do was have it out with Alyssa, I wanted to stay by my best friend's side. Momma told me to go and said he'd probably be out of it until sometime tomorrow, but I still wanted to stay.
Then Alyssa mentioned going back to her own apartment and I knew this shit had to be dealt with tonight. She wasn't cutting me any kind of slack and I sure as hell wasn't losing her without a fight.
However, when she said those things to me in the parking garage? Spewing such hurtful things, things like I was the one who killed Lilly and she wanted to know where I buried her body. That was the closest I'd ever come to wanting to hit a female.
I settled for throwing her in the passenger seat and covering her vicious mouth with duct tape, instead.
Since she had no choice but to remain silent throughout the drive, I took the opportunity to put myself in her place.
That only made me feel like a shithead. Of course, she would think I was setting her up, regardless of the fact that she was the one who walked into his club. The fact is, DeLuca's been the metaphorical boogie man to her ever since she was a child. She knows first-hand what he's capable of.
No wonder she didn't push further after I said it wasn't his club. She completely dropped it and never asked me again. A part of me thinks that she didn't want it to be his club, because he scares the absolute shit out of her, with good reason. I can't help but think that if she knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was his club, then a big part of her would feel like she'd have no choice but to avenge her father's death...even if it ended up in her murder.
Which let's face it...it most definitely would.
That's one hell of a demand to put on yourself, especially after going through everything that she already has. Not to mention Ford's own method of brainwashing that he did.
She was probably relieved when I told her that DeLuca wasn't the owner. Grateful that she had a few more minutes on the clock before her time was up.
Putting myself in her place puts it into perspective for me.
She's still trembling and I wish that I could hold her, but I know she needs to hear about my involvement with DeLuca before she'll let that happen.
If she'll ever let that happen.
“Everything I told you about Lilly is the truth. With the exception of me getting off on self-defense.” She looks confused so I continue, “I was going down for both Mike and Lilly's murder,” I say as her eyes open wide.
Maybe now she'll realize how much those things she said hurt me. “I didn't kill Lilly, Alyssa.”
“I know,” she whispers. “I know that now. I just don't know why you would lie to me, Jackson. I loved you. I trusted you. Why would you set me up?”
Her voice is so small and broken my chest squeezes.
“I'm not setting you up, baby. I would never do that to you.”
“Tell me why you're working for him then. Tell me why you're continuing to work for him after you know what he did to me.”
“Because he's the reason I'm out of jail.”
“How?”
“He was my deliverance. He paid off the judge, planted evidence to ensure that I'd walk, and hired the best defense attorney on the East Coast. Hell, DeLuca did such a good job it didn't even make it to trial.”
“What was the catch?”
“The catch is that I figured out that the devil doesn't offer you deal's, Alyssa. He only offers you an arrangement with a steep pay off. And he prefers his payment in blood.”
She looks down and shivers. “Well, you know what they say—the devil was once an angel.”
“I don't think this one ever was.”
“What arrangement did you make with him?”
Time to tell her everything.
“Ten years in his underground fight club. Which is a load of bull if you ask me, because I've seen law enforcement officials there before. Hell, they place some of the highest bets. Anyway, the terms were one fight every two weeks, to ensure I could recover from any potential injuries.”
I grab a stool to sit down on. “I'd be appointed a coach to ensure I never skipped town and to keep me on a leash.”
“Ricardo,” she whispers.
I nod. “Yup. I'd also have to win at least 99% of my fights.”
Her mouth hangs open. “That's impossible. No one's that good.”
“You are if it's your life on the line.”
“You can't be that good for 10 years straight Jackson! Your body will start to deteriorate, it will break down from all the constant wear and tear. There's no way you can stay number one for 10 years straight. I've seen the guys you're up against, they're nothing but freak shows on steroids ”
Her lower lip trembles and I can see the tears in her eyes. “Oh, god. DeLuca knows this. He knows that you'll most likely die in the cage before your contract is up. Hell, he'll probably make sure that it happens.”
“Yeah, that's pretty much what happens. The only one who's ever made it through his 10 years alive is Ricardo. The reason Tyrone and I are the best right now is because there's no one else to compare us to. For the most part, guys usually die in the cage around the first year. If he senses you're weak, then he matches you up with an opponent he knows you can't take. If you prove to be worthy, well, then you usually get the honor of dying in the cage around the 7th or 8th year. DeLuca likes to up the stakes by then. Trust me, it's some real fucked up shit.”
I look up to the ceiling because I can't look at her when I say this. “And by your 7th or 8th year, it's probably bittersweet because you're so close to being out. You can taste it. But, at the same time, the mentality of being nothing but a machine has gotten to you, so unless you have something on the outside that grounds you, something to go back to...there's really no point in fighting anymore. Sometimes I think the guys don't make it because they just give up. They get tired of feeling the pain that fuels them to survive. I know I am.”
“Lilly's murder is how you survive, isn't it? That's the source of all your pain.”
“I have to relive every second of it every time I'm in that cage. It's the only way.”
I want to tell her that she was the one who grounded me, who made it better for me, and that she was my something to look forward to, but there's something more important that she needs to hear.
“I wanted to protect you, that's why I didn't tell you about DeLuca. I tried to let you go a few times, but I couldn't do it. I need you like I need my pain to win my fights.”
“What are we gonna do, Jackson?” A single tear falls down her cheek. “How do we make it through this?”
I don't answer her, instead, I tear the tape off her wrists and hold her in my arms. She buries her face into my chest and sobs her heart out.
“I agree with Ricardo. Don't go after DeLuca. It's too risky and you'll end up dead. We'll have to find another way. There has to be another way. I can't and I won't lose another man that I love to him.”
I stay silent because there is another way; the only way to stop him. I could care less about my own life, but I'm not letting him take hers.
She tilts her head up and I don't even hesitate to crush her mouth against mine.
There are so many emotions filtering the energy running through us, there's only one way to exert it right now.
I lift her up, place her on the counter and she wraps her legs around my waist. I wish I could be more gentle with her given the fact that I know she's probably feeling sore from what happened earlier, but when she sits up, takes off my shirt and scratches her nails down my back, I lose my composure.
I suck and bite on that plump bottom lip of hers, groaning when I taste the hint of copper because it reminds me that she's alive, that she’s safe, and that she’s here with me.
I make quick work of unbuttoning of her jeans and pulling them off. Her panties are next and I shred the delicate lace like it's paper while she lifts her t-shirt over her head.
The both of us are so worked up there's no need for foreplay, my own jeans fall at my feet and I'm entering her in a single thrust, pumping into her slickness like it's my salvation, because I know she is.
She falls back and I position her legs on my shoulders so I can get even deeper inside her. I'm so lost in her essence, there are no words. The only sounds are the moans of pleasure and the sounds of our frantic, hot-blooded bodies coming together.
After a moment, she begins to spasm and cries out my name like a lifeline. Her pussy grips me so hard it almost hurts as her come drips down my balls. Before I can stop myself, I'm quickly following her into the pits of euphoria and purging my own release deep inside of her.
I fall on top of her, loving the feeling of her body underneath me, where I can shelter her and see the rise and fall of her chest with every breath she takes.
She kisses me and it's clear that what just happened didn't diminish her feelings, if anything; it only charged them. She pushes her pelvis into mine, purposely enticing me into another round. Her tongue darts out and drags across her bottom lip slowly when she feels my cock twitch against her center. Since she's the puppet master of not only my heartstrings, but my desire—I'm rock hard and inside her again.
I flip her around so that I'm entering her from behind and watching that gorgeous ass of hers shake with my every thrust. I lean down and sink my teeth into her shoulder.
She looks over her shoulder and bites her lip. And fuck me, it's the hottest visual I've ever seen.
I don't have to worry about DeLuca killing me, because she's going to.
She moans and I start thrusting harder. The feeling is incredible and I know I won't be able to hold off much longer.
“Jackson, I’m...fuck,” she says before she starts jerking and unintelligible screams rip out of her.
Wanting to make it even better for her, I circle her clit and watch as she grabs onto the counter and moans my name. She clenches around me and I get two more pumps in before I'm coming inside her.
“Thank you,” she breathes. “You have no idea how much I needed that. How much I needed to lose myself in you.”
I almost laugh because I'm pretty sure I should be thanking her for that experience. I pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. “You never have to thank me for that. Besides, I needed it just as much, maybe even more.”
I pull back the covers and curl up beside her. “I love you,” she whispers before she drifts off to sleep.
I kiss the spot over her heart. “I love you,” I say before I stand up and reach for my cell phone.
I step out into the hallway and dial Ford's number. He answers on the third ring. “I want to talk about that deal.”