We walked barefoot in the cool sand, Finn’s injured hand still in mine.
“I ruined our dinner,” Finn said.
I shook my head. “Mark ruined it.”
He didn’t answer, just squeezed my fingers.
“You don’t like talking about him,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not that. No, I don’t like talking about him but it’s more than that. I don’t like hearing his name when you say it. It sounds painful, like you can barely get it out, and I know it hurts you.” Finn stopped, turning to face me as a breeze blew my hair around my shoulders. He brushed a strand from my neck. “I also don’t like not knowing. You keep it all in. I imagine the worst. And I think…talking about it might help you.”
I pressed a hand to my chest, anxiety already making my breath constrict. Finn clasped my hand in his, curling my fingers into his palm.
“You don’t have to,” he murmured.
I swallowed, my eyes dipping to his collarbone, afraid to meet his gaze head on. “Yes, I do.”
He waited. My throat dried. Finally, I said, “Can we walk and talk?”
I couldn’t stand there while he looked at me, saw my face as I remembered what Mark had put me through. It made me feel weak and reliving it made me feel vulnerable.
Finn took the side closest to the ocean. Every few moments I felt the spray of water as it almost reached our feet.
“There was a party,” I began, keeping my voice as even as possible. “One of Mark’s work parties. He had them every few months and…at first, I enjoyed going.” I smiled at Finn. “It sort of reminded me of those elaborate parties your mom used to throw, though not nearly as classy.”
His lips moved in a smile as he glanced over. His fingers tightened around mine, encouraging me to continue.
“I, uh…” I looked away. “I was late that night. Traffic and a late day at work and I—I just lost track of time.” And I’d remember panicking all the way to the party, knowing Mark would be disappointed in me. “I met Mark at the party and he”—I shrugged—“he was upset, but he never let anyone else see that. I could see it in the tightness of his smile, and tell by the way he’d grip my arm, hard enough to leave bruises.”
Finn’s shoulders tensed. I moved on. He didn’t need to know how cold Mark had been to me all night or the things he’d muttered under his breath.
“When we got home—we’d been living together a while at that point—I…” My voice broke because this was the part I was the most ashamed of. “I begged him to understand. And I—he said if I loved him, I wouldn’t have kept him waiting.”
Finn made a noise of anger under his breath.
I nodded. “I know. I know. I actually felt bad. I kept—I kept apologizing and…” A tear escaped, racing down my cheek and dropping from my chin. Finn slowed down, but I pulled his hand to keep walking. “He pulled off his tie. I thought—I don’t know—that he wasn’t going to do anything. He’d hit me before. That was the way he handled it. Always. Or up until that point.”
“Charlotte,” Finn said, stopping again. His face was tortured, anger mixed with anguish in his eyes. “Why…?”
He shook his head, but I already knew what he was going to say.
“It’s all right. You want to know why I didn’t do anything, don’t you? Why I didn’t leave him or tell my family or tell anyone?”
“I know you were scared of him.”
Water raced up the shore and this time touched the side of my foot. It was cold enough to make my breath catch. But I stayed where I was.
“Yes, I was scared of him. And I was scared of what he’d do to my family. I was scared that no one would believe me because Mark was such a…charismatic guy. He had a lot of friends. People listened when he talked. There were reasons,” I said, “lots of reasons. But still…I wish I’d done something sooner. That night when he—when he put that tie around my neck—I thought it was over. I thought…this is it, he’s finally going to kill me. And I wished I’d done something before that.” Another tear escaped, and then a whole flood. “I wished I’d called the police or at least tried. I—I—”
“Shh,” Finn said, wrapping his arms around me. “It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. As I sobbed on Finn’s shoulder, I kept thinking to myself, It’s not okay, it’s not okay, because Mark was still out there, and now John was out there, and I tensed every time I saw a red rose, and my stomach twisted every time I saw a red tie. I was afraid to answer my phone and afraid to be in my apartment alone. That was not okay.
Finn ran his hand down my hair, then rubbed in slow circles on my back as my breath caught and released.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said firmly.
“I shouldn’t—” I hitched in another breath. “This isn’t me. Or it wasn’t. You know that, Finn. I wasn’t…” I looked up at his face, trying to find the right words. “I was independent and strong. I chose my own way. And yeah, that sort of happened to be where you were going usually, but I didn’t let people walk all over me.”
He nodded. “I know. And I loved that about you. I still love that about you.”
“But that’s not me anymore.” My shoulders lifted and fell in a shrug. “After college and after we—after we broke up—I jumped into that new life and that new way of thinking too fast.”
Finn stared off into the distance, eyes far away as he watched something over my head. “It probably felt good to be with someone who wasn’t like me. After what I did...”
“That’s what it was,” I said honestly. “I wanted the opposite. I liked that Mark wanted me around all the time. That he was quick to tell me he loved me and wanted me to move in and go everywhere with him. And I was already deep into it when I saw the signs and saw the other side of him.” I touched Finn’s cheek. “It was a mistake.”
“You were moving on. I understand.”
“Hey,” I whispered, kissing his jaw. “Look at me.”
He drew his gaze from whatever he’d been staring at and met my eyes. There was a storm brewing deep inside, and I wanted to ease that. But then I checked that part of me. I couldn’t fix everything. Everyone needed to work through their own issues.
“I didn’t tell you any of this to make you feel bad,” I said. “But I felt like I needed to. So you know where I’m coming from. And so, maybe…maybe I can move on in a healthier way than I tried to before.”
Finn clasped my hands in his and brought them to his lips. He kissed my knuckles. “Thank you for telling me. How are you feeling?”
“Tired.” I sighed and gave him a smile. “Relieved. Frustrated. Hopeful.”
His eyes lit with amusement. “All that?”
“And more,” I murmured, wrapping my arms around Finn’s waist. “But mostly I’m just happy I can be here with you. Without holding back.”
His lips touched my temple. I tipped my chin up so I could catch his mouth as it lowered. Sliding my hand to the back of his head, I squeezed my fingers in his hair. A thrill ran through me at his low groan of pleasure. Tangling my tongue with his, I angled my head and leaned up on my toes so our bodies were flush.
“Charlotte,” Finn mumbled, breaking from the kiss. “We should go back.”
My lips curved. “Why? You don’t like public displays of affection?”
I ran my fingers down his chest and lingered on his abdomen, just above the button to his pants. Finn grabbed my hand with a laugh.
“That’s the least of my worries. In case you haven’t noticed, I have trouble keeping my hands off you and I don’t care who knows it.”
I stepped back from him, still smiling, and curled a finger. “Then come put your hands on me.”
His growl was pure male. One of challenge and longing, and it made need quiver in my belly. But I didn’t miss Finn’s quick glance around as he took a step in my direction.
I sobered immediately. “You’re worried he’s out there.”
“No.” Finn shook his head, reaching for me. “We’re safe. Dustin swept the area. He made sure we weren’t followed. We’re fine.”
I frowned. “You’re still worried.”
“I’m not.”
“Then kiss me.”
Surprise flickered on his face. He held my gaze, taking deliberate steps until he reached me. Without warning, he yanked me hard against his body, mouth finding mine before I could even gasp his name. His fingers plunged into my hair, angling my head so his tongue could plunder.
He strained between us, his arousal so evident it was making me throb with need.
“Finn,” I whispered when there was a breath of space between us.
His voice was husky when answered. “Let’s go back.”
I blinked. “No.”
His heart still hammering against mine, body pressed close, he met my eyes. “What?”
I broke free, shaking my head. “No. I’m not going back right now.”
“Charlotte—”
“Don’t.” I held up a hand, stopping him from coming any closer. Water lapped around my feet, and I watched it sparkle as the moon reflected in it. “I ran, Finn. I ran from Mark and I hid and he still found me. I don’t want to keep running.”
“It’s not running,” Finn murmured.
“It’s not living either. I’m ready to live my life.” I turned and faced the shore, lifting my arms. “You hear me?” I yelled, raising my voice above the sound of the waves. “I’m not running!”
When I looked at Finn again, a thousand emotions rushed across his face. With a laugh, I said, “You can go back whenever you’d like. As for me, I’m going to stay out a while longer.”
I didn’t wait for an answer, only dashed down the beach, my feet splashing in the water. More laughter bubbled up in my chest and I let it out. A long roll, like the waves, rushing through me and making me feel lighter than I’d felt all week.
I yelped when arms caught me around my waist. Finn spun me around, and then my breath whooshed out when he bent to catch me at my thighs and hauled me over his shoulder.
“Finn!” I squealed.
He held tight, turning back in the direction we’d come. “I just want you safe.”
When he started toward our hotel, I squirmed in his grasp. “Don’t you dare!”
He stopped, allowing me to prop my hands on his shoulders. “Charlotte.”
“Finn,” I said, matching his tone. “I’m living my life.”
I still couldn’t see his face but I felt the air as he released a long sigh. Then he said, “Okay, you asked for it.”
Instead of heading back, he charged straight for the ocean. Water splashed at his ankles, then his knees and thighs until he plunged us in fully.
I shrieked at the shock of cold all over my body. And then gasped when a wave hit me from behind, knocking my legs from underneath me.
Finn hauled me up against him. “I’ve got you.”
Laughing, I clung to Finn as another wave crashed into us. My teeth started chattering. “I didn’t know living my life would be so cold.”
He grinned. “I’ll warm you up.”
He held me close enough to steal my breath, turning his back to the waves so they hit him instead of me as he kissed me long and hard. His tongue mingled with mine, an urgency there that made me lose all rational thought.
My hands found his chest and then I yanked at his shirt, eager to get at bare skin. He pulled it off for me and, without a thought, tossed it in the water.
With another shiver that was more out of anticipation than cold, I took Finn’s hands, pressing them to my breasts. His eyes darkened with pleasure as he squeezed through the thin, wet fabric, teasing my nipples and sending a ripple of delight through my body.
Then one hand slid lower, under the water, and hiked my dress up. He pulled aside my underwear and captured my moan with his mouth as he thrust two fingers inside of me. My body arched to his as he moved in and out, and then added his thumb to swirl and rub my clit.
My body shuddered when the orgasm hit me. I clasped my arms around his neck and held on tight, my mouth at his shoulder to muffle my groan.
“Oh, God.” His fingers didn’t stop, bringing me to another shattering peak. “Finn, I can’t—”
He drew another deep moan from me before wrapping his arms around my back and supporting my limp body.
Still rolling in sensation, I closed my eyes as Finn kissed my lips, my cheek, my neck. “I love you,” he murmured.
“I love you, too.” I rested my cheek on his chest. “Okay,” I whispered with a smile. “We can go back now.”
He chuckled and lowered me so my feet touched the sand under the water. “I think I lost my shirt.”
With another laugh, I took Finn’s hand and we walked back together.