“Sasha, everything is terrible and nothing is good.” I declared when I came home from class.

“That seems a little dramatic,” she said.

“If you understood, you would agree. My parents are coming to take me out for dinner this weekend.”

“Yeah, you’ve lost me,” she said.

“They’re bringing Sebastian with them,” I sighed.

“Is he the one that your mom is trying to set you up on a date with?”

“It’s worse than that. She constantly refers to him as my future husband and is already talking about wedding plans.”

“That’s messed up. I didn’t think that people still had arranged marriages in this country, but I guess I don’t know what rich people do in their spare time.”

I rolled my eyes at her. My mother has done this before and it’s extremely awkward to go on a double date with a guy you’re not attracted to- and your parents. I was excited to spend some time with my dad, but I was dreading seeing my mom and Sebastian.

Sebastian and I knew each other growing up. Our parents were friends and our mothers always conspired to hook us up. I actually did date him for a while, but there was no spark. We had completely different interests, and I felt like he was always talking over me.

To be honest, I didn’t find him attractive. I try not to be a shallow person, but how can you be in a relationship with someone when you can’t even bear the thought of being intimate with them?

The only reason my mom wanted me to marry him was because he’s going to be a lawyer in a few years. Once he graduates from Harvard Law, he’ll join his father’s firm. I’ve explained to my mom a million times that I don’t need a man’s money to take care of me.

I fully planned on using my degree to get a job after graduation. She scoffs every time I mention working.

“Do you think I can be a housewife?” I asked Sasha.

“Ha, not a chance. You would be bored after a week of sitting around the house.”

“It’s not just that,” I said. “I would also have to spend time with the other housewives. We would have to talk about our vacation homes and our clothes, and how impressive our child is on the violin. The thought of it makes me want to scream.”

“Why don’t you tell your mom that you want nothing to do with Sebastian?” Sasha asked.

“I have. That’s what makes it so frustrating. I tried to date him. It just didn’t work out.”

“Does he know that it’s not going to work out?”

“Sebastian?” I asked. “I hope so. I assume he’s just coming to dinner to appease his annoying mother, too.”

“What if he’s in love with you?” Sasha asked.

“He probably is, but that doesn’t mean I want anything to do with him.” We both laughed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to have babies with Sebastian and never work a day in your life? Maybe you should introduce me to Sebastian.” Sasha teased.

“Gross,” I laughed. “That baby would come out of the womb, already dressed in a three-piece suit with gold cufflinks. I want kids, but just not with him.”

Life with Sebastian would be easy. I would never have to worry about money.

All of my material possessions were handed to me. I wasn’t sure if I fully understood what it was like not to have unlimited funds to do whatever I wanted. I didn’t consider myself to be as materialistic as my mother, but I had never lived a “normal” life, either.

What if I was like an animal in a zoo, and my mother was trying to keep me in captivity, because she knew I wouldn’t survive in the wild? I tried to shake that thought out of my head.

In a way, I felt bad for Sebastian, too. He wasn’t a bad guy, and he probably found these encounters to be pretty awkward as well. I had a suspicion he wasn’t over me, which made it seem especially cruel that I continued to turn him down.

There was a time where I could have had feelings for him. One summer, during high school, we talked while in the Hamptons with our families. I had just caught my boyfriend cheating on me, and I was devastated.

He found me alone one night at the beach, crying about that stupid boy who had broken my heart. He was older and more mature than any of the boys I hung around. He told me that I shouldn’t let men have such a negative effect on me, and comforted me as I cried.

I will always be grateful for what he told me that night, but things just didn’t work out between us. I didn’t love him now, and I didn’t know if I ever would. I can’t risk being trapped in a passionless marriage for the rest of my life, even if it means I would have financial security and social status.

“Sasha, what should I do about this dinner? Can I just call them the day of and tell them I’m sick?”

“Not unless you want them pounding on our door,” she replied.

“I just have a bad feeling about it,” I said.

“No one can force you to marry anyone you don’t want to. Just eat your caviar or whatever you people eat, and stand your ground.”

I wasn’t so sure she was right about that. She had never fought with my mother. My mom always got her way. She’s a woman who knows what she wants, and will not stop fighting until she has it. It would be an admirable quality, if she didn’t use it to control my life.

When I was younger, my mom demanded that I take part in the debutante ball. According to her, it was just a natural part of life, like puberty or old age. I didn’t want to do it, because their dance and etiquette classes conflicted with my gymnastics class. I wanted to be the best cheerleader, and couldn’t have cared less about being presented as a part of her society.

After weeks of fighting, I found out that she anonymously reported some sort of health and safety violation at my gym, and it was closed for renovation for months. Just enough time to take part in the activity she chose for me. She’s a smart woman, but I’m a little scared of her power over me.

The only reason she was ever remotely okay with me being a cheerleader is because it often attracts the attention of men. To even get on the team, you have to be slim and muscular enough to perform the stunts, while still looking good in the uniform.

You also have to be pretty enough to be shown on television. She didn’t like the idea of me going to college to get a real education, but if I had to be here, she wanted me to get as much male attention as I could.

“You have the weirdest problems,” Sasha said as she looked up from one of her textbooks. “Too many boys like you, and your rich parents give you too much money in exchange for wanting to marry you off to a rich husband.”

“Trust me,” I said. “You would see it differently if it was your reality.”

I hadn’t thought about Martin until that moment. My mom would have a stroke if she saw me with a guy like that. He probably came from a boring, middle-class family with no vacation homes or boats. I bet they didn’t even own horses. It would be a dream to watch my mother’s expression if I even mentioned seeing a boy of his caliber.

But not Martin. Maybe someone like him, but not that particular boy. I didn’t want to think about him, but everything reminded me of the night of the football game. I thought about responding to the text he sent me during class, but I didn’t know what to say. I can’t just tell him that I’m ignoring him to protect myself.

That makes me look like a terrible person. I can’t tell him how embarrassed I am because I’m Alexa Hall. I don’t like to be wrong about anything and I certainly can’t appear vulnerable.

I mostly felt confused because I didn’t even like Martin. I shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed or upset in any way. If I didn’t like him, where was all of this coming from? I put on my headphones in an attempt to block out the conflicting thoughts with music. I picked up a book and tried not to think about boys or my mother or my future as a housewife. Maybe Sasha was right—I do have the weirdest problems.