“Are you awake?” I opened my eyes and peered into the darkness of my room. Marcus’s warm body curled around my backside, and I could feel his fast and heavy heartbeat against my back.

As I turned to face my crush, everything felt light, almost like a dream but not quite. I had him. I finally had him near me, and this time, he wasn’t leaving.

“I am now,” I whispered. “What time is it?”

The first thing I could see in the darkness was his pretty lips. Then, the sparkle of his green eyes reflected against the light emanating from my alarm clock. “It’s almost nine in the morning,” he whispered.

“Shit. Okay. I’m awake.”

Running my thumb over his soft skin, I pulled him in closer to me and kissed each lip. In the heat of my passions, I raised my body on top of his, kissing down to his neck, pausing only when my lips touched the ripples of his abdomen.

“Sawyer,” he moaned. “Wait. Just wait a second.”

I let go of the bottom of his shirt and let my breathing cool down. I wanted him so fucking badly. “What? What’s wrong?” I asked.

Marcus switched the light on. “I think I’m going to quit the force.”

My eyes widened. “Quit the force? But Marcus, this is a part of your life. Policing is in your blood.”

Marcus trailed a finger across my chest, stopping above my heart. “I don’t want to work for an organization that forces me to hide who I am,” I said. “They’d drop me in a second if they found out we were an item.”

“They’d really drop you?” I asked.

Marcus laughed. “They do it all the time. Years ago, there was a guy who got pregnant. They gave him six months pay and showed him the door,” he said.

I found myself thinking about us, and our future. The first time I saw Marcus, I knew I’d develop a giant crush on him, but his policing quickly got in the way. If Marcus was going to change, I could be there for him, every step of the way. But I didn’t want him to throw away his dreams because of me.

“Do you remember when we first met?” I asked.

The snow fell heavy that year, but what I remembered most was the dark green pattern that governed the rest of his eyes. The way he looked at me, his smile so bright and welcoming, caused me to go weak in the knees. There wasn’t an officer in the world who could look at a freak like me and make me feel special. I had to say something.

So, I did. “I remember. You moved to the city a month before. You were practically freezing to death. If I hadn’t acted, you might’ve never gotten home,” Marcus said.

“That’s not exactly what happened. I called out to you first, remember?”

Laughing, I remembered the outfit I wore at the time, a mesh tank top with shorts. I had just gotten out of a kink party, so I had glitter hanging off my sweaty body. When we locked eyes, I thought he was going to harass me. Instead, he provided me with warmth.

“Shit, I forgot about that,” Marcus said, suddenly remembering. “If I can recall correctly, you called me the hottest piece of meat on the New York streets. That’s a ballsy move, Sawyer.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t cuff me right there,” I said.

“Yeah, well… Maybe I wanted you to cuff me. I wanted to wait until we got some alone time first,” he said.

So much time had passed since those days. I hired Marcus to act as security for all of my flat’s parties. On an off night, he’d come into the bar and have a drink with Theo and me. Two years felt like a lifetime to me now. So much had changed, but I knew it was all for the better.

We had each other. That’s all that mattered.

“Marcus, I’ve been waiting for you to come around for two years. I’m not running away from this,” I said.

“This time, you can count on me,” he said, kissing my shoulder blade.

I rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom to fill up a glass of tap water. Swallowing down the warm liquid, I groaned and closed my eyes. “Marcus. Don’t quit,” I suddenly said.

Standing up, he turned to face me. “But why? I thought that’s what you wanted. Besides, it’s probably better for everyone if we do.”

When I left the bathroom, I felt pressed to think about my own life and what it represented. There wasn’t a whole lot I had accomplished. I didn’t even have a job anymore. My dream of owning a bar in the city had come and gone so fast. Part of me felt like a total failure.

Still, there was a voice inside of my head that told me I could turn things around. My family needed me to help them, and I knew that the case he was involved in might help find who was producing the drugs on such a massive scale.

Standing tall, while looking in the bathroom mirror, I turned off the running water and inhaled deeply. “I want you to bring those opiate manufacturers down,” I said.

“Sawyer, there’s not much I can do. If the chief thinks we got the guy, then we got the guy,” Marcus said.

The odds were against us winning on this bet, but Marcus had a fire inside of him. If anyone could take these guys down, it was him. “You’re the only one capable of ending this,” I said. “And I know how much that promotion means to you.”

His voice lowered. “You mean to my father.”

I sat down next to Marcus and looked into his green eyes. I couldn’t begin to pretend to know what he had to go through with an overbearing father figure. I had the opposite problem. Mine was nowhere to be found.

“We’ll figure this out together. It’s a big case, but if we stick to the obvious clues, we can solve it,” I said.

However, before Marcus could reply, my door opened. Without knocking, Matthew walked inside. “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but dad wants to see you.”

I felt the intense vibration of shock run through my chest down to my arms. “So, the bastard is back? I didn’t see him come home last night,” I said.

Matthew laughed knowingly. “That’s because he just walked in. Anyway, breakfast is on the table if you want it.”

“Matthew, wait,” I said, waving him back inside.

Matthew stopped. He cracked a smile, but it quickly faded when he realized I was going to ask him something serious. “What do you want, dude? Dad is here. Isn’t that all that matters to you? Now, you can run back to the city and tie your ropes, or whatever it is that you do.”

“I’m a bartender, Matthew,” I said.

Face turning severe, I closed the door and lowered my voice. “Look, you’re my brother. I’m not leaving you behind again. You hear me?”

Matthew swallowed, but the rest of his body kept stationary. “I don’t believe you,” he said. “I don’t believe anyone anymore.”

“I know you’ve been let down before. Just try and trust me this time,” I said.

Without responding, Matthew reached into his pocket. Inside was a small pill bottle. He tossed it in my hand. “Both of them have changed, Sawyer,” he said.

Handing the bottle over to Marcus, I watched as his eyes scrolled over the name. “This is the same false name as the other bottle. Where are you getting these?”

Matthew shrugged, and he sat down on a chair across from the bed, exhausted. “Sometimes, it’s like I don’t even exist,” he said.

“When you take the pills?” I asked him.

His eyes turned severe. “I’ve never taken a pill in my life. I know what they do to you,” he said.

“Your dad… does he leave you a lot?” Marcus asked.

Nodding, Matthew gazed at the stained carpet. “A few times, but never for this long,” my brother said. “You’re getting close, officer.”

Marcus suddenly looked worried. Standing up, he headed for the door, but I stopped him. “Sawyer, I don’t think I should pry into your family’s problems. Maybe I should make the trek back to the city now before it gets too late,” Marcus said.

I didn’t want him to leave. Not after us patching things up. Taking his hand, I kissed the rough edges of his knuckles. “Please stay. Things are going to get better for my family someday. They have to. It’s important they meet you,” I said.

Matthew couldn’t take it anymore. After seeing me kiss Marcus’s hands, he ran to the door but paused as soon as his hand enclosed around the silver knob. “It’s dad,” he said. “He makes me do it.”

I looked over at Marcus and gasped, unsure how to even process what he just said. I walked behind him and put my hands over his chest and shoulders, pulling him into me. “Matthew, what are you talking about? What does he make you do?”

But I knew almost instantly. Dad used to make me go on runs to pick up his alcohol for him. Now, he was using the only son he had left to score some pills. When Matthew didn’t give me a response, I felt the rage consume me.

“That’s it. I’m going to kick his ass,” I snarled.

“Sawyer, don’t you dare. Let’s hear what your brother has to say first,” Marcus said.

Matthew broke down. “They’ll kill me if I tell you,” he cried.

Marcus tried to remain neutral, but I could see that he was also putting two and two together. And all of this came back to his case. Nothing had been solved.

“You have to tell us what’s going on. Otherwise, we can’t help you, Matthew. Who is ‘they,’ and what does your dad make you do? Do you buy the drugs?”

I lowered myself to the floor and pleaded with him to tell me. After a few seconds of heavy breathing, Matthew whispered, “It started with that. I’d go into the suburbs to score for him. It was pretty easy too. There was a doctor here. He had the best prices in town,” he said. “Dad never paid much attention to me before, but he sure did after that. I was like his golden fucking son.”

“What happened after that? Why’d I catch you in the city?” Marcus asked.

“Marcus, that’s enough,” I said.

“It’s okay. It’s all out in the open, anyway, right?” Matthew seemed to be on a quest to clear his conscience. “All I know is that something happened with that doctor. They found him, dead from those pills,” he said.

“And you…” Marcus cleared his throat before continuing. “You think that he was killed? That’s a pretty big charge, Matthew.”

“You know that guy in your department, Derrick Fulton? He was the one on the case,” Matthew said.

I watched as Marcus’s face turned white. “But that’s not his jurisdiction,” he whispered. Something seemed to click inside of his head.

“It was him. I recognize his eyes. There’s a darkness inside of those eyes,” Matthew said.

Marcus looked down in thought. “So, that’s why they transferred him into my unit,” he whispered. “That’s why he’s been against me looking into everything.”

“They don’t want you to know,” Matthew said, tears rolling down his cheeks. “They’re not here to help us, Sawyer. None of them are. Not our parents, not the police, not the government.”

Matthew pulled away from me and reached into his pocket, wrist length. He pulled out an officer’s badge and held it up to Marcus. “Matthew, who’s badge is that?” I asked.

Silently, Marcus took it into his hand and looked at it as if it was a piece of gold. “It’s Derrick Fulton’s badge. Jesus Christ, it’s his badge. Where did you get this, Matthew?”

“I told you I wasn’t lying,” he said. That’s when I noticed the blood on the side of the badge. “I found it near the creek. Then, I saw a piece of that doctor’s clothing in the water nearby. That’s where he had to have killed him.”

“I need to phone this in,” Marcus said with alarm. “I need to make sure this gets investigated. I… fuck!”

Marcus bit his lip until a speck of blood was visible. Drawing his tongue across the small wound, he grimaced. “East Side Jimmy was right,” he said.

“The guy you caught in the raids?” I asked.

Nodding, he went on. “When we caught him, he said something in my ear. ‘They walk in plain sight.’ I should have known what he was telling me.”

Not all of law enforcement had been compromised, but it was impossible to know who was left to trust. I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time. I hugged him as tightly as I could, making sure he knew I was there for him. “We need to leave this place. All of us. Together,” I said.

“Dad will call the police if he doesn’t get his stash. He gets really sick,” he said.

His tears soaked into the front of my shirt. For the first time in years, I kissed the top of his head. “Let him call the police. They won’t find us in the city. I know someone who can help us out,” I said.

“Who?” Marcus asked.

“You remember Theo?” I asked. “He owns the old Sixty-Six Bar.” Marcus nodded. Theo was a good guy. He’d help us out until we could get back on our feet again.

Before we could go over the plan, the three of us heard the heavy footsteps of my father, moving closer to the hallway. “Okay. We’ll leave after breakfast. Got it?”

“Got it.”

As soon as I opened the door, I saw him. His clothes were soaked with sweat, and his hair was long and stringy. The brightness of his eyes had faded since I had last seen him.

It nearly broke me to see him again, but as soon as I saw his smile curl against his cheek, I knew it was time to go. “Dad. You’re back.”

The loud and idyllic music from a soap opera blared from the television my mother never turned off. My brother quickly grabbed his plate of food and walked into the living room, away from the disaster that was sure to come.

Lifting the hair from his eyes, my father squinted at me. “I heard you were back. Did you come here to stir shit up?” he asked. A loud and unsettling cackle left his throat.

“I came back to help you,” I said, honestly. “You need help, dad. Both you and mom need it. If you let me, I’ll pay for your treatment. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you better.”

Another short laugh came from his toothless mouth. “Make me better? I never thought I’d hear that come from your mouth, boy. If you’re here to take my money, you’re lookin’ in the wrong place,” he said.

Marcus stepped forward. “He doesn’t want your money.” Angrily, he walked past my dad, checking his shoulder into the wall.

My parents loved to play the victim card, so naturally, he grabbed his shoulder and winced with pain. “Who the hell is that nuisance?”

I ignored him and walked past him until I found myself sitting next to my mother and Marcus at the kitchen table. The tension was high, and I had a horrible feeling it was only going to continue to grow.

“Mom said you had packed your shit again. She needed help with Matthew. But I guess if you’re back, you won’t be needing me. I’ll leave today,” I said.

“Like hell, I did,” my mother scowled. None of her food had been touched, and her eyes never left the television set. The whole time, Matthew was curled against the side of the couch, firmly eyeing his escape route to my car.

“Believe it or not, I’m not here to argue,” I said. “If you don’t want to get treatment, I’m leaving. You won’t get to see me again.”

My father leaned over his plate of eggs and pointed a shaking finger at me. “I knew that city would turn you rotten. A man can’t run away from his past, Sawyer. The truth always comes back to haunt him.”

Suddenly, my posture felt stiff and rigid. The cold shock hit me in the center of my chest. The accident. Fuck. “I knew it. You blame me for what happened,” I said.

“You still got that same look in your eyes as the one you had when you left,” my father said. “We should have given you up years ago.”

My father’s words hurt, but he was destined to drive them in even harder. Pursing his lips, he spat clear across the table. The glob of saliva hit me straight on the cheek.

Calmly, I stood up and wiped my face clean. I tossed the napkin onto the table and looked at my father before Marcus and my brother could react. My mother was absent. According to her, whatever my father did or said was fine.

“Come on, Marcus,” I said. “I think it’s time to go. Matthew, can you help me with one of my bags?”

“Sure thing,” Matthew replied.

My father didn’t say another word. I gathered my things without looking back. Part of me thought we could right our wrongs as a family and put the past behind us. While packing my bags, I realized how stupid I was to believe that.

As I zipped my bags, Marcus put his hand on mine and stopped me. “It’s not your fault,” he said. “Whatever happened… you can’t blame yourself.”

“You don’t know what happened.” I pulled away from him and headed out the front door.

“Go on. Get movin’,” my father said.

I shut the door behind Marcus and Matthew, shaking my head. “Someday, they’ll get the treatment they need,” Marcus said.

“Who cares? I’ll see you in the city,” I said.