Cuba
Fuck. My. Life.
The moment Cam told me he saw Bliss and that she saw me, and was not looking very happy seeing Angela’s hand on me. Now I feel like crap because I ignored her text and then she sees me here. It’s not like I’m here with just Angela, I’m here with a group of people. I didn’t bring anyone, I drove here solo. I made it my mission to sit on the opposite side of Angela, she already asked if the rumor was true, did I in fact have a girlfriend? She didn’t like my answer, but she clearly wasn’t taking it for an answer. Ash, understandably, didn’t want to spend his birthday with no female company, but did she have to bring her meal-ticket scheming friends?
I stare at my phone, trying to decide if I should text her back and act like I have no idea she’s here. I’m ashamed to admit I acted like a child when she wouldn’t come with me and ditch her dinner with her dad. It’s a scary feeling, what I feel for her, what I have been feeling for her. So now I’m sitting here thinking of what I should do, she’s not happy with me, and I can’t have that.
“Damn, just go over there,” Cam says taking a drink of his beer. “You’re like seventh wheel anyway.”
I’ve never been the wheel of anything and I don’t even care. I look to Ash and he just laughs.
“I never thought I would see the day.” He smiles. “Man, just go, but come back to do a shot with me.”
Angela pouts next to him, throwing her red hair over her bare shoulder. “You’re no fun.”
I don’t hesitate, sliding out of the booth. “Oh, he’s fun just not with you.” Cam smirks and she flips him off.
“I’ll be back for that shot,” I tell Ash before going to look for my girlfriend. Then I remember she’s with her dad. I’ve never met the dad of anyone I was sleeping with, let alone dating. I do a quick scan of my outfit. Just a grey short sleeve button up, black jeans, and my favorite pair of black and grey Jordan’s. I debate on tucking my gold chain in and taking the diamond studs out of my ear. I’m thinking too much into it, fuck, I should just turn around join my friends and send her a quick text saying sorry.
No, go to her, my mind whispers and my feet are moving. My heart is pumping like crazy, and I wish I could have had a drink at least.
I round the oval bar in the middle of the restaurant, and I can already hear her laugh and it makes me smile. I know I look like a creep glancing into all the booths as I pass. I hear her again and I stop in front of the last booth. A pair of grey and brown eyes meet me.
“Cuba?” Bliss blinks up at me surprised, even though she knew I was here.
“Hey, Arrow.” I smile.
Her dad coughs and Bliss looks away. “Dad, this Cuba Knight,” she says. “Cuba, this is my dad, Keith.”
Nervously, I hold my hand out and he shakes it, firm and defined as his eyes take in my tattooed arms. I never cared what anyone thought of my ink until now, I care what he thinks. I need him to like me.
“Mr. McQueen, it’s nice to meet you.” I try to take my hand from his grip, but he keeps shaking it slowly.
“Call me Keith,” he says. “You look familiar, you play ball?” He finally lets my hand go.
I nod. “Yeah, I play basketball for state.” My hands are sweating. Calm down, C.
Keith snaps his fingers. “Yes, I heard you were back. I bet the team is glad. About time you guys get that trophy.”
“I feel the same way,” I say and look over to Bliss who is avoiding eye contact with me. She doesn’t want him to know about us.
“Have a seat, Cuba,” he tells me, and motions for his daughter to move over.
She does, and I slide in next to her. “I don’t mean to intrude.”
He waves me off. “Nonsense, I should meet her boyfriend.” He chuckles. “I’m not blind. Either you’re her boyfriend or friend with benefits. I’m hoping it’s the first one.”
I don’t even give Bliss a chance to sideline this. “Definitely the first.” First for me anyways.
She nudges me, but the waitress appears with their drinks and asks if I will be ordering. Keith urges me to order something and have dinner with them. I glance at Bliss who gives me a small nod. I order my food and a drink, non-alcoholic of course, with a smile.
Keith looks to me to say something but his phone rings in his pocket and he reluctantly takes it out, he sighs while putting the phone to his ear. “McQueen,” he says and listens. “Hold on, Jack.”
Her dad winces. “Sorry, I have to take this, I’ll be right back.” He’s not looking at us, he’s looking at her.
Bliss smiles and nods. “Of course.”
Keith nods and slips out, talking into the phone on the way to the door.
“So,” I say turning to look at her. “Are you mad?”
She shakes her head and smiles. “At first, I was freaking out inside, I didn’t think you would have the nerve.”
I laugh. “I almost chickened out back there, but I really wanted to see you.” I take her hand. “I’m sorry I acted like a two-year-old earlier. This is new to me, Arrow.”
She nods. “It’s okay. Just don’t ignore me again,” she tells me. “I really don’t like to be ignored.”
“Deal.” I lean over and press my lips to hers giving her a quick kiss. “I won’t ignore you.”
“Good.” She smiles against my lips. “But I don’t like other girls touching you.”
I can’t help but let my smile grow, I swear I haven’t smiled this much in a long time. “I like you jealous, baby. But you have nothing to worry about, I don’t see anyone but you.”
“There you go again, telling me what you tell all the pretty girls.”
I pull my face from hers and look into those stormy eyes. “Like I said earlier, you’re the only pretty girl I know.”
Bliss huffs out a short laugh and shakes her head. “I know you’re new at this, but don’t make me fall for you if you aren’t able to catch me.”
I frown, confused, and I want to ask her what she means but Keith is back apologizing for the call but it’s the case he’s working on. I put it together that he is a lawyer because he doesn’t give me detective vibes, and he keeps saying words like ‘jury’ and ‘the defense’. Our food comes, and, for the most part, we eat in silence. Turns out Keith likes basketball and enjoys watching college ball, he even knows who I am and my stats. He also knows about Jackson, not the dark stuff, just that he passed away. Bliss holds my hand under the table, and I’m grateful that she knows what I need without me showing it or telling her. I talk at the right times and share what my mind will let me when it comes to Jackson. I also tell Keith anytime he wants to come to a game, I’ll get him some family tickets.
“Wait.” He frowns and my stomach drops, it’s as if he’s remembering something, does he know? “You’re Sam Knight’s son?”
That caught me off guard, my dad is a former pro baseball player, he was good, but I wouldn’t say he’s a legend in Los Angeles, even if he’s a legend to me.
“Yeah.” I nod. “That’s my dad.”
Bliss doesn’t seem fazed and I’m going to guess she has already heard that.
“Wow.” He looks to his daughter. “I like him better than the last one, doesn’t seem like your type, though but I like it.”
Guessing the last one was Dex, I’m not sure how to take Keith’s honesty, but I brush it off for later and don’t say anything.
“He’s a lot better, so I guess it’s a good thing I changed it up a little.” Bliss smiles and nudges me. I nudge her back.
He smiles. “Like I said, I like it.”
We spend another twenty minutes finishing our burgers and fries, and Keith pays the bill after I offered to pay for it. He laughed and said he’s glad chivalry isn’t dead, because his princess deserved it. Bliss blushes but I know it’s true. I’m determined to not fuck this up.
My phone vibrates, and I pull it out as we stand.
Ash: Come on, time for bday shots, bitch!
I can’t tell her dad I have to take a shot for my friends’ birthday when he knows I drove.
“Hey, Bliss, I have to go say happy birthday to Ash,” I tell them when we reach the front, I’m not sure what she plans on doing. Is she going to act like she’s going home?
Instead she smiles. “Oh yeah, he’s here. I’ll come with you.” She looks to her dad. “I’ll see you next week?”
He smiles. “Of course, baby girl. Text me when you get where you’re going tonight.” He looks to me and back to her.
Damn, Keith isn’t playing; he wants me to know that he knows what we are up to.
After he kisses her cheek and says goodbye, I take her hand and walk us over to where the group is seated. Ash’s green eyes light up.
“Look who’s here and alive.” He smiles at Bliss, but it rubs me the wrong way, knowing it could have been worse.
She doesn’t seem to mind sliding in next to Cam and I sit across from her by JR, one of our teammates. “Happy Birthday Ash,” she says and smiles.
“What about me?” Cam nudges her and winks. Here he goes with the winking shit again.
“Hey Cam.” Bliss rolls her eyes but doesn’t drop the smile.
Right on time, a waitress comes up with a tray full of shots, seems to be tequila from the salt and limes. Bliss scrunches up her face as the shots are given out.
“Babe, you don’t have to take it,” I tell her.
“I’ll take hers,” Angela purrs. “I can handle it.”
Ignoring her, I keep my eyes on Bliss, but she shakes her head. “It’s fine.” Either she didn’t hear Angela or she’s ignoring her like I am.
Bliss smiles and grabs my hand across the table, but I’m caught off guard when she licks the space between my thumb and index finger. Next she shakes the salt on my slick skin, with her eyes never leaving mine, she leans down and licks the salt off of me and tosses her shot back, slowly sucking on her lime after. I think my dick just twitched.
“Damn, I need a girlfriend,” JR mummers next to me.
“Hell yeah,” Ash and Cam say in unison.
I blink into focus, grab my shot, and toss it back. “Happy birthday man,” I tell Ash. “We have to go, see you at practice tomorrow.”
They laugh but I’m serious. Bliss still hasn’t looked away, and I can’t either. Damn, I’m so fucked.
“Cuba,” he says, and I spin toward him, ready for the ball to land in my hands the moment he launches it at me.
My feet are moving, but it feels like I’m floating, although I can hear my shoes pounding against the wood floor. I don’t see anything, I don’t hear anything, just tunnel vision to the hoop. The ball bounces from hand to hand as I close in on my mark. Then I feel it, the moment his body drops, now I hear his name called, and I’m skidding to a halt.
I turn toward the commotion, and then I see him. Jackson is on the ground, gasping for air.
The ball drops from my hand, rolling away as I run toward him.
“Jackson, stop playing, get up,” I tell him once I break through the crowd.
Priscilla glares up at me from where she is sitting on the ground next to him, hold his hand. “Cuba, call for fucking help, he can’t breathe,” she barks at me.
Any other time I would remind her of her place. Her and Jackson aren’t dating, they are fucking. But I let it go and look back to Jackson, who is gasping for breath, his tan skin is turning pale, and his eyes are bulging out.
Cursing under my breath, I scramble to get my phone out of my pocket, fumbling, trying to unlock it. I hit 911 with shaky fingers and put the phone to my ear. My eyes never leaving Jackson.
“911, what’s the address of the emergency?” A male voice comes through.
“Venice beach basketball courts,” I tell him, I don’t know the actual address to anywhere.
“What’s going on?”
I run my hand through my sweaty hair. “We were playing a pick-up game and he just collapsed, he can’t breathe. He’s pale,” I barely get out.
“Okay, sir. I need you to calm down,” he says in a soothing voice. How the hell am I supposed to calm down? Jackson is struggling to breathe. “Help is on the way,” he says. “Do you know how to give CPR in case he stops breathing?”
He’s so calm. I’m sure they have to be to do their job but it’s unnerving. “No.” I shake my head. I look down at Priscilla. “You know CPR?”
Her glossy brown eyes look up and she nods. “Yes.”
“There’s someone here who knows how.”
I can already hear the sirens in the distance and it puts me at ease a little. I hang up without saying thank you and drop to Jackson’s side.
“Hey man, they are on the way.” I try to sound calm, but I know I sound anything but.
He manages to nod through the gasps of air, a tear slips from his eye, and I know he’s scared, shit, of course he’s scared. Jackson is the carefree, live life by the moment kind of guy. Where I’m anti and only talk to people I know, he’s sociable. Everyone loves Jackson, he’s never in a bad mood. But seeing him like this, I can’t take it. I can’t protect him from what is happening, and it makes me angry. I want to shake him and tell him to knock this shit off, it’s not funny. No one is laughing though.
It’s not funny as I’m pushed away from him by the paramedic, it’s not funny as I watch them work over him, strapping on an oxygen mask around his face. It’s not funny as they hurry him onto a stretcher. It’s not funny as the ambulance doors shut in front of my face.
Priscilla is pulling on my arm, and I can’t tear my eyes off the truck, taking my best friend away.
“Cuba, come on. Their taking him to Marina Del Rey.” She’s tugging on me again.
Blinking, I shrug her off my arm and head to the bench, grabbing my car keys. I have to get to him. I need to call our parents, I just need to get to him. Priscilla is on my heels, and I want to snap and tell her that she isn’t riding with me but that will take up too much time, so I let her into my car.
Thankfully, she doesn’t speak to me but instead taps away on her phone and makes calls, who to? I have no idea, because Jackson doesn’t hang out with anyone other than the team and me. I call his parents on my phone through my car, and I’m glad that Priscilla keeps her mouth shut. This is not the way to meet his parents.
Los Angeles traffic seems to be on our side today and we managed to stay close to the ambulance.
They won’t let me go back there with him, say I have to wait in the waiting area. Said I’m not family but I am. I tell them he’s my brother, and he is but they look at my colored skin and tell me, again, that only family can come back right now. Priscilla pulls me back, telling me to calm down and that his parents will be here soon, they’ll let me back. So, I let her lead me to a pair of chairs in the crowded waiting area.
It feels like years have passed until I see Mrs. and Mr. E storm through the emergency room doors, my mom and dad right behind them. I see the questions in their eyes, and all I can do is drop my head while Priscilla fills them in. They don’t know her, I can tell by the look on their faces, they are confused on how she knows their son, but the Emmett’s are too polite to ask her relation to Jackson. My mom, on the other hand, isn’t.
“And who are you?” My mom’s lips press into a line. When it comes to the opposite sex, she is like a scary mama bear, her claws are out.
Priscilla blinks back and glances at me but I ignore her look. “I’m his girlfriend.”
I don’t correct her because I don’t give a fuck. All I care about is my best friend… my brother.
“They wouldn’t let me go with him, said I wasn’t family.” Mrs. E takes no time pulling me up into her arms.
“We’ll get you back there, Cuba,” she promises, then looks over at Priscilla. “Thank you for being here but this is a family matter. Do you need a cab or is there someone that can come to pick you up?”
Priscilla’s cheeks turn red, but she gives her a quick nod and walks away. Good.
His parents go back to their son while mine stay with me. I can hear my mom and dad whispering about what happened, trying to convince themselves it can’t be anything serious, he’s too young. I try to convince myself the same thing, but the sight of him on the ground, turning pale, gasping for air, comes back to me. The tear that escaped his eye makes me overthink. Jackson Emmett was scared. And that alone scared me.
Hours must have passed, and I’m being shaken awake.
“Hey, buddy. He’s waiting to see you.”
I blink up to see Mr. E above me. His blue eyes red and swollen, his blonde hair a mess. I think the worst.
“He’s.” My voice cracks. “He’s not-” I’m cut off.
He shakes his head. “He’s awake and waiting for you.”
I stand and I’m ready to go to him when I realize no one is coming with me. The Emmett’s and my parents are talking quietly, my mom has her hand pressed to her mouth as she listens.
“He’s in room 203, go on back.” Mr. E nods toward the doors.
Something feels off, the tension is thick with emotion, and I can’t place it. My feet drag through the busy sterile hallways, I have always hated hospitals. The smell of them makes my stomach queasy, and I get lightheaded. I reach his door, it’s closed. I knock once and let myself in.
Jackson is laid up in bed, white sheets cover him from the waist down. He’s hooked up to an IV and oxygen, instead of there being a mask he has two little tubes through his nostrils. His blue eyes flick to mine, and he tries to smile but fails.
“Hey man,” he croaks. He tries to motion to the chair next to him, but his arm barely lifts off the bed.
Slowly, I walk to the chair, my eyes never leaving him. The room is cold and stale, and he looks out of place.
He waits for me to sit before saying anything.
“You know you’re my best friend, man, you are like my brother from another mother.” He tries to smile again, and it holds for a second before falling. “Thank you for getting help.”
I try to shrug him off. “With Priscilla yelling at me, I had to.” It’s a poor attempt at lightness. “She told your mom she was your girlfriend.”
He shakes his head lightly. “Priscilla and I are complicated, and now her being my girlfriend is even more slim.”
“Yeah, because I don’t think our moms were impressed with her skimpy shorts and tiny ass shirt.” I mean, I love skimpy clothes as much as the next guy, but I would never bring a girl like her home. Priscilla is captain of the cheerleading squad, she thinks in her little spazzy brain that she is supposed to be with a jock, and rumor is, she slept with half the baseball team.
“Well, that too.” He smirks but turns serious. “I have a tumor on my brain, Cuba.”
He studies me, taking in my reaction. I know he’s not lying although I wish he were. Now the look on his parents’ faces make sense. I try to analyze what he means but, my mind is refusing to.
“They’re going to try and get a sample of it,” he continues. Jackson knows me well enough to know I’m still sorting it out in my head. “They said it’s going to be difficult to get it all out, but hopefully they can get enough to test. It might be cancerous.”
I have to force out a humorless laugh. “Shut the fuck up J, what’s really going on?”
He narrows his eyes. “I’m not joking. I have tumor on my brain and there is a chance it’s cancer.”
A knot forms at the base of my throat, and I can’t swallow. “Jackson, stop playing.” My voice cracks. “Don’t play with me like that. You’re fine, man.” I have to convince myself he’s fine, so I need to convince him too.
Jackson takes a deep breath; his lips press into a thin line. “This is my fucking life, Cuba,” he grits out. “I can die. This isn’t a joke man.”
His blue eyes are glossing over and my heart stops. He can die. But he’s too young. We’re just kids, we just celebrated his twenty-first birthday a few months ago.
“Nah, man. You’re not going to die.” A tear slips down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. “You are not dying, J.”
Jackson chokes back a sob, tears now running down his face. “I don’t want to die.”
Grabbing his hand, I shake my head. “You’re not going to die, man.”
“We have too many girls to fuck, C.” He tries to joke but it falls flat. “We have dreams.”
“And they’re going to come true,” I tell him. “You’re going to be good.”
We fall silent, but I don’t let go of his hand. I let him cry, and I don’t say anything. He doesn’t need me to, he just needs me here. My mind is still trying to process what is happening. But only four words are repeating in my head.
Tumor. Cancerous. Cancer. Die
I jolt up awake, sweat forming on my forehead, with shaky hands I wipe at it with the back of my hand. What the fuck? I haven’t dreamt of that day in months. I rub my eyes, adjusting to the darkness, I’m in my room. Of course, I am, where else would I be?
A hand slides against my bare stomach and I jump back, falling off the edge of my bed. I curse under my breath, trying to balance myself on one hand on the floor.
“Babe, are you okay?” Bliss looks over the edge, her blonde hair in a messy knot on her head. “Babe?” she says again yawning.
Somehow, I manage to get myself on the bed and upright. Bliss is lying on her side looking up at me in the darkness. Grabbing my phone, I see it’s three in the morning, but I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep.
Leaning over, I caress her face and she leans into my touch. “I’m okay, get some sleep.”
She nods slowly as her eyes flicker closed. I watch her for a few more moments before sliding off the bed and heading downstairs. My mind is a mess, I have no idea why these dreams are starting back up, and I would really like them not to, not right now at least.
Falling back on my couch, I rub my face and groan. It doesn’t help I’m surrounded by him. I refused to redecorate or move any of his things because I couldn’t handle the change. I still can’t.
My chest tightens, painfully… I miss him so much. I miss sitting in this very living room playing video games and talking shit. I miss Jackson waking me up at the crack of dawn to make me do an early morning work-out. I just miss him being here, being the good guy to my bad. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I get to move on while he doesn’t. It’s not fair that I’m falling for this great, fucking girl while he will never get to fall for anyone. I get to live out our dreams while he haunts mine. It’s not fucking fair, and I want to scream. I want to hit something.
Balling up my fist, I squeeze my eyes shut, tears escape as I pound into the couch cushions. I hold in my scream, making my chest feel as if it will burst from the pressure.
“Bow.” I hear her before I feel her slide onto my lap, straddling me, her arms wrap around me, and I let her bask me in her warmth. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head against her chest. Her fingers glide against my wet cheeks to dry them.
“Is it about Jackson?” she asks, and I nod. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Again, I shake my head, wrapping my arms tightly around her small waist. Bliss lets me hold her while she embraces me, and I can’t remember the last time I have been this calm since losing Jackson.
I need her, and I hate it.