Cuba
It’s been three days since I left Bliss. I wish I could say I’m surprised that I haven’t heard from her, not one text or call. Nothing. Bliss is not one of those girls out here that will be harassing me for attention or answers. I haven’t even seen her since classes started, but I have seen India, and let’s say she’s not my biggest fan.
Matter of fact, her green eyes are burning holes into me as I pass the cheerleaders on my way to the locker room. I keep my head down even as Priscilla, the captain, calls my name. She hasn’t seen me since she visited Jackson in the hospital, they had broken up a few months before he collapsed, but she was there for him until he banned her from coming to see him, said he couldn’t do that to her. He’s better than me.
I pause at the door to the locker room, I can hear the guys on the other side. My heartbeat quickens, the last time I was here was when I had Bliss for the first time, and before that, when Jackson was alive. Bliss’s words replay in my head, “Start running to him, not from him.”
I might not have given her anything, but she gave me so much, she gave me strength even if she doesn’t know it.
Taking a deep breath, I push the door open and all conversation halts. All eyes are on me, there are some new faces, but for the most part my team is here. Cam is the first one to step forward, then Ash. My jaw ticks nervously, I have no idea what to say. Cam must see this and smiles.
“Well look who it is. I guess you finally got tired of me nagging you.” He walks up to me and holds his hand out.
My lips twitches and I give in, smiling, holding my hand out, and doing our team handshake.
“Are you back, though?” he asks seriously.
I look over to the coach’s open door and back to him. “Only one way to find out.” I shrug.
He nods and steps aside. “We got your back.”
Nodding, I tighten my hold on my gym bag and make my way to my fate.
“Get your ass in here and close the door.” Coach Jay’s voice booms from the small office. I don’t look back as I step in and close the door behind me.
Coach Jay leans back in his seat as he peers up at me. His lips in a firm line and his arms folded across his chest. His brown skin crinkles around his dark eyes as he takes me in. I’m not sure what to think, coach has always been hard to read. I can’t tell if he wants to go off on me or welcome me, but I doubt it’s the latter.
“What do you want?” he finally asks. “Haven’t seen you in damn near a year.”
Coach will never admit it to anyone, but he needs me as much as I need him and this team.
“I’m not expecting any open arms, sir.” I start trying to control the shake in my voice. “I failed you, I failed my team, and I failed myself, but most of all, I failed Jackson. I’m not expecting to come back and start, I’m fine riding the bench if I have to, but I miss my team, I miss the game, I miss being who I was.” I hold my breath, I didn’t plan what I was going to say, but I never thought I would be so honest. Of course, I don’t want to ride the bench but if I have to then it is what it is.
Coach uncrosses his arm and braces his hands against the edge of his desk, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Jackson’s death was hard on all of us, son.” He pauses. “But it’s as if you died too, and that hit us even harder. We are a family, we don’t abandon our family, we turn to each other not away. You turned away and abandon the family.”
I blink back at his words. He’s right, I did abandon them. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t deserve anything.
Nodding slowly, I take a step for the door. “I understand.” I swallow. “Thanks Coach.”
He gives me a small nod and looks away, I take that as my cue to leave.
Cam and Ash are still there sitting in front of their lockers, with a few guys from the team. They look at me with hope, but I just give them a head nod and get the fuck out of there. I don’t know what I expected, I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I never expected to be turned away. Maybe they don’t need me, they are just fine without me. I’m the one who needs them.
I avoid passing the cheer squad by cutting down the back hall. I can’t handle Priscilla right now, let alone India’s glare reminding me that I let another person down, Bliss. I want to call her, tell her what happened because she always knows what to say but I can’t after what I did. I know she hates me. Apparently, everyone hates me.
I’m almost at the end of the hall when I hear my name being called, part of me doesn’t want to stop, but I do. Turning, I’m surprised to see not just coach but the team. Cam laughs at my confused face.
“You thought we were really going to let you go?” Ash smirks. “Boy, are you going to get your ass back in here and change. We have a practice to start.”
I look to Coach Jay who shakes his head and smirks. “Don’t feel too good, does it?”
Son of a – “Seriously?” I laugh. “That’s so messed up, but I get it.” I walk back their way.
“I won’t do that again,” I tell my team. “I messed up, it won’t happen again.”
Cole, one of the second strings throws his hands up. “Bruh, you know we couldn’t do it without you.”
Cam jumps on me, giving me a hug and Ash follows. “We family man, now let’s see how out of shape you are.”
Pushing them off me, I laugh. “I stayed in shape.”
Coach just shakes his head and walks back to the locker room.
I lied. Those little late-night sessions I used to have wasn’t shit. My body is aching and angry. Shit, how long has it been since I had a real work out. I think coach was trying to prove a point during practice, whatever it was, it worked. I am miserable, and sore, again, Bliss comes to mind. It seems like anything that happens I want to share with her. Two weeks of fighting with her and another two weeks of tasting every of inch of her has done something to me. Even the thought of another girl turns me off, but another girl will get me over her.
“Want to grab some food?” Cam pulls a shirt over his head.
How can he even think about food after the hell of a practice we just endured? All I can think about is going to my bed and jacking off to the picture of Bliss I took, and I barely have enough energy for that.
“I’ll pass.” I lace up my shoes and slowly stand up. Fuck, everything hurts.
“You okay?” He smiles. “I thought you were in shape?”
I flip him off.
“For real, though, you still killin’ it, man. It’s good to have you back.” He pats me on my back and I wince inside.
I kick my gym bag against my locker, fuck it, it’s staying right on that floor until tomorrow. I get my keys and phone from my locker and slam it closed, but it pops back open. That day rushes back to me, breaking it while I fucked Arrow against it. Damn she’s everywhere.
Shaking my head, I turn back to Cam. “Thanks man, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I turn to leave but he stops me. “Your tutor is single, right?”
Flipping him off, I keep walking. Cam is fucking with me, he’s not stupid. He knows I messed with her, shit, he may even know I like her.
Did I just admit I like her? Well, I might as well admit I like her a little bit more than like her, she’s attached to my mind. The more I think about it, the worse I feel about leaving her, it didn’t help that India, being the good friend that she is, was shooting daggers out of her eyes during practice. I decided to leave from the back hall to avoid her at all cost. Last thing I need is a reminder of how I fucked up, and I don’t want to know if I caused her tears again.
Don’t think I could handle that. I got one thing back but having someone close again, that’s another thing, I know I have to take one thing at a time.