Chapter 5

Logan

I let my cell phone ring a few more times before reaching over and answering it. I know it’s my father. He’s making sure I'm okay, as usual.

“Letting me know you’re all right would be nice, son.” His words are said slowly and I hear some relief in his voice.

“I’m good,” I talk softly into the phone, my head on the pillow. I don’t really need his words of wisdom today. “Sorry I haven't called you or Mom lately.”

“It’s fine, son. We know this isn’t the best time for you right now. We all miss her. As long as you talk about how you’re feeling and don’t turn to…”

“I know,” I murmur, scoot up, and lean against the wooden headboard. “It’s a fucked-up situation.”

“Have you called Dr. Daly?”

I shake my head as if he can see me. “No.”

“Logan.” The authoritative tone in his voice masks his concern. “Logan, I want the best for you. You’re my only son. How about you come over tonight for dinner with your mother and me?”

“Sure, thanks. Look, I should probably go. I’ll talk to you soon, Dad.”

We say our goodbyes and I disconnect the call. I throw the covers off my body and pick up the picture frame of Shannon and me from our wedding day. I’m staring at her, remembering how on Saturday mornings we’d wake up together, make breakfast, then get ready and go to the farmers’ market, or go for a run in the park.

“It’s another Saturday without you. Without my breakfast partner. Without you,” I say to the picture as if she can hear me. “Maybe I’ll skip breakfast and go for a run.”

I’m standing up with the picture and once I put it back in the box, I kiss the lid and close my eyes, taking in this moment. Regretfully, I slide the box back in its rightful place in my closet.

I sigh as I yank on my workout clothes and head out for a run. After an evening like last night, drinking nearly half a bottle of whiskey, I find that running helps me clear my head. Being outside, breathing the fresh air into my lungs, and my body pulsating from pushing its limits makes me feel alive.

I end up running five miles, looping twice around a nearby park, and once I get home, my head doesn't feel as foggy. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I toss it side to side in my hands and wonder if I should call Dr. Daly’s office and make an appointment. Before I can make the call, it starts vibrating and I open the text from Hannah.

Hannah: Hey stranger. Busy?

Me: Hey. Not really. Just got finish with a run. Needed to clear my head. What’s up?

Hannah: Nothing really. Just finished packing and hanging out in my empty room.

Me: Lol. Why are you doing that?

Hannah: Okay don’t laugh. Promise?

Me: I promise.

Hannah: This is the first time I’ll be on my own. I’ve never had my own apartment or a roommate. I’m scared to start over and I don’t know it feels weird. Isn’t it pathetic that me, a twenty-two year old, wants to cry because leaving home is scary?

Me: Not at all. I remember when I left home to attend college. It’s something new. Look at it this way. You’re starting somewhere fresh. Someplace new. Don’t look at it as something scary. Embrace the next step in your life. Home will always be home.

Hannah: Sigh. Yeah I know. I get it. Okay, I can do this.

Me: Lol. Yes you can.

Hannah: Thanks for listening to my ridiculousness.

Me: I don’t mind. I hope you and Eden make it to NY without any issues and if you run into any please call me right away.

Hannah: That’s so sweet. Why are you so sweet!?

Me: All part of my charm. Lol.

Hannah: Well, I really like this sweet side of you. Thank you again. I’ll be sure to text you when I get to NY. I hope you have a great day.

Me: Safe travels. Talk soon.

I close out of my text message and look up Dr. Daly’s contact information. My finger hovers over the call button. It’s a simple task and something that needs to be done, only the idea of sitting there, opening myself again, isn’t what I want to do. I stare at his name for a few moments before finally pressing the call button. The line rings three times before a comforting voice speaks.

“Hi. My name’s Logan Davis and I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Daly at his earliest convenience.”

“Hi Logan,” she says. “The earliest I can get you in is next Tuesday at eleven. Will that work?”

“Put me down and if you can email me the appointment and then a reminder on Monday I’d appreciate it.”

“No problem. You’re all set. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Not at this time. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She wishes me a good day and I do the same before disconnecting the call and putting the appointment into my calendar and then press save. It’s done. I did it.

When I'm back in my room, I peel off my soaked clothes, climb in the shower, and get ready for the day.

The slow thud of my door opening gets my attention. I walk out in my towel and see Paige standing by my bed.

“I need you, Logan.”

“What are you doing here?” I look around the room and grab the knot on my towel. She knows she shouldn’t be here. “You know the rules, Paige. You don’t belong in this house. How the hell did you get in?”

“The door was unlocked.”

I sigh. “That doesn't give you the right to come in as you please. You know the rules, Paige. You aren't allowed here unless I ask you.”

A sly smirk plays on her face as she pushes me into the bathroom. I place my hands on her shoulders and shake my head, and walk with her out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom.

“I told you this isn't happening again. I can't use you to get over Shannon. How about we talk or we can outside by the pool? If you’re hungry I can make us something to eat. I'm here as your friend and I don’t wanna hurt you again.”

“You aren't hurting me. I want this too. I realized that we won't be together, but in so many ways we are. I won't push you again I promise.”

I take her hand into mine and slowly speak. “This can't happen. I don't wanna be an asshole and use you.”

“But we're benefiting from this. Don't turn away from me. Be an asshole. Treat me however you want. Just be with me!”

“Listen to yourself, Paige. Begging me to be with you isn’t gonna work. I respect you too much to treat you like shit. You’re more than that. More than someone for me or anyone to use. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because I don’t. Because the only man I want is standing right in front of me and I won’t stop until he sees it. This isn’t over, Logan.”

I stiffen, shivering at her gentle touch as goose bumps ripple down my spine. “Let me be there for you like you've been for me. We can hang out as friends and talk. This will be better for us.”

“Don't do this,” she whispers and wraps her arms around my middle. “The only way you can be there for me is to fuck me, Logan. You're the only person who gets me.”

“Friends.” I unwrap her arms from my body and head inside my closet to throw on a pair of shorts and a white polo.

Once I’m dressed I walk back out from my closet and see her standing at the end of my bed, staring at the sheets and then back to me. “Lincoln’s on his way over. You should go before he sees you.”

The bedroom door opens and I let out a groan.

“Why, hello there, Paige.” He looks at her before he even glances my way. “You should probably head out, sweetheart.”

Paige doesn’t acknowledge Lincoln. She walks to me and presses her warm hand on my chest before leaving.

“Want to explain what the hell's going on?” He points toward the door and turns his attention back to me.

I raise a brow and shake my head. “Nothing to explain anymore. I ended things with Paige on Thursday. She thought she could change my mind so I set her straight.”

“I’m glad you came to that realization. Being with Paige isn’t going to bring Shannon back. Do you know that?

“Yes. I get it now.” I grit out through clenched teeth.

“Stick with that. You don’t need this drama.”

I shrug. “And that’s why it’s over. I can’t hurt her anymore and I refuse to use her. You’re right. It’s not healthy and it won’t bring Shannon back.” I sigh and tell him we should get going.

We get in my car and head to the golf course. My phone vibrates in my center console and I glance down, not caring who's texting me, and focus again on driving. Texting and driving pisses me off. Nothing's that important to stop paying attention to driving in order to answer your phone. My knuckles turn white and my palms are sweaty. I'm gripping the steering wheel.

“It's good, man. You're good.”

I let out a breath and nod.

“Have you thought about seeing Dr. Daly again?” he asks.

“Yeah. I have an appointment on Tuesday.”

I keep the answer simple. A few sessions with my therapist won't hurt. It helped before, but no matter what, the pain I feel every day won’t go away.

“I’m happy for you, man.”

I’m not sure how to respond, so I nod and turn on the music. Lincoln stops talking and soon we arrive at the golf course.

Lincoln and I have been friends since high school when he moved here. He’s a good guy and knows the shit I’ve been through. I don’t let many people in. Even though I have a lot of friends, there are only a few that I completely trust.

When we get to the country club, my phone vibrates and it's a message from Paige. One text after another comes in and I ignore each one.