I won.

Thinking back on the exact moment Liam crumbled brings a smile to my lips and the sweet, sweet feeling of triumph - especially because he was so sure that I was going to cave first.

I told him I’d decide what I wanted later, but he better be ready to follow whatever whim I come up with.

Tomorrow is Jasmine’s last track meet of the year, and I’m excited to see everyone. It’s been busy, and I kind of miss my crazy sisters, even if I know I can expect some meddling.

Would it really be love if they didn’t grate on my nerves half the time?

For right now, I’m going to pop open a beer and forget that I need to have a candid conversation with Hawk that I’m sure he’s not going to like.

I think your man over there likes seeing us together.

I remember looking over at Hawk’s face and seeing the hint of arousal, and it shook me for a second. But I realized he was probably just thinking of me period, not me with Liam.

I’ve run the mill of intimacy. I’ve been with women, I’ve been with one man, two men, two men who were with each other…it wouldn’t phase me at all.

But I know Hawk isn’t like that. He’s still the conservative southern boy, even if he does have a bit of kink in him.

It doesn’t bother me, having had different experiences before. He would be more than enough for me, I think. I felt nothing but satisfaction the one time we were together, and that was before I knew how caring and patient he is.

With Liam in the picture now…I’m a little worried that I won’t be able to stop thinking about having them both.

No matter what Liam thinks he saw…I know that it’s just not realistic. In a perfect world maybe, but this isn’t one.

The only comfort is that if I do sleep with Liam, there won’t be a danger of him wanting more. He seems very firmly committed to not sticking around.

I feel guilty that Hawk’s efforts aren’t enough to put him completely ahead.

What’s wrong with me that I’m even considering the fun-time guy when there’s clearly a man that wants so much more?

Being with Hawk would prove Brandon wrong.

It’d be proving that I can do more than fuck around and have fun…and yet I can’t take that final step to even go on another date with him.

I know if I do, I’ll be sliding down the rabbit hole. He’s not a man who’d accept anything less.

I’m stuck between who I should be and who I used to be, once again.

But I’m a big girl, and if there’s anything I’ve learned about being involved with multiple people - it’s that you have to communicate.

I have to give Hawk the option of moving on because I’m not sure if I want to pass on Liam. There’s just…I want him. It’s that simple.

But not tonight.

Tonight, I’m going to enjoy being alone.

I un-cap a beer and flip on the TV, scrolling through my apps until I find Netflix.

This is a Hawaii Five-0 type of night. I can stare at the beauty of Chin Ho-Kelly and Steve McGarrett. Last night was for delicious ass Derek Morgan and Criminal Minds.

My timer goes off and I go back to my kitchen, stirring parsley and lemon juice into the juicy pink shrimp. The wine’s already reduced, and it’s seasoned enough. Just need to throw in my pasta.

Knock knock knock

I pause with my tongs poised over the strainer. Anyone who I’m close to has a key, and I’m definitely not expecting anyone.

I glance down at my long shirt and bare feet. I’m not even wearing a bra and I’ve got a Tosowoong sheet mask on my face.

I just put this mask on, I’m not going to sacrifice silky skin just for someone knocking at the door.

I put down the tongs and reluctantly make my way to the door, peering through the peephole.

“I heard you stomping to the door, how long are you going to stand there?”

I rear back, scowling and jerking it open.

“What is it with men who can’t seem to resist invading my privacy? How the hell did you get my address?”

“Nothing nefarious, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Liam winks, holding up a six-pack and a small box. I can’t tell what’s in it. “I read somewhere that women like grand gestures.”

“This is your idea of a grand gesture?”

“No, this is a small gesture. I’m making sure I avoid grand. I want you to fuck me, not like me.” He lifts the box in his hand higher. “But I did bring dessert. What the hell is on your face?”

I haven’t decided how I feel about his candid-ness yet.

But I move back and let him come in.

“What do you mean by nothing nefarious? It had to be borderline illegal.”

“Would you believe me if I said all I did was overhear you confirming your address over the phone?”

“I’d believe you, and still say that it’s ridiculous.” I go back to my shrimp scampi and stir in my noodles, taking down a plate from the cabinet.

“Smells good, you sharing?” He leans against the fridge after he puts two beers in my ice chest.

“Shouldn’t popping up unannounced with food go against some rule about keeping your distance?” I smack his hand away when he tries to reach for one of my shrimp.

“Normally. But I think we’re the same, so I’m not worried. You know how to keep things separate.”

I’m not ready to examine what he means by that right now. Eating first, then we can talk about how exactly this is going to go. If it goes.

Shit, I still need to talk to Hawk.

I open the oven and pull out garlic bread, inhaling the savory smells. If nothing else, I’ve always got food. I slide pasta onto a plate and hold it out to him.

“For me?” He feigns surprise, humor bright in his blue eyes. “You’re so kind.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Get out of my kitchen.” He plucks a piece of bread from the pan and walks away whistling.

I really don’t know what to do with him.