“I hope your silence has been because you’re thinking long and hard about fucking me.”

The voice over the line puts lead in my stomach, and my hands clench around the phone.

I look over the counter at Mickey, who’s frozen at the sink where she was washing spinach.

She’s making me dinner tonight.

She asked who was calling and I told her the number didn’t have a name for it. She told me to answer it and put it on speaker, and that’s exactly what I did.

I leave the phone on the bar and walk away, heading to my office because I don’t know what else to do.

I close the door and walk around to my chair, sitting in it and pulling open the bottom drawer where I stash my cognac for particularly long work nights. I splash a large portion into a glass and drink it, resisting the urge to slam it down on the desk.

I thought we were getting somewhere, finally. It wasn’t just me making moves, she was too. Not one mention of Liam or anything else, so I figured it wasn’t a thing.

Guess I was wrong.

Once again, I was trying to give her time. I didn’t want to push her to commit to something because she’d just started to give more.

But damn, it hurts. It might be stupid to have expectations because for all intents and purposes, she’s a single woman…but I guess I did.

I don’t know how much time passes, but I’ve finished my cognac. It feels like it might be a cigar kind of night.

I take out the box of Cohiba Siglo VI and set it on the wood, flipping it open. I’m pulling the drawer open for my bullet cutter and lighter when there’s a light knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Mickey enters and closes the door behind her, leaning against it.

I put the lighter down and skirt my eyes away from her, because even with regret all over her face, she’s the most appealing woman I’ve ever seen.

I expect her to tell me I don’t have a right to be angry, that it’s my fault I got wrapped up prematurely like some love-sick idiot, that she’s allowed to make decisions about her life without thinking about me.

“I’m sorry.” I look at her, surprised but trying not to show it. Her green eyes are wide and a little sad, fringed by those thick lashes.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” I force the words out because it’s the logical thing to ask. My feelings taken out of the equation, it makes sense. “You can sleep with whoever you want. I don’t own you. Hell, I can’t even claim you.”

“I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt because of me.” She moves closer to the desk in her bare feet, blousy peach top fluttering just slightly. It’s a color that brings out a glow in her skin that I’d been distracted by all night.

“It happens, right? Maybe I wasn’t clear enough about what I wanted.”

“Let’s talk it out, right now. Everything on the table.”

“We don’t need to do that.” I just feel tired. “You told me you weren’t sure what you wanted and I flew right past that. I think it might be best if we took some space.”

“Space?” She echoes. “I don’t want space.”

“Oh, you know what you want now? Now that another man’s calling about you fucking you and I heard him.” I laugh, but there’s no humor in it.

She bows her head, curls falling over her shoulders. Her hair isn’t straight like I’ve seen it today. It’s this curly wavy mix, her natural texture I think.

“Okay.” She props her hands-on her hips, and when she looks at me again, there’s all stubbornness in her eyes. “I’ll talk. You listen.”

“I reckon.” I pour more cognac into my glass and lean back. She wavers a little bit from my nonchalance I guess, then starts to pace.

“I like you. A lot.” She faces me once then starts pacing again. “You’re hot, you’re smart, you’re patient, you’re supportive, you’re kind, you’re successful, you’re humble…I mean, I don’t think I could make a better version of you if I built a man.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t warm a little at her words, even though I keep my face neutral and keep drinking from my glass.

“I love being around you. I mean, once I get over the fact that some of your ideas are better than mine, I love the feeling you give me. You’re so…together. You have it together, and as much as I’m drawn to that - I feel inadequate.”

I open my mouth, but she puts a hand up. “See, no, don’t say anything. You’re too damn good, I know all you want to do is reassure me. That’s your natural reaction, and it is so attractive and heartwarming.”

“I hear all these seemingly good things, but you’re still talking to another man. So why don’t you tell me what’s wrong instead.” I stand, moving around the desk to sit on the edge.

She takes a deep breath but meets my eyes.

“I like Liam too. I don’t know exactly why yet, because I haven’t wanted to put too much time there when I don’t know what we have. But I can’t stop thinking about him. We haven’t done anything more than a kiss, but…I’m drawn him to him like I’m drawn to you.”

I knew it was something, but that doesn’t stop my heart from dropping to my feet.

“What do you want me to say?” I lift my shoulders, at a loss. “Do you want me to say I’m fine with you exploring a relationship with him? Because I’m not. The thought of you doing anything with him and not me makes me want to scorch the earth.”

“I’m just being honest with you about where my head is at. I know it’s not an ideal situation.”

“You damn right, it’s not.” I move away from her, looking back incredulously. “The only woman I’ve been interested in for the past two months, hell, haven’t stopped thinking about for the past five - doesn’t feel the same way.”

“I do feel the same way. I tried to ignore it, I tried to just choose but I don’t know if I can!”

“You make it a habit to keep two guys around? Is that it? Is that what I don’t know about you? What Liam was talking about?”

“What Liam was talking about when?”

“He actually offered to join us in bed, did he tell you that?”

Her gaze shutters and she crosses her arms, shifting. “No.”

“No strings, just fun, he said. I guess he also didn’t tell you that he let me know you two are basically two peas in a pod. Similar. You don’t do just one thing or commitment.”

“He told you all that and you didn’t think to mention it to me?” Familiar fire sparks in her eyes, but I’m past caring.

I’m such an idiot.

“You two are so cozy, I thought maybe you knew and I was just the one out of the loop.”

“It’s not like that.” She closes her eyes.

“Well tell me what it is like, then, Michaela.” I raise my voice and throw my hands up. “Tell me what the hell I’m doing here.”

“I’ve been with women.” She lifts her chin, eyes clear and pleading with me. “I’ve been with women and men at the same time. I’ve been with two men. Two women. All casual, all just adults enjoying our lives.”

Her admission silences me completely. Not because I disapprove or I’m disgusted, but because you paint a certain image of someone in your mind.

That’s not the image I had of her.

“That’s what Brandon meant when he told me I wasn’t his ideal. I told him about what I’d been up to over the years after we broke up, and he felt like the only thing I was good for anymore was that same fun. He stopped seeing me as the woman he’d proposed to in college, because I wasn’t that woman anymore.”

“So who are you now, Michaela? Just tell me what you want.” I croak, and she hugs herself, blinking her eyes hard.

“I’m just me.” She whispers. “All I know is that I have never felt the way I do about you for anyone, even Brandon. I have never been so drawn and so terrified. And I get the same pull from Liam. Some people aren’t lucky enough to find one, and I’m here conflicted over two.”

“Well, you can’t have us both. That’s not how life works.”

“I know.” She whispers, a tear falling down her face. I steel myself because all I want to do is comfort her, but she has to choose. She has to choose me, because I’ve done nothing but choose her.

“Do you want me, or do you want him?”

We stare at each other for long moments, and I will her to pick me. I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life.

“I have to see what’s there.” She inhales shakily, and my heart shatters.

She steps towards me and I shake my head, moving away.

“I hope he makes you happy.” I move to my desk and drop into my chair, turning it towards the window and cutting and lighting a cigar.

I hear the door close eventually, and only then do I shatter my glass against the wall.