Drew

By the morning, I’d decided I hated her. I seriously hated her guts. That had been the best kiss of my life and she had thought it was Alex.

OK, I didn’t really hate her. The problem was I loved her. I’d come to that realization as I listened to her sing. What was wrong with me that girls didn’t take me seriously?

I grabbed my head in my hands and sank my elbows to my knees as I sat on the edge of my bed. How was I going to face the day? Face her? I swear my heart was broken. It was funny because it made me reflect on Sarah. I hadn’t felt anything close to this. Honestly, it had just been my pride that had been smarting when she broke up with me. But this. It cut so much deeper.

As I made my way to breakfast, I tried to calm my quelling stomach. I had to spend the entire day around Chloe. The girl I was in love with who was in love with my best friend.

I knew after that kiss, that I didn’t just like her. That was the worst part. Well that and I had also learned that she didn’t like me. I had thought we were getting closer but she had said friends and I guess she’d meant it.

That wasn’t her fault, it was mine. But it still hurt.

She came breezing into the cafeteria, her high ponytail bouncing behind her, loose wisps about her face. I quickly ate the rest of my breakfast and got up before I had to talk to her.

Yep, I was doing heavy duty ignoring here.

But a half hour later, I was in the field for all-camp activities and there she was, looking so perfect. At least an entire camp of kids separated us. I saw her look at me several times, but I was careful not to make eye contact. Cowardly, I know. But at least I wasn’t insulting her.

I didn’t have a right to be angry with her. She’d been completely honest about liking Alex and about wanting to be friends with me. But I recognized the emotion now. It was the anger I’d felt all last summer and it stemmed from good old-fashioned jealousy.

I wouldn’t blow up our friendship again and so, instead, I was sulking in the corner.

“What happened to you last night?” Chloe said as she stood in front of me.

I blinked in surprise. She’d snuck up on me. “Nothing,” I grumped then took a breath. “I was intruding on your date.”

Her eyes widened. “You weren’t. We were going as friends and--”

“I’m pretty sure we weren’t all just friends.” I tried to remain neutral but I could hear the snark invading my voice.

She gave a little gasp. “You know?” she whispered.

“I know,” I replied not sure what else to say. I mean I could have said, of course I know. It was me. I kissed you. But I just couldn’t open myself up to any more rejection. It was just like last summer with Sarah only so much worse.

I saw her hands wrap around her stomach and I knew that something was bothering her too. She thought the guy she liked had kissed her. What could be bothering her about that? Except, a little voice chastised, she’d decided to only be friends with Alex, and now she thought the kiss was from him. She was likely confused. A string of swears ran through my head.

“I…” her head tilted down to the ground. “I didn’t know it would be like that.”

“Like what?” I asked stepping forward. I wanted to protect her again.

“Kissing, I guess.” She drew in a ragged breath. “No wonder people do it all the time.”

That was just too much. She’d like it. Liked my kiss and she thought it was Alex. A buzzing started deep in my brain. “Well, I guess you two will make a great couple then. A happy bubbly Alka Seltzer couple.” Then I turned and stormed away.

It was only after I’d made it to the other side of the crowd that I looked back and saw her standing exactly where I left her with her head down. She swiped at her eyes and I knew I’d made her cry.

Everything in me tensed. I was such a jerk. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to apologize. But it was too late. I’d just ruined whatever relationship I had with Chloe.

* * *

Chloe

I swiped at a tear and told myself not to cry. I was a counselor and crying was for babies. But Drew had just wrecked me. I knew the snarky jerk I’d first met would return. But in between, I’d grown to care about the nice guy under the gruff exterior and it hurt even more now.

The rest of the day, I tried to be myself with the campers. I knew the kids loved my energy even if certain fellow counselors didn’t. But my enthusiasm felt fake, brittle, and hollow.

I was exhausted by the end of the day and I just wanted to climb into bed. The worst part was that tomorrow was Sunday and I was supposed to drive Drew up to Boston. Could I cancel?

It seemed like a jerky thing to do but, then again, he’d been a jerk to me.

I arrived at dinner to find Millie already sitting with Alex and Drew and my shoulders slumped. My choices were an awkward dinner with the three of them or deliberately ignoring them, which was not my style at all. I could also just head back to my cabin, but the thought of not eating made my stomach churn. It had been a long day of fake energy and I needed fuel.

Loading up my tray, I walked as slowly as I could over to the table. Maybe they’d finish before I could get there. But they didn’t and, what was worse, they all watched me walk over like they were waiting for me.

“There you are,” Alex nearly yelled as I finally reached he table. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Oh yeah,” I replied quietly taking a seat next to Millie. I didn’t look at Drew as I started picking at my food.

“I was just telling Drew that we should go hang on the beach. A group of counselors is getting together and it would be fun.” Alex emphasized the last word like Drew had thought otherwise. I agreed with Drew. It sounded awful.

I was emotionally drained and still confused. “I don’t think--” I started.

“Oh come on,” Alex gave a high-pitched whine on the last word. “What is the matter with you two?”

“Nothing is the matter,” Drew nearly growled.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“We can’t all be as happy as you, bro,” Drew answered quietly.

That only made Alex grin as he pumped his fist in the air. “We’re friends and we’ve got the whole summer. Why does everyone look so sad? Let’s go have some fun!”

I gave a tiny sigh. Alex was right, we should try to have a good time. I looked across the table at him as he gave us a goofy grin to try and provoke us. I couldn’t picture this guy kissing me like I’d been kissed last night. He seemed like a totally different guy from the intense emotion I’d experienced. I needed to talk to Alex for real and figure out what was going on. “Fine, I’ll go.” I looked over to Drew. I was still angry at him but he was upset about something too. “Are you in?”

He looked at me for so long that I started to wonder if I’d said something completely wrong. But finally, he shrugged. “I guess.”

“Yes!” Alex yelled and several people turned to look at us. I couldn’t help but smile a little at his enthusiasm.

I made to pump my fist in the air, and join in but before I could, Alex was off again. “It’s gonna be amazing,” he yelled even louder.

Guess there wasn’t room for my antics but, I’d have fun later.

Millie was grinning too and Drew gave me a grudging smile across the table. “You know you want to,” he said just loudly enough to be heard over Alex.

I did. I did want to. “Are you gonna do it with me?” Now I was really grinning, excitement pumping through my veins. This is what I loved.

“You want me to?” Drew asked.

“Please,” I gave him what I hoped were my best puppy dog eyes.

He chuckled. “Fine.” He started to stand and I climbed up on the bench. I was going all the way with this one.

Oh we’re from Camp Winni and we’re on the best team…

As we started to sing, the entire cafeteria joined in or, at least, it sounded that way. And when he hit “seven feet tall,” everyone jumped up from their seats. Drew made his way around the table. He knew I would jump when we yelled the next line.

We do the Wachoosee, we’re 7 feet tall!

I jumped off the bench, not even looking. Because I knew he’d be there. He caught me in his arms, pulling me in close to his chest. Because somehow, instead of drowning me out, Drew amplified me. Made me better.

Why did that feel so right? We had this moment, where he was holding me and I looked into his eyes and I wanted to kiss him. That kiss, the one last night, should have been Drew. But then I remembered his barb earlier today and I shimmied to the floor, my gaze dropping to look at my hands. He didn’t let me go and I gently pressed my palms to his chest, trying, though not too hard, to get out of the circle of his arms.

He leaned down close to my ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Actually, he probably yelled it, “Camp Winni” was so loud now, I couldn’t hear anything else without screaming.

“It’s okay,” I looked up at him then. I wanted to kiss him. How would it compare? I knew in that moment that I wanted to find out. But first, I really had to tell Alex we were just friends. It was only right. The kiss didn’t matter as much as my feelings and they were for Drew.

“No, it’s not okay, and later tonight, I’ll explain.” He gave me one last squeeze and then let me go.

My body hummed as I finished dinner and then went back to my cabin to get ready. I didn’t know if there was a future with Drew but there wasn’t one with Alex, no matter how good his kiss was. The rest of the time, I didn’t feel what I used to when I was around him.

It was Drew’s dark hair and penetrating eyes that had me crushing now. How cliché, I liked the bad boy, the one who was sarcastic and played in a band. I nearly rolled my eyes as I brushed out my hair.

“So,” Millie was next to me, also primping in the mirror. “It is past time to spill. What the heck is going on?”

I grinned. “I am not entirely sure, but I think I’ve figured out a few things.”

“Such as?” Her eyebrows went up in the mirror.

I took a breath. “I don’t actually think I like Alex as more than a friend.”

“Thank God!” she yelled.

I blinked several times. “Do you like Alex as more than a friend?”

“No!” her response was so quick that my own eyebrows rose. Interesting.

“Fine,” I said. As much as I wanted to prod her into giving more details, I wouldn’t push. First, I’d needed time in my own head to figure things out. And I was an extrovert. Millie was not, she was quiet by nature and so she might need even longer. “I’m here whenever you want to talk.”

She turned to me then, so we were no longer looking in the mirror. Her eyes held a confusion I was sure I mirrored. “Thanks, I really appreciate that.” Then she gave me a smile. “But let’s focus on you first.”

“Ugh,” I shook my head. “Let’s not. I’m pretty sure I am messing everything up.” Part of me wanted to tell her about the kiss. But if she was having feelings for Alex, then, I don’t know, I might make things way worse than they already were. I didn’t want to date him and I didn’t want to eliminate him as an option for Millie. She was one of the nicest people I knew. She deserved whatever would make her happy.

“You can tell me. I’m your best friend.”

I winced. No matter how I justified it, I was keeping stuff from her. In my defense, I hadn’t meant to kiss Alex and honestly, I didn’t want to do it again. So I told her about Drew’s jealousy and about his comment this morning and how much it had hurt my feelings.

She scrunched one corner of her face like she was thinking. “I don’t ever see him act like that with anyone but you.”

“Oh great,” I sighed. “I bring out the absolute worst in him.”

She shook her head. “I think he’s jealous.”

“Jealous? You think he was jealous last summer too?” I huffed as I spoke.

But Millie gave me another raised eyebrow look with her mouth slightly parted. “Yeah,” she said. “I do. You weren’t exactly subtle about your crush on Alex. How did it feel to watch Alex with Tiffani last year?”

My jaw went slack. She was right. It wasn’t in my personality to directly confront people who were hurting me but I hated watching them together. “It was torture.” I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “And I am sure it was completely obvious that I liked Alex. Subtlety isn’t always my thing.”

“Nope, that is what I love about you.” She gave me a little hug. “And Drew likes it too. Us introverts need someone a little out there to pull us along.”

I blinked. Because it made so much sense. Alex and I were always competing for bubbliest. But Drew was more than happy to let me take the lead and sing at the top of my lungs. He was the guitarist when I sang at the top of my lungs. And I loved his soulful side, it brought out this thoughtfulness in me that I didn’t always tap into.

A knock at our screen door interrupted my thoughts. Drew and Alex had arrived and as Millie and I stepped out into the night, I was really glad we’d had that girl talk. Somehow my mind was clearer. “Thank you,” I whispered to her as we headed for the door.

“Anytime,” she whispered back, scrunching her nose a little.

As we started walking down the path, Millie and Alex naturally began walking ahead. Funny how we always paired off that way. But I sped up. “Alex,” I tapped him on the shoulder. “Do you think we could talk for a minute?”

I heard Drew suck in his breath behind me.

But Alex gave me a lopsided grin. “Sure.”

Millie fell back, giving me a wink.

It was time for me to pull on my big girl pants and talk with Alex.