CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Bailey
Stabbing, searing pain lanced Bailey’s chest. Minutes before, she’d been in the limo with Ash, hoping, wishing, that he would kiss her.
So much had changed in a short space of time. She’d gone from a near-kiss to staring at her father’s headstone. When she’d agreed to the trip home to Florico, the graveyard was the one place she’d promised herself she wouldn’t go. Yet, when they’d found themselves trapped, Bailey realized the truth. She should have come home months ago.
Tears choked her, the blockage kept her from swallowing, from breathing, from moving on.
Being there, at Dad’s grave, made it real. It was almost like Dad’s death had just happened. It had balled up like a tight fist at the base of her throat. She couldn’t believe she’d been such a coward. She’d hidden; she’d pretended, choosing to live in self-imposed exile.
Dad didn’t deserve that. Neither did she.
“Do you want to know the worst thing I’ve ever done?” she asked, her voice shaky as she sank to her knees on the grass at the foot of the headstone. It had rained recently, and the denim had soaked through. She didn’t care.
Ash knelt beside her, his warm grip firm, but not demanding. He hadn’t spoken, but she sensed it was his way of saying they could leave at that very moment and it would be fine with him.
“I have to tell someone and you’re—” she broke off, hating what she’d been about to say. That he was the only someone she had. She didn’t want him to know that about her. She didn’t want him to see her as weak, or worse, as some pathetic person who’d hidden herself away from the world. But she had to reveal her cowardice. It was the only way out.
“Only tell me if you want,” he said.
She choked on a sob and let her confession tumble out. “My father died last year. It was a heart attack. Sudden.”
Ash frowned. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
She smiled. “Of course you didn’t. I never told you. I never even told myself.”
“I don’t understand.” Ash traced slow circles on the back of her hand with his thumb as he spoke. Bailey tried not to think of the heat curling in her stomach as a result.
“I didn’t . . . come home for the funeral. I loved him so much. My dad was my best friend.” Bailey wrapped her arms around herself. “I just myself pretend he was alive. I even wrote him letters. I told him what was happening in my life. About working with you. When the letters got returned, I pretended he’d written back, but I never opened them. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?” She met Ash’s eyes, expecting fear or disgust. All she found was a resigned understanding.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t sound crazy. It sounds lonely.”
His understanding was more than she deserved. “I became a sort of hermit. I didn’t leave my apartment; I didn’t have any reason to. I even had my groceries delivered. Coming here . . . it’s the first time I’ve really been outside in months, aside from letting my dog out. I’ve let myself become a coward.”
A sob escaped her chest. Ash wrapped his arms around her, guiding her back against him. “That’s the one thing you can’t abide by, isn’t it? Cowardice.”
Bailey shook her head. “I just miss him so much. I can’t stand it. I couldn’t say goodbye. I’m a wimp.”
He pressed his lips against her hair, directing a wave of heat through her. “If you were, then you never would have told me the truth.
“What would make you a coward now, is if you decided to return to your life as it was before without trying. I don’t think you want to, though.”
How could he have known? How could he possibly understand her pain? But he did. Because he’d lost his parents. “I am. I just don’t know how.” She glanced up and into his eyes.
“Start by grieving your father. Let it go, Bailey. Feel whatever you need to feel.” Ash pulled her into his arms and the emotion which had been slowly strangling her since her Dad died, shoved itself out of her throat, bringing deep, wracking sobs which shook her body. She couldn’t think. She could only cry. A waterfall of tears, which, until now, had remained unshed, trailed her face ruining her make-up, dampening Ash’s shirt.
He rubbed her back, pulling her closer. “I won’t let you go. You’re safe.”
Bailey believed him. More than she’d ever believed anyone. The warm, gentle pressure of his hand soothed her, calmed her even as her own emotions threatened to tear her in two. Eventually, her tears dried up and the intensity lessened. Until finally, she sagged against him and closed her eyes.
As Bailey drifted off to sleep, she knew two things she hadn’t before arriving at the cemetery. The first was that her Dad was dead and it was time to let go. The second was that she was in love with the crown prince of Florico.
No matter what happened from then on, her life would never be the same again.