CHAPTER TWO
Alixandra
Had Seb really just walked out on her only a day before their wedding? This was not happening. It couldn’t be.
She had to catch him before he did something crazy like buy a plane ticket to the States. The library door had barely closed behind him when she opened it again.
“Alixandra.”
Agh, the Queen. “Yes, Your Highness?” Alix itched to run down the hall, leaving the stunned faces of the lawyers and the incensed face of the Queen behind her. But she stopped. She realized, surprised, that she did it not because it was the Queen but because she was her grandmother. Alix had wanted her to accept Seb. She needed her to accept him because he meant to her more than anyone else in the world apart from her grandmother. Although Seb thought Sophia hated him, Alix knew different. The Queen was only merciless with the people she respected and wanted them to achieve only the highest standards. She’d been the same with Alixandra, still was.
“Would you care to explain what is going on?” Despite the Queen’s measured tone, Alix could see the bewilderment in the milky blue eyes. When you were queen, every family spat represented potential scandal or political catastrophe. It was a heavy burden to shoulder. People didn’t slam doors in the palace or refuse to sign documents. Everyone followed regular procedures or else.
“Just a minor misunderstanding, Your Highness. I will sort it out.” But first, she had to find Seb.
When the Queen didn’t say anything else, Alix bowed and turned to leave.
“Alixandra.”
“Yes?” Alix’s heart beat in her throat with the urgency.
“Don’t give him false promises. For your sake. Or you two won’t have a future.” A shadow passed across the Queen’s lined face as if she knew the consequences of promises unable to be kept.
“I know,” Alix said without hesitation because she knew how true the Queen’s words were. As the heiress to the throne, she could not improvise and play it by the ear. The rules were clear and she had learned to obey them. It annoyed her. Sometimes it hurt, but she did it anyway, because it wasn’t just about her.
When the Queen gave a short nod, Alix walked away. As soon as she turned the corner and was out of the Queen’s sight, she broke into a run.
She was about to knock on Seb’s door when his butler, Jerome, opened it.
“He’s not here, Your Highness,” the butler said, his face pinched with concern rather than disapproval for a change.
That stopped her dead. “He’s not?” she asked, struggling to catch her breath. “Where did he go?”
“He didn’t say. Lambert saw him leave but he was too late to catch him.”
If the head of security couldn’t catch him, what chances did she have? She turned around, confused. Seb had lived in the palace for a few months but he rarely left it, too busy with the preparations for the wedding. And on previous occasions, he’d only visited a few spots around the island. He didn’t know the place particularly well so where would he go?
Her breath caught in her throat. “Thank you, Jerome.” She turned back in the direction she came from and ran.
“Your Highness?” His voice was heavy with unease and confusion.
“Everything is all right,” she called over her shoulder but she was already in the stairwell and wasn’t sure he’d heard her.
She hoped word of Seb’s outburst hadn’t reached the kitchens yet when she walked in as if she was just on the hunt for one of Cook’s delicious snacks.
“Your Highness,” one of the aides greeted and curtsied.
“Is Cook around?” Alix asked.
“She’s in the back helping unload the groceries.” The girl pointed toward the back door.
Perfect timing. Alix walked out the door and nearly crashed into Cook with her arms loaded with carton boxes. “Sorry!” She caught the door before it closed in Cook’s face.
“Much obliged, Your Highness,” Cook panted as she moved through the doorway sideways.
Alix peeked into the trunk of the car and saw that it was already emptied. The keys in the ignition were just the gift she needed right now. Slamming the trunk shut, she called into the kitchen, “I’ll be back soon.”
Before anyone could question what she was doing, she jumped onto the front seat and turned the key. The fastest car it was not, but it would get her further than her feet in designer ballerina flats.
When she reached the first intersection, she realized her plan only covered getting out of the palace but she didn’t know where to search for Seb.
She followed her first instinct and drove down the street toward the hotel where Seb stayed when he had first visited the country, just before he met the Queen for the first time. He’d been so edgy it was cute. They’d used all that nervous energy to make love the entire morning until she was so exhausted she didn’t think she could face the Queen either. It had been Seb who gave her a pep talk before they left for tea with the Queen, reassuring her that everything would be okay.
Two hours later they reversed the roles when he was crushed after the way the Queen had more or less advised Alix—in front of Sebastian—to think carefully of her future before she made a decision. He interpreted it as a dismissal of him but Alix had taken the Queen’s words for what they were—a sound advice passed from the current Queen to the future one. When you were royalty, you didn’t take things lightly. Not that Alix had ever taken Seb lightly. He’d gotten under her skin the first time they met and everything afterward was like a freefall for her. She couldn’t break up with him even if the Queen ordered it directly. She wondered what she’d do if the Queen forbade her to marry him? Would she abdicate? Would she have the courage to do it?
****
The wedding had been beautiful in its simplicity.
“I’d have expected more glamour and shine,” Alix whispered to Seb. He was Jarrod’s best man and Alix was Seb’s plus one. Only she had brought along two more guests. Seb had rolled his eyes when he saw her two bodyguards. She promised they would be as discreet as possible and he didn’t believe her until she told him she’d had four guards with her in Florida when they first met.
“You’re joking?” he’d said, sounding shocked. “I didn’t see them.”
She lifted her eyebrows at him to make her point.
“But then again, I only had eyes for you,” Seb said, pulling her to him and kissing her silly.
“You’ll ruin my dress,” she said but she couldn’t have sounded happier about it. No dress was worth enough to stay away from some cuddling with Seb.
“What can I say, I still have eyes just for you,” Seb said, trying to steal another kiss.
“The groom is waiting,” Alix had said and gently pushed him toward the vestry door where he was supposed to meet Jarrod.
Now that church wedding was almost over, she couldn’t but sigh at the sight in front of her. The bride was stunning with her love for the groom shimmering in her eyes and her strapless lace gown trailing behind her. Jarrod cut a nice figure, too. Tall, blond and so obviously in love with his bride. But it was Seb by his side that kept attracting Alix’s gaze. He’d looked over his shoulder at her more times than she could count. If anything, he seemed just as smitten as Jarrod, but there was also something else in his gaze. He seemed too brooding for the occasion.
The priest pronounced Jarrod and Maya husband and wife and they kissed while everyone clapped and cheered.
The informal celebration continued under a tent set up in the local park. The atmosphere was relaxed and Alix admired how down-to-earth Seb’s parents were. They didn’t have any arrogance or haughtiness she was used to seeing with the rich people. No wonder Seb ended up being such a nice guy. Her nice guy.
The thought took her breath away. She still couldn’t quite believe they’d gone from a summer fling to a spat over her princess status to the most meaningful relationship of her life in less than a year. As she watched Jarrod and Maya dance to ‘Love is All Around,’ she wished she and Seb would share something like that one day. Jarrod and Maya seemed completely oblivious to the dancers around them, they lived in a love-filled bubble. She and Seb were a lot like that, if Seb completely overlooking her security detail in Florida was any indication.
The party grew wilder as the afternoon progressed. Lights lit up the perimeter, making the setting magical. Seb’s father had at some point—possibly after a number of glasses of wine—tied his tie around his head and his blonde, gorgeous wife laughed till tears ran down her cheeks. Afterward the two of them acted as besotted and in love as the newly married couple.
“Your parents are absolutely adorable,” Alix said to Seb as he walked up to her with a plate of snacks.
He looked at them on the dance floor before saying, “Where else do you think I got my adorableness from?”
Alix giggled in a way which would raise the Queen’s hackles. And she enjoyed it all the more because of it.
Pensive, she nibbled on a canape with candied prosciutto. “I want to be like that one day,” she admitted in a half-whisper.
Seb gazed at her with an expression on his face that she couldn’t decipher. Before he could misinterpret her words, she added, “I barely knew my parents. I was just five when they died. It was more or less Grandma who raised me and she was a widow by then, too.” She remembered the awful months when she’d felt deserted and lonely. Grandma had done everything in her power to make it easier for her, but she was just one woman and had a whole country to lead not just one lost little girl to take care of. “I didn’t exactly see many examples of happy couples growing up. It made me feel like ruling a country was a one person job. Like it was just me. Like it would always be just me.”
Seb took the empty plate from her and handed it to a passing waiter.
“Hey.” He touched her cheek with his warm hand. “I’m here for you, Alix.”
The gentle emotion she saw in his face made her eyes fill with tears. He was so good to her. Sometimes, she thought she didn’t deserve him with all the limitations and hurdles and rules she brought with her.
His lips touched hers softly, slowly. “I’ll be here for you for as long as you want me to,” he said when he pulled away.
She was at a loss for words as she gazed in his eyes. He was such a good, beautiful man. “I love you,” she blurted. Usually, she wasn’t one for such proclamations in public. She’d learned to be guarded and careful. Anything she said outside the palace walls usually ended up in the papers with supersonic speed.
“I love you, too, Alix,” Seb said.
It must’ve been the romantic atmosphere of the wedding that made her feel so emotional and raw. With Seb’s pensive eyes on her, she felt utterly exposed. For a change, she didn’t mind it. She felt safe with him and his family, which was a rare thing for her.
She leaned into him and he held her pressed to his body, caressing her hair as if he could do that for the rest of his life.
But would he? Despite his declarations of love, he’d never once mentioned marriage. In fact, she had the distinct impression he actively avoided all topics which might lead to talk of marriage. He’d alluded to a joint future but she was never quite sure how long-lasting the future in his mind was.
She didn’t want to rush things, wasn’t allowed to, anyway, considering her position. As if all the complicated emotional stuff wasn’t enough, she also had to contend with so many royal rules and regulations. She hadn’t gathered the courage yet to ask Seb if all the limitations of their situation bothered him. If she were honest, she feared he’d say yes.
Particularly today, when she’d caught him look at her several times already with that pensive, sad look in his eyes. What was that all about?
“Is everything okay?” she asked, looking up at him.
He kissed her forehead. “Sure.”
She could tell it wasn’t but she didn’t want to press him because he’d clam up.
“I’ll go get us some champagne,” he said and left for the bar.
She decided to let it go for tonight because she didn’t want to spoil this special day. When he came back, they drank their champagne, then they danced. Things were seemingly back to normal.
The longer the party went on, the crazier it got. Jarrod and Maya joined them on the dancing floor and it wasn’t long before her stomach hurt from all the laughing as the boys goofed off. All her life, Alix had missed a family like this. She’d had Grandma and her friends, but none of this freedom and casualness. She was determined to enjoy it while it lasted. She’d have to return to the palace and her boring duties much too quickly.
Her brow was damp and her feet hurt from all the dancing when Jarrod suggested a drink at the bar.
“I’m too tired,” Maya said and dropped into the nearest chair. “I think I’ll just wait here. Have a nap.” She giggled.
“Me too.” Alix joined her just as Jarrod rolled his eyes and patted Seb on his shoulder.
“Looks like it’s just us then. Man, my wife deserted me on our first married night. That hurts.” Jarrod threw a look over his shoulder at Maya and winked. She sent him a kiss.
Alix sighed. Jarrod and Maya looked so happy to be married.
“I thought you’d be thirsty after all that dancing,” Alix said.
Checking out her painted nails, Maya said, “I’ll just stick to water.”
The way she said it sent Alix’s thoughts in overdrive. “Are you …?”
Maya glanced panicked over her shoulder before she shook her head at Alix. “Don’t … I haven’t told him yet.”
“So it’s true?” Alix’s voice was breathy as she tried to contain her excitement and not squeal with delight.
Maya nodded. “I’m five weeks along. It’ll be a surprise for Jarrod tonight.”
Alix went to Maya and hugged her warmly. “I’m so happy for you two,” she whispered.
“Thanks.”
As Alix tried to envision future Maya and Jarrod with a baby, something occurred to her. “Seb will be an uncle.” The thought was surprising but it filled her with gentleness and warmth. She didn’t have a hard time imagining him play with the baby, cuddle it or put it to sleep. And the images did weird things to her. This wedding business messed with her hormones and she needed to put a stop to it.
“I think he’ll be an excellent uncle,” Maya said, watching her attentively. “Great practice for when you two have kids.” She grinned, as if she knew how confused Alix was about everything this evening.
Not trusting herself to keep her confusion hidden, Alix thought it best not to say anything. But she should’ve known that with Maya that was not the solution.
“Is everything okay between the two of you?”
Alix shrugged. “Yeah. I think so.”
“Is that royal speak for ‘no, not at all’?” Maya raised her eyebrows and then glanced over her shoulder to check that the boys were still at the bar. Alix followed her gaze and just then Seb looked her way. He smiled and his eyes stayed on her for a long moment before Jarrod nudged him and Seb turned back to his brother who was in the middle of explaining something.
“He’s been behaving odd tonight. Actually, he’s been odd since I arrived on Wednesday. It’s like something’s bothering him but he won’t say what it is.”
“What do you mean odd?” Maya asked, putting her feet up on the chair opposite her. Her cheeks were still flushed from the dancing, but her eyes were clear and sharp like she could see straight into Alix’s thoughts. Alix had to admit she feared this woman a little.
“He’s quiet. And I caught him look at me with this sad look in his eyes a few times. I think …” She was afraid to say the words for fear they might be true. “I think he wants to break up with me.”
Maya made a disbelieving sound. “That boy is so smitten with you he can’t remember his own name half the time.”
“You think?” She hated how vulnerable the hopeful tone of her voice made her sound.
“I know, Alix. You’re all he talks about. All the time. No offense, but it gets a little annoying after a while.”
“None taken. Still, something’s not right and I just …” What could she do when he wouldn’t tell her what was wrong? She felt so helpless and she wasn’t used to feeling that way.
“Maybe he wants more.” Maya’s perceptive eyes bored into her.
“What do you mean?” He knew she loved him. What more could he want?
Maya was silent for a moment before she said, “Well, you two seem pretty serious so maybe our wedding made him think about marriage, too.”
“But he’s never mentioned it. I mean, he’s never even hinted at wanting to propose or anything.” If he’d wanted marriage, he would have said so. He wasn’t shy or insecure, in fact, he was one of the most self-assured men she’d ever met. Usually, her princess status messed with her relationships. Men became either too shy or too aggressive because of it. It didn’t seem to bother Seb. At least, it hadn’t until now.
“Maybe he feels he doesn’t have the right to propose because … well, you are a princess. Where he comes from that’s not exactly the usual state of affairs, particularly because his family is influential and rich so he’s used to being in the power position. Perhaps he thinks it should be your decision in this case.” Maya fanned her face with one of the menus she’d picked up from the table. “God, it’s hot. Or is it just me?”
Alix was so absorbed in her thoughts she couldn’t tell whether it was hot or not. “Maybe it’s your hormones,” she said.
“Could be. That’s one part of this I’m not looking forward to.” Maya sighed just as Jarrod walked up to them.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Maya smiled. “Everything’s perfect.” She winked at Alix and Jarrod frowned, not understanding the exchange between the girls.
Seb was right behind Jarrod and he leaned down to Alix. “Another dance, princess?”
“Love to.”
He pulled her up and embraced her, kissing her lips. “Did I tell you yet how gorgeous you are?”
“You can say it again, I won’t mind.” Alix grinned against his lips. Seb had the most beautiful eyes, soft and filled with humor and wit.
They swayed gently to a slow rhythm. At this late hour, the dancing floor wasn’t so crowded anymore. Alix caught a glimpse of Seb’s parents across from them as they embraced and whispered to each other. She again felt a pang watching the loving couple. Would her parents be like that had they survived the airplane crash? She’d like to think they would. She remembered her mother as a sweet and gentle woman and her father was stricter but fun. She adored them as a small girl. She loved and respected her grandma but it was not the same.
Perhaps she appreciated family more because she’d never had a real one. Grandma had often preached on the value of family and how important it was for her as a member of the royal family to set a good example for the citizens. At other occasions, she’d begged her to choose her partner well, to raise her future kids with the values her parents had instilled in her. She’d warned against rushing into marriage for fear it would end in divorce and a broken family for the kids. Alix wondered how Grandma would welcome Seb. Would she see him as a responsible, good man as Alix did? If not, Alix would just have to convince her he was worthy of her love.
“You are gorgeous,” Seb whispered in her ear.
“And you are very sweet.”
“I mean it,” he protested. “You’d make a stunning …” He fell silent abruptly.
She knew he’d meant to say she’d make a stunning bride but he caught himself in time. Perhaps Maya had been right. It was far from an easy situation, still, the only thing which should matter was their love.
“A stunning bride?” she asked, smiling gently to reassure him.
He grinned, relieved. “The most stunning bride ever.”
“Would you make me a bride?” Alix asked, holding her breath. Was she too daring? Would it scare him off? What if he said no? Oh, God.
“I …” Seb seemed at a loss for words. His eyes scanned her face as if he were trying to see if she was serious or just pulling his leg.
“Marry me, Seb,” she said, her voice unsteady with insecurity. But then she realized with any other man this could end with the biggest humiliation for her but she was sure of Seb. She’d been sure of him almost from the first moment they’d met.
“Are you … proposing to me?” He sounded stunned and amazed at the same time and the expression on his face would be hilarious if the moment weren’t so important.
“It is the twenty-first century,” Alix said.
“Yes.” He seemed surprised when he said it as if he couldn’t believe how simple the answer was. “Yes.”
Alix released her breath, relieved, thrilled and so full of emotions she now understood how Maya had felt earlier when she complained about being hot. It was like there was a volcano inside Alix and it would erupt any minute now. She wasn’t sure if she would start laughing or crying—it could go either way.
“There is nothing I’d want more than to marry you, Alixandra,” Seb said, his voice breaking as he pulled her into his arms. He held her as if he would never let her go. She could feel his hand on her neck tremble. “I would be honored.”
They danced for a long time afterward, whispering about their plans and wishes for the future, forgetting about the outside world and all the regulations and stipulations they would invariably have to adapt to.
The most shocking realization for Alix was that she felt no fear. She had once thought she’d be anxious about introducing her future husband to her grandma, apprehensive of her judgement and disagreement. But she felt so certain. If she hadn’t been convinced before, she was convinced now that she’d chosen right.
****
The search for Seb had proven fruitless. Alix dropped her head in her hands as she sat on her bed. Tears threatened but she refused to cry. Her humiliation was big enough as it was. Grandma would be here any minute now and Alix could envision the Queen’s expression of anger and disgust when Alix admitted she couldn’t find her fiancé.
The whole nation would laugh behind her back. “Oh, God!” Alix wailed with hurt and embarrassment. How could something so beautiful end in such a catastrophe? What a mess.
The knock on the door didn’t surprise her. “Enter.”
When the door opened, Grandma just stood there for a long moment, watching her in a way Alix couldn’t quite interpret. Which was a good sign because she was very familiar with the Queen’s angry expression so this meant she wasn’t irritated. At least, she wasn’t only irritated. She was also … concerned? Sad?
“Grandma,” Alix said, not knowing how to go on. This would be the biggest fiasco under the current Queen’s rule and that said something, seeing how she’d been queen for almost forty years. So how did she tell the Queen to her face that the wedding was off? Something crumbled in Alix, feeling sorry for herself but also sad for the Queen. Even if this would hurt the Queen just half as much as it hurt Alix, it wasn’t fair. She was seventy-five, she’d already buried her husband, son and daughter-in-law, and single-handedly led the country for decades. It broke Alix to think it would be her to cause her this much grief.
“I’m sorry,” Alix whispered.
It was as if her words had woken the Queen from her trance and she walked into the room. “My dear girl,” she said, caressing Alix’s hair.
“I didn’t think it would end like this,” Alix continued even as the Queen was trying to shush her. “I trusted Seb. I thought he was prepared for this but I was wrong. I guess he didn’t love me enough. I … I’m sorry, Grandma.”
“Hush, now, don’t talk nonsense. This is not your fault, Alixandra.”
But she knew it was. If she hadn’t fallen for Seb. If she’d chosen someone used to this life. If she’d been more careful and wise. But her feelings blinded her and she behaved just like any ordinary girl. Not like a responsible princess, which she should’ve been. “I love him,” she whispered, helplessly. “And I can’t stop.”
“I know, dear. I know. I never expected you to sacrifice love for duty, Alixandra. I’d never wish something so cruel on you. It’s alright to love Sebastian.”
“But it’s not, is it? The wedding’s off and I will go down in history as the most irresponsible, stupid and lovesick princess ever.” Alix hid her face in her hands in shame. It would be easier to bear having her heart broken if all this shame and humiliation weren’t added to it. She’d never before wished so hard she were just a girl because then Seb wouldn’t have abandoned her. He’d still be here, eager to marry her and love her for the rest of her life. He couldn’t just stop loving her, could he? She wasn’t prepared to believe that. Seb’s love couldn’t be so fickle, he was too honest and good for that.
The Queen now frowned at her and Alix shrunk back, expecting a lecture. Instead, the Queen said, “The wedding is not off.”
“What?”
The Queen looked at her as if she were daft. “The wedding is not off, Alixandra,” she then repeated.
“But … Sebastian’s gone. Who will I marry?” The question made her realize there was no one else she’d want to marry. Perhaps there would never be anyone else she loved as much as Seb. The terrible thought made her want to weep again.
“You’ll marry Sebastian. He’ll show up, you’ll see. We’ll continue with the preparations. Tomorrow morning, you’ll put on your wedding dress and you’ll ride the carriage to the cathedral.”
“But …” Oh, the mortification as she would wait for her groom at the altar and he wouldn’t show up! How could Grandma do this to her? How could she insist on humiliating her so?
“Alixandra, I’ve never seen a man so in love with a woman as Sebastian is in love with you. Sebastian will not desert you, I promise you.” The Queen’s words made absolutely no sense. Were these the first signs of dementia? That was the last thing Alix now needed on top of her own personal disaster.
Alixandra had the impression that the Queen was on the verge of rolling her eyes when she shook her head exasperatedly and said, “I’ve been less than civil with Sebastian since the moment you introduced him to me. And he didn’t complain once. He put up with it. And who do you think he did that for?” She raised one eyebrow. “Certainly not for me.”
Alix opened her mouth to speak but words escaped her. Could Grandma be right?
“Sebastian is a decent man. One of the most decent I’ve met in my life,” the Queen said and this time she did roll her eyes. Alix almost choked on her breath, seeing it.
“He deserves you. I’m loath to admit it and even more shocked to realize it, but he deserves you, my dear, dear girl.” The Queen enunciated each word as if she knew the turmoil gripping Alix, making her only half able to understand what was going on around her. “But he’s a man and he’s throwing a little temper tantrum over his freedoms being curtailed. You can’t expect a man to be reasonable and mature in such matters. Once he’s over it, he’ll come running back to you.”
The picture the Queen painted seemed so sweet and full of promise but doubts still nagged at Alix. “What if he doesn’t? What if he returns too late, after the whole country already sees me humiliated at the altar?”
“He wouldn’t do that to you.” The Queen’s tone was so certain doubting it seemed like treason.
****
Her wedding day was supposed to be exhausting, less private than she’d want but happy. As she squeezed the root of her nose to stop the headache from blooming to life, all Alix felt was fear. Fear that she wouldn’t get to have her special day, fear that Seb had given up on her, fear that she wouldn’t get to have a future with the man she loved.
“You look stunning,” Maya said as she held her sleeping baby in her arms. She and Jarrod had arrived late last night and when they couldn’t find Seb, Alix had to live through an embarrassing explanation of the situation. When Seb still didn’t show up after midnight, it was of little comfort that Jarrod and Maya agreed with the Queen that he wouldn’t stand her up. Alix had gone to bed a little after two in the morning when the Queen had to order her to go rest. But she couldn’t fall asleep even under the direct order from the Queen.
Waking up at five, Alix felt light-headed and thought she might be sick any minute. She’d spent an hour in the shower, crying until her throat was raw but the hurt couldn’t be washed away and Seb wasn’t there to offer comfort.
When she finally stepped from her rooms, the palace was abuzz. The day before, it had seemed so quiet, she’d asked the Queen what was going on. Reluctantly, her grandma admitted she’d sent anyone who could be trusted to keep it a secret out to search for Seb.
“Sebastian won’t know what hit him when he sees you,” Maya continued now as if Alix’s groom waited just outside the door. But god knew where Seb was and what was going through his mind at that moment. The busy corridors of this morning suggested they’d ended the search and given up on her missing groom. It was like a final confirmation of what Alix had feared since Seb had left. He wasn’t coming back. She wanted to drag herself into a corner and weep until it stopped hurting. Instead she had to walk up the aisle and let the entire nation ridicule her for waiting for a groom who wouldn’t show up.
“If he shows up to see me,” Alix said, her broken voice revealing just how desperate she felt.
Maya made a sound of disagreement but when the baby started to fuss she focused on the blond boy. Alix was grateful her potential sister-in-law’s attention was diverted to someone else. Ever since Maya had walked into her room in the palace, she gushed about the dress and how stunning Alix was. But Alix didn’t feel stunning. Despite the make-up, she was all too aware of the dark circles under her eyes, her sallow skin and the drawn expression on her tired face. No groom would be happy to marry a bride so exhausted and listless. But then again, she didn’t have a groom anymore.
Alix sighed. She didn’t want Maya to think she was ungrateful because of her clipped tone. “Thank you for being here,” she said.
Maya looked up from Aaron who settled again and went back to sleep. “Oh, Alix, no need to thank me. We’re family now.” Holding Aaron against her with one arm, she half hugged Alix with the other. “Everything will be alright, I know it will.”
Alix wished she had a bit of her confidence when her ladies-in-waiting announced it was time to join the Queen in the carriage and drive to the cathedral. She could barely breathe. Her chest tightened with the dreaded feeling everything wouldn’t be alright. That things would never be good again if she lost Seb.
She had to be helped up the two steps into the carriage as the crowds waved and cheered. Could things get any more awful? Alix thought as she smiled and waved back. The Queen sat ramrod straight on the seat opposite her. Her smile was less tremulous and her wave lazier. She’d done this a million times before. How could she bear it? Didn’t she get fed up with it all after all these years? Having her life dissected publically every day? No one appreciating the things she had sacrificed for the nation’s benefit? People judging her, or blaming her for the economic crisis she had had nothing to do with, and criticizing her for the choices she’d made after she’d struggled for days, sometimes weeks to make sure she chose what was best for them all? And now Alix would give the public another bone to pick.
“Oh, Seb,” she whispered as she lost her composure for a moment. She bowed her head to hide her pain and the threatening tears. The Queen patted her knee, as much to comfort her as to warn her that she was in public.
Alix smiled at her unsteadily and gave a small nod. The next moment she turned back to the carriage window and smiled again. She was determined to smile even as her insides shattered with longing for Seb.
****
By the time the carriage stopped in front of the cathedral, Alix felt so hopeless even the imminent catastrophe couldn’t jolt her out of her stupor. She’d given in and was ready to accept the humiliation which would forever follow her. It was a price she’d pay for being a public person and it was something she had no control over. Best to accept it and get on with it.
Despite the shit storm that was going to hit the fan in less than an hour, her grandma didn’t show any signs of worry or weakness. She was as regal as ever. Alix envied her. She wished she’d had her grandma’s strength but all she felt was frail, aching and so very alone.
On uncertain legs she climbed the cathedral steps. Despite her anxiety, Alix was awed at the centuries-old edifice where generations of the royal family had married before her. She wondered how many of those marriages were happy, how many couples entered into their union out of love and how many out of duty?
The heavy door opened in front of her as if invisible forces were in action but the truth was that the royal family personnel worked like a well-oiled machine. Everything was done on time and exactly the way it was supposed to be done. Even she was walking these steps now, because this was her wedding. Royalty didn’t care that she didn’t have a groom. All that mattered was that she be punctual and properly behaved. What a farce!
She was a tiny bit relieved when she saw her maids and Maya waiting for her in the small room at the back of the cathedral where she was supposed to wait for her walk up the aisle.
As Maya rushed to her, Alix wondered where Jarrod was. Surely he wasn’t standing in front of the altar where he was supposed to be Seb’s best man. There was no point when Seb wasn’t there.
“How are you doing?” Maya whispered as one of the women straightened out Alix’s trail and dress.
Alix was about to answer but Maya didn’t give her the chance, rushing on, “You heard, didn’t you?” Her eyes were huge and seemed excited.
“Heard what?” Alix asked, suspicious.
It seemed like Maya nodded toward the door that led into the church but the gesture was so quick Alix wasn’t sure she hadn’t imagined it. “He’s here,” Maya said.
“Seb?” Shocked, she spoke so loudly everyone in the room turned to look at her. “Seb’s here?” she repeated, struggling to speak more quietly.
“He’s waiting for you at the altar,” Maya confirmed. “Looks nervous as hell.”
Alix made a sound of shock but didn’t protest when Maya took hold of her hand and dragged her to the door. Peeking out into the aisle, Alix saw Seb standing next to Jarrod, both tall and dapper in their suits. But while Jarrod looked calm and half-smiling, Seb kept glancing over his shoulder as if afraid the Queen would march up to him and clobber him with her purse.
Alix inhaled sharply, stunned to see his beautiful face after fearing he’d left her for good. Maya dragged her backward before Alix could do something stupid like run to him in front of hundreds of people.
“I can’t believe he’s here,” Alix said, amazement making her voice breathy.
“Hate to say it, but I told you so.” Maya grinned, still holding Alix’s hand in hers, squeezing it a little. Alix’s eyes stung with tears of relief.
“Stop it,” Maya ordered her. “You’ll ruin your makeup.”
Alix half chuckled, half sobbed. “Stop ordering me around. I’m the princess here.”
Without warning, Maya threw her arms around Alix and hugged her, sniffling. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered.
“Alix,” someone called from the outside door. As Maya let her go, Alix turned to see her cousin who would give her away since he was the oldest male member of the royal family.
“John.” Alix went to him, all of a sudden a spring in her step. She rose on the tips of her toes and kissed his cheek. Her face involuntarily stretched into a smile. She could bear anything now that she’d seen Seb.
“You look happy, cuz.” John pulled her into a bear hug while her ladies-in-waiting tsked over him squishing her dress.
She tried to reign in her jubilation but she failed.
“Shall we?” He extended his arm to her and she took hold of his elbow.
The initial tones of the wedding march sounded through the high-ceilinged cathedral. The sound was airy and awe-inspiring.
She couldn’t see the Queen in the front pew as she and John stood just inside the main doors. People stood and turned, craning their necks to see her. She marveled at how probably none of them had any idea she had been on the brink of disaster just minutes before. She was so relieved and elated she felt as though she walked on air when John and she made the first steps toward the altar. Seb was facing her, his expression unreadable. A mix of nervousness and happiness? Amazement? She couldn’t tell and it unnerved her.
“Slow down,” John hissed about half-way up the aisle and she realized she’d quickened her steps and had been pulling him along.
She peeked at John and caught him watching her with an amused glint in his eyes. “He’s not going anywhere. Slow down,” he whispered.
Little did he know. She didn’t care how it looked or what the media would have to say about her walk to the altar but she didn’t slow down and by the time she reached Seb, John was almost chuckling. He kissed her forehead. “Good luck. Although with that kind of devotion, I don’t think you’ll need it,” he whispered.
She grinned and then turned to face Seb. He took hold of her hand, gently, as if afraid she’d break.
“You came,” she said, still amazed.
The Archbishop cleared his throat just as Seb leaned in and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Alix.” His eyes looked tormented and his grip on her hand tightened.
She could cry with relief that he was really here and hadn’t deserted her.
“Dearly beloved,” the Archbishop addressed the packed cathedral.
“I love you so much,” Seb continued as if they weren’t in the middle of a wedding mass.
The Archbishop eyed them, uncertain whether to go on or not. Alix heard the Queen clear her throat impatiently behind her back. She nodded at the Archbishop to continue but as he did, she quickly whispered to Seb, “I love you, too. I thought you changed your mind.”
The Queen coughed again, all dainty yet tough as steel.
“Never,” Seb said.
Like a wave, whispering broke out throughout the congregation, people probably speculating on what it was that she and Seb had to discuss so urgently as to interrupt the Archbishop and their wedding celebration. She was tempted to laugh aloud, with relief and with the knowledge she was breaking protocol in front of the Queen, about a thousand people and the media and she didn’t care one iota about it.
She winked at Seb and he winked back and then the mass and the formalities dragged on and on. Alix enjoyed every minute of it, knowing she would get to go home with Seb once the night was over.
****
When they had left Norrone, the weather was still warm for late summer but here it was turning to fall. She hadn’t wanted to spend their honeymoon on a hot beach somewhere and getting sunburnt despite sunscreen. Seb had agreed to spend a week in colder climate where they could snuggle in front of an open fireplace and enjoy the smells of a nascent fall.
Still in her pajamas and wrapped in a blanket, Alix sat on the bench in front of their rented cottage. The countryside was silent in the morning mist. Hearing or seeing no one still amazed her, because she was so used to the hustle and bustle of the palace and the media attention everywhere she went. But they’d made sure no one knew where they chose to spend their honeymoon, except the Queen and their security detail. And the guards were inconspicuous and stationed at a neighboring cottage rather than in the same building as them. The complete isolation was bliss. She didn’t need anyone as long as Seb was with her.
“Here,” Seb said, handing her a mug of steaming coffee.
She smiled up at him and he leaned down to kiss her head. He sat down next to her and she snuggled into his side, enjoying the feel of his masculine body. She sighed. “I can’t believe we only got married two days ago. Feels like it’s been weeks since the last camera flash blinded me and the crowd’s cheers roared around us.”
“The silence is amazing, isn’t it?” Seb agreed.
“Not to mention that it’s just you and me.” Alix nuzzled the side of his neck and Seb moaned with delight.
“I could get used to this,” he said.
“Don’t. We only have six days left.”
This time Seb’s moan was a lot less contented. But then he looked at Alix cautiously and said, “You know I’ll be there with you every step of the way, right? I’ll probably hate all the attention and the Queen’s rebukes but I won’t leave you again. I swear.”
Every time she looked at him she wished she could stay wrapped in his arms for the rest of her life. “I know, Seb.”
“I’m sorry I vanished like that. I didn’t think. If I had … I’d never have caused you so much pain and worry.” His face darkened and his eyes looked remorseful. After the wedding ceremony, he’d told her how he’d been driving around the island to clear his head. He ended up at the secluded beach where they’d spent a night together before but when he wanted to return to the palace, the car wouldn’t start and his cell phone battery was dead.
Seb explained, while they were posing for the official wedding photographs. Despite their chatter continuously interrupting the proceedings throughout their wedding day, there was no more throat clearing and tsking from the Queen. She just eyed them with a new expression in her eyes, one that even Alix had never seen before.
“I spent the night in the car,” Seb said, quietly, as the photographer ordered them in yet another pose. “I spent the entire night dreaming about you and worrying whether you’d cancel the wedding. So I was pretty frantic this morning when someone finally drove by. I arrived at the palace just minutes after you left with the Queen in the carriage.”
Alix thought how much pain she would’ve been spared if she’d seen him before leaving for the cathedral, if she could’ve spoken to him and known he’d be there. “God, I nearly fell apart when there was no sign of you this morning. I thought …” Her voice broke.
Sebastian kissed her even though the photographer told him to only hold her hand. “I’m so sorry, love. So sorry.”
His face was blurry through her tears. “But how did you manage to get to the cathedral in the half hour?”
“Jerome and Lambert smuggled me through the streets in the Cook’s car.” Alix could just imagine Jerome’s horror at how many times he’d had to breach the royal protocol. He’d probably demand an early retirement because of it.
“But it was worth it. You were so beautiful when I saw you enter the cathedral. You’re my every dream come true,” Sebastian admitted.
“It was my fault too. I figured we were never going to divorce so it didn’t matter but I should’ve told you anyway. And Grandma has started the procedure to change the laws so joint custody would be allowed and the royal couple would be more equal.”
Seb frowned confused. “She has?”
Alix nodded, amused at how disbelieving Seb seemed. “She respects you, you know.”
“Right.” Seb rolled his eyes.
“Did you know that when I thought you’d left for good it was Grandma who reassured me you’d come back.”
Seb stared at her, his mouth open. It took him a few seconds before he said, “She did?”
“Yup.”
“Huh.”
Alix chuckled. She was looking forward to watching how the relationship between the two people she loved most would develop. They both made it look as if they disliked each other but in truth they thought very highly of each other despite their cool demeanor. The next few years certainly weren’t going to be dull.
****
The wind rose and chased the mist away. The landscape was slowly turning golden and orange and Alix enjoyed the sight.
“Should we go inside? It’s getting chilly,” Seb said.
She knew the chill didn’t bother him but it was a nice excuse to coop themselves up in the privacy of their bedroom.
“I’d love that.” She kissed his lips and he pulled her closer until she was flush against him. His body radiated heat and she dropped the blanket from her shoulders. For a second, she shivered, thinking she’d almost lost this because of a silly misunderstanding. But it was all good now that she had Seb with her. She loved his laugh and his jokes and loved the way he told her often how he adored her. She cherished how he smiled lovingly at her first thing in the morning when her hair was a mess, she had morning breath and creases from the pillow on her face. With the support of a man like him, leading a country would be a piece of cake.