The hurt in her eyes as she called me an asshole and turned to leave is forever burned into my thoughts. Fuck. I didn’t think things would get this messy. I wish I’d put her up in a hotel in town rather than my home. Hell, I wish I’d never met her. That I’d walked away that day.

No, no I don’t. But this shit sucks.

But whatever idiot said that it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all got it all wrong.

I head back to my room to start packing, trying to figure out what to do. I could go stay in town. I mean, I doubt she’s going to clean my house out. She’s had chances. But I don’t feel like she’s a threat.

Not to my stuff, at least.

Mid packing, I hear my phone ring and stop to answer it. It’s Em. “I wanted to let you know the mare is doing well,” she said, her voice light and happy. Way happier than it had been before Kieran came into her life.

“Thanks,” I say, my tone as flat as I feel.

“What did you do?” she asks, and I hear her disproval.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, wondering what she’s accusing me of now.

I hear her sigh on the other end of the line. “I can hear it in your voice. You did something stupid. You didn’t hurt Victoria, did you?” Her tone shifts to anger.

I say nothing, but that doesn’t help.

“Kyle,” she says, her tone sharp. “You fix it right now.”

“Why?” I say, suddenly angry that she’s taking Victoria’s side without even knowing what’s going on. “Look, she’s going to move on with her life. And when she does, I’ll be standing here alone.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. “You love her, don’t you?” Em asks.

“No.” The clipped answer is too quick, I know it.

And Em isn’t buying it. “Oh, Kyle, you really have to fix it. Tell her how you feel.”

“No, Em. I’m not going to ask her to live her life around me. She’ll leave when she wants to.” I’m not going to try to guilt her into staying with me because I was too stupid to keep myself guarded around her.

Somehow, she worked her way under my skin, and I let her.

But Emma isn’t letting go. Like a dog with a bone, she starts playing with me. “I’m so glad! She’s such a sweet girl. If you don’t fix this, I’ll get involved, and trust me,” she says with an un-lady like snort, “That’ll be way more humiliating than telling her you’re sorry for whatever shitty thing you said to her.”

“You’re not going to do anything,” I tell her. I don’t need Emma to get involved in my life. I don’t need her to try to shoulder her way in now.

“Oh, come on,” Em says, her voice lighthearted. “I love her. You love her. I bet she loves you. Can you just swallow your pride for once and tell her you love her?”

“No, Emma,” I say, anger filling me at her pushing. “I won’t tell her I love her. Because it’s not fair of me to expect her to live her life around me. She left to get a fresh start, not to be bound to the first guy she met.”

This time, the sharp intake of breath comes from behind me and I turn to see Victoria studying me, her brown eyes wide and shocked.

“God damn it,” I say, hanging up on Emma.

“That’s why you did it,” She says, her voice a startled whisper. “Because you want to save me from myself. Or you. Whatever.” Her face goes puzzled a moment before settling back into a place of knowing.

“Don’t read too much into it,” I say, my anger shifting to her. “I was just trying to get Emma off my back.”

To my surprise, Victoria shakes her head. “Nope,” she says, her light brown hair swishing around her shoulders. “You were telling the truth. Now you’re lying to me. To protect me, I think.”

She turns around, her voice flowing back to me. “Why don’t you let me make my own choices?”

I follow her out into the living room. “Why don’t you let me make mine?” I say and she turns around, her expression shadowed by sadness.

“Don’t do this,” she says, her eyes slashing back and forth between mine.

“What? Tell you how I really feel?” I ask, leaning back on the counter as I prepare to break her heart into as many shards as I can.

“But it’s not how you really feel,” she says, her expression troubled.

Part of me feels bad for lying to her, but most of me is still sure I’m doing the right thing. She needs to move on, and not settle for the first person who is kind to her. I’m not her knight in shining armor. I’m not the prince charming that’ll make her dreams of love and romance come true.

I’m just another monster wearing sheep’s clothing. “Oh, sweets,” I say, packing the word with as much venom as I can, “I can’t wait for your dog to be healed enough for you to get the fuck out of my house and let me get back to fucking women and sending them on their way in the morning.”

Her eyes widen.

“That’s right, princess. I don’t even generally call them again… unless they were amazing in the sack and I decide I want to fuck them again.” As I speak, I see her shudder. Her repulsion is exactly what I’m going for. I bet she’s a damn virgin. A sweet, delicate thing unable to even handle the thought of a man fucking lusty bitches.

Still, something in me tells me I’m going about this all wrong. That I’m flirting with disaster. That she needs me to be better, needs me to be patient.

But she doesn’t seem to hesitate. “Do it then,” She says, lifting her arms to the sides.

“What?” I ask, taken aback. What is she talking about?

“Fuck me, then,” she says, the challenge clear in her eyes. “You want me to go so you can get laid. So fuck me. Then you won’t be missing out.”